TOMMY

I have no idea how I lost the argument, but I definitely did. The kids have just left with their pajamas to stay at David's for the night. Zedd closes and locks the door once they're back at David's. He comes and settles next to me on the couch, pulling me into his arms as he does. "So - have a good argument with the falcon?"

Remembering the confrontation, I shrug. "It wasn't so much an argument as a pretty severe scolding."

"Who scolded who?" he asks, amused.

"He scolded me."

"What? Why?" Oh lord, he doesn't sound happy.

"Several things."

There's a long pause. "Like not taking care of yourself - again?"

No point in denying it. "Yeah."

"And what parts of that did he cover specifically? Did he mention the eating and sleeping or are there other things I'm not aware of?"

I wince slightly. "Um, there might be."

He stills and I can hear his heart start pounding. "Thomas - you aren't drinking again, are you?" Wait, what?

"No! Zedd, I gave that up years ago! Before Mara Jane was even conceived! Why would you even think…" My voice trails off as the reasoning becomes all too clear. I change my position in his arms so that we can look in each other's eyes so that he can see I'm being truthful. "Zedd, kalleimat, no. Look, yes I did get raging, dangerously drunk the first time I went to visit my parents' graves after you saved me. But for the next several years I deliberately timed our visits to Earth after that date so that I wouldn't be tempted. We were here in time for the Ranger reunion and Christmas, but after the anniversary of their deaths."

"And since we've lived on Earth? As far as I can recall, you've not had a repeat performance, but well-"

I look at him curiously. "But what?"

"Apparently there was a time, after Jacob was born and we moved back here, that Jason and Hayley were concerned that you'd do it again."

I raise an eyebrow at him. "And you're only just now mentioning it to me why?"

"Because I've only just become aware of it. Mara Jane evidently overheard their conversation which entailed your former habit and a concern that it might reassert itself. If I'm remembering correctly, it was around the time I took on a job that you weren't happy about due to the risk factors involved."

I frown as I think back. "Zedd, you've had a lot of jobs I haven't been thrilled about due to the risk factors. After Jacob was born and we moved here? I don't - oh." I remember now - both the job and the argument. Now I'm irritated at Jason and Hayley - and very offended. "Really? They thought that I would do that with a seven year old and a new baby in the house?"

"I would assume that they expected you to drop the children off with them before you went, not only to keep the children safe, but also because of the deal you made many years before that regarding having at least one of them available to prevent you from - dying."

"Because I'm so self centered that I'd abandon my children just for some self abuse?" That hurts more than I can express and I know he can see and feel it.

"Love, I think it was more a case of them worrying that it was too much at once. New baby, time of the year, our argument and then me going to do the job anyway - it was a lot of stress at once and sometimes it's comforting to fall back into familiar patterns."

His logic isn't helping. "So I'm just a drunk looking for an excuse?"

"Thomas, no."

I ignore this. "I mean, yeah, it's hard and I do want to every year, but I don't! I'm stronger than that!" Unless… "Or maybe I'm not."

"What do you mean?"

"Zedd, until you, nobody knew me like Jason and then Hayley. If they think that I'd fail, maybe I'm not as strong as I thought. Maybe, like most friends, they can see how weak I really am." I sink down on the couch next to him. I think back to all the times I relied on Jason and Hayley - and there's a lot. Man, didn't I ever learn to stand on my own?

"Love, that's not-"

I stand up and begin to pace as I think. It seems like, from the moment I met Jason, I leaned on him for one thing or another. During the span while he was in Geneva for the peace conference, I kind of leaned on Billy somewhat. Then Jason came back and took on the Gold Ranger powers. I looked to him for reassurance so often that what I was doing as leader was right. Then was college and - until I met Hayley - I would call him over every breakup and bad race. The moon mission - I almost panicked when I thought he wasn't going to show up, having no idea how to lead without him as backup.

Then I met Hayley and turned to her for support when Jason went to the academy and wasn't always reachable. Then I got hurt and now - now I lean on Zedd.

I turn in my pacing and crash into Zedd. Quickly, he reaches out to steady me as the collision almost knocks me to the floor. "Easy, Thomas."

"How in the hell do you tolerate having a weak mate?"

"I don't. Thomas, where did you get the idea that you're weak? And how in all the hells did you get there from the conversation you had with the falcon?"

"By my apparent drinking problem."

"Wait. You have completely lost me."

I move around him and start pacing again as I explain. "I've spent most of my life leaning on other people. First it was my parents - which is natural. Then it was Jason for the next several years. Then Hayley once Jason wasn't readily available. Now it's you. Evidently I'm so needy that I can't function without someone else to shore me up."

"You aren't serious, are you?" And the look he's giving me says that he clearly thinks I've lost my mind. "Thomas, I lean on you and rely on you. How could you be-"

"Oh sure, right now you do."

"Always, Thomas. I can easily name several times that I wouldn't have been able to function - much less be alive without you and your support. Despite who I became after serving the alliance for centuries, there is still only so much I can handle alone. Without your support and steadfast nature and guidance, I would crumble." I roll my eyes. "I'm serious" he insists.

"All right. Name five times in your memory that you couldn't or wouldn't have made it without me."

He ticks them off quickly and easily. "The Earth flu, Bezeroa, Annwyl, Elsa and the entire time since my accident. Never mind Wopenga threatening to kill us all, my brother, Mara Jane reducing me to tears, Calan and Mara Jane's dark power."

Rapidly I shoot back, "The flu wouldn't have killed you and neither would Annwyl, Elsa wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for me, your brother was an ass you were able to actually ignore before me and the last three of those I also helped cause."

He thinks for a minute. "So you've reduced me to three."

"Oh, two actually. Wopenga wouldn't have even been a threat to you if he hadn't taken an interest in making me his pet."

He sighs. "Thomas, what did that damn bird say that led to all of this?"

"That has nothing to do with this!"

"No, my big mouth brought us to this. All these years and I still don't know when to keep it shut. Truthfully, Thomas, if it hadn't just been brought up, it would have never crossed my mind."

I shake my head. "Okay, fine. So just so that it's clear - with the exception of that first time, I haven't gotten drunk like that again."

"Then why do you keep saying 'first time'?"

"Because - I don't know. Because it was the first time you'd even seen me drink alcohol, much less get drunk."

"Not true" he corrects me. "There was the time you were evil and you-"

"Yeah, yeah - I remember. The first time you saw me drunk then."

He looks like he doesn't quite believe me, but I don't know why until his next words show just how much of his memory he's regained. "You were no more then eighteen years old the first time I saw you drunk. Jason had just helped free you from Gasket's hold that day and that night you went out and drank enough that you could have easily been recaptured."

Stunned by the fact that he not only recalls, but even knows about that night I shake my head lost for what to say. "How- you can't."

"I can because I'm the one that took you home. I don't know if it was the bond drawing me to you that night, or simply dumb luck Rita happened to throw me out for the evening after I- Either way, I was the one at the bar that night that was sitting beside you and ended up walking you home."

I think back to that night. Even then it wasn't the first time I'd gotten drunk either, just the first time I'd gotten that bad. "That - wasn't you" I answer slowly.

"It was."

"No, I was sitting next to a blond guy that looked about my age. I remember wondering how he was even getting served looking that young."

"Well, how did you?"

"The bartender saw me in there a few times with my uncle's racing crew. I thought that he'd assume I was of age since I had been in there with them. I guessed right because he asked me how the crew was doing. Didn't even ask to check my ID. But still, it wasn't you."

Zedd raises an eyebrow at me. "Thomas, I'm a great sorcerer. It takes very little to alter my appearance, as you may recall from when we were tormenting Elsa."

"I- okay, you have a point, but why would you have done it then? I wouldn't have recognized you."

He sighs. "I didn't do it because of you, believe it or not. I did it because if Rita decided to send her brother or Squatt or Baboo out to find me, then they wouldn't have given me a second look in that disguise. Never mind that none of the three of them could sense magic or dark power, making myself a head shorter, a bit out of shape, blond and a limp - they'd never have guessed."

I drop down on the couch, taking this in as I remember. "Jeez - even then I was leaning on you. Literally."

"At least you didn't give away any Ranger secrets. Quite frankly, I thought that you were talking about a boyfriend at first considering how you kept saying 'I can't believe he got in my head like that'. It wasn't until I asked that you scoffed and said that he was your mortal enemy. That's when I realized that Gasket had indeed gotten in your head worse than I knew."

"Wait - what do you mean 'than you knew'?"

The look on his face tells me he said something he hadn't meant to. "Damn it."

"Zedd? What did you mean?"

"I- may have found out that Gasket had you and helped the other Rangers get to you to help you" he admits.

"What?!"

He holds his hands out placatingly. "Thomas, please, don't be mad. At the time it wasn't so much about saving you as thwarting him." A stricken look crosses his face as he suddenly understands how it sounds. "No, wait. That's not what I meant."

I hold up my hand to stop him. "I know what you meant. Not that it matters, but why did Rita throw you out?"

"She found out what I'd done and accused me of being obsessed with you which lead to one hell of an argument."

"I can only imagine."

"So could we please back up to the falcon? We can deal with the drinking thing later if necessary."

"I guess."

"So what other things that I'm not aware of did he scold you for?"

My gaze drops to my hands. "Zedd, kalleimat, I- you know I love you, right? More than my own life, right?" I look up at him anxiously.

Oh god, I can feel his surge of fear and can think of half a dozen misunderstandings that could cause it. Slowly, he says, "Yes, why?"

"And you know I do everything I can to make sure that you and the kids are taken care of, right?"

There's a pause as he processes what I've just said. He kneels down in front of me and takes my hands. "Yes, Thomas, you do. Even to the point that you ignore your own needs and wants. What is it you need, love? What are you not getting from me?"

"No, it's not like that."

Before I can explain further, what he says next leaves me speechless, mouth hanging open in shock. "Is there - someone else you'd rather mate with?"

I have no idea how he got that out of what I said but I'm horrified at the idea that he even thinks that it's a possibility. "Hell no!"

"Do you - want a divorce?"

"No!"

"Do you resent me and or the children?"

"Of course not! Zedd, what the hell?"

He sags and exhales in what is clearly relief. "Then anything else I can deal with."

"What - you just throw out the worst things you can possibly think me capable of?"

"No, just the worst things period. Kind of like after Calan attacked you and I needed to have you but I'd already hurt you the night before. I wouldn't tell you what I needed and you suggested the worst things you could think of on spur of the moment."

"Oh." I think about this for a minute. "So - as long as it's not one of those things, it's not a big deal?"

"Well, I wouldn't go that far, but I would say that - as long as you aren't going to tell me that you're dying - it should be manageable."

I roll my eyes. And he says that I'm dramatic. "No, Zedd, I'm not dying."

He nods shortly. "Okay. What is it then?"

"I may not explain this right" I caution him. He nods. I take a breath and let it out slowly. "Look, ever since your accident, I feel like everything is out of control. I feel like - I'm barely hanging on by my fingertips and if I'm not careful I'm going to lose everything - you, the kids." My gaze falls back to our hands. "If I lose you and the kids, then my sanity and my life are sure to follow."

"Thomas-"

Knowing he understands that, I move on. "What I need is to feel like I'm in control of something - anything really. Complete control."

"You should have said something, love. Instead of letting me explore last night-"

"No, you needed that." Hastily I continue as it seems he's about to protest. "But it's not the only reason, mate. I - don't want you to feel, well, used or like a pet."

"I won't."

I ignore this and continue. "I mean, if you'd even shown the slightest bit of interest in calling in my debt to you, it might be different, but you said that it would essentially make me a pet and you don't want to do that to me and you wouldn't be comfortable with it."

"Wait a minute, Thomas. I don't think we're talking about the same thing. If you remember, I said that I was fine with playing in that manner from time to time. What you offered me was absolute control of your every move, your every breath for an entire week. Every moment in that week. By my understanding of what you offered, if I wanted to mate with you in the middle of the mall, you would have had to comply whether you wanted to or not. What you're suggesting now, yes you said complete control, but something about the way you're saying it says to me that you aren't talking about twenty four hours a day."

"No, I'm not."

"Okay, then what? Just during mating?"

I shrug. "I'm not even sure, Zedd. I would hope that would be enough. Even so, I don't want you to feel like a pet or that I'm using you."

"Love, as long as we can come up with reasonable limits that give you the feeling of control while not taking it outside our mating, I promise you I'll be fine with it."

"You don't know that!"

"Thomas, I managed just fine when you were evil and punching me in the face. I can handle rough - hell, extremely rough - as long as you aren't planning to start beating me. It'll be fine."

"I- don't know, Zedd."

"Well, how compliant do you want me to be? Do you want some defiance at first so you can 'gain' your control? Or would you rather that I'm already obedient? Tell me what you need me to do."

It does sound rather tempting, but still… "Gain control? Zedd, knowing you the way I do, for it to be believable at all, trying to get you under control if you don't really want to be would involve beating the hell out of you until self preservation would override pride."

"Not necessarily. You're only seeing the two extremes, Thomas. There is a middle ground and I remind you that I don't mind a bit of hurting and aching." I look at him, completely lost. "Because I trust you, I'm willing to permit you a freedom with my person that I've only allowed two other people in my life."

"Why did you let them?"

"The first one introduced me to it and the second - well, while there was no love there, there was trust and I knew they wouldn't take it too far."

"And what is it?" The curiosity is killing me here…

"Spanking." What now? He flushes slightly as he admits, "I don't mind it from time to time but it's certainly not your usual style, being aggressive to that point. However, if it will help you feel as if you're in control, I'll let you."

"Zedd, there's a world of difference between 'don't mind it' and 'enjoy it'."

"It varies by my mood, Thomas, but it has been a good long time since I've even trusted anyone enough to even consider it."

"Zedd" I say firmly. "do you enjoy it or not?"

"Want to find out?" he asks playfully.

Is this something that he's been wanting but unsure about asking me to provide for him? He did just say that it's not my usual style and he's right. On the other hand, if it helps us both and he doesn't mind and would actually enjoy it… "You'd better be sure about this, Zedd, all of this. I'm not kidding. If we try this and you end up unhappy, I promise you we won't be mating for a good long time."

Raising a brow and suddenly smirking in an all too familiar way, he shakes his head. "Please love, I've already had a long day worrying about you, let's not make it longer with empty threats, shall we?"

"That's not an empty threat" I warn, bristling slightly at his dismissive gesture.

"Of course it's not." Sighing and moving to straighten up a bit, he is starting to push my temper, but I honestly can't tell if it's due to him purposefully wanting to or him just being, well, him.

"Zedd I mean it."

"Mhm."

"Zedd-"

"Whatever you say, love."

"It is whatever I say, damn it!" Moving to face off with him, I give him a look I haven't used on him in years, the last time being I believe when I was carrying Jacob and he made, in fairness, a rather innocent comment about my weight. "I'm warning you, you are this close to sleeping alone for the rest of the week."

"Is that right?"

"Yes, that's right."

"Well I suppose that's at least a slightly more believable threat than your last one."

"Again, it wasn't a threat, Zedd. I promise you that if we do this and you end up miserable because of it, I will cut you off to the point that that misunderstanding after you had Mara Jane will seem like a walk in that park. So I strongly suggest you think long and hard about this-" And he is seriously not laughing now, of all times. Fists and teeth clenched, I with great restraint question his amusement, "What, dare I ask, is so funny now?"

"Nothing, just- long and hard? Good descriptive words given the conversation we're having." You have got to be kidding me.

"Zedd, I swear I'm about to save myself the headache and cut you off right now." And that snort of disbelief, not helping my mood.

"Thomas, please, your hormones aside, we both know that all it would take would be a look, or touch, or breath from me to get you going to the point that you wouldn't hold true to that. Mate, I love you, I would do anything for you, but even without all my memories it doesn't take a genius to figure out that I am one irresistible creature." Leaning over he brushes his lips against mine, "Come on, say it, say I'm irresistible."

"You're infuriating."

"Irresistibly infuriating."

I roll my eyes and stalk away from him, circling behind the couch in the middle of the room. Either he's going to follow me or go the other way to cut me off. No matter which way he chooses, I'm going to have to pay close attention to the bond if I'm going to give him what he's asking for. Having never done this before, I definitely don't want to screw this up by going too far. One thing that's working in my favor, I've never gone all out in speed or power when we've sparred so I'll have the advantage of surprise. Even if it's only for a second, it should be all I need.

Zedd comes around and cuts me off as I expected, stopping about a foot and a half away. Perfect. "Come on, Thomas. Just admit it."

Lightning quick, my hand shoots out and grabs him by the nape of the neck. A swift and powerful jerk and shove and I have him bent over the back of the couch. I keep the pressure on the back of his neck which gives him no real leverage to free himself. His hands are resting on the cushions and his feet are barely on the ground. A check of the bond shows me that he's surprised - no, shocked - but nothing else - yet.

"You have just about pushed me too far, Zeddic" I snarl. "I'm sick and tired of you mocking me and disrespecting me when I tell you something. A lord you may be, but you are sorely in need of some lessons on how to behave!"

He gives a very put upon sigh. "Thomas, please, you aren't going to do anything. And, quite frankly, you could use a few lessons yourself on how to treat nobility."

"If you're going to act like a child, perhaps I should punish you like one."

"Oh? Going to ground me?" Zedd mocks.

"You should be so lucky" I hiss. I draw back and swing.

"Is that all you've got?" He sounds bored, but the bond tells me something different.

I tighten my hand on the back of his neck and increase the pressure just a little. "Not hardly. You'd be surprised what I'm capable of." Fortunately he changed his clothes when we returned. I hook my fingers in the waistband of his workout pants and slowly draw them down to his knees where gravity does the rest.

"Don't you dare, Thomas." His voice shakes, but I can tell that it's with anticipation.

Grinning wickedly, I let my voice become a sensual purr. "Oh I dare, my lord, I dare." Before he can react, I strike again. He tenses in response to the sting. I wait until he starts to relax and swat him again. And again. And again. "You are going to learn, Zedd, that you can only push me so far before there are consequences."

I continue, varying the speed, power and location of the hits. He starts swearing in Eltarian. "Language, Zedd."

He switches over to English. "Fuck you!"

Thankfully, the bond isn't holding anything negative. "I don't think so."

I return to my task, again keeping careful watch on the bond. After several more, I reach between his legs and stroke his rigid flesh. I tsk. "You really aren't getting the point of this if you're enjoying it."

I lightly run my hand over the reddened skin before me. Zedd sucks in a breath. "Thomas, please."

I swat him again and he lets out a low moan. "Please what?"

"I'm sorry. Please don't. No more." Yeah, that wasn't real convincing.

"I don't think you've learned your lesson." A few more and he's thrusting unconsciously as best he can in this position. Breathlessly, he's begging me to stop, promising to be good. "You have one chance to behave. You screw up and I'll make sure you don't sit for the rest of the week." He nods and I take my hand off the back of his neck. "On your knees."

Knowing that he's enjoying it has helped me relax into the game. However, I've been so focused on him, I'd not noticed my own reaction to our playing until now. Quickly I divest myself of my own clothes. He starts to reach for me, but stops at my warning look. "Please, Thomas, may I?"

"Stop when I tell you to stop or else." His hand trembles as he reaches for me. Zedd strokes me lightly for a minute before he runs his tongue over me. As he slides his mouth down on me, I can't help but run my fingers through his hair while I watch him. It doesn't take long before I have to stop him. "That's enough of that. Turn around and on your hands and knees."

I can't help but smile at the speed with which he moves into position. Lightly I run my fingertips over his still red flanks. He sucks in a breath. "P-please, Thomas."

"Shh. Easy, Zedd." I thrust in hard, slapping my hand on one side as I do. A few thrusts against the nerves deep in him with accompanying smacks and I can tell he's close. "You don't finish until I tell you to, Zedd, or I'll have to punish you some more."

He groans at my order. "Thomas, I can't hold on much longer."

"You'd better." My hands tighten on the no doubt sore posterior of my mate. Harder and faster I move until I'm at the edge. He's panting and moaning with the effort to hold back. "Not yet, Zedd."

"Thomas, please." And the begging is all it takes to finish me off.

Once I'm done, I say roughly, "Go ahead, Zedd. Finish it."

I stay as deep in him as I can, swatting his flanks as he instantly wraps his hand around himself. A few quick jerks and he's practically howling in relief. When it's over, he pleads softly, "Thomas, enough, please."

I stop and ease out of him. He settles down gingerly. Zedd's eyes sparkle at me even as he grins and says, "Have you done this before?" I shake my head. "For someone who hasn't done it before, you certainly seem to have a knack for it. That was fantastic."

Something about how he says it catches my attention. "Zedd - have you needed this? Needed something you weren't getting from me?"

"Love, as I said earlier, it's not your style - which is fine. You aren't upset by our game, are you?" I know he knows the answer and I give him a look. "Quite frankly, I would never have thought you'd taken to it so well or I'd have suggested it a long time ago."

"But if it's something you need or want, you should have!"

Hurriedly, he pulls me into his arms. "Thomas, love, it's not something I need and truthfully, when you are aggressive it's enough to fill the want. I've not missed out, I promise."

Through the bond I can feel he's being honest with me. "This is definitely the kind of game that we both have to be in the mood for." He agrees and kisses me gently.