AN: yo. reaper999 whatever your name is, stop blowing up my inbox. thanks.
Waking up and seeing the gates of Konoha in the distance was oddly liberating, seeing as how once we got in and gave our report to the Hokage I didn't have to see these fucks for a few days.
Kakashi, who noticed that I regained consciousness, proceeded to promptly drop me on the ground.
I grumbled a few words under my breath, but moved on nonetheless.
The four of us walked along in silence, enjoying the down time from what was admittedly a very..interesting few days.
Humming a tune to myself, we finally reached the gates after another 10 minutes of walking.
We checked in with the guards and continued on our merry way.
On the way to the Hokage tower, I began paying attention to my surroundings.
Sure, I should've been paying attention before cuz, yknow, ninja. But I'm home so sue me.
Moving on, I heard some pretty uh… odd things from the general populace.
"Building? Man. I thought I would place higher :(."
What?
"Be grateful you even made it to building, I'm not even on the scale!"
What the fuck are they talking about?
I looked over to Kakashi, and although he didn't show it on his face I could tell he was just as confused as I am.
We tried to ignore them, in hopes of it just being that group of people talking about it, but as we got closer to the tower, more and more people kept going on about this "scale" that they were being measured on.
It wasn't just civilians either, it was fucking shinobi too.
Once we got to the tower and into the Hokage office, we gave our debrief and asked him about what the hell was going on.
"So, old man, what has the civilians and shinobi going crazy? Something about a scale?" Sakura looked like she wanted to say something about the way I addressed the Hokage, but seemed to remember who the fuck she was dealing with.
He chuckled and gave us a 'grandfatherly' smile. I don't know how it was grandfatherly but it just gave that vibe yknow?
"Well, the youth and others have begun to grow stagnant. Content with their level of power. While not entirely a bad thing, I think everyone in this village that chooses to become a shinobi should shoot for greatness, despite having lackluster goals."
We nodded along, seeing the reasoning so far.
"So, I and my advisors (A/N: If i said sumn about a council before, my bad ig) came up with a scale to measure the power of those that reside in the village."
Annnnnnnnnd he lost me. Honestly, who thought this would be a good idea? All this is going to do is make people way more insecure and cause fights.
"Hokage-sama, where do I take this test?" Of course Sasuke would want to do it. Anything to prove his superiority and sate his fragile ego.
Sigh.
"Now wait a minute Sasuke, we don't even know the tiers on the scale."
Thank you Kakashi.
"Well, there's a few tiers. Of course we compensated for levels we feel nobody will ever, or has ever reached, so there may be a few that you feel are unnecessary. The tiers are as follows:
Building Buster
City Buster
Mountain Buster
Country Buster
Continent Buster
Moon Buster
Planet Buster
Star Buster
Solar System Buster
Galaxy Buster
Multi-Galaxy Buster
Universe Buster
Multi-Universe Buster."
That has got to be one of the dumbest and most unbalanced list I've ever seen. How in the fuck does one determine these things? At least it's not mandatory.
I really wouldn't want to be a part of this bullshit.
"Ah, anyone can take part in this but it is mandatory for shinobi Genin rank and above."
I'm gonna fucking kill myself.
"Hokage-sama, what level are you?"
Sakura asking a meaningful question for once, +1.
"Well my dear, I am what you would consider a Star Buster.
My sensei, Tobirama Senju is what we would consider a Solar System Buster. Our founding fathers, Hashirama Senju and Madara Uchiha would be considered Galaxy Busters."
Everyone in the room was standing there silently.
This system is a load of horse shit and anyone who unironically follows it has to be mentally unwell.
Sasuke and Sakura were seemingly convinced and since it was the end of the meeting, rushed out to get their rankings.
Case and point of mental unwellness.
Kakashi and I looked at each other, and sighed.
"Where would we go to get placed on this scale?"
"Just head over to the hospital and request a scale placement. They'll handle it from there."
We nodded to the hokage and left his office.
During our walk to the hospital, we heard various cheers and groans. Amidst all the cheers and groans, there were also people having conversations.
"No way you placed higher than me, you're so fucking weak."
"Oh yeah? Say on god."
"You're weak as fuck bro, ON GOD."
"Say that."
With that statement they began to duke it out in the street.
At the same time, various explosions went off across the village. It wasn't that hard to figure out what exactly happened, as it happened literally right in front of us.
We sighed in unison and reached the hospital. When we got there, Sasuke and Sakura were walking out with papers in their hands.
"So, Sasuke, Sakura, what are your placements?"
Sakura turned to face us, and we could see the depression physically manifest on her face.
"I.. I uh.. I didn't make the scale."
Yknow? Maybe the scale is accurate.
"Sasuke?"
"...I'm mountain buster." He looked disappointed in himself, but also smug? I dunno. Probably expects me to be weaker than him or something.
Sighing, Kakashi and I walked into the hospital, passing a few people who also had got their results.
We got to the front desk and went through the whole "ooh test me" spiel that she's probably been hearing all day.
The process was pretty simple, channel your chakra into the thing, and then fire your strongest jutsu at some indestructible box.
I dont know all the logistics behind it, or why this method is used.
All I know is that your level is measured based on your chakra capacity and the potency or strength behind the jutsu you fire.
I went first.
It was nothing special, all I did was channel some "special" chakra and fire an overcharged rasengan into the thing. I heard a beep somewhere, and the people directing the room gave me my paper.
I decided to wait until after Kakashi finished to see my results.
Kakashi went in and did his test. When he came back out, he also hadn't seen his score and looked a tad winded.
We all walked together to a training ground that was (thankfully) uninhabited by a bunch of salty chunin.
I motioned for Kakashi to go first, just cuz I wanted to see his more than mine.
He unfolded his paper, and looked a little relieved.
"Planet buster." He did that eye smile shit at us and held up a peace sign. We were impressed but unsurprised considering this is THE Kakashi we're talking about.
Everyone turned to me, and waited for me to open mine.
"Here goes nothing, I guess."
I opened it, and sighed.
"...Moon buster."
Everyone was silent, before Sasuke started foaming at the mouth and Sakura fainted.
Kakashi's eyes widened, but I could tell that he was relieved I didnt pass him.
Sasuke wiped the foam off his lips, and grabbed my collar.
"How in the FUCK did you manage to get moon buster when I only got mountain, HUH? HUH?"
"I'll show you."
He seemed a little surprised, but I decided that no harm would come from it.
Obviously, I wouldn't do the rasengan again, cuz that's no fun.
"Y'all should stand back a bit, its gonna get a little hairy."
They all backed up to the edge of the clearing.
I started channeling a huge amount of chakra, and ran through a bunch of hand signs.
Once i got to about sign 54, I started calling out the name of the jutsu.
"Fire Style: Big Powered Sigma Heavy Life Death Double Blood Guts Spread Omega Zeta Beta Rockman Cannon"
They all looked confused, but seeing as how it was the end of the jutsu, I couldnt care less.
I finished the string of 72 handsigns.
"2!"
Once I said 2, a small orange ball shot out my hands and sat in the air about 10 feet away from me.
Sasuke opened his mouth, as if to ask "that's it?"
When it fucking EXPLODED.
"oh."
AN: Anyone who unironically powerscales, your life is worth nothing. Seek god and know that your hobby is fucking stupid.