Hello! I got tired of RoyEd 'omg Ed turned into a cat' fics, so I decided to write a RoyEd 'omg Roy turned into a cat' fic instead. But you must admit it's sexy. -drools over thought of Roy with cat ears and tail-

MP: Oh, for goodness' sake, keep the drool of my fur, at least!

Me: Anyway. It will be funny, because I'm too crappy a writer to have more than one trick. -sweatdrop-

MP: Exactly.

Me: But it won't be funny all the time.
MP: Okay.

Me: And I WILL make it make sense if it KILLS me!

MP: Good luck with that. -snicker-

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist in any way, shape, or form. If I did, I'd be stinkin' rich and I wouldn't be writing fanfiction about it. Instead, I'd add it in to the story itself, and Jean Havoc and Cain Fuery would be married, 'cuz they're sexy. Got that? And I don't own Monty Python either.

Dedication: This is dedicated to all those people on who can actually write. I'm sorry for not being one of them! And this is also dedicated to Fae Elric, who reviews in my other story and lies to make me feel better. Couldn't have done it without reviews!

Warning: See those two sections directly above? That's how I write. If stories that tend to wander off on random tangents bore you, RUN AWAY.

Black Cat

Alright, I admit it. I was a bit overzealous, but after all, it was my first active mission in months! Who wouldn't be overexcited to finally have a chance to stretch their legs?

Well. Leg-stretching isn't gonna be all that easy now.

Let me start at the beginning. I'd been assigned a 'rescue/removal' mission on a Class C alchemical criminal. He'd been performing human transmutation, namely human chimeras, which the military did not in itself care about. However, he wasn't giving his research to the State, which was, of course, inexcusable. So the Flame Alchemist, Hero of the Ishbal Revolution (ick!), was being sent in to rescue his test subjects.

Well, they never really figured on my becoming one of them.

It wasn't all that hard to figure out where this guy was working, not when the head of the Investigations Department used to be your closest friend. So I just had to go to him, flame his ass, save his subjects, and get out. Right?

That was the plan. In reality, I barged in, got ready to snap, and tripped over a black cat. I hit the ground on my head, and everything went black.

When I woke up, I was in a small cage... too small for me to fit in, under normal circumstances. But I was far too dozy to figure out what that meant.

I looked around, and saw that my cage was only one out of many. In the cage next to me was a small boy who appeared normal... except for his elongated, scaly snout, sharp teeth, saurian hands and feet, and lizard tail.

He opened one greeny-gold, slit-pupil eye, and then sat up. Inasmuch as that was possible, in these tiny cages.

"Where's Lewis?"

I was too winded to answer, and besides that, I didn't know who this Lewis guy was.

Alligator Kid moaned. "Oh, no! He took Lewis..."

I was a little more awake now. "Who's 'he?'" There was something strange about my voice, but I couldn't figure out what it was...

Lizard Boy stared at me. "The guy who did this to us." He gestured to his tail and then to my head, for reasons I couldn't fathom.

"I'm not an experiment," I said, and then it hit me. My voice hadn't been that high since I turned fourteen. What in the world...?

Alligator Boy scoffed. "Uh, yeah you are. The ears, the tail, the hands and feet..."

My eyes widened, and I reached up to feel on my head. Sure enough, cat ears.

That's when I fainted.

A/N: Yeah. This sucked balls.

MP: -nod nod-

Me: Oh well, maybe it'll get more interesting later... I hope...

MP: Doubt it.

Me: -thwacks MP over the head-

MP: -readies voodoo tornado-

Monty Python people: RUN AWAY!