A/N: I shit this out in about 2 hours. It sucks but you'll read it anyways.
I paced around the room, holding my chin while deep in thought. How am I going to avoid a very violent and bloody death at the hands of the most famous kunoichi in the world?
...
I'm fucked aren't I?
Sasuke and Sakura watched me, incredibly amused by what I was going through. I even saw them placing bets on how quickly I was going to die, the fucking traitors.
"Alright, I have a plan. Shadow Clone Jutsu!"
I created one singular clone, though it was supercharged with chakra so it didn't die in one hit. Well, one hit from a normal person.
Tsunade is not a normal person.
Moving on, I looked at the clone, and immediately knew something was up.
"...You're not Raz, and you're not Reo. What's your name?"
The clone had a certain...air about him. One that screamed 'I'm better than you'. It was unnerving.
He ran a hand through his hair, and pushed up his glasses. Where they came from? No fucking clue.
"The name… is sly."
Oh here we go again. Another fucking personality. I hate it here.
I sighed.
"Okay, just..take over for me. You shouldn't dispel in one hit so you have at least one attempt at trying to prove you're me. Cool? Cool."
I fell out the window, and stuck to the wall right under it.
About a minute later, the door flew off the hinges and out the window.
Tsunade lowered her foot, and slowly stepped further into the room towards the clone.
"Alright boy. You have approximately 5 seconds to apologize to me or I turn you to paste."
Sly coughed into his hand, and adjusted his jacket.
"Well, I'm sorry for simply stating what I truly thought."
An audible smack was heard from every person in the room that wasn't Sly or Tsunade. The simultaneous facepalm was felt around the world.
"You what?"
"You see, your beauty simply left me in such disarray, that I was reduced to my base animal instincts. I couldn't fathom what was in front of me, therefore the only thing that I could think of was to say how I truly felt. And in that moment, I wanted your lips upon my shaft."
What. The. Fuck.
No shot this works. Absolutely no shot.
"I- Well. Hm." She put a finger to her chin.
"That is incredibly understandable, I mean look at these things."
She lifted up her tits, and then dropped them. Every male in the room watched them bounce up and down until they stopped.
She sighed, exasperated.
"I guess I can let you off the hook."
I know you're fucking lying. I KNOW YOU'RE FUCKING LYING.
"Ara Ara, Nigga-kun~"
She bent over showing a lot more of her cleavage and smirked at sly.
Sly kept his cool, and held eye contact.
"Let me stop you right there. Where's your N-word pass?"
He lifts his pass out of his jacket pocket and flashes it at her.
"I'm allowed to say it, you're not. Not unless you have a pass on you."
She sighed, and stood up straight before plunging her hand in the valley between her tits.
"The benefit of having such large booba is that I can hide a good amount of things in here."
She dug around for a few more seconds, and pulled out a wallet.
She pulled a little paper out of it, and indeed, in her hand was an N-word pass. Written and signed by Killer Bee himself.
Sly inspected the card for a few more seconds, before nodding and making eye contact with Tsunade.
"Alright, you may carry on."
The balls on this man just had to be made by pure fucking chakra metal.
She sighed, and ran a hand through her hair.
"No, the moment is lost now. Anyways, I may have let you off the hook but that doesn't mean I'm not still upset about it."
She took one step closer to Sly, and lifted him up by the collar of his jacket while glaring bloody murder into his eyes.
"Say some shit like that to me again, and your body will not be found. Kay?"
"...Noted. I shall uh..be wary of my words next time."
Sly was caught off guard by how terrifying Tsunade was in that one moment. Only other time he was caught off guard was Tul being racist, but that's a story for another time.
She set him down and pat him on the head.
"Good boy."
"WOOF WOOF BA- ahem. Excuse me."
A whisper from Kakashi could be heard from the corner of the room.
"Down bad!"
Sly turned to him and simply stared at him, with a dead look in his eye.
Kakashi curled in on himself, feeling incredibly uncomfortable from the look that was being sent his way.
"Before you leave, Tsunade, Shizune, can you guys come back to the village with us? It's incredibly disappointing how shit the medics are in the village."
Any playfulness that was present before immediately left Tsunade's face and body as she straightened up and fixed him with a hard look.
"And why should I do that? All that village has done is take everything away from me. It has absolutely nothing that I want in it and I absolutely refuse to come back, no matter what."
"I can get you a week's supply of the hardest sake from Mt. Myoboku."
She paused, and glanced at Shizune.
"W-well maybe I can reconsider but I'm not going to-"
"Two weeks."
"Make it three and I'll stay in the village AND you get personal tutoring from me."
I didnt even have to convince her to teach anyone, pog.
"Deal."
She pumped her fist in the air, and drool started escaping her mouth from the thought of Toad Sake.
"On one condition though. You don't teach me. Medical shit wouldn't be of use to me. Teach the pink bitch over there in my place so she's not as useless. And please, please beat the fangirl out of her. I beg of you."
She pondered over it for a minute before nodding.
"Sure, but at the first sign of weakness she's gone."
"Fine with me."
They shook hands, and Tsunade walked out the room, leaving the hotel.
I climbed back in through the window, and dropped to my knees bowing to Sly.
"You're a King! No- wait higher than a king. You're a GOD! God doesn't do it either…"
Everyone watched me go through several different titles with varying emotions on their faces.
Sly was amused, and incredibly smug.
Sakura was anxious, grateful and disgusted all rolled into one.
Sasuke was confused and a bit angry.
Kakashi showed nothing but understanding, and acceptance.
"God King. You're the God King."
I continued bowing and showing my worship for a solid 3 minutes, before standing up.
"All jokes aside, that was fucking awesome. Definitely calling on you when I need to convince someone of something. You're the favorite personality. By FAR. Keep your lackeys under control please."
Sly sighed and nodded in understanding.
"They can be a handful, but are truly amusing to watch, and nothing they do is too bad. But I'll try. If you need me, you know where I am, peasant."
He smirked, and dispelled himself.
What a fucking day.
A/N: A double author's note? Who would've seen this coming!
Read God of Shinobi by reoroler, it's sllightly less dogshit than this.