Yeahh boy.. We get a whole week off. Now, if i was still alive and in my own body, what would i be doing if i had a week off? Jack fucking shit. I was an introvert with absolutely no life, the fuck am I gonna go do? Hang out with friends? Go to the park? Watch a movie? Wrong. I be vibing by myself at home.
It's okay though, cuz I'm in the Naruto world with a (surprisingly) gullible perv of a teacher.
That same teacher wanted the team to meet today and in about...10 minutes ago…
Eh, he's gonna be late anyways.
Alright. Now. This place that I've 'inherited' so to speak is fucking disgusting. Really gonna make me lose cred on the streets. I can't bring baddies back here with this place looking like this. No no no. They're gonna clown me...tell me I have no drip.. We can't have this.
"Shadow Clone Jutsu!" 10 clones pop in around me.
"2 of you, go buy furniture, different 2 go buy paint, transform if you have to. The rest of you? Clean this shithole up. I want this place to be FIRE. I want bitches to get moist when they walk up in this hoe." With my piece said, I left and went to the training ground my team was supposed to meet at 20 minutes ago.
"NARUTO WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?! YOU'RE LATE!" This bitch again. I swear to log I'm gonna smack the forehead off her if she doesn't shut the fuck up.
"Sensei isn't here, therefore I'm not late. You wanna argue? Kick rocks bitch. I have planning to do." I sat under the shade of a tree not too far from them. I can feel Sasuke's eyes on me the entire time.
It's creepy.
"Sasuke. Do you need something? You keep staring at me like I killed your cat or something."
"..." This little motherf-
"Okay." I didn't wanna do this so early, but hey. Who gives a fuck?
"Hey, Sasuke?" Both of them looked at me. Good.
"You gay my guy?" He choked and I swear Sakura licked her lips. She scares me.
"No, I'm not gay. I like women thank you very much."
"Sasuke, with all due respect that's cap."
"Cap? What the hell is cap? What is with all these new words you're saying?"
"You see Sasuke, cap is lies. Untrue. Fibbing. Shit like that. And you my emo teammate, are a Professional Capper." I take a scroll out of my back pocket, and unroll it. When it's fully unrolled, the whole thing is taller than me.
"What I have right here, is my cap list. Personalized for you, Sasuke. Every instance that you have capped, I have written down, and it's very long (pause)." The pure terror that consumed his very being was absolutely glorious.
"Hmm… Let's see. Cap #56, when you were 5 years old, your mother asked you if you ate 3 tomatoes off the counter. You told her you only had one. That was cap."
He seemed to be relaxing at the fact that it wasn't so serious. Can't have that.
"Cap #429, during our last year at the academy, Ino and Sakura (before their stupid ass "rivalry" of course) asked you if you would like to share them. You said no. That, was cap."
His eyes widened in fear when I finished talking, immediately making a beeline towards me to take the scroll away.
Sakura eyed Sasuke hungrily, as she realized that maybe, just maybe she was desirable in Sasuke's eyes.
Time to destroy her dreams.
"Sakura, before you get ahead of yourself, there's a reason why I said he's gay after also saying he wanted to fuck both you and Ino. Simply, you both turned him gay (along with a few of our classmates)."
The light in her eyes died as her skin got deathly pale.
"Yup yup yup! Your ugly underdeveloped ass chasing after Sasuke made him realize that maybe, just maybe girls weren't worth it. And seeing as how, you, the Kunoichi of the year in our grade was supposed to be the "top" in our class, he felt that every other girl wasn't worth it. Truly disgusting I know."
Now before you blow a gasket, there's nothing wrong with gay people. There's less competition and they take another with them Win-Win in my eyes.
I placed a hand on Sasuke's shoulder, before patting it softly.
"It's okay buddy, I'll bring you back on the right path and show you why you always put the sword in the sheathe and never have a sword fight."
I rolled up the scroll and put it back in my pocket, watching as Sakura's soul left her body and Sasuke falling on the ground as if he'd been traumatized.
It was at that moment that Kakashi decided to walk onto the field looking very chipper for some reason.
"Okay mongre- What the fuck happened here? Sasuke? Sakura?..." He glanced at me, seeing as how I'm the only "sane" one.
"Naruto what did you do?"
"Sensei, I simply showed them the truth." What he would take from that? Who knows.
"Mmkay.. Anyways! I decided that you guys would have a joint training session with Kurenai's team today! So...go." He shooed us. The motherfucker shooed us.
"Which training ground? And if you didn't notice," I pointed at my two almost dead teammates "They cannot move."
"Training ground 6. I'll grab Sakura and you grab Sasuke. Follow me."
I picked Sasuke up and holy log this guy is heavy. I guess it's karma for putting them in a catatonic state but, it is what it is.
Time skip ~roughly 15 minutes
Walking onto the field with sweat dripping down my face and Sasuke on my back (pause), I saw the supposed tracker team of our generation.
Kiba Inuzuka, the dumbest person Naruto knows. Brash, headstrong and easy to manipulate. Fun to hang out with though. Best part about hanging out with Kiba? Akamaru. Fuckin love that guy.
Shino Aburame, one of the smartest people Naruto knows. Reserved, Patient and hard to read. Guy's quiet but isn't bad to be around. His bugs are cool too..sometimes.
Hinata Hyuuga, I have no words about her. Fuck a shy girl.
Kurenai-sensei though? She's on the list. 100%. I'm hitting that before I turn 20 or I'm killing myself. I swear it on the Log.
Thunder crackled in the distance, and I'm not sure if that was a good thing or not.
Considering it's 3pm in broad daylight? Probably a bad sign. Oh well.
Moving on, I dropped Sasuke on the ground, who just laid there staring off with a dead look in his eyes. Kakashi did the same to Sakura, only difference is, she literally looked dead.
Eh, Who cares. It's just Sakura.
"Yooo Naruto! What's good loser?" He's next.
"Hey Kiba, nothing much. My team and I finished a C turned A rank mission yesterday. Nothing too big." Hook.
"No way you guys beat an A rank mission, youre genin!"
"Yeah well, we're just better than you." Line
"Oh yeah? How about you prove it by fighting me?"
"I don't need to fight you."
"What, you scared or something? My manliness too much for you to handle?" And then he flexed. I almost gagged.
"Two things, one: ew. Two: I don't fight the mentally disabled." Sinker.
"The fuck did you just say about me?!" Oh he makes it too easy.
"You see, we have a name for people like you. That name? Toast. Why toast? Because you act like you have half a brain and cannot comprehend basic concepts. Basically, I'm calling you mentally retarded." Toast slander!
"You little bitch, how about you put your money where your mouth is?!"
"Mmm..nah. I don't get off on fighting other dudes. You gay like Sasuke? Cuz you guys would be perfect for each other." The anger he was feeling became visibly stronger and I low key worried about that.
"Kiba. Can't you see he's just messing with you?" Even her voice man. Shit's just sexy. Definitely gotta hit that.
Kurenai calmed the rabid dog down and I couldn't be more grateful. I'm not tryna fight anyone right now.
Taking a glance at Kakashi, we locked eyes and no words were said. But he knew the message I was trying to get across.
Those who tread the same path, simply know.
Kakashi caught the attention of Kurenai and began grabbing Sakura and Sasuke from off the floor.
"It seems like now is not a good time to have them train..considering two of my students are incapacitated and Kiba is well...Kiba. Maybe some other day."
He disappeared with the two, leaving me by myself. Kinda fucked up really. Piece of shit leaving me out to dry. Oh well.
Before I was able to make my way out, I heard a growl. Seemed like Kiba got back up and was ready to go at it (pause).
"Narutoooooooo...I want a piece of you."
"AYO WHAT?" Bro.
"YOU CAN'T SAY SHIT LIKE THAT WITHOUT SAYING NO HOMO OR PAUSE OR SOMETHING BRO."
"Oh, I know. All homo."
Oh fuck no. Absolutely fucking not.
I didn't even say anything. I just ran. For my life. Pretty sure I saw this fool lick his lips. Safe to say, I'm staying my ass, and all my other body parts far, far away from that.
I think it's time I go home and go the fuck to bed. It's not even late. I just need to sleep that shit off. So a brisk 10 minute walk later, and I'm back home. I drop my shit, flop on my bed and knock the fuck out.
Time skip ~12 hours
How the fuck did I sleep that long. I can barely get 8 on a good day, let alone 10. And I just slept for 12 fucking hours. It's after 4am, and I guess there's nothing better to do than chill for an hour before I start my day.
…..
Yeah fuck that. Looking around the house, I see that my clones didn't do a terri- the fuck?
Which one of these dumbasses painted a fucking cock on the wall?
I know they all have their own personalities but holy mother of log this shit is wild. I need to start naming these fools just so I can keep track of them.
Before I had the opportunity to look around and see what my clones did to the apartment, there was a knock at the door.
"Who the hell..?" Who the fuck comes to see someone at 4 in the morning? Weirdos, I swear.
I opened the door, and it was an Anbu. What type of anbu knocks on the door?
"Hokage-sama requests your presence today. Preferably before 12pm." After saying their piece, they disappeared.
Crazy. Absolutely bonkers. Whatever.
"Shadow Clone Jutsu!" Man it gets tiring to say that shit every time I use it.
Only 2 this time, and I can see the fuckers smiling at me. It's the recurring ones.
"Since you bastards seem to like coming out alot, I'm gonna need names for you two. Preferably 3 letters or less to not waste time."
"Well, my name's Reo and this fat mexican over here is Raz. And we're the two funniest people on the planet."
And they have egos. Great. Absolutely fucking great.
"Suck my dick."
What the fuck?
"That's him saying hi. For some reason, he only has the ability to say the words 'Suck my Dick.' Kinda crazy really."
My clones can have mental disabilities? What type of shit is this?
"...It's way too early to deal with this shit. Just clean the wall off and make some food or something, I'm gonna...read a book? I don't fucking know I just need to occupy myself for a few hours."
Raz walked over and pat the drawing on the wall before looking at me with a smirk.
"Suck my dick."
"Go fuck yourself."
Time Skip ~ 4 hours
After occupying myself by doing fuck all, it was time for me to head to the tower and talk to the Hokage.
After leaving my house and walking through the village, I noticed the hateful stares directed at me.
I mean, I was used to it but cmon really? A new world and people are STILL prejudiced against me? A ni- guy really can't win in life.
Getting to the tower and walking upstairs to his office, I began getting a tad nervous. The hell did he wanna see me for? It's really sudden too…
The mission ended a few days ago, and I haven't done anything to get in trouble since then..
I kicked open the door and walked in.
"Hey old man, you wanted to see me?"
He looked up at me, and we locked eyes for a solid 20 seconds.
I was very uncomfortable.
"...You're not Naruto."
Fuck.
AN: This shit low key garbage but idc.