A/N: Back again for chapter number five!
IMPORTANT: READ THE DATES! REEEEEAAAAD THEM! WE'RE GETTING CLOSE TO THE END, BUT NOTHING WILL MAKE SENSE IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHEN IT HAPPENED!
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June 16, 2004. 12:09 AM. Inuyasha.
Inuyasha read the note over again, and then once more. There was no mistaking the message. It meant only one thing:
He had no choice but to go back.
"Dammit, I promised," he whined to the night air, and glanced at the apartment building behind him. He spotted the now-shattered window which lead to the kitchen, and could see Kagome peering down at him from inside it. "I promised her." He turned back to the note.
Your vacation is over, Inuyasha. You will come back now. If you refuse, you mate will be the one to pay for your mistake. Report in tomorrow at midnight or say goodbye to her.
He officially had no choice. They would kill her. Inuyasha heard her coming down the apartment complex stairs and shoved the note into his pocket. They should have left while they had the chance.
He couldn't tell her. She would hate him, think him a heartless bastard for going back, even if she saw the note. She'd never forgive him for repeating the mistakes which had resulted in the loss of their son.
"Inuyasha, what is it?" she called from the door. She came out and stood behind him. He could hear her shiver even though the summer air was warm and stagnant. "What's wrong?" She was distant, as always. She had barely touched him, barely looked at him, since she'd come back.
"Nothing. Just some damn kids playing a stupid joke. We'll have to get that window fixed."
She nodded. "It's late. Let's go back to bed."
Inuyasha nodded, accepting that a large part of his life would once again be a lie. "Yeah, let's." He picked her up, smiling slightly as she gasped in surprise, and carried her inside, all the way upstairs and back into bed. He held her close until she was asleep.
May 30, 2004. 10:16 PM. Kagome.
Finally, blessedly, Kagome heard the sound of Inuyasha's unmistakable footsteps approaching the door. There was something wrong, though.
Kagome frowned. She would have gotten up to go to him, but these days, getting up was such a hassle; her stomach was huge, and she wasn't even seven months along yet.
Inuyasha's footsteps were unsteady, and when he finally got to the door, he almost fell through.
"Inuyasha!" she exclaimed, as he tumbled onto the bed. She clambered over to him and brushed the hair away from his face, examining his body for serious wounds. Dammit, this was the second time in three weeks that he'd come home thoroughly battered, bruised, and broken.
"Jesus, Inuyasha, what happened?" One entire pant-leg was stained with blood, as was his side.
"I…got shot," he groaned. "Twice."
Kagome's hands covered her mouth in fear. "Inuyasha, you've got to go to the hospital! I'm going to ambulance!"
"No, koishii. Stay with me."
"But, Inuyasha, you need help!"
"They've already stopped bleeding. I just need to lie down."
Kagome swallowed hard and accepted that he was too stubborn to get help when he needed it. She helped him lie down slowly and he cringed in pain.
"Hold on," she ordered, and made the sacrifice of getting out of bed. She grabbed the strongest painkillers they had and returned with a glass of water.
Once Inuyasha had downed the meds, she shifted his head onto her lap. "Tell me what happened, love," she requested.
He shook his head vaguely. "The job just went bad. The guy pulled out a handgun and fired off two lucky shots before I could get to him. That's all."
That clearly wasn't all. Inuyasha was a wreck; he looked like he'd been thoroughly beaten with a baseball bat. His face was cut and there were dried blood and bruises everywhere.
The medication kicked in and Inuyasha was soon asleep.
Kagome stayed awake for quite a while, stroking Inuyasha's hair and pondering. Her eyes snagged on the blood on his ear, the mark of claws on his chest.
Enough was enough.
Only days before, he'd fallen into bed with a concussion and smashed ribs and arms. She would go to Naraku tomorrow morning; she would sneak out of the house and see Naraku, and she would plead- no, she would beg for Inuyasha's freedom.
She couldn't stand seeing him like this anymore.
August 12, 2003. 7:54 PM. Inuyasha.
It was time. Of course, he wouldn't tell her everything, but he would tell her enough. She had to know.
He'd realized a few days before that this girl wasn't just someone who had the potential to change things for him; she was an incredible human being and he would be fortunate to have her in his life in any way. But he couldn't do that to her. He couldn't bring her into his world of disgusting torture and murder.
"Kagome, I'm…not such a good person." True statement. Go on.
Kagome frowned at him and paused the movie. "What?"
"I said that I'm not such a good person."
She turned to him. "What are you talking about?"
"The way I've come off in the past week isn't the way I really am. I'm not a good person."
Kagome took his hands gently. "I think you're a good person."
He couldn't bear to look her in the eye. "I know that's what you think. But it's not true."
"I don't believe that." She touched his cheek so delicately with her long, slender fingers.
"You should." He frowned at the couch, where his eyes had settled. "People have gotten hurt by me in the past, people who cared about me. In fact, everyone I come into contact with gets hurt. I don't want you to get hurt too."
"Inuyasha," she said softly, and her voice was the epitome of a lulling, soothing embrace. She looked at him with infinite trust. "You won't hurt me; I know you won't. I trust you."
He shook his head gratefully. "To be honest, I don't even want to tell you this right now, but it's only fair. Nothing good can come out of this. I just…I care for you a lot, Kagome, and I don't want you to get hurt." Great. He was repeating himself now.
"Inuyasha, I think that at this point, not being with you would hurt more than whatever it is you're talking about."
Inuyasha shook his head stubbornly.
"Look, so you've had bad experiences. Haven't we all? They're in the past and you can tell me about them whenever you're ready to tell me. In the mean time…Well, people do change, don't they?"
He just stared at her, this creature with such a forgiving, accepting nature. If only she knew. Then he considered her words. "I suppose."
"There, you said it yourself. People change, so then why shouldn't you be able to, if you want to?" She smiled tenderly at him.
Inuyasha leaned in and kissed her softly. If she was going to invest her faith in him, he sure as hell wasn't going to disappoint her if he could help it, and even if it was impossible, he wasn't going to crush her faith by telling her so. "You're right, Kagome; people do change, and so will I." He nuzzled her neck affectionately. Maybe, if he stayed with her, he would find the strength to make it true. He had the feeling that it was possible, as long as he was doing it for her. "I promise that I will change."
She nodded, instantly accepting him, and kissed his cheek softly. "If you want to, then I know you will. I believe in you."
June 1, 2004. 1:36 PM. Inuyasha.
"Young man?"
Inuyasha looked up from where he'd had his head cradled in his hands. It was a doctor standing in front of him. Inuyasha stood eagerly.
"Are you responsible for the young woman who came in earlier?"
"Yes. How is she? Is she alright?"
"Sir, why don't you sit down."
The air in Inuyasha's lungs jerked around, expelling itself and pulling itself back in gasps. "Tell me!" he demanded.
The man frowned and put his hand on Inuyasha's shoulder. "She is going to be alright."
All time froze.
"She's going to need to stay here for a few days, but she'll be just fine. She can even have children again, after she's waited for a healing period."
Inuyasha swallowed, throat like sandpaper, and became aware of his own claws digging into his palm, adding its freshness to the dried blood on his clothes. Kagome. His Kagome. She was alive, and she was going to remain that way. She was safe. He longed with a physical ache to have her in his arms. "How is my son," he asked with a harsh, grainy voice.
The doctor let out a tiny sigh and averted his eyes. The answer was etched in every frowning line of his face.
No.
This wasn't possible.
It couldn't be happening! Inuyasha stopped breathing and grabbed the man by the front of his shirt. "Tell me, Goddammit! My son! Is my son alright! Fucking tell me!"
"Sir…"
Inuyasha released the doctor, seeing the answer without having to hear it. He was vaguely aware of sinking to his knees, bending in on himself.
"I'm so sorry, sir, but the placement of the bullet made the survival of the fetus impossible. I'm sorry."
The world gave a mighty, violent jerk and tilted to one side. Inuyasha slumped to all fours. It had happened before: he'd been told something so huge and life-altering that it sent his body into autopilot. It happened again then. Rational thought remained as it always was; Inuyasha's own voice in his head, and even though his hands were clenching and he was collapsing into himself, his brain was working as it always did, struggling to grasp the enormity of what that stranger had just said.
"No!" he found himself screaming. "No, we hadn't even named him yet! We had three more months! Oh god…"
He felt like…
Scrambling up, he barely made it into the bathroom before throwing up everything he had to give, and more.
He kneeled, dry heaving, for what seemed like days.
When he was finally done, tears mixed with vomit, he collapsed against the wall of the stall and saw no reason to ever get up again.
Sometime in the next few minutes, consciousness left him and, after the doctor found him slumped uselessly against a stall wall, his still-open gunshot wounds were treated without his knowledge, and he didn't wake up for another nine hours.
June 16, 2004. 12:02 AM. Inuyasha.
"Ah, Inuyasha; I see you made the wise choice and returned to me."
Inuyasha said nothing. He was kneeling in front of Naraku and his head was bowed in defeat. A guard stood behind him, his enormous, heavy foot digging into Inuyasha's upper back, keeping him down in a demeaning crouch. Inuyasha hated himself in that moment almost as much as he'd hated himself while waiting for the verdict in the hospital just over two weeks ago.
"You are a valuable assassin, I'll give you that, but get one thing straight," Naraku ordered, his voice rumbling through the large room. "You are not indispensable. This is your last chance, Inuyasha. If you try to run, if you fight back, if you so much as blink when I haven't given you permission to do so, you and your mate will be dead within the hour. Do you understand?"
Inuyasha's hands clenched. It wasn't fucking fair.
"I asked you a question, hanyou! Do you understand!"
He gritted his teeth. "Yes."
"Good. Now, Inuyasha, to whom does your life belong?"
He despised himself. How could he go home to Kagome after this? He'd promised. She'd had only just returned to me, and now he was going to ruin everything. "You, Naraku-sama."
Inuyasha saw from his peripheral vision as Naraku nodded his head, and the guard retracted his foot. "Very good. You may leave; I have no business for you tonight. Report in tomorrow night at the same time. Now go."
The second he was dismissed, Inuyasha stood from his kneeling position and walked swiftly from the room. He didn't deserve to live.
December 22, 2004. 1:23 AM. Kagome.
"I'm home," Inuyasha announced softly, stumbling to the bed.
"Are you alright?" Asking that question was an automatic reflex to his presence and the addition of his weight onto the mattress. She didn't even think about it.
"Just tired, that's all." He flopped next to her and pulled her into his arms. "I missed you." He pulled the covers over them and tucked her close, folding himself around her, protecting her in the shelter of his arms and pressing the length of his body to hers. "This is better," he mumbled, and kissed her softly.
Kagome let herself be kissed, not particularly caring for his affection.
Inuyasha pulled back and she saw hurt clearly written across his face: rejection.
Her heart gave an almighty wrench. Seeing him like that and knowing that she caused it was worse than wondering if her mate would come home alive and well or in pieces.
"You don't even care that I'm here, do you?" he asked, his voice grainy and low in volume and pitch. "Have I fucked up so much, Kagome, that you don't even care whether I come home or not?"
Idiot. That was all she cared about. Kagome couldn't find the actions to bring those words to life, and instead, she found herself bursting into tears and hurling her arms around him. "Inuyasha!" she cried desperately, clinging to him.
He gladly tightened his arms and rested his cheek on the top of her head. He held her close as she wept.
"Inuyasha," she repeated, lost. Sobbing, she buried her face in his strong chest and admitted to her weakness. "I missed you too."
March 4, 2005. 4:15 AM. Inuyasha.
"Don't you dare walk out that fucking door, Inuyasha!"
Angrily, Inuyasha spun to face her, sick of fighting. "Or what!"
Kagome's eyes widened in shocked rage. "There doesn't have to be a threat attached! As your mate, I'm telling you not to walk out that door!"
"That's exactly it, Kagome; you are my mate! You belong to me! I'm doing what I have to do and I'm doing it with you screaming at me at ever corner, because you can't understand it!"
"You think I belong to you?" She cocked her hands onto her hips, daring him to answer in the affirmative.
"Goddamn right you do." He slammed the door shut without exiting, needing something to physically abuse.
"So I'm just an object to you, is that it?"
"No, you're not an object; you're my mate! You know fully well that I have to do what I'm told to do, and yet you refuse to stop bitching about it!"
"I'm bitching because I'm starting to think you almost enjoy this kind of thing! You get off on being a martyr, don't you! Boldly sacrificing yourself every night to do something you hate to keep me alive! Why fucking bother!"
In two strides, Inuyasha had his hands clamped forcefully onto her shoulders. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"Why bother, Inuyasha?" she pushed him away. "You've ruined absolutely everything else in my life, why not as well just stop fighting to keep me alive like you claim to be doing? You put me in perpetual danger, so why not just stop fighting and let me slip out of it once and for all? It's just starting over, everything is starting over, and I think…I think that I'm…" Her eyes shone with vicious fatigue and despair as she trailed off.
Inuyasha froze, not believing what he was hearing. "What are you saying?"
"You've put me through such hell, Inuyasha. Through it all, even though I've tried, I've never been able to stop loving you. I'll always love you, more than absolutely anything in the world.
"Ever since I found out about what you do, nothing's been right. My life has become what I had hoped it never again have to be. We grew up in similar situations, but you grew up like this, Inuyasha, without hope. I grew up believing that I would help people, in my own small way; that I would make a difference in the world, that once I found the right guy, we would settle down and raise a perfect family, and work boring jobs and be completely and utterly content with out lives.
"Well, I found the only guy I can possibly ever love, and all that our being together has led to is suffering and pain. That's not a life, Inuyasha. I don't want this anymore. I want you to stop running. I just want this to be over. I'm so sick of it. And now I think that I'm…and we're just starting over again, I can't take it if…if…"
Inuyasha's mouth was hanging thoughtlessly, as if on a broken hinge. What the hell was she talking about? He studied her for a moment, from head to toe, as if searching for some truth on her body. In one move, he wrapped his arms around her and pressed her close. Still fuming, Kagome tried to squirm away, but he pinned her arms to her side and stroked her hair lovingly. He wrapped himself around her, holding her tenderly but firmly.
"I will never stop fighting for you, Kagome," he whispered to her. "I don't care if you believe that promise or not, because, for once, that is the absolute truth. I love you. I will never give up on you or for you. Not like that." He kissed her temple lovingly.
Defeated, Kagome slumped against him. He tightened his grip and didn't let her slip for a single second.
Soon, she put her arms around him in return.
"Kagome, I do want to stop. But I don't know how. I can't see any way for us to leave safely."
Kagome lifted her head to look him in the eye. "We'll just go. We'll move around, never stay in one place long enough for them to catch up with us."
Sadness crept across Inuyasha's face. She was still so naïve. "We'll talk about this later, koishii." He sacrificed one arm to check his watch. "Shit, I'm really late. Naraku isn't going to like this at all. I'll be back as soon as I can, okay?"
Kagome nodded reluctantly. "Be careful," she requested quietly, clutching at the sides of his black shirt.
"Of course." He took her chin gently between two fingers and tilted her face up. Dipping down, he kissed her adoringly. "Stay safe."
He took one last look at her before pulling back and hesitantly leaving her side.
Inuyasha mentally shook his head as he leaped down the street and took to the rooftops, the fastest way to travel. He glanced at his watch again. He'd already been late before they had started fighting, and that fight had taken at least twenty minutes.
She'd been babbling half the time. Obviously, she'd been trying to tell him something, but he had absolutely no idea what. She'd kept trailing off every time she started. He would have stayed to drag it out of her but if he didn't get going, there would be dire consequences.
Inuyasha spotted the house. It was perched atop a hill in a ritzy part of town. He landed noiselessly on the roof. This target was a human; just some fat old bureaucrat who'd somehow crossed the wrong person, who'd gone to Naraku to have them killed. That was where Inuyasha came in, and he had nothing else to do with it.
Inuyasha circled the house once, not even bothering to hide his scent for this job. Quickly formulating a plan, Inuyasha reeled back and kicked the front door twice, giving off two mighty, resonating booms, and then crooked his arm and, with one jab, crashed a window with his clothed elbow. There was a gigantic clatter as the large window shattered, and he swiftly jumped onto the roof of the house, to hide. An alarm system began blaring, but that was alright; he had time. He could smell the situation perfectly as the man, who was alone in the house, soon came running to the window to investigate, the putrid scent of fear covering him.
Inuyasha waited until the man had looked around outside and left the window, presumably to call the police, and then slipped in through the hole he'd made. Creeping up behind the man, he covered his mouth with one hand and wrapped the other around his neck.
The human flailed, and his scent spiked in terror, and Inuyasha quickly, precisely gripped the man's chin and the back of his head, and gave a sharp twist. The human bones of his neck snapped easily, and the man immediately slumped to dead weight in Inuyasha's arms. He dropped the man to the floor, exited the way he came, and then he was leaping home. He could hear the sirens coming, but he was already long gone. When he was a couple blocks away, he heard a scream of terror: probably a neighbor finding the dead body.
Glancing at his watch again, he saw that the whole thing had only taken a couple minutes. Maybe Naraku would be forgiving, as he'd gotten the job done almost in record time.
He ran home, anxious to see his mate.
When he turned onto his street, he slowed to a jog, then a walk. It would be good to be home.
His ears caught the sound of a door from his complex banging, and then recognizable footsteps rushing down the stairs.
"Inuyasha!"
He burst into a sprint and caught Kagome as she came rushing out of the stairwell to meet him.
"What happened?" he demanded. "Is someone in there!"
Kagome frowned up at him. "What? No, nothing like that."
He breathed a sigh of relief. "You scared me."
"I just saw you coming down the street. We have to talk."
"What is it?"
She looked and smelled more frightened than she had been in quite a while. "Inuyasha…I have something to tell you."
"What?"
"This…it's important, Inuyasha." She looked at him sadly. "I'm just terrified you're going to give the wrong answer."
"What is it?" he asked again, his fear rising. What could possibly make her act this way? For so long, she'd seemed like nothing could touch her, like she didn't have anything to lose, and now she was frenzied, looking at him desperately. "You can tell me, Kagome."
"Inuyasha, it's like the past is repeating itself, and I don't know if it's just bad luck, or if I'm being given another chance, but I'm looking at it as the latter." Her brows came together and her breath caught. She looked eerie, haunted. "I won't let you mess things up again. This time, if you say that you can't leave," she told him quietly, tears coming once more to shine brightly on her eyes, "I'm going without you. And this time I won't come back."
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A/N: There was chapter five! PLEASE, please review!
Reviews:
Chidarake no baka: Wow, thank you so much! I'm really glad you enjoy the fic
Bato-jitsu: What a compliment! Thank you so much. I'm so flattered!
Inuyasha'sChic: I'll definitely try!
ErrorDexis: I'm glad you think so. I really hope this story isn't incomprehensible, as that would kind of defeat the purpose, so I'm glad to hear that you think it's coming together!
And now for a shameless plug: I have another story that I'm going to be posting…uh…eventually. It's COMPLETELY DIFFERENT from this one: it's romance-comedy, almost entirely angst-free. Almost. It's called "An Entirely Different Kind of Cheating" and the basic premise is that Kagome is a cardshark who comes into Inuyasha's casino one day to cheat her way into some cash. Of course, he catches her in the act, and trouble and romance ensue. So be on the lookout for it and tell me if you think it sounds good!
As always, I hope you enjoyed, and PLEASE review!