I updated! Fast! And the story's three pages long without the Author's Notes! And I included some drama! And-
MP: -thwonks me on the head-
Me: -unconcious-
MP: Aw, shit... I'll have to do the Reviewer Worship...
Reviewer Worship... or whatever.
Person with really long username: I can! IT AIN'T DRAMA!
Elric the Fairy... okay, not really, but that's what it looks like: You review a lot, which is nice, but you are waaaay too easily amused.
Crazy Inuyasha Fangirl: Even I thought that was funny.
japanese name without capitals: HYPER LADY! -crosses self-
Horny Ed: It does? Weeeeeird.
anothernamwithoutcapitalsorspaces: Peanut butter is NASty!
VanillaKitty: Tuna's nasty too.
Me: Uhhhg...
MP: -thwonk- I'm having way too much fun for you to interrupt!
Disclaimer: YAY! Pichi doesn't own FMA! Cel-e-brate good times! -dances-
Lawyers: -ahem-
MP: Fine, he doesn't own 'Celebrate' either. Sheesh...
Dedication: To all those unappreciated muses out there. Holla BACK!
MP: Okay, you can wake up and write now. -splashes cold water on my face-
Me: Nnnrgh... okay...
Chapter 5
After receiving a long talking to from Hawkeye, who really only said ONE THING in a couple of different ways (namely, BANG! BAM BOOM! PYEW! POW!) to which I responded in just the same way, to spite her (AIEE! AAHHH! NYAHHH! NOOO! EEEEEK! GAACK!), I was 'allowed' to go back to work. And, of course, I had to re-do the one I ripped up.
Hawkeye does, however, have a maternal instinct, no matter much she tried to hide it; she knew that I was going to go insane if I had to keep doing the paperwork alone. She also has, however, a cruel streak; she picked Fullmetal.
"WHAA?" we both screamed at once.
Hawkeye's trigger finger twitched, and we both fell instantly silent
"Ed... you have nothing real to do here. Roy... if you remain in here alone with the paperwork, one way or another, there will be none left to do. It's the logical choice."
Ed opened his mouth, and I kicked him. Unfortunately, as he was three feet away from me, this had... dramatic effects.
"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?"
BANGNG.
Now, I'm sure you're all wondering, "What kind of sound is 'bangng'?" Well, I'll tell you. It's the sound of the fabric of reality bending around two bullets being fired out of the same gun at the same time in two separate directions.
There was a brief pause, while Hawkeye contained her temper.
"You. Roy. You will do your paperwork. Ed. You will entertain him. If you two get too involved-"
Face reddening, I interrupted. Dangerous, yes, but I was furious. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?"
Hawkeye, thankfully, did not kill me. She simply gave me an odd look. "...that there's a distinct possibility that you'll stop working entirely in favor of taunting Ed?"
Insert awkward pause.
The little voice in my head smirked. (You're beginning to think like me.)
This time, I was at least smart enough not to respond aloud. You're a horny asshole, you know that?
It seemed to find that incredibly funny.
-------------------
So there I was, stuck in a room alone with Edward and a pile of paperwork. (Did he fuck Ed senseless? No, of course not.) Shut UP.
Ed did not entertain me, of course. Smartass. Instead, he pulled some alchemical tome out of the infinite extradimensional space in his coat and began reading. He did, however, unwittingly serve his purpose in two ways. One, I did not rip any paper up in a desire to avoid looking stupid in front of Fullmetal.
Two...
After whittling the pile of paperwork down to two-thirds, I decided to take a three-minute break. I sat back, sighed, and glanced at Fullmetal.
He was staring with intense interest at his book, with an absolutely unmoving face in a shade of ketchup.
He stared at it for a bit longer, then snapped it shut and stared at his knees instead. Still blushing and looking guilty, he looked up in my direction...
I smirked as he unintentionally made eye contact. He started backwards, blushing harder. for a moment, I seriously thought he was going to break a blood vessel. (Such touching concern...)
Ignoring that, I drawled, "Sneaking magazines into our textbooks, are we, Mister Elric?"
His face turned a shade of puce in abject fury, and he hurled the book at me, screaming incoherently.
I caught the book, and read the cover. 'Intricacies of Transmuting Base Elements." This stopped me for a moment, until it occurred to me to check the title page inside.
Sure enough. The Rose's Love, by Jane Meridian.
I smirked harder and glanced at Fullmetal, who was suddenly realizing the consequences of throwing the book at me, and said, "Why, Edward, I didn't know you were an amorist!"
In five seconds, there was paperwork all over the floor. Not that I could see it, having been cocooned by what used to be my desk.
"Riiiiza, Edward's being meee-eean!" I whined through my left nostril.
"Shut it, Bakayaro! You sound like Hughes!"
That was going too far.
I snapped my fingers, exploded myself out, and stepped towards Edward, all traces of humor gone.
"You should have more respect for the dead, Edward, or one day, you too will be dishonored."
"Honor is an illusion."
"Maybe, but it's all some people have. Respect tha-"
My little discussion with Edward was interrupted by- guess what...
BANGNG.
--------------
When we got home that night, I ran up to my room immediately, closed the door, flopped back onto the bed, and let my cat mind take over.
--------------
"...oy! ROY!"
I jolted back to awareness, to find myself in the living room, on all fours, rubbing up against the leg of the coffee table.
Shit! How'd I get out?
Ed had that same expression on his face as when I nuzzled him, but much stronger, and much more... horrified.. He was standing on the couch, his breathing ragged, coming out in little whimpers.
I stood up... and banged my head.
"Ow..." I muttered, wincing.
Ed relaxed a little, and the expression abject terror on his face was lessening.
"...Roy..."
I couldn't keep concern from creeping onto my face. He was white as a sheet, and seriously, I've never seen anyone so frightened. "What's wrong?"
He attempted to fake some rage, but failed. "Wha... WHAT THE HELL was THAT?"
I sighed. "That was my cat mind, Fullmetal.
He flinched near-invisibly, then said, "What's that supposed to mean?"
"When the cat and I were merged, both of our bodies ended up getting merged together. You know that. The alchemist tried to merge our minds and souls merge as well, but failed; they were strong enough to resist the merge. I'm the stronger of the two minds, so most of the time, I can keep control of the body. But-" I sighed.
He spoke up. "Then why were you a cat just now?" He seriously sounded a little angry. What had gotten his goat?
"How would you feel if you were a cat and you got merged into a body and never got to control your body again? I let the cat out... because it seems like the right thing to do.
"THEN LOCK YOURSLEF IN YOUR ROOM WHEN YOU DO IT!"
"I do! I just forgot to lock it this time. Now..."
I pushed him down onto the couch (yes yes yes!) and sat down next to him (no no no...).
"...why were you so frightened?"
All pretenses of composure suddenly vanished. I winced.
"Because... because, when you came downstairs on all fours... and you came into the room... you looked at me... and smiled... and you looked so- so... animal, simple..."
I felt a widening pit in my chest, damp, melancholy, and despairing.
I hadn't felt like that since the transmutation.
I hadn't had to feel like the adult since the transmutation.
Ed began crying, and I held him, my face feeling leaden and alien.
-------------------
Ed was quiet for a couple of days after that. The people at the office noticed, of course, and asked what was wrong, but Edward just gave one of those joyless smiles that are so frightening to anyone who cares about him, and said it was fine.
I felt so guilty...
I was a better actor than Edward, so no-one noticed my despair, but that's okay. If anyone noticed, they'd just interrogate Ed more. And I'm sure Ed doesn't want that.
I told Al to keep an eye out for Ed, and take me back to my room if he noticed me acting like a cat. I explained that I might not understand anything he said while I was like that, and something seemed to click in his head. He said, "Oh," then agreed without explaining. I didn't press it, I could guess what he'd realized.
One day, I walked downstairs and saw Ed sitting frustratedly in front of an empty Go board. Intrigued, I walked in, and asked, "What's up?"
He looked up at me, and his expression dropped into 'nervous shielded.' He paused, then sighed.
"I asked Al to play with me, but apparently, he has to go 'wash his hair.'"
I began to laugh incredulously. Ed scowled. "He's not even trying to hide it from me! He says it in this jocular tone and then skips off laughing! He's not stupid- he's got an ulterior motive, but I can't figure it out!"
I stifled my last few giggles, and let an amused smile creep up one side of my face. "Has he done this before?"
"Several times!"
"...when you asked him to play Go with you?"
He opened his mouth, then got this pissed, 'shit that was obvious' look on his face. The first time I'd seen that much expression on his face at one time in two days... and the first time I felt like laughing at it. So I did.
Ed scowled, but I couldn't stop.
Then Ed seemed to get the joke, and he started chuckling, then giggling, then let out a roar of laughter that filled that yawning pit in my chest, and I was happy.
--------------------
I ended up playing with him- I'm no great shakes at Go, but I know some basic strategy. I don't have the 'eye' for the game, though, and Ed began to call me 'Auto-Atari Man.' Which stung, but it was just good to see Ed smile again.
He beat me by sixty-three and a half points. Smartass.
-that's it! it's OVER!-
A/n:
MP: I'm impressed. Seriously. This is good, it's long, and it's even pretty close to drama.
Me: Yeah, I was considering writing in the note at the top, 'I give up- I cannot, will not, and should not write drama!-' but then this came out!
MP: But what was with the Go?
Me: I started playing online yesterday, and I just felt like including Go in the scene. Roy's style of play is based on mine; I didn't do quite that bad, but Ed is based on no player I've ever played... Ed's supposed to be a Go prodigy.
Roy: That's my snookums.
Ed: What'd I say about calling me snookums outside the bed?
Roy: ...you said I wouldn't be getting any for a month if I did?
Ed: This is your last warning. After that, NO ASS FOR YOU!