Quicken

By: Junsui Kegasu

A/N: Thanks for 100+ reviews, guys!

Disclaimer: Own nothing… I don't think, anyhow.

I was wrong about Sasuke. I wish I could say that in a better light, but no, because I was wrong about only what method he used to hurt himself with. When Iruka said, "found a flaw," he was understating massively. What Sasuke did showed them that you really can't completely safe-proof a shrink through peaceful, professional assistance. You can't take away a person's set of teeth.

Just a few moments after the mayhem, Zetsu left with a shrug and an insincere, "I hope everything turns out okay," that seemed suited for the occasion. Sasuke's now in the ER section of this place, possibly with Neji, who we think has merely moved to a ward more suited for his "problem". Gaara's birthday is today, but it really couldn't have come with any worse timing. The tension is still in the air, but we try to overcome it anyways, for the sake of Gaara's happiness, as Bokaira told us moodily the other day he had never had a birthday party.

Of course, when I say "us", I still refer to both Dei and myself, but sometimes it sure seems like it's only Gaara and me. Dei won't talk to me. He won't look at me, and I know that he's mad at me for hiding things. I know he's mad at me because it's my fault that Sasuke wasn't caught earlier, before anything like this could've happened, and I have to cope with that on my own. I tried the Scarlett O'Hara, "I'll think about it tomorrow," but unfortunately, "Tomorrow's only a day away."

We're all at the breakfast table now, and I can't help but notice how much space seems to be there with everyone gone. I can still remember when one half of the entire table would have been full if we had sat just next to each other. Normally, we sat so that we took up the whole table. But you really can't take up a whole table with three people. I've gotten as far away from Dei as I think I can without him suspecting cowardly behavior. He's sitting across from Gaa-chan, who's either unaware it's his birthday or just as blissfully innocent as usual.

It's a good thing I don't have that much Irish in me, because envy sweeps through me right then and if I had anymore than my quarter of the blood, I'd be out jumping fences to try to win that innocence. Breakfast is served as waffles, soggy with the cheap, nasty kind of syrup, but Gaa-chan gobbles it down as if it were the most delicious of cuisines. I take a few bites to appease him, or rather so he won't ask questions as to why I'm not eating breakfast. Then Dei will turn to look at me, and I can't bear to see the ice in those eyes.

His eyes remind me of those liquid mints that come in the little balls. A little bit is refreshing, but don't eat the whole pack or you're sure to freeze over. And yet, just a few nights ago, they weren't cold. They were still that icy blue, but they still seemed so warm, so everything-will-be-okay-now. Now they only soften when he looks at either Gaara or Gaa-chan – Gaara because the poor kid flinches back if his eyes are too cold and Gaa-chan because he's Gaa-chan.

We eat in silence, which is awkward to say the least. I've given Gaa-chan my birthday wishes – what's left to say? We don't get a cake with candles – especially not with Dei in this ward. We might get cake later, but chances are that the cooks will ruin it. I wouldn't eat it, anyways, and that'd just be a waste of cake, then. I'm practically overjoyed at the sight of the lady who always comes in to clean up after we eat, but she never has much to do. None of us are (were) very messy eaters, and we are (were) the only group to eat in here at the times that we do. Nonetheless, her presence signifies that we should really get going to Circle, and so I scrape my plate in relief and go off at a quick pace.

It strikes even me as odd that I'm hurrying to Circle. It seems like a childish attempt to get away from Dei, and Iruka might notice the change in attitude (Iruka notices everything, everything, everything

except for Sasuke.)

Right now, though, I kind of (and only kind of) don't care if Iruka notices a damn thing, because once again I am terrified of the atmosphere. The awkward silence, the unspoken words, and the angry negligence are ready to swallow me whole, and the farther I am from Dei, the easier it is to breathe. I haven't been sleeping much at all these last few days just because of that, and I really wish I could leave the room and at least just roam the halls. Thus, right now is possibly the easiest it's been to draw breath deep into my lungs as it has in hours, and I'm grateful, for once, for pure, sterilized air.

I slow my pace to a normal (or is it? or will he notice?) stride just before I reach the door to Circle, pulling it open with a sweaty palm and walking in without so much as a glance around to see if Iruka's here. I go to take my seat, and stop, because for the second time in the same number of months, somebody is sitting in my chair.

At first, I think it's a new person and almost scowl to take my seat elsewhere. Then I realize that this person can be, in no way, shape, or form under eighteen. Though his form is hunched over in the chair, the auburn hair is streaked with a few strands of gray. When he glances up, his face (familiar familiar! it's a small world after all) shows lines of age. Out of respect, I take my seat in the closest chair available, but apparently he notices my hesitation.

"Oh, is this your chair?" he asks humbly, standing up quickly and offering it. Shocked, I can only shake my head numbly. I'm about to speak, but then I notice out of the corner of my eye the brown bush that's Iruka's hair and freeze up.

The Conspiracy - it won't let me talk, now, even when I wanted to. Ironically, this is almost like something I read in a book, except that girl just couldn't speak in general where I've just fallen into the habit so much that my mind won't let me around Iruka.

The man, after a moment of hesitation and blinks, sits back down, folding his hands into his lap neatly. I'm just wondering where Dei and Gaara are when footsteps (probably Dei, my mind tells me meticulously, because Gaara often sounds like he doesn't even exist) start approaching. I divert my gaze to my lap, knowing with a sinking heart and a tightening chest that my moment of free air is done and the corset is back.

When they walk in, Gaara's kind of making conversation with Dei, but out of habit it stops once they reach the room. They both head over to the back corner, now at separate paces, without looking for a moment. Then it all happens at once.

First, Dei lifts his head and I can see a slight arch of his eyebrows in surprise of the newcomer. Giving him his space, he quickly but subtly redirects himself to the other corner and takes what used to be Sasuke's seat, plopping down casually. Gaara still hasn't looked up.

When he does, it's the more dramatic reaction of the two, which clears up any enigma to the man. He kind of looks at him, and then realizes who he's looking at, pausing completely and eyes widening to the size of huge, mint-green saucers. Gaara doesn't say anything, but he looks like he's trying to, if only he could find the words.

It's more than obvious, then, that this man has to be his father.

Dei's looking at Gaara with some form of concern at the change in behavior. It's hard for him to look, though, because Gaa-chan is on the other side of the room, more or less across from me. Even at my angle I can't tell exactly what's going on with him through his expression, because it's tilted to see his father's face. Iruka, though he's here, seems to not notice a thing and is instead bustling around the room for whatever reason. I don't know if he thinks he's giving Gaara space or not, but I don't think it's such a good thing.

Finally done with what looks like the dusting, Iruka comes over and sits in his chair in the center of the room. He clears his throat to get our attention; all three of us jump and the man just looks up. Iruka (unaware of the flinching) smiles and nods to the man in introduction.

"This is Mr. Sabaku – Gaara's dad – and as he's here for Gaara's birthday, we've decided they can have some one-on-one. Sasori and Deidara, you two will be escorted back to your room, but if you get bored, you are permitted to roam the halls."

I blink, definitely surprised. Naruto's birthday didn't go like this at all. Though, then again, Naruto didn't have anyone to visit him. Gaara has someone to visit him, but is it such a good idea? I'm almost afraid to leave him in a room with the same person that has him – especially this part of him – so jumpy about everything. Is Iruka stupid, one most wonder? And then, one must remember that Gaara's been raised to keep secrets. What we know he hasn't directly told us, though with our knowledge of the world, it's obvious.

Even so, Dei and I shuffle out of the room, me uneasy and he too masked to tell. I don't know if I can stand being in the same room with Dei, but I can certainly try. I sneak glances at him as we walk down the hallway together. His hands are shoved deep into his pockets (which I didn't know they allowed, but whatever) and his gaze is seemingly firmly planted on the ground below us. He obviously likes this about as much as I do. I try to start conversation, but just like before, I freeze up.

Somehow, the room seems so far away as we walk. How long are these hallways, anyways? I don't even have the eye to get a good estimate anymore. Maybe at one point, all those months ago, I knew, but I can't remember too well anymore. Everything before here is kind of like a blurred memory – something you know exists for other people, but definitely not something that's ever going to go to you. And yet, I'm so close to entering that world again… but it will be different. I won't be a teenager to be taken care of and fed and sent to school every day. I'll be an adult who is supposed to be ready to get let out into this world. Am I ready? Sometimes I wonder.

For once, I wonder if my counselor would agree if I told her that for a seventeen year old to spend the months leading up to his eighteenth birthday in a baby-proofed madhouse doesn't prepare one to be let back out into the world as a "normal" citizen. Maybe she does agree, but she'll probably find an excuse to defend her support of this place. Haven't they realized that especially our ward hasn't been helped a single bit? We've dwindled – not because of people getting better as it was with one case, but because they've gotten worse and had to go. Naruto got let out, but all Naruto really needed was love, and Iruka gave him that. Zetsu shouldn't have been here in the first place.

Neji… I don't like thinking about it. He's got to be somewhere in here, because he's younger than me by quite a bit, but every single treatment they tried on him apparently failed. Would it not have been just as easy to let him into a ward of other drug addicts instead of a ward compromised of just an anorexic whose "problem" was as "severe" as his own? Am I supporting these places? I guess in a way, I am, but not this one. Not the one I'm in – never.

A noise from the world of the living jars me from my thoughts and I almost jump out of my skin. We're in front of a room – our room – and Dei is inside, clearing his throat to signal for me to go in. Feeling my face flush, I walk in, being sure to keep my gaze down to hide this fact. He won't ask what I was thinking about, I know. He would've asked just a few days ago, but he seems to have given up. I think then, I would've been grateful, but right now I wish he'd grab me by the shoulders and shake every thought out of me for his own sake. Or maybe it's for my own.

Once I'm inside, he closes the door, and it's very strange and very new and changed to hear that the lock doesn't click automatically. A bit unnerved, I make my way to my bed and sit, placing my elbows on my knees and my face in my hands. Dei, thankfully, doesn't go anywhere near me but goes across the room to the wall to slide down against, knees to his chest and hands to his sides. We sit like this for quite some time – silence ringing, deafening, horrifying, drowning…

I need to get out of here. I'm nervous, tense, and the urge to run consumes me for the first time in months. Of course, I won't be able to run through the halls, but I can certainly walk… I'll take advantage of that new privilege. Standing up, but being careful not to knock my head on the bottom of the top bunk, I make my way to the door and pause. What if they lied? What if it's actually locked? What if I can't go out and walk?

Calm down, Sasori - twist the knob… yes, see? It moves... but you never tried that before. Shut up; shut up… keep twisting… Yes, yes, see? See, it's open. Pull open the door… pull it, come on! You can do it! Stop acting like Gaara and-

"'The hell are you doing, yeah?"

As if the doorknob was white-hot and smoking, I let go, startled. Dei just spoke to me. But wait, nope. I'm not speaking back. I'm going for a walk, I think in his direction and twist the knob with much more confidence, yanking open the heavy door and leaving, making sure it doesn't slam in case the unlocked door was a fluke and Iruka was lying. This is the closest thing to freedom since the fire alarm went off when Dei first got here…

In all honesty, I've never gotten to explore the halls. My personal parameters have been limited to the far end of the hallway, over by the door to the lobby and Circle, which is on the other side. But the hall turns, and I've never been down that way. There are openings all over the place that go to the cafeteria, but I ignore those. The cafeteria is not the place I'd want to be caught in right now.

I make it to Circle and look down the hallway cautiously. It looks exactly the same, especially since it turns again. I bet the whole thing is a square – good. I can pace, and so I do, nervously down the other three hallways because I'm sure they house other wards. This place is pretty big, though, so I bet that the lobby leads to other rooms like this with other cafeterias. Nonetheless the whole thing is still very monotonous, as usual.

Nothing happens for a few laps. I wasn't expecting anything to really happen at all. On my fifth lap around the square, I stop in front of the door to the Circle room. I don't know why, but I do. I stop there and press my ear against the heavy oak, pretty much eavesdropping, though it's pointless. You can't really hear anything unless it's screamed. All I'm getting is a buzz of a deep voice and a higher buzz, much weaker, which is probably Gaara.

Even though I can't hear anything, I still listen, and it's kind of relaxing, the buzzing noise. No one's watching, I manage to tell myself, completely forgetting about the cameras. No one cares, either. They said I could do this, and so I am.

"YOU FUCKING WHORE! I'LL KILL YOU!"

I jump away from the door, but there's no difference because that was loud and I bet Dei could hear it in the room. After the scream comes the definite noise of things being thrown – probably chairs – and even a startled, pained yelp which is probably Gaara. I'm backing away to go and get Dei because Dei can help, I think, when the door bursts open. All the noise gets louder before someone small darts out of the room, slamming the door shut and sprinting down the hall.

"Gaara!" My voice actually surprises me with its volume since I haven't managed to say a word today and I run after him, easily catching up with him. "Gaara, what happened? Stop!" I grab onto the sleeve of his shirt, for once glad that he weighs even less than I do so I can pull him closer.

"G-get off of me!" he yelps, obviously panicked. "G-GET OFF!"

"Shit, kid…" I mumble, dragging him into the bedroom, quite literally kicking and screaming. "Gaara! Stop it! Calm down!"

"Get off!" he repeats, finally yanking away from my grip with a ripping noise. A few of the seams in his shirt are torn, but it's completely irrelevant to what's going on right now. Before I can grab him again, he makes a dive for his bed, reaching over the side of it to grasp the CD player in violently-shaking hands. I stop, not because I know the CD player will calm him down, but because there are footsteps nearing.

I hope with everything that the steps don't belong to the freak that's this kid's father, but peak out the door anyways. No – safe; it's Iruka and Kakashi, both with startled looks on their faces. Before they can make it to the door and question anything, Gaara emits a scream so loud I almost thought it was his dad again.

"NO!" he screeches, hitting the CD player with his palm. "Not now! C-come on!" He violently presses the "play" button in and yells at it again, bashing it with a fist. The player pops open from the impact, showing a Linkin Park CD before he closes it again, jamming the play button for the third time.

"I need it – I need it… need it… c-come on… come on!" he's muttering, voice changing from a panicked whimper to an angry yelp and then somewhere in between. I can't tell who this is – it seemed to just go from Gaa-chan to Shukaku to Bokaira all in one go. When the CD player doesn't abide by him again, he whacks it hard with his palm. The player falls out and drops to the floor – not very far, but far enough to make the face fall off, the CD falling out and rolling around the floor.

"Gaara!" Iruka says sternly from the door. "Gaara, are you all right?"

It's too late, though. The kid won't talk. Dei is watching this whole thing from across the room, eyes wide and shocked, following the disc. I'm mad at him for not doing anything to help, but I dismiss it for now, reaching forward and attempting to hug Gaara to my chest. He's freaking out, kicking and screaming and I really doubt he's going to remember any of this in the morning or whenever he wakes up after getting tranquilized.

"L-LET ME GO!" he yells, reaching around and hitting me.

"Sasori, just hold him down," Iruka says evenly. Kakashi's gone – I don't know where. "Don't let him get away."

Of course, this seems easy until the little kid bites me – and I think he broke the skin. I bite back a yelp and just hold him tighter. I'm kind of surprised, as I'm doing this, at how easily I can feel his ribs – not as easily as you can mine but easier than I had ever expected. When I do this, he just yelps and twists a bit harder. I really hope I didn't hit an injury or something.

Just when it's getting really hard to keep holding on, Kakashi comes back in with a huge needle in his hand. "Sasori, hold him still…" he says, crouching down next to us. As soon as Gaara sees the needle, he screams, flailing limbs and trying even harder to get away from me.

"NO! STOP!"

Shukaku's out, I do believe, but that's okay because I just squeeze him around the middle a little tighter and Kakashi grabs his arm, giving him the shot in the elbow. I have to look away because I hate shots, but it takes its effect almost immediately. As soon as the needle is in his skin, some part of Gaara realizes that he's lost and he calms down, probably from shock, and after the injection, it doesn't take long before he's completely limp and I can loosen my arms from around his ribs, shifting him into a more comfortable position.

I'm breathing heavily and Iruka wipes his brow in relief. Kakashi takes the needle away and tucks it into a bag, then leans over and picks up the pieces of the broken CD player, sticking them into another, larger bag. The CD is still on the floor where it had fell art-side down. The shine is reflected as a bright patch on the ceiling, spreading through about half the room. Once Kakashi is done and is sure that no harmful pieces are still there, he stands up, brushing off his pants.

The question is on both Dei's and my lips, but before I can muster up the courage to vocalize it, he does it for me.

"Iruka, what just went on?"

Gaara's dad had seemed almost civil when we had seen him – I think for a second I had even considered the idea that Gaara was okay with him and that maybe the abuser was his mother, so what had happened? What had changed while no one was looking? We weren't in the room, nor were Iruka or Kakashi. It was just Gaara, now too incoherent to say, and his dad, wherever he had gone.

"We're still running some tests, but it looks like Gaara's father is drastically bipolar – one of the worst cases I have ever seen."

Hello, there. How're you?
I'm the voice inside your head.
I want to kill you.
Just come with me…it's a fun ride.
Quicken the insanity

Kill me and you won't get another update! For the record, I really don't like Gaara's little free verse… what about you guys? I really want criticism on that… see if I can get another idea for the thing.