ZEDD - THREE DAYS LATER

I really don't know how Thomas does it. Dealing with everything that this planet throws at him, and he handles it - mostly - with style and a bit of humor. It's actually pretty quiet in the house. Dar and Pina had to go handle something business related but they should be back tomorrow. The children are going to spend the night at Jason and Hayley's house. Kira and Serena are out doing who knows what. Something was said about a 'gig' at a 'coffeehouse' - whatever that is.

Which means that it's just Thomas and I. I think perhaps I'll give seducing him a try. I'm still a bit unsure about a lot of things mating wise as I still don't remember as much as I'd like. Still, I've caught him watching me and I know he's seen me watching him. I shake my head. How in all the hells did I get so lucky? I was evil for thousands of years! Destroying, killing, conquering - how do I deserve someone so handsome and loving, patient and kind? I'm jerked out of my thoughts when the subject of said thoughts speaks.

"Penny for your thoughts, mate?"

I look up to find him in the doorway, laundry basket balanced easily on his hip and smiling. I smile back and answer in English, as I've gotten much better at it recently. "Thinking about you."

"Oh?" He comes in the room and rests the basket on the end of the couch. "Anything interesting?" he teases gently.

"You're always interesting to me."

He shakes his head. "You always say that. What is it this time?"

I decide to go with the truth this time, rather than the usual flirtatious response. "I'm trying to figure out how we ended up together."

"Sorry, what?" Uh oh. Talk fast, Zeddic. He looks upset.

"From what you all have told me and the bits of memory that I've recovered about it, I was with the Evil Alliance for thousands of years. I killed people, destroyed property and conquered entire worlds for them. Somehow it doesn't seem right that I get to have someone like you as a husband."

His upset has changed to confusion. "Someone like me?"

"You are handsome, loving, patient, kind, good with the kids and putting up with me. I don't understand how I deserve you."

Thomas reddens at the praise. "Well, you've suggested before that we balance each other - my light offsetting your dark."

"But for that to hold true, you must have done a hell of a lot of good in your short life to overcome thousands of years of evil."

"I've done my best." He shrugs off my statement.

I stand and cross the room, taking the basket and setting it on the floor. I turn to him and pull him into my arms, kissing him firmly. "I shouldn't be this lucky. You're the one yoked to a lesser creature unfairly." My voice turns husky. "I can't believe that you're mine, all mine."

"NO!" He jerks away from me, backing into the corner, terror plain on his face. He slides down the wall and curls up, knees to his chest and arms over his head. "Leave me alone!"

What the hell? I stand there, confused. "Thomas?"

"Don't hurt me!" he whimpers.

"Daddy!" Suddenly, Mara Jane is there. Where did she come from? She's supposed to be at Jason's. Focus returning to the scene before me, I see her kneel down about five feet away from him, speaking softly in Eltarian. "Easy, Daddy. Everything's okay."

A movement catches my eye. Jason's in the doorway and he curses softly. "Come here, Zedd. Let Mara Jane pull him out of it."

"But he's terrified." Feeling his fear through the bond and driven to fix it, I'm however stopped as Jason gently but firmly takes my arm.

"I know, but right now she's the better choice to fix it."

With one last look at my mate, I reluctantly follow the human even as Mara Jane inches closer, her promises that he's safe with her and me making my heart ache for him. "What did I do?"

"I'm not sure since I wasn't here. Whatever it was, it threw him into a flashback - most likely from when he was abused in the hospital. That's the only thing I've ever seen make him react like that."

"And Mara Jane knows how to deal with this? Isn't that a lot to put on a child? I mean, nobody will tell me what all exactly went on in there, but enough has been said that I have a bit of an idea."

"I understand your frustration, believe me I do, but no one wants to tell you what occurred for two very specific reasons, Zedd. One, it's something all of us have trouble talking about, even after all this time."

"And two?"

"Two, we don't want you going off and killing people in a fit of rage as you admitted to wanting to do the first time he told you what actually happened." At my surprised and once more concerned look, he continues seriously. "Thankfully you were at the castle at the time and alone with Tommy. You told me you always thought Scorpina left on purpose to get his medicine because she knew he was going to tell you and knew you wouldn't leave him while he was still in such a damaged mindset, no matter how badly you wanted to go seek revenge on his behalf."

"I suppose that makes sense. Though I still don't like our child having to be the one to help him, nor the implication that she's apparently done this before."

"I know, but there are three factors that are working in Mara Jane's favor right now - she's female, she's a child and she's speaking Eltarian. None of those things will connect to what he went through in the hospital, which will break the flashback faster. We actually found that out by accident a few years ago, not by purposefully telling her what occurred or asking her to help."

"What happened?"

"I was sparring with him while she was watching and said something that triggered one. My Eltarian is still rough at best these days but then it was literally bits and pieces. Tommy had told me once that Eltarian helps because his attackers didn't speak it. Anyway, I was trying to talk him through it and doing a horrible job because I didn't know enough to say what needed to be said. Mara Jane stepped in and had him out of it in just a minute. All she knew then was that her daddy was upset and terrified and I couldn't fix it, so being her she rushed to try and help. Usually it's you because, well-" The former Ranger reddens himself. "He usually - needs - you after. Apparently, it helps him forget and reassure himself that he is safe and this is what's real."

"Well that was kind of actually what I was attempting to make happen, was a night together with him, however you see what my seduction technique got us."

"Yeah, it's my understanding that slow and gentle isn't going to cut it after one of these attacks."

"Really?" This confuses me since I've noticed that these humans are reluctant to discuss mating matters openly and Thomas certainly doesn't seem the type to brag. "How do you know?"

Jason sighs heavily. "Because, more often than not, he can't sit comfortably the next day. The other times, he's somehow - and I really don't want to know how - managed to pull a muscle."

"Oh." Okay, so no gentle seduction tonight, okay I can work with that. But will he need to take me or will he want me to take him? I haven't taken him yet since I've been home from the hospital, allowing him to lead and teach me. I have no idea how this is going to go, but I cannot and will not deny him something he needs when he's been trying so hard to take such very good care of me. I still feel badly that something I did caused this. If only I knew what it was- Suddenly I do know. I remember a time when I said 'mine, all mine' to him before and he snapped like this. But how can I care for him when our daughter is in the house?

Almost as if he were reading my thoughts, Jason says, "We just came to get some things that she and Jacob forgot. Once she gets him snapped out if it, we'll grab those and go so you can take care of him."

No sooner are the words out of the former Ranger's mouth than I feel my mate's terror ease a bit although it's by no means completely gone. "Papa!" I hurry into the other room at my daughter's summons. Thomas is still curled up in the corner, shaking, head on his knees with Mara Jane running her fingers through his hair. "Your turn, Papa."

"Thank you, baby. Go get the things you and your brother need and go with Uncle Jason."

"K, feel better Daddy." She gives us both a quick kiss before hurrying out of the room.

I sit on the floor next to him, gently running my fingers through his hair and feeling my worry mount as he finches at the initial contact. "Hang on, Thomas. As soon as they're gone, I'll take care of you."

"I'm sorry." The barely whispered words are only just caught by me as he takes a shuddering breath, still refusing to move from his current position.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for, love. I promise, everything's okay." If only our company would hurry up and go so I could prove that to him. It seems like forever, but it's really only a couple of minutes before they close the door behind them and leave me to the task at hand. "Come here, Thomas."

Gently, I pull him onto my lap, forcing him out of his almost fetal state. He buries his face in my neck repeating his earlier apology and adding a heart-wrenching plea that really does make me want to go find those responsible for all this and make them pay dearly. "Sorry, Zedd, please don't be mad at me."

"Shh, Thomas, I'm not mad, don't ever think I could be mad at you for something like this."

"I thought I was done messing up things between us. I don't know why I can't just get past it."

"You didn't mess anything up, I did. I didn't recall that those words would set you off in a panic attack. I'm so sorry, Thomas." Hugging him tightly and trying to reassure him through the bond and my tight hold that he's safe, I after a moment continue softly. "I will admit, you scared me, though, since I didn't know what was going on or how to help you." I remember something he'd said the first time I'd thrown him into a flashback saying - that.

"Mating and kissing are the only things that he didn't taint."

"This is helping" he assures me softly.

"I'm glad, but I think I can do better, love." I raise his chin and press a firm kiss to his lips. He responds quickly, deepening it almost immediately and I know for once I've thankfully made the right call. As our kisses become more passionate, his terror fades into nothing but is replaced by hunger and need. He almost sounds ashamed when he says, "Need you, please Zedd."

"Bedroom." One thing I do know is that he'd be embarrassed within an inch of his life if this goes on long enough for Kira and Serena to walk in on us. It's not long before we're in the bedroom and he's stripped out of his clothes. He yanks my shirt off before pressing tightly against me once more, mouth devouring mine almost desperately. "Slow down, Thomas."

"Can't. Need you now." Abruptly I realize that he's still trembling when he tries to unfasten my pants, hands shaking so badly that he almost can't do it. "Please."

"All right, Thomas, all right. Go get situated. I'll finish undressing." In a moment, he's on his hands and knees on the bed, any slight doubt about who would be taking who that still remained is quickly gone as he all but presents himself to me for the claiming.

"You're sure about this, love?"

"Hard and fast, please Zedd." His voice trembles much like his hands had and I can only hope it's in anticipation. Moving into position, I take a breath, lock my hands on his hips and thrust in hard and very likely a bit more forcefully than I originally intended to. It's only when Thomas cries out in what is clearly pain that I freeze as I belatedly remember that I've not taken him in over a month. His hands clench in the blankets hard and he lets out a curse followed by what I'm almost certain are tears.

"Thomas, I'm sorry I-"

"M'okay." Right, and that would be a hell of a lot more convincing if I couldn't see the tears streaking down his face.

"No you're not. I understand the need for a bit of pain, but not like this, and not this much."

He takes a breath and there's a sob in his voice when he says, "It's okay, please don't stop. Please just fuck me, Zedd. I need this. I need you."

Reluctantly, I keep from pulling out and releasing him, though only really due to the desperation I do indeed feel through the bond, however I don't move immediately either, relishing his tightness in spite of the fact that it's entirely possible I've harmed him, however unintentionally. His impatience gives him away and he starts to move. I lock my arms so that he can't and start moving myself. "I've got you, Thomas."

"Oh god, Zedd. Yes, please. Harder. Faster." The needy whine is tinged with pain, so I give in to his pleading, hoping that it'll be over quickly so that he'll get what he needs but also be able to stop hurting. Shortly, I'm giving him all I have. "Oh god yes! More! ZEDD!"

My name coming out on a scream as his body locks down on me, he almost collapses when he's done. Before he can come down completely from his high, I withdraw from him quickly to avoid hurting him any more than necessary. I'm dismayed to realize that my forceful entry probably did him more harm than good, evidence of having torn him suddenly very obvious. "Damn it." Carefully helping ease him onto his side as he tries to catch his breath, I press a quick kiss to his hip before climbing off the bed with a parting order, "Don't move. I'll be right back."

I go into the bathroom, clean up swiftly, return with a damp cloth and start to clean him gently. He moans softly and I can't help but wince in guilt. "Shh, it's okay, I'm going to take care of you I promise."

"Think you already did that, kallimat." The lethargic tone not what I was expecting, I try to keep him still and finish cleaning him up even as he stretches slowly, shifting into a more comfortable position I hope. "Oh god Zedd. That was incredible."

Is he insane? "Thomas, I-"

"I know, mate. It's okay."

"It's not okay, Thomas. I hurt you. Badly." Showing him the red stains that are now spotted on the otherwise light green washcloth, I'm once more floored by his very lax take on the matter.

"It's not the first time, mate and definitely not anything that won't be healed in a day or two. Zedd it's okay, I promise. I needed it rough like that, it – it helps me feel something other than scared and worthless." Wait, what now?

"Thomas you are anything but worthless, never think that you don't mean the world to me. Even if I can't yet recall all of our time together, I can assure you there is no one in this or any other universe that is worth more to me than you and the children are and nothing that you do or that is done to you will ever change that."

Smiling slightly he leans up and kisses me gently. "Just so you know that's not the first time you've said that either, however it still helps a lot to hear it again. Thank you."

"You know I'd do anything for you, love."

"Does that mean you'll finish the laundry?"

"I suppose it's only fair, even if you are the one who made the bigger mess on the sheets."