Authors notes:
hi. Dilandau's girl here. I just wanted to thank those of you who have left reviews and support for our work. We have been taking notice of your reviews and are appreciative of the support you've given us so far. It's also great that you have been enjoying our work. We never intended to do these collaborations for anything other than a bit of fun online over yahoo messenger between two fanfiction writers. And it wasn't until the end of Dangerous Games that we decided to post and see if anyone was interested in or fun. Myself and Macbrooks look forward to posting more chapters soon and of course hearing from you. We like to update as regularly as possible but both of us have other obligations and so its just finding the time between collabs of which we currently have several on the go and are thoroughly enjoying writing well I am anyway heh. Hopefully the next chapter will be posted sooner than this one. Read and enjoy
Macbrooks, here. Just wanted to say arigatoo for all the reviews and continued interest. This has been a fun story to write - it's great to see people think it's a good one as well. Again, arigatoo.
Yup. Read, enjoy and we both look forward to hearing what you think!
Dangerous Games
Chapter Thirteen
Forgive Me?
Her maids were waiting for her, for she had for warned them of her plans for an early night - asking them if they would mind coming to her earlier that night. They had insisted that they would happily do so and, as she entered, their bright and happy faces greeted her. How infectious their bubbly attitudes were! All three of them were elderly women, always happy to fuss over her, especially her old wet nurse. She had been with her since she was first born, as close to her as was her mother, and the fine women doted on her! Immediately they set to disrobing her of her binding gown, chuckling knowingly at the relieved, heavy sigh Hiroko released at the tightly pulled corset strings were released.
Her hair too was released and smoothed down with a soft brush, as her mask was also removed and the youngest of the maids appeared with her favorite nightgown. She had insisted in bringing it that day and, as her night cloak was draped over her shoulder and the belt loosely tied, she admired her appearance in the mirror. She could recall Naolin's speech when she had bought it; a statement of Terris' appreciation of her fine taste in clothing. How easily she had dismissed his words then but now, as she stared at her reflection, she could clearly understand what he'd meant!
She dismissed the maids, murmuring her thanks before locking her door behind them and, slipping into her black satin, matching slippers, lowered herself onto her bed, pulling the drapes hanging down from the main pole beside her before picking up her book from her bedside table; noting with a small, sad smile that a bottle of chilled light wine had been left out with two glasses. No doubt her fine maids suspected that perhaps Terris might have been returning with her to talk in private. How considerate the dears were, but it was not to be!
Her smile brightened somewhat; relieved at the relaxed feeling flooding through her now that she was away from the party. She was so comfy here, so safe, she thought as she found her place in the book, and, leaning back into her fluffed pillows, continued reading from where she had left off.
Guimel raised his hand to knock on the ornate wooden door, then stopped. What the hell was he doing? If she didn't want to see him, then that was that. He ground his teeth. Dammit, he wanted to see her! This feeling was worse than any he'd ever felt - no wonder Robert had steered him away from it. He should just give this up, just turn around and walk away. Truly he was at the point of no return. Or had he charged by that when he'd lain her? He didn't know; it hurt his head to try to figure it out. He sighed and took off his mask, slipping into his jacket. He'd just knock on her door and give it one last try. He smiled a little - at least he'd hear her voice.
"Guimel, you are truly a baka," he said, grinning to himself. Someday he would have to tell Kenneth the whole story. Say, in about fifty years. He laughed softly, shaking his head, then rapped on the door.
She sighed gently, placing her book down onto the desk, repeating the action with the wine glass she had just raised to her lips. Was there no peace in this place? It was Naolin, she was sure of it! Darn the man, she had told him she wanted to be left alone! She got up from the bed and made her way over to the door with a small sigh of frustration, the back of her gown trailing behind her as she walked.
"Naolin, I told you I'd be fine!" she spoke in a mock irritated manner as she unlocked and slowly opened the door. "You can see for yourself I'm…" Her words faltered as she came face to face with not her overprotective brother but… Guimel. She just stood there for a moment as realization dawned on her. A started cry replaced the rest of her words as she closed the door again, suddenly feeling quite sick to her stomach as she leaned heavily against the door, sinking to the ground with another small cry, her body trembling gently.
He stumbled a few steps back, hitting the wall behind him and halting, still reeling from the impact of actually seeing her again. She'd only been a foot away; he closed his eyes, relishing the image before them. But he wasn't stupid: the beautiful features had twisted into shock and fright, the door quickly shut. Guimel opened his eyes, a wave of uncertainty flooding through him. Was this what Robert meant when he said he was still a boy? These uncontrolled emotions, this desire to make things right? He suddenly wished to be his brother's age, right now: surely, at 18 rotations, this sort of thing did not happen! But he wasn't that age and couldn't pretend to be. He'd caused enough damage to this girl; it was time to leave. Yet he stayed rooted to the spot, gazing at the door.
"What do you what?" she asked shakily as she turned, facing the door, her hand coming out to touch the hard wooden partition separating them.
"I had to see if you were all right. I am truly sorry for hurting you," he replied, his voice sounding leaden in his ears, all grace departed. He came up to the door and knelt, putting his voice in line to hers. "I wish I could make this right, but I don't think I can."
"And so what do you think you can achieve by coming here, if you don't think you can make things better? Surely your cousin has told you enough of me to be content." She swallowed heavily, her eyes dropping to look down at the fabric of her gown. "Why don't you just leave like you did the other day?" She whimpered at the memory before standing, her head resting against the door.
"I... I shouldn't have bothered you," he said quietly and stood. "I just had to see you again." He could feel his cheeks flush as he quelled a short sigh. He couldn't seem to do anything right, anymore. How much he'd changed in just a few days! He felt a stab of remorse - obviously this little meeting was only causing her more pain. "Goodbye," he said and turned away.
Her chamber door was opened before she had realised what she had done, standing outside the room with her heart hammering hard against her chest as she let out a small whimper, confused tears slipping down her cheeks creating fresh paths in her makeup. She hated this, this confusion, uncertainty. Surely she should have remained in her room, safe and secure but it was not to be.
He turned back to her, instinctively catching her up into his arms, fighting not to clutch her to him as he felt the heat of her body against him. His uncontrolled desire: that hadn't changed!
"What's wrong?" he asked, looking her over. "Are you all right?"
Her body froze, trembling at his touch, though she did not attempt to leave his embrace.
"You'd just leave again, like you did the other day? Do you have any idea how much that hurts?" she whispered, turning her head away, not daring to look at him.
"Can you forgive me?" he said. "I didn't know what to do." A half-smile made its way to his lips. "I still don't know what to do." He softly kissed her cheek; he couldn't help it: it was so close to his mouth and he just had to taste her sweet skin one more time.
She sighed, her head drooping as she pulled back and turned towards her chamber making her way back towards and into it, leaving the door open. An open invitation if he accepted it.
"Hiroko," he called softly, not moving.
She turned as she heard her name called, simply staring at him before turning back and continuing to walk over to one of the chairs not far from her bed, on the opposite side of her bedside cabinet. She sighed again as she topped up her own glass before filling the fresh glass picking up both before settling down into the comfy chair, her gaze returning to Guimel still standing out side her door.
He slowly moved forward, automatically shutting the door behind him, then he came over to her chair. He knelt beside it, feeling sorrow at the almost noncommittal look in her eyes, her tear-streaked face. God, those tears, yet again. He took the proffered wineglass and set it on the low table before the chair, then caressed her cheek. His desire welled up within him, but it wasn't the raging demon it had been before, blinding him to any consideration beyond his own need; uncontrolled, still, yet he found he could control it now.
"Hiroko," he said, "Allow me to show you what it should have been like; how I should have treated you."
"As if I'm going to fall for you again, Lord Guilliame! I will not be toyed with by you again. Surely I've dishonored myself enough already? Is it not enough to see the disgrace I've shown, brought upon my family?" she murmured emotionlessly. "It's hard enough that I have all these feelings without you adding more to them. No, your false words won't fool me again, I won't let them. However much your desire is to have me again. I think I took more than enough the first time. I DO NOT wish to experience such a thing again!"
He dropped his hand, confusion flooding him. What was he supposed to do? She invited him into her bedchamber: what did she want, then?
"Your reputation is intact," he said slowly, "and my words are not false, this time."
"That is most considerate of you," she replied, raising the glass to her lips to take a long drink of the liquid. She spoke no more for a while, merely savoring the taste and warmth it brought to her stomach. "I didn't leave my door open as an offer for you to come and have your way with me again, lord. I merely see it more suitable to talk away from where others may see or hear." She glanced at him, her eyes sad, holding the remorse she felt inside. "I was foolish to think that it would be different. Your words at how amazing such an experience may be were as false as the words you spoke to try and seduce me. But why this? Why come back? I'm nothing to you. And my brother speaks quite assuredly that you have done the same to many other women before me. So why didn't you just leave it?"
He knew that this wouldn't work. He should just leave her be. That's what she wanted, ne? He opened his mouth to say goodbye.
"I don't know why," he said instead. "I can't stop thinking of you. I want to make this right, despite knowing what happened can't be undone." He wanted to laugh: he was acting like such a baka. But he didn't. "I can't justify what I've done - what excuse is there? Women are for pleasure; a challenge to be met and conquered. But you are different, much to my despair. You've changed me, irrevocably I fear, but perhaps it is for the best." He stood, angry at himself. He wasn't making any sense!
"In any case, I've caused you enough pain," he said, backing away from her. "But you will find it a wonderful experience, Hiroko! I wasn't lying about that. Perhaps Lord Mustrum will be able to show you. For myself, I can tell you of my regret, and can only wish you well."
"And so you plan to run off again!" she spoke up, her chin raised and tone sharp. "As for experiencing such pleasure, I do not wish to share myself with Terris! I doubt I ever will, and he has never been a man to push me into ANYTHING I do not wish. I may be forced to marry him but that is far as it will go. It is a regrettable fact for him but I prefer it to be that fate than a worse one. I will try and dispute the marriage, regardless of my father's decision, there is still time!"
He stopped his retreat, frowning. "Fighting your father's wishes would bring great dishonor to your family. What have they done to you to deserve that?"
"I cannot bear the thought of being married to Terris. My reasons are my own. And my family, although they think this pairing for the best, I can not submit to their wishes, however proper it is for me." She smiled a little ruefully. "This is partly your fault, you know, lord. If you had not come into my life with all your words of rebelling and forgetting consequence, I'm sure I would have come to terms with and accepted Terris' offer, but now…"
Guimel quelled a sudden smile: the boldness, just peeping out again.
"Ah, consequences," he said softly, coming up and sitting in the chair next to her. "You have given my world a tumble, too." He picked up the wineglass and drank, enjoying the slight burn. "A fine vintage. Were you expecting company?"
"Terris," she replied plainly, resting her elbow against the chairs arm and leaning her cheek against her palm. "Though it wasn't my doing. I do believe my maids thought he might come to see me tonight, after the party. A sweet gesture on their part but not an appreciated one."
Guimel leaned forward, setting his glass back down. "My lady," he said quietly, "You may not think I will ever speak sincerely to you, but know this: I would give much to be able to bring your old smile back. Your former fire!"
"You took that with you the other day, when you left me in that field. Do you think it's so easy to rectify the pain you caused then?" she closed her eyes, fingers lightly massaging her temples. "You took more from me that just my innocence, lord, much more!"
"And you took my very self, Hiroko."
"Really?" she asked quietly, her eyes opening slowly, to cast him a skeptical look. "And how did I do that? Is this more of your wayward lies?"
He turned away from her, suddenly wishing he hadn't said anything. What had prompted him to say that? But perhaps this was the way to make things, if not right, at least better. And he felt the pull to keep talking, to stay in her presence...
"I don't know how you did it," he finally replied, turning back to her and picking up his wineglass. "But I'm not who I used to be, and I think the consequences of that will be very dire to my peace of mind, as they already have been."
"I never intended to change you, sir!" she murmured, her eyes staring past his form and about the room before her gaze returned to him. "I told you that before. But perhaps it is a good thing that some change has occurred, if just a little bit. But I do wonder exactly what has changed?"
"I have never," he said slowly, rotating his wineglass, staring into the pale depths, "thought of anyone besides myself. Never." He set the glass down and looked at her. "Yet now I think of you. I'm very worried about you, I regret that I ever hurt you." He half-smiled. "I even rue that I seduced you." The smile faded. "Why do you want me to stay here?" he asked suddenly. "I only seem to cause you more pain."
Hiroko shook her head.
"Despite it all, Lord Guilliame, in spite of all that you have done… I can't help but care for you! Despite the fact that you feel nothing for me, I can't stop the feelings I have. Pathetic, no?" She released a gentle sigh, raising her head from her hand to reach out to fiddle with a stray blond curl, much as she had with Callista's only a short time prior. "Unfortunately I can't help it. I'd prefer you to stay here with me, even if you caused me more pain, than leave."
He caught her hand and pulled it gently downwards, turning to stare at her. "How can you say I feel nothing for you, after hearing my words? I don't know what I feel for you, but it's not nothing." He released her hand and took up his glass again, draining it in one draught.
"I suggest that you refrain from touching me," he said wryly, and winked at her. "You still have the ability to arouse me, even by doing such little things!"
She stared at him in an apologetic fashion before her head dropped to stare at the black satin covering her lap.
"You say that, but I have no way of knowing if you tell the truth. No doubt your intentions will be the same as the other day. You have already suggested as much. Then off you would go again, off back to that cousin of yours, to spill all your secrets. Yes, Naolin has spoken a great deal of you and your ways!"
He smiled cynically. "Hai, I suppose he has. And they are all quite true." His smile softened as he put down his glass and stood up. "And you seem to be convinced, despite my words tonight, that I have not changed in the least." He bowed slightly. "Speak the word, my lady, and I will take my unwanted, unrepentant presence from yourself. My cousin awaits, as you mentioned; I can't spend much more time here without him suspecting that I've conquered you, after all."
"My door is always open to you Guimel. But please do not leave on my account, for I truly do not wish you to go! If you go, go because it is your wish, not mine." She in turn stood, her hands clasped together. "Time alone is so infrequent, especially now. I fear that if you were to leave now I would not have the chance to see you again." Her head lowered again, a shiver running through her at the thought. "I couldn't bear such a thing to happen." Despite his words she reached out, her eyes running over his face as her hand touched his cheek. "Tell me, do you think it's wrong of me, foolish of me to care for you like I do? It's out of my control, though. If I could but understand what you want from me, if I could figure out where I stand with you… but how can I when not even you seem to know the answers?!"
"Hiroko," he said softly, taking her hands in his, "I live for the moment. I'm entering the military in a month: my whole life will change. I have no thought about tomorrow, no thought of the consequences of anything I do." He smiled ruefully. "At least I didn't until two days ago." He gripped her hands. "Where do you stand with me?" he asked musingly, arching an eyebrow. "Where you have always stood - an incredible challenge, yet now the challenge is one that I don't understand. But I must have it!"
"But how can you have what you do not know?" she said, dropping her head to his shoulder in a defeated manor. "Would you return later tonight if I asked you? The party is not yet at its best, let alone nearing its end. My uncle will happily let you stay in one of the available rooms. I…I just do not wish for it to end like this, I couldn't accept it. Please? Go make some excuse to your cousin. You are, after all, a master at deceiving!" she teased gently. "And then return to me!"
Guimel gently turned her until she was facing him. "Why, Hiroko," he said banteringly, "Is this some boldness I see coming out, once again?" His face grew serious. "I will."
"Thank you!" she whispered, leaning up ever so slightly so her lips grazed his ever so slightly, a soft smile upon her lips. "Then the night is ours to do as we wish. No thoughts of being missed or being disturbed."
Guimel shivered: her soft lips... He bent his head, tightening his hold about her, pressing her up against him as he kissed her, all thoughts drowning in the pounding of his blood...
She allowed him to kiss her, simply enjoying the taste of him again before she finally pulled back, breaking the kiss yet not pulling from his hold.
"I see you manner hasn't changed though." She teased jovially, feeling warm and secure in his hold. Surely this was how it should be, she thought secretly, her head once again resting against his shoulder. "Perhaps I should have taken you up on your offer earlier on. What with Lord Ajinayama seeming to be so insistent that I see you." She mused with a contented sigh.
He stiffened slightly as trepidation swept through him. "Hiroko," he said softly, "Do you understand? We have no future. You must understand this or you will be terribly hurt, again." He turned her in his arms, looking into her dark blue eyes. He suppressed a smile - she looked so beautiful! And desirable. He could feel his arms trembling, wanting to crush her to him, to evoke from her cries of pleasure... He blinked and shook his head, trying to stay focused. Some things just never changed.
"Then what is this?" she asked quietly as she ran her thumb over his lips to remove the light hint of red gloss against them. "I don't want to accept it. What am I to do after everything? Go to Terris and beg forgiveness, take him on his offer? Do I lie with him at night and eventually bear his children? It is not a future I would even want! All because of what… because you join the army? Or is there more to it than that?" she sighed remorsefully. "This can all wait till you come back. You spoke that your cousin would start to presume a great deal if you did not return soon."
"Hai," he said with soft regret, releasing her. He walked to the door and opened it, then turned back towards her, smiling lazily. "Mustrum was quite the player in his day, my lady. He would give you many nights to remember!" He walked through the door and closed it, pulling out the mask from his jacket as he headed for the staircase.