I can still remember how gentle he was. Arms trembling, body held so still so he wouldn't hurt me, and all I could do was lay there frozen in shock. I admit he handled it better than you would expect. Logan's constantly surprising me, there's a depth to him most people don't get to see.
His breath panted hot in my ear, as I lay frozen. We hadn't slept together at Shelly's party. We hadn't had sex. I was still a virgin, or at least I was up until two minutes ago.
I ached, not really pain, just a dull ache that burned, throbbed, prompted me to wiggle just a little to ease the sensation. I felt Logan groan, hips thrusting as he lost what little bit of control he was retaining.
Logan whispered softly against my ear, "I'm sorry," and he was moving, slowly thrusting out, before gently pushing back in, mindful of my discomfort.
My vision went white, as he pressed deeper, entered me fully. I hadn't realised he wasn't all the way in. He was still whispering, over and over repeating I'm sorry as he moved, bucking against me, still soft, gentle, tender, fingers stroking my shoulders as he held me close.
I felt him press away from me; upper body lifting, and I couldn't stop my hands from clutching at him, trying to pull him closer. Lips pressing to mine, he kissed me tenderly as he continued to thrust, tenderly; I knew he didn't want to hurt me. He'd been harsher with his fingers, thrusting deep, hard, hitting that spot that made me keen with pleasure.
"More," I whispered against his lips and he pulled back, I could see the uncertainty on his face as his eyes searched mine. Whatever he found there seemed to reassure him because he pulled me closer, pressing a fast hard kiss to my lips before burying his face in the crook of my neck.
Then he thrust, hard, deep, harder still, and I couldn't think at all. It hurt, I could feel the pain in brief flashes as moved faster, pounding into me as his breath beat against my shoulder, panting on each inward motion, tandem, I couldn't breathe at all.
My hair is sticking to my forehead in wispy little strands, making my skin itch. Logan's abdomen is slick with sweat as he moves over me, in me, slick and sliding against me, I'm so lost in him, in the feel of him. My nipples ache, they're hard and peaked, rubbing against the coarse hair on his chest, making them burn with every motion of his body. I feel like I'm burning alive.
"God Veronica," his voice stutters out as he slows his pace down, building us higher. I'm still clutching at him, wanton, I know I'm going to be embarrassed about it the moment we're done but I can't bring myself to care right now.
"No," I moan out, I'm aching for more, anything, all of it, all of him. "Harder Logan, please." My voice breaks on a breathless sob as he complies, his lips finding mine, face tense and straining as he struggles to last, struggles to hold on.
I can feel his hands moving down my body and I'm not sure… oh. He's, his fingers are… oh. My back is arching without my permission, arching against him as I'm flying free, away, Logan's gone, there's nothing now but the sensations pounding through me and I'm lost in it, gone, away.
In the distance I can hear his groan, feel him stiffen against me as he orgasms into the latex covering him. I want to feel it, feel him coming with me, but I'm too lost in the sensation, too lost in the feel of my own body spinning out of control.
We've had sex a couple thousand times since, but that first time? I actually lost consciousness. I was totally gone. I knew I loved him before, but I wasn't sure how he felt about me. Sometimes I'm still not sure. I mean sure, I know he likes me, obviously, and he tells me all the time he loves me. But there's this look he gets sometimes, when we're together, in that way, you know sexually, he gets this look in his eye, on his face that tells me he's not there with me. I know it could just be the heat of the moment, but… I can't help but wonder if he's thinking of someone else.
I know. Shut up Veronica, he loves you, it's obvious, or at least that's what Lilly tells me all the time. But following someone like Lilly, she's a tough act to follow.
I awoke a short time later, wrapped in Logan's arms. I couldn't help myself; I blushed from the roots of my hair to the tips of my toes. I moved closer, inhaling his scent, noticing that he smelt vaguely of me.
"You smell like me." I whispered into his skin. My blushed deepened as I realised the inanity of that comment.
"I should." Logan was smiling down at me, shifting me so he could reach my lips. He kissed me tenderly, softly, the most gentle kiss he'd bestowed on me so far in our short almost relationship.
"Now explain. Why the frozen look? It didn't hurt that much did it?" He looked concerned, fear lighting his features.
I should have known Logan would catch that. No matter what anyone says, the boy is sharp, missing very little of what goes on around him.
"I thought…" I trailed off, unsure of how to continue.
"You thought what? Veronica?" He looked really worried now, and I took a deep breath to fortify myself before telling him the truth.
"I thought we'd slept together at Shelly's party." I closed my eyes, humiliated for even thinking such a thing. I knew better. Logan wouldn't take advantage of an unconscious girl.
"You… WHAT?" His voice broke over me and I nodded slowly, keeping my eyes closed. "Why would you think that Veronica? What… I mean, why?" His voice stuttered out and around me, I could feel his heart beating at a fast pace against me.
Logan was angry.
I tried to move away, but he pulled me closer, brushing his hand across my forehead, moving my hair away from my sweaty face.
"Why would you think I could do something like that?" His voice was softer this time, and I relaxed into his arms.
"I woke up, we were together, and I was sore. I… I guess I jumped to conclusions." My voice sounded so little even to me. I'd been such an idiot.
"Do you really think I could do something like that? Is that what you think of me?" I could hear the hurt in his voice now, my eyes popping open to meet his confused expression.
"NO! Logan, I'm sorry, I… it's just the situation; I don't think you're like that. I wouldn't be here now if I thought you were like that." I smiled tentatively but the hurt was still there, shining brightly as he stared down at me.
"I would never hurt you, Veronica Mars, not when all I want to do is protect you. I couldn't live with myself if I hurt you." His voice was soft, sincere, and I felt ten shades of worse.
"I'm sorry Logan. I should have known, even then. I shouldn't have panicked." Remorse stained the words as they left my mouth. I couldn't tear my gaze away from his.
"Yes you should have, but we have time to work on those trust issues, yes?" He smiled tentatively, leaning down to place a soft kiss on my lips. "Does this mean you'll wear my pin now?" He grinned cockily, making a joke to ease the moment.
"I don't know…" I said hesitantly, closing my eyes as if to consider.
"Veronica Mars! Don't tell me you're one of those girls! You know…" he leaned closer and whispered, "an easy one?" He smirked as I tried to hit his shoulder, easily holding me down as he kissed me harder.
"I told you, the pin is gaudy." I laughed at the mock outraged look on his face. My smile slipped for a moment and I couldn't help but ask, "So we're okay now?"
"No. Not by a long shot, but we could be." Logan didn't hesitate with his answer, placing another soft kiss on my lips before he bounded out of the bed. His body was practically shaking with excitement. "Get up! I have to go rent a billboard."
I stared at him confused for a moment before my curiosity got the better of me. "Billboard?" I questioned.
"Yep! Announcing to Neptune that one Veronica Mars has consented to being my girlfriend." He grinned cheekily, before hauling me to my feet.
Life would never be boring with Logan.
"Don't you dare!" Laughter rippled from my throat as I started pulling on my clothes. "My Dad would throw a fit."
"Which reminds me! We have a dance lesson in an hour, and then dinner with your parents." He smiled at my confused look. We weren't supposed to have dinner with my parents till Monday. "I phoned your Dad earlier today, asked if we could do dinner tonight instead of Monday. They're expecting us at seven."
"Why today instead of Monday?" I couldn't remember if we'd made any plans for Monday, other than plastering the hallway with the nude photos of Dick and Seth.
"Monday is a surprise, which I already had approved by both your mother and your father. So get moving!" He clapped his hands before grabbing me and swinging me up in his arms. Wet lips descended on mine and he buzzed me quickly on the mouth, laughing as I pulled away in disgust.
"EW! You spit all over my… never mind." I laughed as he arched an eyebrow. I had his saliva in a few more interesting places now. Hopefully we could fit in a shower before the lesson.
Things could have gone so much worse. He could have hated me for not trusting him that much, for thinking that he would take advantage of me in that situation. Sweet, trusting, Logan, or you know, not.
Dinner was an easy affair, full of light banter and laughter. Logan had managed to find time for a shower after our dancing lesson. Dropping me off at home to shower and change a full hour before dinner, promising he'd be back in time. He'd made it, barely.
We were sitting in the living room, Logan, Mom, and I on the couch, my Dad in the easy chair, watching some stupid made for T.V. movie. I couldn't concentrate, I kept thinking about the test results sitting in my room. How I haven't told my Dad yet, how now would be the perfect time, except it wouldn't because of Logan. But I could hand Dad the results and not say what they were, he couldn't yell at me for doing the test early, not in front of Logan, at least I hoped he wouldn't yell at me in front of Logan.
I squeezed Logan's hand gently and got up, heading towards my bedroom, towards the papers that confirmed I was a Mars. I took a deep fortifying breath as I headed back out into the living room, papers clutched in my hand. I wordlessly handed them to my Dad.
"What's this? Another A from my genius daughter?" Dad laughed at me, face only turning serious when he saw my sober expression. He glanced down at the papers, his eyes shooting up to mine, shock, anger, and relief warring for dominance across his face. "How?" Everyone else in the room was forgotten.
"I couldn't wait. I had to know, so I ordered an online test." My voice was breathless, waiting for his reaction.
A loud whoop of joy made me start in fright, Dad leapt out of his seat swinging me into his arms and spinning me around until I was dizzy. We both laughed, he was kissing my cheeks and hugging me so hard I could barely breathe.
"Someone going to share the good news?" Mom's voice broke into our celebration and Dad finally let me go, practically flinging the papers at my mother. Logan's eyes met mine in confusion and I shook my head, letting him know I'd tell him later.
Mom's joyous shouts joined my Dad's and they hugged, before turning to me, hugging me close.
I looked up in time to see the front door close as Logan headed out into the night. I kissed both my parents on the cheeks before rushing after him.
"Logan!" My voice came out shrill, hurting my own ears, but it made him pause on my front walk, turning slowly around to face me.
"You didn't have to do that while I was here." His voice was gruff; he'd known exactly what was in the papers I'd handed to my Dad.
"I know, I'm sorry, I just… I didn't want him to yell." I smiled at him as he walked closer to me.
"You should be in there with them celebrating." He smiled as he finally reached me, pressing his lips softly to my forehead, arms coming around me to hold me close.
"And you should come back with me. I want to celebrate with my two favourite men." I smiled up into his face, and pressed our lips together. Soft, sweet, chaste kiss, before tugging him after me. "I'm thinking sundaes all around." I laughed at his horrified expression.
"Oh god, I won't be able to eat anything for a week if I try to keep up with you!" I swatted at him, but he easily dodged me. "I'm kidding. Are you sure Veronica?" He stopped for a moment, pulling on my hand to stop our forward momentum.
"I'm sure." I smiled softly before tugging again.
"Favourite men huh?" He laughed as he followed me back into the house.
It could have been a disaster telling my father in front of Logan. It wasn't. I hadn't seen my father smile that brightly in a long time. We were almost like a family. Happy, carefree, eating ice cream with fattening toppings. I can still picture the surprise on Logan's face when we sat down to eat our Sundae's like a family. I could tell he wasn't used to the togetherness my family shared.
Life? Was finally looking up. I had Logan, I was officially a Mars, and Duncan had started dating a girl named Meg. Things were almost normal again.