TOMMY - THE NEXT MORNING

I'm up early to make sure the kids get off to school on time. While I have no doubt that Pina and Dar would take care of it if I asked, they don't know the routine and it wouldn't be fair to them or the kids. Besides, I was up anyway. The little bit of sleep I did get was made useless by a brand new nightmare. And this time I can't even be sure that it won't happen. I head out to the backyard for my morning workout. I missed it for two weeks while Zedd was in the hospital and it's really starting to show - in spite of me not really eating for those two weeks.

Zedd's been sleeping in since he's been home and I can't really say that I'm all that surprised. After all, he's still recovering from the accident not to mention he never really was much of a morning person to begin with. I just wish that I knew what to do to help his memory problem. Once he gets up and is properly awake, we'll get that call to Trey out of the way so that I can figure out my and the kids' future.

After I'm done with the machines, I do a few katas and then summon my staff for more practice. I'm glad I reached a good stopping point when I hear Zedd's greeting. "Morning, Thomas."

Time to be civil. "Morning, Zedd. How are you today?"

"I didn't sleep all that well last night."

"Oh. I'm sorry. I know how frustrating that can be." Do I ever.

"I'd imagine you do. Though I'm hopeful we can find a solution to both our problems by bedtime tonight."

Ignoring his pointed suggestion for the moment, I go with what I feel is a decent topic change. "Have you had any coffee yet this morning?"

"Yes."

"How about breakfast? Dar said he'd fix you something when you got up, but if you're still hungry there's some fruit and granola left from the kids this morning."

Smiling oddly, he shakes his head, seeming slightly amused about something, though what that is I'm not exactly sure of. "I saw, and yes Dar did fix me an omelet, thank you, I've had enough."

"That's good." I can't look at him because I'm afraid of what I'll see. Excitement to talk to Annwyl? Is he already planning to go back to him? Is that what his comment about fixing his sleeping problem referred to? "Well if you're set for breakfast I'm going to go grab a shower."

"Wait, Thomas."

I get the feeling that I really don't want to hear this. "Zedd, just let me get my shower and we'll take care of that call, okay?"

"You don't need to." I don't dare hope that means what I think it means - what I want it to mean.

"Oh? Did Pina and Dar already help you with that?" Damn traitors.

"No, but I - don't want to talk to him."

"Liar." The word is out of my mouth before I can stop it and I instantly cringe at the hurt look on his face.

"Really, Thomas."

"I'm sorry, I just - Zedd, even if you think you've decided that you're going to stick it out here until your memory returns, you still want to talk to him to see if what we've told you is true. And I'll tell you right now, the minute you see him, you're going to doubt it's him because he doesn't look like he did all those centuries ago."

"Well, probably not. After all this time, people change."

I sigh. "Zedd, he joined the Alliance like you did. He had - and still has - access to the dark power like you do, just not in the same quantity that you do."

"Oh." He thinks for a minute. "That might explain why Father said that he despises the man that Annwyl's become."

I nod. "Well, that along with how he nearly killed you. Look I don't know if he was caught in the power wave that you were, but you've told me that you didn't like who he's become either. He's - cruel and has pets and you wouldn't believe how he allows them to be treated once he's tired of them."

There's a pause and he says something that surprises me a little. "Somehow, that's not all that surprising."

I glance at him and immediately regret it. God, he's so handsome this morning! All I want to do is jump him. Quickly, I lock my gaze on my staff, struggling to get myself under control. Damn him for all that talk of mating last night! "What do you mean?"

"Annwyl has always accused me of being the more soft-hearted one out of us. True I enjoy causing chaos and I certainly don't back down from a fight or challenge, however I have never approved of taking pets against their will, nor do I care very much for his views on less evolved species. If you wish to know the truth, I wasn't so much upset that we had mated without proper courting as I was with the thought I might have pushed you into it."

"Zedd you never forced me to do anything. You were, and still are, actually very understanding and patient with me, especially when I have a flashback or panic attack, even as rare as they are now." Wondering where he would have even gotten the notion that he'd forced me to do anything, I suddenly manage to put two and two together as his earlier statement and the reason for it suddenly make sense now. "He's done this before to you hasn't he."

"What?"

"Annwyl, that's why you weren't upset when I told you he wouldn't take no for an answer and basically kidnapped you with the mindset to have you anyway he could."

Shrugging calmly, he again throws me by his unfazed demeanor. "It's just how we are - were - with each other. It's also why I was concerned about how things went when you allowed me to take you. From my understanding I've not only changed physically over the years but personality wise as well, I was rather bothered by the thought I might have become less 'soft-hearted' and a bit more like, well, he is."

"Zedd I can't talk about this right now, but again you didn't do anything to me I didn't very much want and enjoy."

"I still wish you'd tell me about it, though."

"Look, again, let me get my shower and we'll talk some more, okay?"

"All right."

Even as I make my escape, it seems that everything's working against me. As I pass by him, the wind shifts ever so slightly and I get a whiff of the cologne he's put on. My body instantly reacts to my favorite scent on him. It blends so well with his natural smell, enhancing it and shredding my control at the best of times. I hurry into the house and away from him before I do something we'll both regret - much, much later.

It takes nearly an hour and three orgasms before I feel in control enough to be around my husband again. Before I head downstairs, I make a quick call. "Tommy to Trey."

He answers quickly. "Go ahead. What's wrong?"

"I don't only call you when something's wrong."

"No, you don't but at those times you don't have this much stress in your voice."

I sigh. "Fair enough. Look, can you get Annwyl presentable so that Zedd can talk to him?"

"If you need information-"

"It's - not quite like that." I give him a very brief version of what's happened and what's going on now.

"So you want Zedd to know what he's like now so that he can make a partially informed decision. Well, I suppose 'want' isn't quite the correct term, is it?"

Relieved that he understands, I agree. "Pretty much. Besides, if he believes himself still in love with Annwyl, our relationship is on hold at the very least, if not over entirely."

"Zedd would still want to be involved with the children."

"Children he can't remember either" I remind him.

"That doesn't matter. If he's been around them for any length of time, he's going to know that they are his - remembering or not - and the way Eltarians raise their young, he's going to take responsibility."

"Well, I don't want Annwyl around them so he's just going to have to figure things out. Either way, will half an hour be enough to get him ready?"

"It'll be fine" he assures me. "Call back when you're ready. Trey out."

I take another minute to gather my courage. I have no doubt that Annwyl is going to make me out to be a liar and do everything he can to get Zedd to go back to him. I don't know what I'll do if he does convince him. I shake my head. What the hell was I thinking? Why would I deliberately sabotage my marriage and family? I know the answer though. I'd rather have it happen now than for it to blindside me later - like when all my other relationships ended.

I find Dar, Pina and Zedd all in the kitchen. Before I come in the room, I hear Dar say, "Well, if you think that might help your memory and he's worried about losing control, why not just tie him to the bed?"

Oh hells. I step into the room and answer his question. "Because he'd have to tie me pretty tightly and that'll just cause a flashback that he doesn't need to deal with on top of everything else."

Zedd looks me over speculatively. "Although, you tearing free of your restraints in a frenzy to mate could be pretty hot." Seriously? I'm not down here two minutes and I'm already ready to go lock myself in 'my' room to keep him from being hurt.

"Besides it's not like he hasn't tied you up before, and you didn't lose it then" Dar adds, much to my shock.

"W-what?!" Looking from him to Zedd I swear sometimes my mate can out gossip those damn soccer moms that we're forced to associate with during PTA meetings! "Why would you tell him about that?"

"Um, given that I don't recall telling him about anything, I'd like to take a pass on getting in trouble for it, at least until my memory of said event returns." Clever.

"You have such a big mouth."

Sipping his coffee, Dar shakes his head calmly. "Really? Because the way he told it, it was your mouth that was-"

"Okay, that'll be enough of that" Pina interjects, giving her own mate a look of warning.

I sigh and get another cup of coffee deciding to kill Dar later if I have the energy. "Look, not that I want to discuss this now, but I'm going to point out reluctantly that restraining me now and what we did then wouldn't be the same thing. He tied me very loosely to the bed, and did so in such a way that I could slip free if I'd really wanted to. If we tried that for this situation, there would be no way that that could be the case. That aside we'll call Trey in a little bit. I want it over with early so that it doesn't affect the kids."

"Thomas, I'm telling you now as I did last night - this isn't necessary."

"And as I said earlier, it is necessary because I don't want you wondering about it in the back of your mind until your memory comes back." Because if you are, I know I will be…

Dar and Pina exchange looks before Pina speaks. "This is the end of the children's school week, isn't it?" I nod, wondering what that has to do with anything. "Well, what if Dar and I pick them up from school and take them over to Hayley and Jason's house to do their homework then we can take them out for food and a movie before we come home?"

"No." There is no way in hell that I'm going to let them leave me alone with Zedd for any length of time as bad as things are.

"You two have a lot to talk about and if the children aren't in the house, then there is no way that they can overhear anything" Dar points out. My eyes narrow as I take in his wording. Pina did a new scan this morning before I went out to exercise. Do the results of the scan have anything to do with the proposal?

"Pina, what did the scan show this morning?" I catch the flash of defeat on her and Dar's faces and know that I'm onto something. That combined with their conversation before I came in the room suggests that I'm in worse shape than I thought. "Pina?"

Reluctantly, she says, "You have two days at best before you force yourself into another drive, Tommy."

I take a breath as this sinks in. "Well then I'll have to be locked in or restrained somewhere. There's a place in the lair at Hayley and Jason's that will work. If it could hold the raptors, then it'll hold me." I turn to leave the room. "That in mind I suppose I'm going to call Trey before it does get too late now."

I'm barely out of the room when I hear Zedd ask the others, "Why does he do this to himself? Especially when it isn't necessary?"

I don't wait to hear the answer, knowing what it will be. I'll have to see if Pina and Dar or Hayley and Jason will take care of the kids this weekend so I can go deal with this. I'll take some food and water and some clothes and just go stay in the raptor pen until it's over. Maybe once I'm secured, I can find a way to force it to start faster so that it's over before Monday morning when the kids have to go back to school.

In the office, I start the communication program. It's very tempting to record their conversation, as I have no intention of being in the same room while it happens, but I finally decide against it. It only takes a minute and I have Trey onscreen. "Ready?"

"I really don't know that this is the best idea, Tommy."

"I'm not fond of it either, but this really needs to be settled one way or another and the sooner, the better." I turn and call out, "Zedd!"

He comes in, not looking very happy. "I said that this isn't necessary, Thomas."

"It is. I won't have you wondering if you should have done something different. Sit down." He does and it's only a minute before Annwyl is on the screen. "Trey, let them talk. Annwyl can say whatever he wants."

I turn and leave the room. I'm still in hearing range when I hear Annwyl demand to know what Zedd wants, Zedd admit his memory loss and Annwyl call him by that damn pet name he'd used before. Tercinta - now that I know Eltarian, I know that it means 'beloved'. I shake my head. How can Annwyl call him that and then treat him the way he did? How do you deliberately hurt someone you supposedly love?

I have no idea what to do to kill time while they talk. Finally, I go to the spare room and throw a couple changes of clothes in a bag for my stay in the pen. Then I clean the upstairs rooms and fold some laundry. After that's done I'm out of chores to do upstairs, so I go find Pina and Dar. "Will you guys watch the kids this weekend?"

"Why?" Dar demands. "So you can lock yourself away instead of-"

"Instead of hurting my mate. Yes, Dar."

Pina sighs softly. "Tommy, Zedd's been trying to teach you for years now that your needs and wants deserve consideration."

"I'm choosing the lesser of two evils, Pina. Either lock myself away or do something that could ultimately destroy my marriage. And I don't want to hear about how he'll be fine with it. I won't. This isn't a normal situation and I'm not going to pretend that it is. So will you watch the kids or do I need to call Hayley and Jason?"

They exchange looks. "Well, if they're here, Zedd can interact with them. That might help his memory" Pina points out.

"I still don't like it" Dar states. "If Pina was pulling this crap like you are and I was in Zedd's place I swear, memory or not, I'd lock her in our bedroom and poke at her until she couldn't hold back any more."

"Sometimes, I don't know if what you say is incredibly sweet, or downright insane" Pina states after a pause to consider this.

"We can go with both" Dar states with a shrug. "However I still say when the brat is pulling falls more under the insane category."

"Well there's not a lot of options" I snap. "Either he's going to get off that call and go pack a bag to go back to Annwyl or he's going to be upset that what we've said about the little bastard is true and that certainly won't have him wanting to mate with me in a hurry which - you may remember - puts us back to him being forced and I won't have it!"

"Or," comes Zedd's voice from the doorway. Oh hell. "I discover that many things I'd suspected but ignored about him are true and am not highly upset by the fact that we're obviously not together anymore." Good news, I suppose, but it still doesn't solve my current problem.

Trying desperately to keep calm, I however can't keep the hopeful tone out my voice. "Really?"

"Really."

"What did he say?"

Shrugging casually, Zedd moves further into the room seeming for the most part unbothered by the matter as he said. "Usual things to start with, how we belong together, how people just didn't understand that how things went down is just how we are and they blew it out of proportion. When I questioned him about why we felt it necessary to have Trey intervene he got a bit defensive and began insulting Thomas, I told him I didn't like that as even if I couldn't recall him he was still my mate and husband. He got a bit more insulting at that before demanding I tell my 'pet' to have Trey release him. By that point I'd had enough and told him I thought he was better off there being a pet as if Trey ever did release him chances are it would only be to give Thomas a chance to kill him. Trey must have been listening because he returned about then laughing and agreeing that it was either there as his pet or in the ground. So, feel better now?"

"A little, I still feel bad you don't remember anything, but I'm glad you didn't believe Annwyl's lies either."

"Again he really didn't lie to me, he just seemed to assume that I'd bend to him no matter what the situation was, much as he always has. Thomas, why are your hands shaking?" What now?

I raise them, surprised to see that they are trembling rather badly. "Pina, redo the scan. Now."

It's not five minutes later when she sighs. "I don't know what you did, but you've cut your potential time to less than half."

"Damn." I'd hoped to be able to see the kids after school to explain things to them, but it looks like that's not going to happen. Can't fight, since that would be a dominance thing and Zedd probably doesn't remember how to fight at our level right now. Can't mate which only leaves one choice. The only saving grace to not seeing the kids is that Zedd or I have had to leave on business at a moments' notice before, so it won't upset them too much. Before Zedd's accident, I'd considered talking to him about the possibility of having another child, but now I'm glad I put it off, not knowing what my current state would do to it. Never mind if we'd decided that he'd be the one to carry and then the accident happened. "Look, if you can't or won't handle the kids for a few days, call Jason. Otherwise, I'll see you later."

I go to grab the bag I packed, planning what other quick things I'm going to grab on my way out. If I'm this far gone, there's no way I'm going to chance being out in public and losing control like I almost did with the Ranger girls years ago. I snatch the bag off the bed and turn to find my way blocked by Zedd in the doorway. "Thomas, wait."

"There's no time, Zedd. I love you and I'll be back once this passes, but please just move so I can go."

"No." He comes fully into the room and shuts the door behind him. I hear the lock turn and I back up a couple of steps.

"Please don't do this, Zedd" I plead. "Don't make me do this."

Determination burns in his eyes. "Then you have three choices, Thomas. Either you go through me, you argue with me until your hormones make the decision for you or you give in while you still have some control and sanity."

"No matter which option happens, you're going to get hurt, Zedd." I'm trying to stay focused I really am, but I can't help but notice how attractive he is and his scent is filling the room as he moves closer to me. I back up some more.

"A little hurting and aching isn't always a bad thing." Oh god, he really isn't helping me here since I know from my own experience what he means. "Look I may not recall what I've done past my time with Annwyl, but I will say that he is not one for being gentle. If I can handle him actively trying to leave marks, I can sure as hell handle you when you're this determined to remain in control, especially if this has happened before."

"That was different! You knew how to handle me then, you could stop me if you had to."

"But obviously I didn't, correct? Also, despite the strength this drive has on you, and your clearly well trained form, I do recall you telling me you are a half breed."

"I don't see what that has to-"

"I'm full Eltarian, Thomas. And apparently a very powerful one at that. However even without this added power I feel fairly confident that I could, should it come to a life or death struggle, overpower you with my normal strength alone."

"What if you can't?"

"Open the bond, Thomas." What? Oh hell no.

"That's not a good idea right now." I step back again as he keeps advancing and find myself backed against a wall.

"I don't want him, Thomas. I want you and I want to feel how much you want me" he purrs at me, fingers ever so lightly caressing my arms and setting my skin on fire.

"Zedd, please."

"Open it for me."

"Zedd."

He braces his hands on the wall on either side of me. Maybe, just maybe if I open the bond quickly, he'll be overwhelmed enough that I can escape before he can react. He speaks again before I can do anything though.

"You know, Thomas, I may not remember you at the moment, but I've noticed something about you. You will sacrifice yourself and what you want and need to make sure that the ones you care about are protected and cared for. You cannot live your life like that all the time. It's not good for anybody." The low, sensual tone slides along my nerves and sets them on fire. If I don't get away from him and fast - oh man. He leans in close and I lock my muscles, determined not to move. "Open the bond, mate. Let me feel all of you."

I drop all the barriers between us, knowing I've only got one shot at this. He gasps at the perpetual avalanche of emotions that's just been dumped on him. I go to push off the wall and duck under his arm when I realize that I've miscalculated as he all but collapses against me, his knees no doubt made weak by the sheer volume he's coping with right now. His body is pressed against me, trapping me against the wall. He curses softly before locking his mouth on my neck, somehow zeroing in on that oh so perfect spot.

My hands move of their own accord, settling on his hips and pulling him tightly against me. I've lost and I know it and all I can hope for now is to retain enough sanity that I don't hurt him too badly. Zedd pulls back just enough to claim my mouth next as his hands slide under my shirt and caress my skin briefly before popping the snap open on my jeans. It's not long before they're out of his way and I moan very loudly at his touch. "Zedd, please."

"Easy, Thomas. Going to help you." He drops to his knees and my fingers try to dig holes in the drywall, trying to get a grip on something - anything really that isn't him. All bets are off when he takes me in. Instantly, my fingers are in his hair and I can't help but thrust deeply. Some corner of my mind registers his struggling, but it's far too late. Three more strokes is all it takes before I'm crying out my pleasure. I release him and he coughs once he's fallen back far enough. Before he recovers, I've stripped off my clothes and have shoved him onto all fours, all but ripping his pants off him in the process. Well, not even off, really just out of my way.

"Sorry, please, sorry, can't –" I thrust forward, all rational thought absolutely gone as I enter him completely and much more forcefully then I ever normally would. He tries to jerk away as he lets out a cry of pain, tries to escape the forceful invasion, but the hormones have taken over and they aren't letting this chance for relief to escape. It's almost like I've been forced to sit back and watch as my body functions on its own. My hands tighten on his hips as I pound the hell out of him, relishing the familiar body beneath me. As I tip over the edge again, my teeth finding his neck and sinking in to mark him as I'd done the first time the drive had taken me over, I know that I can never make this up to him. I can only hope and pray that he can find a way to forgive me - and I can find a way to forgive myself.