notes: Lots of gratuitous manly swearing in this chapter. Scarlet blushes tinted my virgin cheeks even as I wrote them.

"You Don't Have to Shout, Zoro"

The next afternoon found the Going Merry docked at a large summer island, Luffy in alternate fits of ecstasy and whiny hunger, and Sanji on his hands and knees, scrubbing the hell out of the fridge.

"Sanji?"

He looked up to see Nami standing at the galley door, wearing her nicest skirt and matches-with-anything heels. Clearly, she was going into town with an agenda, one that did not, Sanji suspected, include grocery shopping. Not that he'd expected it of her.

"Beautiful Nami!" he exclaimed, wiping his hands on his trousers. "Before you ask, let me assure you that you are the very vision of loveliness! Did you come to me because you doubted your own beauty? My darling, how could you ever -"

"I didn't," Nami interrupted him. "I wanted to know if you're coming into town? You know, to replace the supplies. Zoro said he'd guard the ship."

"Ah." Sanji looked from her to the sudsy fridge. "Actually, Nami my sugerplum, I already gave Usopp a list of things. I really won't feel right until the refridgerator's clean again."

Nami looked slightly put out. Sanji knew exactly what she was thinking: How can I lend you money if you won't get off the ship? "But Sanji, you've scrubbed the fridge six times already. Don't you think that's clean enough?"

"Ah, sweet Nami, you always show such touching concern!" No way was he going to admit that he'd had nightmares about the fridge, of drowing in rotten meat and an engraged Zeff stumping after him as he ran across a landscape of mold. "I shall miss the pleasure of yours and Robin dearest's company, believe me. But I think I'll stay and scrub the fridge a seventh time, just to be on the safe side."

Nami rolled her eyes and shrugged, giving up. "Suit yourself," she said, turning to go. "See you in a bit, then." And then she was gone.

Sanji wrung out the rag, listening to the sound of his companions bickering their way along the port. Luffy and Usopp arguing, Nami scolding, and very faintly Robin's quiet, amused laugh. Then the stillness. Sanji liked the moment of silence that rushed in in the absence of his crewmates' noise. It was like a door swinging shut on a racous party, sudden but not unwelcome. Sanji knew he was as loud as any of them, but he also liked his privacy and guarded jealously the rare moments alone.

Well. Almost alone.

The familiar thudding of heavy boots on stairs told Sanji that he would not be cleaning the refridgerator in peace. Sure enough, when he turned to look, Zoro was just coming in the galley.

"Hey, soft-ass cook," the swordsman grunted. "Make me some food."

Sanji growled. "Don't give me orders, you overmusculed creep. If you're hungry, why didn't you go to town with the others?"

"I wanted to nap." Zoro sat down at the table and thumped his feet up upon it.

"Then go and get your goddamn beauty sleep. Why are you still here yapping?" Sanji replied through gritted teeth.

Zoro smirked. "Because I'm hungry."

Sanji threw down the rag and rose to his feet. "That is it." He started to advance on the still-grinning Zoro. "Get out of my kitchen or I swear to God I'll beat your ass to next Wednesday and back -"

"Hey."

The way Zoro said it made Sanji pause. Scrabbling for balance - slightly, barely noticeably; no way he was going to give the shithead the satisfaction of seeing him trip - Sanji shot a suspicious glare at the swordsman. He wasn't smiling anymore. His brows were sunk so low to be almost touching, and his eyes had half-shut, hooded look they got whenever he was, hah, 'thinking.'

"What?" Sanji stubbed his cigarette between two fingers and, fishing it out of his pocket, immediately lit another. He inhaled and exhaled smoke with exaggerated slowness, trying to gauge Zoro's shift in mood.

"Why do I get the feeling you're not telling the truth about your grandmother?"

Sanji didn't miss a beat. "Why do I get the feeling you should fall overboard and die?"

"I'm serious, shithead. Who the hell were you talking to on the Baby DenDen?"

"Why do you give a fuck?"

Zoro stared at him. "Call it idle curiousity."

"I'll call you idle, sure." Sanji stared back.

"Just answer the fucking question."

"Hey. Asshole." Sanji raised a leg and brought it slamming down on the table, a mere inch from Zoro's own feet. A not-so-friendly warning. "You're not my fucking father. I don't have to ask your permission to talk to people, and I don't have to account for myself either, not to you. Got it? Or is it," he couldn't help but add, "that you're jealous?"

"You're full of shit."

Removing the cigarette from his lips, Sanji flicked ash expertly at Zoro's face. "'Cause I can't think of any other reason why you're suddenly so interested in my social life. Can't get a grandmother of your own, so you leech off other people's, yeah?"

Zoro got to his feet with a snarl. Sanji was ready for it and slid into a crouch at the same time. "Yeah?" The swordsman spat at him. "That's the way you want to play it, you curly-browed freak? What kind of woman would let you call her grandmother? You'd have to pay one to even look at you!"

"What do you know about grandmothers, Marimo!"

"I know that you ain't got one!'

"I had a grandmother! And I loved her, all right?" Sanji threw down his cigarette and ground it under his shoe. What the hell. The conversation had gotten ridiculous a million years ago; what did he care what he said anymore? "That what you want to hear? I fucking loved my grandmother, you green-haired piece of pondscum."

They stood like that across the table, Zoro looking hard at him while Sanji stared at a spot on the wall. Finally, Zoro blew out a breath, almost angrily. "What's a lady like her doing with a punk-ass grandson like you?" he asked grudgingly.

"Nothing," Sanji replied dully. "She's doing nothing with me. I haven't talked to her in three years."

Another silence. Then: "Grandmothers...who needs 'em? You're better off without one."

Sanji relaxed. Zoro was no counselor, that was for damn sure, but they had entered back into the realm of bravado, and Sanji could handle that on autopilot. "Damn straight. Why do you think I haven't spoken to her in three years?"

God, he needed a drink. He crossed the galley and kicked the fridge door shut. Scrubbed six and a half times. As Nami said, clean enough. Then he got down on his knees and, rummaging through the cupboard in the space behind all the pans, he produced a hidden bottle of scotch. Without being asked, Zoro moved around the table and to the sink to get glasses.

They drank in awkward slience for a while. Voluntary comraderie was not a state in which they normally found themselves. Sanji wracked his brains. What did two guys talking about being dumped by a woman usually say?

"You ever had a grandmother, Marimo?"

Zoro grunted. "Temporary ones. None worth remembering. Not like yours on the Baby DenDen."

"Once you've had a grandmother like her, you never want another real one."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

They drank some more, less awkwardly.

"Your Grand Mare planning to do this often? Check up on you?"

"Nah." Sanji pulled a cigarette out of the box. "To her, I'm barely worth remembering. She called because she had nothing better to do."

"Bitch."

"A royal bitch," Sanji agreed, striking a light. He looked in the cigarette box. One left. He held the pack out to Zoro.

"I don't smoke."

"You don't smoke, or you've never smoked before?"

The swordsman glared at him. "That a challenge?"

Sanji shrugged. "Hey, what a man does to his lungs is entirely up to himself. I'm just putting the option out there."

Zoro hesitated, then pulled a cigarette out. He rolled it between his fingers for a minute before tucking it in a pocket of his pants. Sanji chuckled and poured him another glass of scotch. They finished the bottle without saying anything more.

xXxXxXx

The others arrived back at the ship in late afternoon. They either didn't notice or didn't care that things on board seemed a bit quieter than when Sanji and Zoro were usually left alone together.

"Honestly, Usopp," Nami was saying. "If I can carry huge bags of gold around by myself, then you should be able to handle the groceries."

"Oh yeah?" Usopp winced and shifted the bulging bag on his back. Bent nearly double, he looked ready to buckle under the weight of meat and vegetables. "If you're so strong, why don't you carry this thing?"

"Because," replied Nami smugly, "I wasn't asked to do the food shopping. Besides," she added, "I've already got my hands full." She held up her arms, from which dangled at least ten paper bags all filled with clothes. "See you." Blowing Usopp a kiss, Nami disappeared up the rope ladder.

"C'mon, Usopp!" Luffy prodded Usopp's shoulder. "Hurry up and get on board! I want to eat soon!"

Usopp groaned. "Didn't you already eat that restaurant out of every scrap of food it had?"

"Yeah, I guess. But that was like, two hours ago! I'm hungry again."

"Me too!" As Usopp glared at him, Chopper added hastily, "But that's because I didn't eat anything 'cause I was in the bookstore honest don't be mad at me!" He scampered up the ladder before the Dread Captain Usopp could visit his admittedly hampered wrath upon him.

"You know, Luffy, if you really want to eat, you could help me with this bag." Usopp looked balefully at Luffy's strong and more importantly, empty hands.

"Oh." Luffy went round-eyed with surprise. "Why didn't you say so earlier?" Before Usopp could even open his mouth to scream, Luffy had grabbed the sack off of him and Gomu-Gomu Rocketed onto the ship.

One day, Usopp thought as he climbed shakily up the ladder. One day I'll snap and no one will be able to blame me. He hauled himself over the side of the ship to see Sanji on the deck, checking the contents of the bag while fending Luffy off with one leg. Usopp staggered over and thrust the shopping list at the cook. "I think I got everything. I didn't really know what 'lean cut' meant, though, so I guessed."

"No, this is fine." Sanji nodded his thanks. "Luffy, there's a snack in the kitchen. Leave this stuff alone."

"Wahoo!" Sandaled feet shot up the stairs.

Sanji looked around. Chopper was sitting down, leafing through a book. Usopp had collapsed down next to the reindeer. Zoro was finally taking his nap. But...

"Where's Robin dearest?"

Nami paused in the act of lugging her shopping to her room. "Oh, Robin found some carvings that she said were interesting. She wanted to talk to the villagers about them, see what kind of history this place has. She says she'll be back after supper."

"After supper?" Sanji couldn't keep the disappointment from his voice. Cooking for so few, he did make meals just for the crew's tastes, but that was no good if they weren't around to do the tasting. Not that he begrudged his companions meals where ever they wanted to have them, Sanji told himself. No doubt small-town grub had its own rustic charms. But still...

"Yes, that's right...ah, Sanji, I almost forgot. Robin asked that you keep some food warm for her, so she can have some when she gets back." With that, Nami was gone to admire her purchases.

Sanji knew Robin had done no such thing. It would not occur to her to make a request without invitation. This was, Sanji knew, Nami giving him one of her rare, sudden kindnesses. Somewhat mollified, he hefted the grocery sack over his shoulder and started towards the kitchen to fix supper.

xXxXxXx

After supper, everyone went their own ways. Zoro decided it was the perfect time to act on an idea that had been bothering him for the last three days. He walked into the hold, this evening luckily empty of Usopp's workshop or Chopper's doctoring station. If Zoro remembered correctly, it should have been here...in this corner...on this box...yes. The shit cook had left it here after all.

Zoro sat down in the corner that Sanji had occupied three days earlier, and picked up the Baby DenDen. His last, and first, conversation on it had gone less than spectacularly, he knew. And Roronoa Zoro simply did not do things less than spectacularly. All right, maybe this wasn't on par with duels to the death, but Zoro could not rest until he'd won the Battle of the DenDen.

One problem remained, however. Who was he going to call?

No overseas connections on the Baby DenDen, Zoro reminded himself. And no one was going to call him. Unless... Zoro raised the Baby DenDen up to mouth level. It was a gamble, but then, what wasn't in his life?

"Hello?"

Zoro clamped down hard on the feeling of elation that started up in him, and beat it back to smug triumph instead. It'd worked. He knew she wouldn't have thrown hers away. "HELLO, ROBIN?" he said loudly into his end.

Somewhere on the other side of the island, Robin winced. While she welcomed the unexpected call - and from Zoro, of all people - it was a little disconcerting to be shouted at just when she needed some quiet. "Mr. Swordsman, you really don't have to shout," she said gently. "The Baby DenDen will pick up your voice just fine if you speak normally."

"I AM NOT SHOUTING," Zoro stated, although he privately got the uncomfortable feeling that his voice sounded louder than usual. It was the damn echo, he decided. The hold. Cave-like. Made everything louder.

He started as something thumped against the underside of the floor.

"Zoro!" Nami's voice, sounding seriously annoyed, pierced through the floorboards. "Will you please keep it down?" Another whump. Was she throwing shoes at him?

"Keep it down yourself!" he yelled downwards. "HELLO, ROBIN." He directed the rest of the yell into the Baby DenDen. Dammit. What did people talk about on DenDen Mushis, anyway? "HOW - HOW ARE YOU?"

"I'm well, thank you. I'm a little hungry, though. How are you?"

"I'M SITTING IN THE STORAGE ROOM. WE'VE JUST HAD SUPPER."

"Hey, shitface!" The sound of a boot thudding on wood sounded again, directly above his head this time. "Can I at least wash the dishes without hearing your goddamn voice? And stop yelling like that at my darling Robin!"

Fists hammered against the wall beside him before Zoro could retort. "Zoro! Hey, Zoro!" Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper were on the other side. "Are you talking to Robin?" Chopper called excitedly. "Can you ask her to pick up a book for me on her way back? There's one I forgot to buy and -"

"Hiiii, Robin!" Luffy. "We're not eavesdropping, okay? Zoro's just talking really, really loud!"

Robin was saying something. Zoro decided to ignore the noise around him. "...And how was supper, Mr. Swordsman?"

"SUPPER WAS -" Zoro stopped cold. He was not going to say it. Not when he was surrounded. He decided to change the subject. "I FORGOT TO TURN ON THE LIGHT," he blared, then smacked himself on the forehead. Why the hell had he just said that?

"Oh. That's...a shame."

Three pairs of fists, one heeled leather shoe (attached to leg), and several pairs of ladies' sandals (free-flying) shook the walls of the room around him.

"Talk quieter!"

"Sandbag, that is not how you talk to a lady on the Baby DenDen!"

"I wanna talk to Robin!"

"Will you all just shut up!"

"We will when you do," Nami called up pointedly. "If you are going to scream an entire DenDen conversation, you could at least make it interesting."

"Shove off, Nami!" Zoro glared at the floor furiously. "Don't you know that listening to other people's conversations earns you fifty years in hell?"

"What!" Another barrage of expensive footwear exploded underneath him. "How can I help hearing you? The people in Alubarna can probably hear you!"

On the other end of the line, Robin sprouted an arm at eye-level from the carved wall in front of her and rubbed the hand over her temples. There was not a day when she regretted joining this crew, but goodness, they were young. At least she never forgot her age around them, Robin thought ruefully.

Still, she liked to have her jokes too, and this was really too good an opportunity to pass up. "Mr. Swordsman," she said into the Baby DenDen. "Please don't stress over this. Perhaps an exercise will help. Pretend that you are telling me a secret, one that you don't want anyone else to know. Say it into the DenDen as quietly as you can. Remember, the walls are listening." Literally, she thought with a smile.

"WHAT?" This time Zoro meant to yell. "LISTEN, WOMAN, I WILL BE DAMNED IF I'M TELLING YOU SOME FUCKING SHIT SECRET -"

"Ooooh!"

Damn.

"Zoro, tell us, I mean Robin, your secret!"

"Yeah, we don't mind if you shout now!"

"Talk as loud as you want, Marimo. Just don't tell Robin any dirty secrets to offend her delicate ears."

Zoro sat frozen. There were two ways out of this situation. One of them involved killing everyone on board. He passed that option up, though not without great inward struggle.

Three minutes later, Zoro opened the door to the hold and walked out onto the deck, looking satisfied. He headed towards his favorite napping spot. Luffy, Chopper, and Usopp followed after him, while Nami and Sanji emerged from below and above deck, respectively.

"Where's the Baby DenDen?" Sanji demanded.

Zoro jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "In there."

"You didn't break it, did you?"

"Nope."

"What about your secret?" Nami asked.

Zoro smirked. "Told it."

"You did not!" Nami jammed her hands on her hips. "You couldn't talk quietly on that thing if your life depended on it!"

'Well, I told it. Not my problem if your ears are failing."

"Humph!" Nami made a face at him. "I don't believe you. Liar!"

"Pinnochio!" Chopper added.

"Marimo."

"First Mate!"

"Luffy, that's not an insult. That's just an affirmation of his position on the ship."

"Really tall First Mate!"

"Luffy...oh, never mind." Usopp threw up his hands. "Dread Captain Usopp Impersonator!"

Just then, a dark head poked above the port side, and Robin climbed aboard. Everyone made a rush for her. Sanji got there first.

"Robin my dearest, I kept supper warm for you!"

She looked at him in surprised pleasure. "Did you? That was kind." She politely sidestepped his attempts to take her hand and escort her to the galley. As she passed Zoro, Robin winked and said, "Your secret's safe with me, Mr. Swordsman."

For a moment, they simply stared with slack jaws. Then as one person, they rushed Zoro and harangued him until Luffy declared a party and had Sanji get out the beer. Robin ate her supper on the galley steps, following the volleys of laughter and argument.

The rest of the night passed noisily. Sanji liked that too, the door suddenly opening on the noise of the party again. He joined in with a will, tossing empty peanut shells down Zoro's shirt and tossing back mug after mug of cheap beer. Then he caught sight of Nami's profile, half-lit by the moon. Her face was open and relaxed in enjoyment, which sent a surge of knots through Sanji's stomach, which made him remember a time when he'd had similar knots on a daily basis, which reminded him that things were not yet close to okay.

------
notes: Oof, long chapter. If you managed to stay to the end, congratulations! I commend you. Next chapter: flashback! All right!