I have an excuse this time! Really! My hard drive fried on both of my computers, and they only just came back online! I'M SOOOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY!
REVIEWAH WORSHIP!
darkgreenpriestess: Insert drool in stereo:D sorry, that's a joke that won't make sense till you read the chappie... so sorry!
Greedy Ed: Neko pic. But they were both unbelievably smexy.
FyreOpal25: Three letters: lol!
MewMewVanilla: .. The pic's on my profile. All together now- GREEDY ED WHUPS ASS!
Mizuki hikari: Will do! 'x'
Invader-Nehima: Thanks for all the praise! You'll stop praising me after this chapter, trust me...
Kikyo's killer: One page. . .
BlackFire-Dog: On your recommendation, I did read Felus catus, and it is MUCH better than this crap! Everybody, stop reading this instant and go read Felis Catus by DuAlity! NOW!
marufu-chan: Unfortunately, I have not kept up the good work, as this chapter is utter crap.
Disclaimer: See Prologue.
Dedication: To all the people out there who know how you're supposed to hold a cat. You can injure a cat by holding them wrong, you know! Knowledge is safety for cats!
Black Cat
I got my chance today.
It's all thanks to Ashley. You know, the girl who tried to kill me the first couple of days? She got the bastard in the face. She's done that before, but never as he was just about to chloroform someone.
He staggered back, and dropped the chloroform rag.
I took the opportunity with gusto. Unfortunately, the bastard has good reflexes, and it took him all of three seconds for him to recover sufficiently to give chase. And it didn't help that I had absolutely no clue where the door was...
To tell a long story short, he got me trapped under a corner desk, well within reach of his arms. I cowered back in fear...
And that BASTARD began cooing at me! "Here, kitsy... come to Papa... I'm not gonna hurtcha..."
Mhmm. Riiight. You're just gonna throw me in ice water.
I felt my cat mind clawing for attention, and let it take over...
and next thing I knew, I was in an unfamiliar alleyway, with blood and skin on my claws.
MUAHAHAHAHAH...
--------
I'm not even going to discuss what a pain in the ass it was to get through Central unnoticed. Let's just say sewage pipes and the undersides of cars were involved and leave it at that.
Eventually, I made it to HQ, and getting through there was a million times worse. I eventually had to steal a hoodie that was ten sizes too big. Which still didn't solve the problem of people asking me where my mommy was. It was probably uncalled for, though, to start crying and sobbing, "Mommy's DEAD..." to that one guard... but what the hell, it got me through, dinnit?
Now... to face Hawkeye and Havoc and... dear God, FULLMETAL...
I think I'm about to discover religion.
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Actually, things didn't go quite as badly as my thoroughly abused imagination had feared.
I got asked the mommy question by Fuery of all people. (Am I really that young looking? I guess Fullmetal gets away with it by always looking pissed...)
Anyway...
I pulled back the hood and said, "My mommy's in heaven. You see, I'm a war orphan. Have been for... oh, I don't know... twenty-two years?"
Fuery's eyebrows furrowed. Havoc on the other hand, walked by, saw me, said, "Hey, Chief," and walked off.
A couple of seconds later, he ran backwards and said, "Whoa! Chief! What's with the ears?"
Fuery did the eyebrow thing and said, "Ears? What about his... OHMYGAWD!"
I sighed. My subordinates are idiots...
Then the rest of my office began to crowd around. And (horrors of horrors) someone was squealing...
I don't remember much of the next three seconds. The next coherent thought in my head was, Al. And. Hawkeye. Are. Playing. Tug of war. With. Me.
It seemed to occur to them at about the same time. Hawkeye's face immediately lost all emotion, and she pushed me into Al's arms. (Oh, joy.) "Just making sure you wouldn't be too rough with him. He's not a cuddle toy."
Havoc snickered. "Leading by example, are we, Haw-"
BANGBANGBANGBANGBANG!
TOOM...
Havoc stood there, all color gone from his face, staying in the exact same position, except for a terrified shaking.
I asked the question on everyone's mind. "...did she even draw her gun? I couldn't see."
Before anyone could reply, Ed barged into the room. What's everyone looking at?" He came in closer, and I guess he didn't see my face, because he sighed exasperatedly, and said, "Al! How many times do I have to tell you?..."
For the second time today, I was spunh around faster than I could think.
"...you hold a cat like this!"
And I was in the arms of someone no taller than myself.
There was a moment where everyone except Ed froze.
Ed stumbled backwards. "Oof! Wow, big ca..."
He looked down into my eyes, and I looked into his.
And I swear his hair stood straight up.
There was a moment where EVERYONE froze...
...and Ed turned to the side with a completely stiff face and handed me off to Al. "Um. Uh... yeah... so, remember this time."
More silence.
Suddenly, Ed's eyes widened, and he whipped around screaming, "IS THAT THE COLONEL?"
--------
Eventually, they calmed down enough to confront the problem at hand: What in the world were they to do with me?
Hawkeye had already accepted a 'pet.' All the others still had no space.
Except...
for Ed...
"I've got a better idea. How's about you just let me live in my mansion and take care of myself?"
Hawkeye shook her head. "No, you're too short."
I was filled with a fury beyond that which I had ever known.
"Short? SHORT? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU CALLING TOO SHORT TO TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF IN HIS OWN FUCKING MANSION? HUH? I AM TWENTY-SEVEN FUCKING YEARS OLD, AND I AM NOT SHORT!"
Complete silence.
Then Hawkey just went on without missing a beat. "You learn quickly. In any case, you and Ed together are almost as tall as a normal person-"
Insert spazz duet.
"- so Ed and Al will move into your house to take care of you.
Insert faint-in-stereo.
-end... for now...-
Me: Let me just cut you off here: This sucked shit out of an asshole.
MP: ... um. Yeah.
Me: Review anyway? Pweeze? -puppycat eyes-