notes: Volume 42 came out yesterday! Oh, the unrestrained joy. Probably you all noticed the first time around, but: (Zoro + Usopp) + handcuffs one hell of a comedic team. Sometimes I just live for Zoro's facial expressions. Anyway, on with the chapter, which I attempted to make funnier than the last one.

"Unmentionables"

"We're swabbing the deck, like you told us to," Luffy's voice came floating back, all innocence and injury.

We, eh? Sanji was willing to bet good money that he knew just who 'we' were.

"And just what do you think you're swabbing the deck with?"

There was a pause, during which Sanji wondered what they were swabbing the deck with, and if it was any different from what they thought they were swabbing the deck with. Considering it was Luffy, it was a fair distinction to make. Finally, Luffy's cautious reply: "Is that a trick question?"

"No!"

"You did say the laundry needed doing," Usopp's voice piped up. Sanji could just imagine him with his hands in front of his face to ward off a Nami Attack, knees knockong together in trembling defiance. "We just thought we'd kill two birds with one stone, sort of thing."

Oh, God. They were swabbing the deck with laundry-related materials? Sanji quickly ran down a mental list of what they could be using. Shirts. Pants. Ties - no, scratch that, Sanji cleaned those himself and he was pretty sure Luffy didn't know where they were hidden. Lacy unmentionables. Sanji shoved that thought out of his mind in a hurry, though not without a slight flush, and could not resist glancing over at Robin. The archaeologist was smilng slightly, eyes only half-on her book. She was clearly amused.

"Oh yes?" Nami was yelling, clearly far less amused. "And when have you ever done laundry? When have you ever done laundry? Who do you think is going to have to wash all of this? Oooh, I can't even -- Sanji!" Nami stormed into the galley, a murderous gleam in her eyes.

Sanji scrambled hastily to his feet. "Yes, Nami my goddess of destruction?"

She didn't even crack a smile, though Sanji could see Robin give a little chuckle as she got the joke. Nami jerked a thumb over her shoulder. "Deal with this," she ordered, then flounced back out the door and down the stairs. Sanji heard the door to the storage deck slam as Nami retreated into the privacy of her room.

"Miss Navigator seems especially out of sorts today," Robin observed.

"You think so?" Sanji asked distractedly, already halfway to the door.

Robin chuckled. "She usually enjoys dealing with Mr. Captain and Mr. Long-Nose herself, don't you think? It seems to be her way of playing."

"Oh, Robin darling, you're always so observant!" Sanji hadn't thought, and was slightly uneasy that Robin had noticed this about Nami's complicated nature with such apparent ease. He hurried outside.

Oh, God.

"You're swabbing the deck with socks!" The words exploded out of him so hard that the cigarette almost fell out of his mouth.

The deck looked like one of Usopp's experiments gone horribly wrong. Zoro was sleeping against the side - that wasn't unusual. Everywhere else, though, socks lay in soggy piles or hanging limply half out of buckets. The lower deck was a mess of soap and dirty gray water. And in the middle of it all stood les trois sauvages, each with socks tugged over hand or hoof and looking extremely pleased with themselves.

"The laundry needed doing," Usopp repeated, hoping to find a more sympathetic audience in Sanji.

"So we decided to throw the baby out with the bathwater," added Luffy happily, and was rewarded with a wet, woolen smack on the head.

"Kill two birds with one stone, moron," Usopp hissed to his captain.

Sanji could feel his temper unravelling as quickly as Nami's always seemed to. "Laundry and cleaning the ship," he said through gritted teeth, "are mutually exclusive activities. Either you clean the deck or you do the laundry. They are not things you can combine!" By this point he was shouting, and seriously considering knocking their young, stupid heads together.

Luffy and Usopp were nudging Chopper from either side, and finally pushed him forward. He stood at the edge of a puddle, pink socks dangling from his hooves and looking as terrified as a sacrificial deer. "If - if - if," he stammered, then gathered steam, "if you want us to do all the work, you'd better get used to us doing it our own way!" Chopper puffed his chest out defiantly at Sanji for a second, then gave a squeak and ran to hide behind the mast - the wrong way 'round, as usual.

Sanji ignored him and instead advanced along the upper deck towards the stairs. Luffy was watching him with unblinking interest, but the sniper looked about ready to join the doctor at the mast.

"We have mops," Sanji growled. Usopp fled.

"Yeah, but those aren't as fun -" Luffy began, clearly having prepared his defense long ago.

Sanji brushed his answer aside and moved on to what he considered to be the main point. "And those are my socks!"

"We're not using just your socks," Luffy said, very injured. "We're using my socks too." He held up his arms, encased up to the elbows in black wool, as proof.

Sanji ran a hand across his eyes in complete exasperation. I'm never having kids, he thought. Just never, ever having kids. "Luffy," he said aloud with as much control as he could muster, "you don't wear socks."

"Oh!" Luffy brought one arm around to look. He burst out laughing. "You're right! These are Zoro's socks. I wondered why they were so big!" He stretched his face a bit and did a fair imitation of the swordsman's habitual scowl. "Rarh. My socks are full of manly fighting spirit!"

From his koala-like perch at the mast, Usopp managed to collapse into giggles even as he quavered in fear at the same time. Chopper pulled his face around the mast to shout, "If you want us to swab the deck with socks, you'd better get used to us using whosever socks we damn well want!" and then ducking back again.

"But I don't want you to...oh, never mind." Sanji scratched his head and surveyed the damage. Luffy had his arms stretched out stiffly in front of him like two black elephant trunks, and was advnacing zombie-like towards Usopp and Chopper, who were clutching at each other and shrieking in glee. The entire lower deck was still littered with soggy footwear, that damn mosshead was sleeping, oblivious, to the whole thing, and the ship wasn't any cleaner.

Ah, what the hell. It seemed like a waste not to.

Sanji lit up a cigarette and took a long, soothing drag. "Children, please." He descended the stairs at a much calmer pace. "Let me show you how it's done."

Ten minutes later, Nami made her way above deck to see what all the quiet was about. She found the deck mercifully clear of socks, but the air suspiciously clear of laundry lines. Sanji, Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper were clustered at one spot of the deck - coincidentially the very spot where Zoro liked to take his naps - and giggling quietly. They appeared to be working together on something. Alarms began to go off in Nami's head.

"What in the world are you all doing?" she demanded, striding over to them. "Sanji, I thought you were going to straighten things out, not play games -" She stopped as the four boys straightened up, identical grins decorating their faces.

"Behold," Usopp declared, sweeping an arm to the snoring figure behind him. "We present Roronoa Zoro, legendary pirate hunter and master of Socktouryu!"

Nami gaped. There was one black sock tied over the bandana on Zoro's arm. There was another black sock tied around his head. A sock that used to be white had been thrust sideways in Zoro's open mouth. A string of socks encircled his haramaki. And finally, three socks - one white, one black, one an indeterminable shade of grime - were hung with great care over the hilts of Zoro's swords, swaying cheekily in the breeze and within easy reach. The only part of Zoro not covered by socks were his feet.

Nami looked from the besocked Zoro to the grinning faces of her crewmates, and back to Zoro, and finally did what Sanji had hoped she would do: she laughed and laughed until tears came out of her eyes and she clutched at her stomach.

Luffy was in much the same state, the hard work of holding back his enjoyment finally rewarded as he rolled about the deck gasping. Chopper and Usopp, who were much more prudent of mind, began taking steps backwards as laughter overtook them as well.

This turned out to be a good move, because at that moment Zoro woke up from his nap. He looked down, up, and around, and was very unhappy with what he saw.

The next few minutes were filled with screaming and pounding of feet on wood.

"It's the Demon Sock Hunter Roronoa Zoro!"

"Watch out! When he ties the black sock around his head, it means death to his enemies!"

"He's using the One Sock Style attack! Chopper, get off my head!"

"Stop laughing at my socks - swords! Dammit!"

It all ended with Usopp and Chopper hiding up among the rigging, screaming when they weren't giggling and gasping for breath when they weren't screaming, Luffy up in the Crow's Nest, Nami in her tangerine grove, and Sanji sprawled on the deck, managing only to lift up a leg in feeble defense as Zoro attempted to beat him senseless with a now sockless Wadou. Robin came out of the galley to watch, the familiar half-bemused, half-delighted smile playing about her lips.

When the latest Zoro-and-Sanji spat did not promise to get more interesting, Luffy called down from his misty perch in the Crow's Nest, "Nami, which way is the Log Pose pointing? Are we going to reach an island soon?"

Nami did not reply right away. If Sanji raised his head from its current position on the floor, he could just make out her form, standing very still amid her tangerine trees.

Seemingly oblivious to her silence, Luffy went on blithely. "I hope it's another winter island. Or an autumn island. We haven't had a lot of those. With lots of treasure, too! Man, Nami, I'm really starting to see why you like treasure so much. Finding all that gold in the big snake's stomach was so cool! And - Nami?" Luffy tilted his hat back and blinked down at his navigator. "Where are we going? Where are we?"

"You don't need to know that!" Nami snapped, and abruptly started for the stairs.

"I think I do," Luffy said, looking bewildered as the rest at Nami's sudden change of mood. "I am the Captain."

But Nami had already disappeared inside the hold.

The remaining Straw Hats slowly stood up or disentangled themselves from ropes. Quietly, they all began to do the ship's chores. Zoro helped Luffy clean the deck with mops. Usopp fetched the laundry bags from the men's quarters. Sanji went back into the galley with Robin to finish the day's meals. The Sock Game was over.

Over supper, they found out the reason for Nami's bad mood: the Log Pose was pointing down.

- - - - -
notes: Heavens, the beginnings of a sustainable plot emerge! The direction of this fic has ended up very different from when I first conceived it. When I first started the fic (my first), I was much less familiar with the series and its characters, having only started reading it a couple of months before. The way I'm writing and thinking about the characters has changed (for the better, I hope!), so that the first few chapters now seem meandering and shabby. So my apologies for slow start and the misstarts, and thank you for reading this far. As always, comments and criticism are welcome and appreciated.