Aaaagh... this is so... wrong...
This is M now because this particular chapter is... racy, to say the least. Not a lemon... well, you'll see. I should've just scrapped this and written something different, but...
REVIEWAH WORSHIP!
Roy-Fan-33: Oo Don't be blasphemous...
ILUVBRAE: Thanks. If you say something nice about this story, you will be.
MewMewVanilla: Wait. Vanillacat? What're you...
MP: -snicker snicker-
Me: WHAT DID YOU WRITE?
darkgreenpriestess: Awww... what happened?
Invader-Nehima: Dedi...cations?
MP: ):)
Me: -glares at MP-
Jaz the Wolf: Go's a Chinese board game. Auto-atari's a type of illegal move that Roy keeps trying to make.
PuppehLuff: Thanks!
Greedy Ed: Thank you!
Kikyo's killer: Let me guess. -glares at MP-
Fae Elric: I saw that piccy! Verrry cute! Did you do it?
Dedication: To all those people who have sat down at their keyboards tryin' to write good fanfiction and had to watch something... sick come out.
Disclaimer: See Prologue.
Black Cat
So. The day after 'Auto-Atari Man' came into being, we got home as usual. Nothing unusual at the office, no BANGNG, and I was looking forwards to a weekend at home. So I went upstairs, went into my room- locked the door- and there... was...
...a cat?
I stared at it for a bit. Brow with cream spots, curled up asleep, rather attract-
Stopping that train of thought right there.
I clambered up onto my bed- I can't believe I used to be able to jump onto it- and poked the kitty. It didn't respond. I poked again, and it stirred, and looked up at me... and purred.
Now, if I had been fully human, I would've thought, "Aww, how cute," and kinda just gone on with my life. But, I wasn't, and I could hear a different tone in this cat's voice. To be specific, a come-on.
I sniffed the air, a bit frightened. This cat was putting tomcat sex pheromones into the air by the gallon. Which should've freaked me out. Instead, it turned me one.
Which... was disgusting...
I felt my cat mind taking over, and I scrambled off the bed, attempted to open the door...
and damnit, it was LOCKED.
The cat mind took over.
-----
A couple of hours later, I awoke, on the bed, completely nude and feeling content.
Then it hit me, and I jumped up, screaming my head off.
Which, in retrospect, wasn't such a great idea, because Ed and Al came running.
"...Colonel? COLONEL?"
"What's wrong?"
Betcha thought you could guess who said which, didn'tcha? Ed said the sympathetic thing, which was strange.
But that wasn't important, and, wondering why my mind had brought it up, I ad-libbed madly, "N-nothing! Just... just a nightmare!"
"Are you okay? Do you want me to come in there?"
"NO! I-I, um, no, thanks, Al, I'm fine..."
"DAMMIT! Waking me from my nap just 'cause he had a NIGHTMARE! Wuss!"
"Oh, thanks, Ed."
There was a waiting silence out the door. Then Al said, "...how's Rufus?"
My heart stopped.
"...Rufus?"
"The cat."
Heart still not beating...
"You put him there?"
"Yeah, so your cat self had someone to play with."
I could hear Ed flinch, right through the door.
"...I let him out."
True enough- it seemed my cat self had learned how to open the window.
Al paused. "Oh. Sorry."
Ed spoke up. "So what was the nightmare about?"
I got out of my bed and inched towards my dresser. Where had my uniform gotten to?
"...I can't remember anymore."
He sounded like he wasn't buying it.
"I think chocolate syrup was involved."
Oddly, that seemed to assuage his doubts. I guess he'd had that particular nightmare too.
I opened the underwear drawer as quietly as possible.
Not quietly enough, evidently.
"Colonel-san? What are you doing?"
Ad-lib mode now in effect.
"My uniform's drenched in sweat. I'm changing clothes."
And I swear, I swear I could hear Ed blush.
-----
Later, fully clothed once more, it truly hit me. I had just had sex with a cat. A male cat, no less. It occurred to my perverted little mind to wonder who had been uke, and I sincerely hope it was me- hear me out!- because then, I wouldn't have molested a cat. It would've been more like, I had been molested by a cat. Which was better because... it wasn't. I had just WILLINGLY FUCKED WITH A CAT.
Admittedly, the other cat- Rufus- had been hitting on me, but- but...
Agghhh... I felt disgusting, unclean...
The shower didn't help. It just made me feel even more miserable, but I couldn't bring myself to lick myself clean like cats do.
I didn't talk much when I came down later. Or at all. I avoided them both, horrifically ashamed.
--shudder Thank God that's over--
A/N:
MP:..
Me: uu
MP: Pichi...
Me: uu uu
MP: Pichi... you horrible, horrible person.
Me: I know, I know!
MP: You just wrote about Roy molesting a cat!
Me: I KNOW!
MP: What's wrong with you?
Me: I don't know...