CHAPTER GENRE: Drama/Fluff/Romance
CHAPTER RATING: PG-13 or T
DISCLAIMER: Me no own. You no sue. Blah, blah, blah…get the picture?
WARNING: Some mild SPOILERS for several S2 - S4 episodes up to the season finale, specifically S3 Episodes: Under The Influence and 10-7 and S4 Episodes: From The Grave and Urban Hellraisers.
BETA: Mistakes make me human...
SUMMARY: CaRWaSh! Or Cyan! Calleigh never would've imagined that an old, forgotten CD could say so much about her life. A drabble of sorts. Inspired by Alanis Morissette's 3rd album, "Jagged Little Pill."
A/N: I didn't intend for this 'drabble' to get this long, but here it is. You can blame the plot penguin for its refusal to shut up and for giving me the plot for this chapter. As I stated previously, for some of these songs (such as this one), pay more attention to the meaning behind the titles than the actual lyrics… comprende?
Dedicated to all CaRWash/Cyan lovers and shippers out there!
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Chapter 2 – You Oughta Know
Moving on down, Calleigh's eyes land on the second title on the list, "You Oughta Know."
A thought penetrates her mind like a flying paper airplane, thrown in mock innocence by a child, and she soon finds herself taking an inventory of her past, romantic and otherwise. She's not entirely sure why she's thinking about them now, why she's thinking about two of them, in particular. It's not like she misses them or anything.
But Calleigh Duquesne is still Calleigh Duquesne. And Calleigh Duquesne has a propensity to think and over-think things… even if most of them were already in the past.
And so, she closes her eyes and leans back slightly on her arms, propping her hands against the floor just a bit behind her. Thoughts soon overflow her mind, gushing out like the man-made waves in an automated wave pool on a hot summer day, and a quirky smirk graces her face as she imagines herself participating as a would-be contestant, looking for love and a match, on a reality TV dating show (MDPD/FBI version, of course).
She could see herself sitting in that lavender couch right in the middle of the studio stage as Chuck Woolery, the host of 'Love Connection,' stands to her left and introduces her to the audience before re-introducing and recapping her 'dates' and relationships with the three distinct bachelors who have become would-be candidates for love in her life.
You oughta know…
Officer # 1 was a tall and brooding detective, the former partner of one Raymond Caine. He was all stares and seriousness, dressed up in a personality that was as drab as his suit, though he did 'try' to be charming when he was wooing her.
Yep… "try" is the operative word here.
She snorts at the memory and shakes her head at how gullible she had allowed herself to be and just how much she had let slide right underneath her nose when it came to John Hagen.
He was a gallery of depressing issues, too gloomy for everyday viewing, hidden behind a piteous excuse of a bad back, and entirely too heavy of a baggage for even her petite frame to deal with, strong as she was, all things considered.
And he had made 2 irrevocable mistakes:
You oughta know…
Fatal mistake #1: He should've left her father alone, should've kept his tactless comment to his disconsolate self, should've kept his foolish mouth shut. Perhaps he thought that Calleigh would agree with him. Perhaps he didn't think that she would take his thoughtless remark so personally. Perhaps he didn't think that she would take offense.
And that was the problem, his problem, anyway: he didn't think.
And when he did… well, he thought wrong.
You oughta know…
And so, she left him in the dust, dropped him like the off-handed comment he had so callously dropped about her father and told him that Friday nights weren't such a good idea anymore.
He had been stunned speechless, had been caught unawares… but not nearly as much as she had been hardened from him.
Why?
You oughta know…
Nobody talked 'trash' about Calleigh Duquesne's father – the one man she was most protective over, despite his many flaws. And although that did not mean that she was condoning her father's love affair with the bottle nor his reckless behavior behind the wheel, neither did it mean that she would simply stand idly by while her much-too-frank-for-his-own-damn-good boyfriend at the time 'unintentionally' insulted her by dropping an insensitive comment about her own flesh and blood.
Blood is always thicker than water…
That is, unless, of course, she decides to take a deep, long drink of a certain handsome water, dives deep into the fountain of his soul, and then merges her life with his, emerging to become something different and entirely new: one flesh, one blood – one true love.
Unfortunately for John, he learned that lesson too little, too late.
You oughta know…
Fatal mistake #2: Well, this one had been quite tragic, actually… and it affected Calleigh more than she cared to show, especially when it was glaringly obvious that John still couldn't let her go completely, that he wanted her back, wanted another chance with her. He simply couldn't deal with the fact that she only wanted to be his friend, nothing more, and certainly not anything like they used to be before.
She had been confronted with all of these before she could put click and click together and subsequently found out that he was the perpetrator who had held a gun to her head while she was investigating the scene of an explosion.
Not long after that, John Hagen shot himself in the head, spilling his brains and his blood all over her lab.
Shaken and disillusioned, she had quit Ballistics immediately after that and had transferred to Trace when it hit her that the victim was no longer just a victim, but someone she knew and used to care deeply about.
You oughta know…
She remembers how Ryan had once asked her about her decision to quit Ballistics while they were working their first Mala Noche case, and although she was deeply heartened by his concern, she wasn't really surprised that he had asked her how she was holding up. Her answer had been short but honest, and she was grateful that he hadn't pressed the issue further, opting to drop it and wishing her good-luck on her Ballistics Proficiency instead.
She couldn't explain why, but for some reason, she appreciated him even more after that, and she was thankful that their friendship and trust grew even more afterwards.
She admits that love was the last thing she was looking for when she had allowed herself to become close to Ryan Wolfe.
Friendship? Maybe.
Love? Heck no!
But boy, is she glad that love did come looking for her.
She lets a grin quirk up on her lips as she pictures a chubby, naked cupid, equipped with wings and a bow and arrow, hunting her down, on a mission to pierce her with one of his 'love arrows.' As ridiculous as that might sound, however, she was certainly grateful when she had been found.
You oughta know…
Officer #2 was cute and charming and cut unexpectedly deep like the glass that had shattered around them when he had pulled Calleigh down to safety during the Urban Hellraisers shooting spree at the crime lab.
He was salt and pepper hair with a cocky smirk. He was authority and power, who used his federal agent status to trump county proceedings and to sometimes undermine their investigations. He was charisma in a sharp, expensive suit and shoes, breathed self-importance, and walked arrogant strides.
But he wasn't thorough enough…
At least, not for her.
You oughta know…
And did she happen to mention that he hadn't exactly been as forthcoming about the fact that he was already engaged to one feisty State Attorney, while he was still flirting with her?
But the one thing that really peeved Calleigh more than anything and irritated her beyond belief was the fact that their definition of what 'thorough' was differed greatly, his falling well short of her standards. It irked her because in their jobs, thoroughness meant walking the fine line between catching the criminal or wrongly letting the guilty go free, as was the case when he had unwisely released their suspect.
And that, more than the fact that she and her heart had been played like a fool, was something that Calleigh couldn't simply get past nor easily forget.
You oughta know…
Officer #3 was a handsome patrol officer turned CSI, who was 'just a boy' when she had first met him. He was young and eager to find the truth, more so than trying to prove himself capable, and she admired and appreciated that. He was curious, innovative, and intelligent – his success in solving his first case involving her father had certainly proved that.
But what struck her the most was his tenacity to get to the bottom of the truth. She likes the fact that he is thorough, probably even more so than her due to his OCD. And she loves that he is in the same crusade as her, battling crime in his own way and seeking justice for the victims and their families.
He was incredibly smart, like the smart-alecky comments he sometimes used to interrogate suspects or to irritate the stubble out of Eric Delko. He was profundity and enigma wrapped up in a fine-looking 5'11" package, and she finds his sarcastic wit and the intriguing depth of his character amazingly appealing.
Oh, and did she mention sexy?
She giggles at the thought: smart and sexy…
Ryan Wolfe S.M.E.X.Y.
You Oughta Know…
She remembers so clearly the day when he had suddenly morphed into a man… a very handsome man. And it had been a rather unexpected but very pleasant surprise. She closes her eyes, picturing how strikingly different he had looked when he had come back from their mandatory vacation.
Gone were the adorable mop of brown hair, the much-too-casual for work zip up jackets, and slimmer physique. And in their place was a much shorter and cleaner haircut, which, Calleigh noticed, brought out his gorgeous eyes even more. He had also changed his wardrobe quite considerably, opting for those casual blazers or sport coats, which he had paired up smartly with some sexy button-down shirts that gave a teasing glimpse of his chest and those oh, so tantalizing chest hair.
He had kept wearing dark jeans for comfort and flexibility during work, and she thought he looked… well, H.O.T. with a capital T.
Nevertheless, Calleigh still adored him in his sweatervests, loving the way he had rolled up his long sleeves that last time he had worn one to work. She could still picture him so clearly in her mind. Though, she'd have to say that her favorite wardrobe would have to be the plain shirt and jeans combo, which showcased his well-muscled arms and his newer and stronger physique.
That was another thing that she had noticed, too, when they had come back… he had bulked up handsomely and had put on some weight and some very nice definition on his chest and his arms. Oh, those arms… those sexy, sexy arms!
She sighs dreamily as she closes her eyes once again. She remembers dreaming about those pair of strong arms encircling her, holding her close against a muscled chest.
She smiles a goofy smile, then. At least now, she doesn't have to settle with just some wishful thinking, with just her girly fantasies to keep her warm at night. Because now, she has the real thing, the real deal, holding her close whenever he could and warming her bed at night… their bed.
And she would make sure that those same sexy arms would never ever let her go. She would make sure that those same arms and chest only had room for one woman to fill – her.
You oughta know…
She's not exactly sure why she doubts herself sometimes, why she doubts her standards and questions what she really wants… if this is what she really wants. Deep inside, she has a hidden fear that things would implode between them, that nothing this good could ever really last, that eventually, this, too, shall end, and she would be left with her heart shattered into a million pained pieces all over again.
And although she's not entirely certain whether or not she'd be able to pick herself back up and start over again 'if' something so unfortunate were to ever happen to them, she's fairly certain that she would rather die than to go through something so devastating as that with him.
She doubts because she knows her lackluster history with men. And if her past relationships were any indication at all, then she knows that she does have some valid reasons to be concerned.
Not that anything significant has ever happened between her and Ryan to raise these concerns, but still, the fear and the insecurity are always there, lurking in the background, tempered only by the fact that he is madly in love with her and that she is just as madly in love with him.
Yes… they are madly in love with each other.
But is that enough to erase all of her fears?
You oughta know…
Her heart silently tells her that this time it is. And she hears herself saying that this is well worth the risk because Ryan's different from all the others; that this time, it is different simply because it is him.
He kisses her softly and gently and yet hungrily like there's no tomorrow, touches her with smooth caresses and desperate hands. He looks at her with both tenderness and lust, and she finds herself melting in his beautiful eyes. And when he smiles at her like she's a radiant goddess and tells her that he only has eyes for her… well, what more proof could she want?
You oughta know…
Her mind goes back to the 'Love Connection,' and she imagines Chuck Woolery asking her what she thought about her date and subsequent dates with Officer #3. She smiles shyly, then, a rosy hue tinting her cheeks endearingly as she finds herself unable to stop the lovesick grin that keeps pulling her lips into a blissful smile. She clears her throat and decides to be concise as she gives the audience a brief recap…
She goes out on a date with this third bachelor candidate, this third officer, and their time together passes surprisingly well, and she finds herself agreeing to go on another one, and another, and another, until…
One thing led to another, and soon, she couldn't get enough of him. And just as suddenly as her opinion of him had changed from adorable boy to incredibly gorgeous man, she found herself falling so hard and fast for him, and she couldn't be happier than where their relationship is headed now.
Asked if she thought she had picked the right officer from the lineup, Calleigh merely smiles at Chuck and, in a voice thick with southern charm, gives him a teasing reply…
"Oh, Chuck…"
"You oughta know..."
She hears a voice in her heart tell her to stop over-thinking things, to stop worrying over nothing. There is no need to doubt what she knew in her mind her heart desires all along. Neither is there any need to question her standards because everything in her life had somehow managed to work out in the end, and she, finally, was left having more than she could've ever hoped for…
She was left with the man of her dreams.
You oughta know…
Her smile widens into a confident grin just then, and she finds herself dissecting that last phrase. Except this time, she consciously strikes out the 'oughta' in the middle, and instead of three, she only hears two… two words that echo loudly her own heart's content:
You know.
Yeah… she definitely knows.
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TBC
Reviews feed my CaRWash/Cyan plot penguins, who are desperately starved and in danger of becoming emaciated. Please, be kind. Feed the plot penguins…
A/N: I've only seen little rerun snippets of the "Love Connection" hosted by Chuck Woolery when I was just a little girl, and back then I was still too young to understand it, so I'm having to go by what I remember from memory all those many years ago. And so, if my descriptions aren't accurate, please forgive them, and just remember that Calleigh was merely daydreaming.
Next song on the list: "Perfect."
Apologies also for the slow update. I've been working on completing my work deadlines, not to mention that I have several fics that are in desperate need of updating. To make matters worse, I also have several new plot penguins throwing themselves at my door, begging to be fed and entertained. Things are beginning to wind down a bit, though, and I'm hoping that once I'm caught up that I could work on this some more and that updating wouldn't take nearly as long, though I cannot promise anything at this time… only my word that this fic hasn't been abandoned and that I do work on updates whenever I can. To that end, I cannot tell you when the next update will be, but I do hope that you've enjoyed this 'drabble' piece. Let me know what you think.