"Naruto..did you and that secretary really fuck?"

"Yessir. I shot my shot and hit nothing but net. So we fucked."

I shrugged and kept walking.

"How did you manage to pull that off?"

"You see Sasuke, I simply have better drip than you."

"What? Orange is a shitty color. No way you look better than I do."

"And yet here we are, me, having fucked a smoking hot bitch, and you still a virgin."

Sakura tried to add her two cents.

"Sasuke I can help you not be-"

Both me and Sasuke, in perfect sync turned to her and said "Shut the fuck up Sakura."

"Moving on, Naruto. Your drip is awful, the color orange is trash, and I look better than you."

Who is this man bruh?

"Sasuke. I could literally pull and then nut in your mother. I am better than you in every way."

"? Dude my mom is dead."

"Still wetter than any pussy you'll ever get wearing that shitty ass outfit, duck ass."

Sakura, having not learned her lesson, decided to speak up again.

"Umm.. Sasuke, I can make you not a virgin if you want..?"

She was all blushy and shy when she asked it, and seeing her act like that made me want to fucking vomit.

"Sakura. Fucking a man would be a better experience than fucking you. And I'm the guy who's sole goal is to restore his clan."

Sasuke, you cold motherfucker.

Sakura visibly deflated after that, and if you looked hard enough you could probably see some tears. Kakashi, who was listening as we went, had to stifle a few laughs.

At that moment, a mist ninja who was in the area for….some reason decided to attack at that moment.

"Sakura, lift up your head!"

She was confused, but looked up nonetheless.

"FLASHBANG!"

I pulled out a flashlight, and shone it on her head. The resulting glare was more powerful than the sun itself. The ninja that attacked us, immediately dropped to the ground.

"MY EYES! IT BURNNNNSSSS!"

I cackled and put the flashlight away.

"Kakashi, you take the kill. I don't want it."

Kakashi killed the guy and lit his body on fire, and we kept moving.

Time Skip ~ 4 hours

It was still daylight out, but we decided to stop into the random ass town that solely exists for plot convenience.

After walking around for about 20 minutes, we stopped at Moscow Hotel.

Walking in, we booked one room for the night, and went upstairs.

"I'm bored but don't want to move, so I'm gonna send out 2 clones to see what's going on."

I created two clones, and gave them their orders.

"Suck my dick."

"He says don't expect him to not cause a problem."

Of course it's these two fuckheads.

"Go for it, I don't care that much honestly."

Clone Raz and Reo both left, and went deeper into town.

After walking about 5 minutes in a random direction, they saw a large group of people surrounding one guy.

Some chick ran past them screamiing "OH MY GOD ITS WORLD FAMOUS AUTHOR AIZENTHEGOAT!"

She was foaming at the mouth.

They looked at each other and reluctantly got closer to the crowd.

Aizen was standing on a box, looking at all the females present.

You could hear him muttering to himself, commenting on the appearance of the girls there.

He randomly pointed to one, "You there, what's your name?"

She sauntered up to the front of the group, and in one of the deepest voices he's ever heard said "The greatest night you'll ever have."

He looked at her, then back at the crowd.

"Bitch, you better back the fuck up before you get smacked the fuck up."

She looked hurt, and possibly offended then moved to the back of the line.

He called the next girl up.

"Whats yo name?"

"Amelia."

He studied her for a minute, then realized what she was missing.

"Ah, sorry. Your nose isn't big enough."

He turned around, and he saw someone that took his breath away.

With a nose that took up 65% of the space on her face, was a skinny jewish lady with her kids.

He slid up next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"Heeeeyyyyyy pretty lady. You got a nice nose there. really accentuates your eyes."

She looked at him confused, but was flattered nonetheless.

"Umm..thank you? I'm sorry though, I'm married."

He scoffed.

"What does that matter? I'll rock your world baby. Kiss all up on your nose allllllll night."

After that statement, they all began walking away. The whole crowd watched, dumbfounded that AizenTheGoat has a nose fetish.

Raz and Reo looked at each other, shook their heads with a sigh and kept walking.

They walked a little further, no real destination in mind when Raz spotted someone in a bar.

He tapped Reo, and pointed over at them.

"Holy fuck it's Tsunade."

They both looked at each other, and Raz gained a shit eating grin on his face.

"Suck my dick."

Reo gasped.

"No, You wouldn't dare!"

Raz smirked at him, and walked towards Tsunade.

He got right behind her, and tapped her shoulder.

"Eh? Whaddya want kid? Can't you see I'm busy?" She held up her glass to show him what she meant.

He smirked, and took a deep breath.

"Suck my dick."

Reo, who wasn't far away saw this and fell down laughing.

Tsunade, who the line was said to, sat there dumbfounded. She couldn't believe this kid had the gall to do that.

"Excuse me? Do you know who I am boy? I could turn you into paste using my baby toe. Choose your next words carefully."

Raz stood there and adopted a thinking pose. He acted like he was struck with an idea, and proceeded to smile at her.

"Suck. My. Dick."

Reo couldn't take it anymore, and dispelled from laughing so hard.

Tsunade couldn't take it as well. She snapped and grabbed the clone by its head and squeezed until it popped.

"Fucking shadow clones. Although..the creator may have a load of mental problems if their clones are acting like that."

Shizune, who was sitting next to her at the bar nodded.

"So are you going to go and help him orrr..?"

"Well yeah, but I gotta teach him a lesson first."

She cracked her knuckles and started cackling while leaving the establishment.

~With Naruto~

"And that's why you should always smack a bitch if she ever tries to offer you a handjob. Aint no way she thinks she can beat my dick better than I can."

Sasuke nodded along to what I was saying, seemingly agreeing.

Kakashi on the other hand was not so much in agreement.

"Well boys, when a girl gives you a handy, thats not the only thing that happens. It's not just her 'beating your dick' as you would say. Its more of-"

"Fuck. Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck."

"What's wrong Naruto?"

I got up and started pulling my hair, and hitting myself in the head.

"Fucking CLONES. Raz and Reo just HAD to go antagonize the strongest kunoichi in existence."

Kakashi and Sasuke looked at each other, then back at me, confused by what I meant.

"Simply put, Raz thought it would be a great idea to tell Tsunade fucking Senju to suck his/my dick. And now, by the stomping and crashing i hear in the town thats slowly getting closer, she's on a warpath."

I simply sat in the corner, hugging my knees and accepted my fate.

Fuck my life.

A/N: Aizen, I'm so not sorry for this.