AN/I'm sorry it took long to update. I didn't think my high school fic would take as long as it did. The next chapter might take a while because I'm going out of town for the week. I still hope you enjoy this chapter.
Chandler sipped at his coffee with a forced smile as his new girlfriend left the guy's apartment for work. He could tell by Joey's face that he wasn't happy with Janice being back either, but he was out of options. Chandler looked online for a chance to meet someone to get over Monica and the first woman he connected with at all happened to be Janice? The universe was clearly telling him something. If he couldn't be with Monica, Janice was all he had left. He told Joey he wasn't breaking up with her this time even though he wanted to. His friend left him alone with his thoughts to have breakfast at Monica's place. If he had his way Janice would be gone and Monica would be his girlfriend instead. Chandler shook his head with a sigh trying to get his thoughts off of her. This is why he was with Janice. When there was a small knock on his door he put his mug down and opened it to see Monica in a brown bathrobe. "Good Morning" he tilted his head slightly to look at her disheveled appearance.
Monica walked into the boy's apartment to get out of the hallway as she wrapped her robe tighter around herself. "Morning... I was wondering if I could get my syrup back?"
"Oh, yeah" Chandler handed it back to her with a gentle smile. "Is something wrong?"
She fidgeted with the syrup bottle on the counter "I broke up with Richard last night" she mumbled. "He doesn't want kids and I'm not going to force him to do that so…" she trailed off as her eyes filled with tears for what felt like the millionth time since the breakup.
Chandler quickly moved to her side and pulled her into a hug "I'm so sorry Mon."
"It's for the best," she sniffed, returning his hug. "I heard that you're back with Janice. That's nice." Monica mumbled, hiding her face in his chest.
"Uh yeah. We got back together last night actually and she made pancakes this morning" he chuckled awkwardly. "But we didn't do anything last night, we just talked."
"All night?"
"Yeah. She's getting divorced and she picked up scrapbooking. That's all I really remember she talks a lot" Chandler sighed holding her closer and gently playing with her hair. "But hey, I got some pancakes this morning."
Monica frowned to herself hearing him talk about her. He didn't sound happy like Ross said he was. "I'm guessing you don't like talking all night?"
"I usually do. It's fun getting to know someone or just talking with someone you care about for hours. I already know everything there is to know about Janice. We've had that night probably five times already" he shrugged, moving to put his mug in the sink.
She bit the inside of her cheek when he moved away from her watching him closely. "We've talked all night a few times," she pointed out.
"Yeah, but It's different with you. We never run out of things to talk about. Plus I think you'd make two hours of scrapbooking techniques much more interesting" he smiled. "But I like Janice a lot. I think we can make it work this time."
If Monica was being honest, she didn't like Chandler with Janice. He was clearly unhappy with her. He should enjoy talking about random things all night with his girlfriend. That's part of being in a relationship. It seemed like he was only settling for her when he deserved more than that. They broke up multiple times in the past for a reason. So why her? "Does she make good pancakes at least?" she hoped there was something he liked about her.
"Yeah, they're pretty good. I think it's her mom's recipe."
So he liked her cooking, but that's not a reason to settle for someone you can't connect with. She can make him pancakes and they could talk all night without it being uncomfortable, he said so himself, even if they're just friends. Monica knew this was because of his fears of being alone, so why did he go to Janice instead of her? They could talk about anything, at least she thought so. If this was about his fears couldn't she talk to him like she always did? Was she not enough for him anymore? "Do you like Janice's pancakes more than mine?"
Chandler looked at her curiously with a hunch this wasn't about pancakes. "No, I think your pancakes are the best. I don't like anyone's cooking as much as yours honestly" he confessed as he looked into her eyes. They stared at each other in comfortable silence and he couldn't ignore the tension growing between them even if he wanted to. Chandler knew she could feel it too when suddenly she grabbed the syrup bottle off the counter "I should go" he heard her mumble as she walked to the door. "Hey" he turned to her. "If you need someone to talk to about...Richard or anything I'm here" he offered.
"I know. Thank you Chandler" she smiled weakly before leaving the apartment to return to her own. She stopped in the kitchen when she noticed everyone had left except Rachel. "Where did everyone go?" she asked despite being thankful the crowd was gone. Monica wasn't sure what just happened between her and Chandler but her stomach felt tight with knots and butterflies.
"Coffee house," Rachel answered, putting the magazine on the coffee table. "I thought we could chat a bit if you're up for it Mon. I'm not completely sure about what happened between you and Richard, but it might be good to talk about it with someone."
Monica put away the syrup as she contemplated what Rachel was saying. She hasn't told anyone the full story yet, and it was bound to happen at some point. Plus with what just happened with Chandler she felt more confused than ever. Laying in bed and crying all night over Richard sounded appealing, but she needed to get this out. She sat by her friend before laying down with her head on Rachel's lap. "I'm not sure where to start."
"Well honey, why don't you start at the beginning? I thought you guys were ready to get serious" Rachel gently ran her fingers through Monica's hair and straightened it out neatly.
"I know. I thought so too" Monica frowned, moving onto her back. "I really cared about him. It felt right, but I asked him if he wanted kids and he said he didn't want to do it all over again. I thought we could move past it, but then I talked to Chandler. He said I deserved to be with someone who wants what I want and I should do what's best for me."
"Wow really? Chandler said that? That's actually good advice" Rachel said in disbelief.
"I was surprised too."
"I'm guessing you took his advice?"
Monica nodded a little "yeah, but when I was about to tell Richard, he said he would have kids for me. I told him that it wasn't fair to him to do that for me, you know? I mean it was sweet for him to offer that, but it's not right...is it?" she asked, starting to second guess.
"No of course not sweetheart, you did the right thing for both of you in the long run. I know it's hard now but we're all here for you."
"But that's not all. I told him that I talked to Chandler and he got upset. He said Chandler doesn't know what he's talking about because he's bad at commitment and that Chandler won't be a good father. I thought it was unnecessary to bring down my friend for giving me advice on this so I tried defending him and Richard implied that I wanted to be with him which is ridiculous because Chandler is my friend-" Monica ranted speaking faster as she became frustrated at the memory.
"Woah Mon, slow down. Break this down for me. How and why did you start talking about Chandler?"
Monica sighed and filled Rachel into the entire conversation between her and Richard, cringing at her past self. Reliving it she realized how much she actually talked about her friend. In the heat of the moment, it seemed like the right thing to do. Monica knew Chandler had low self-esteem already. She's helped him through many low moments and hearing Richard talk down on him just made her angry. Maybe she acted on her emotions, but she cared too much about Chandler to let it slide anymore. "And Then Richard implied that I wanted to go out with him. Can you believe that?"
"Well...yeah. He probably felt jealous that you were talking about another man in the middle of your break up Mon. He shouldn't have insulted Chandler of course, but if you talk about how great another guy is, what else is he going to think?"
Monica sat up and looked at Rachel "Chandler is a friend" she insisted. "If Richard insulted you like that I would've done the same thing. I understand it wasn't...my best move, but am I supposed to just let that slide?"
"No. You were a great friend to stand up for him. Just in Richard's perspective I kinda see where he was coming from. But I see where you were coming from too. I'm sorry it ended this way" Rachel said sincerely, moving closer to Monica and wrapping an arm around her.
Monica frowned looking down at her lap and picking at her fingernails. "It's for the best. We wanted different things" she mumbled. "Can we maybe keep the Chandler stuff between us? I don't want him to feel guilty."
"Sure if you think that's best, but I don't think he'll care. He's with Janice and I heard he's not breaking it off this time. I'm happy for him, but I hope he doesn't bring her around here too much" Rachel chuckled.
Monica shifted uncomfortably before she went over to the fridge and poured herself a glass of orange juice. "I don't think it'll last" she mumbled into the cup as she took a sip. "It's Janice," she said simply. "Chandler is too good for her."
Rachel looked at her curiously, wondering why Monica was so quick to defend Chandler all of a sudden. She sat back against the couch grabbing her magazine as she decided to see how far this would go. "He said he's happy with her and it's not like he'll find another woman to settle for him" she shrugged.
She slammed her cup down onto the counter in frustration. "Rach, he doesn't need anyone to settle for him. If anything he's settling for her! Don't get me wrong Janice is nice and everything but...well you've met her. Chandler can do so much better than her."
Rachel wanted to push her buttons further. It seemed like Monica had pent-up emotions and she wanted her friend to confess. "I don't think he can. You have to date within your league you know? Even Janice is a little out of his league."
Monica glared at her friend not believing what she was hearing. "You don't actually think that do you?"
Rachel shrugged, not looking up from her magazine. "Don't get me wrong, I love him as a friend. I just don't understand how anyone could ever consider dating him."
'I would' Monica thought immediately. She paused at her own thoughts staring down at the floor as butterflies filled her stomach, putting her glass in the sink slowly walking towards her room. "He's a great guy," she said simply. "I need to lay down for a while." Monica went into her bedroom, closing the door behind her. She leaned against the door with a sigh holding her stomach, the butterflies fluttered so much she felt nauseous. Would she actually consider dating Chandler? No. That's ridiculous.
She needed someone like Richard. Someone mature and who has his life together. Monica moved to her bed curling under the covers as her mind raced. Her relationship with Richard was over and that still hurt when she thought about it. Even if it ended badly, she still cared for him. During the relationship, he was so attentive and caring. She saw herself marrying him at one point until the whole kids' debate. Getting over this breakup was harder the more she thought about the relationship, he was everything she was looking for. What if she never found a man that cared for her as he did? Even if it took him a while he accepted her quirks and flaws. He seemed perfect for her. He was the perfect gentleman, kind, charming, charismatic, so sexy...it wasn't fair. Monica wiped her tears as she tried to calm herself. She wasn't sure when she started to cry but her pillowcase was wet from her tears. How did she get here? She had everything she's been looking for in a relationship and she threw it all away.
Chandler. That's why she's here. He convinced her into breaking it off. She knew it was for the best and he was right, but it hurt. Chandler was sweet for caring about her. He always has cared for her. Chandler was always there when she felt sad even when no one noticed she was upset, he always did. Monica knew that he knew her better than anyone else. They enjoyed talking to each other when one of them couldn't fall asleep, they'd sit on the couch and talk for hours. She told him things she's never said to anyone else because she trusted him. Monica started to think about everything she liked about Chandler. Like his eyes, his smile, his hair, how his hands were always soft. Monica thought he seemed like a good boyfriend. She's thought about this before. Every time he found a new woman to be with she wondered what it was like to be with Chandler. Janice was lucky that he went to her every time he needed something physical. He must be good too or why else would she keep returning to a guy who has broken it off so frequently. Knowing they're together now, it felt different. Part of her didn't want Chandler to be dating her or anyone. It felt selfish, but she didn't want him with a random woman when she was right here for him if he needed anything. Monica sat up in her bed pushing her hair back. What was she thinking? She sounds like a crazy jealous person who was being possessive of her friend. "He's just a friend," she told herself. But what if he became more? Just imagine what it would be like to kiss him. "No." Monica stood quickly. "Don't think like that. You're just lonely after breaking up with Richard."
Chandler poked his head into apartment 20 after work, seeing Rachel on the couch as he fully walked in. "Is Monica home?" he asked, walking towards Monica's bedroom.
"Yeah. She's been in her room all day. How's Janice doing?" Rachel asked him.
"I haven't talked to her since this morning," he shrugged. "I was just gonna check on Mon to see how she was doing after the breakup. I'll call Janice later though." Chandler gently knocked on Monica's door, ignoring Rachel's staring. He heard a faint protest from inside and went in anyway. "Hey Mon," he said softly, closing her door behind him.
"Chandler, what are you doing here?" Monica got up from her bed. Her hair was unkempt, she wore a large t-shirt that engulfed her small frame and sweatpants.
Chandler looked at her up and down, noting to himself that even when she was a complete mess, she was still the most beautiful person he knew. "I just came to see how you were doing. I know breakups are hard."
"You're so sweet" she sighed sitting on her bed. "I don't know how I am," she said honestly. "It ended in a big fight. I know I loved him, but when we were arguing he wasn't the same guy I fell in love with. It was this different side that I haven't seen before. He seemed defensive and insecure. It was strange. He said some awful stuff...ironically it makes it a little easier to get over him" Monica curled up on her bed "I don't know" she mumbled.
He went over and kneeled on the floor in front of her, gently pushing the hair from her face. "I'm so sorry. I hate seeing you hurt like this" he frowned. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Tell me honestly, did you hate Richard? " she asked, watching him as he pulled his hand away slowly.
"What makes you think that?" he chuckled nervously. "He was a good guy and he was...tall"
Monica chuckled softly "That's the best thing you can think about him? It's ok if you did. I kinda hate him now too." When she was dating Richard she noticed every time Chandler rolled his eyes at her boyfriend. His mood soured whenever Richard was around or even mentioned, but at the time Monica didn't care because she thought she was in love. Now she wanted to know why.
"He wasn't my favorite," he admitted. "I mean I get he's like...every woman's dream guy. It's like he came right out of a romance novel. It was ridiculous how perfect he was, but honestly, I never trusted him. I thought you deserved better. It seemed like you were skipping to the end of the book. Falling in love with the perfect guy and thinking about marriage when you still have your whole life ahead of you to find...someone better."
"Like who?" she asked softly, looking into his eyes.
Chandler looked back at her ready to volunteer himself, but he knew he couldn't. He wasn't better than Richard. Chandler knew he was the exact opposite of Richard. Immature, clumsy, awkward, not hideous but not exactly a sexy mustache guy. If Monica fell in love with guys like that, he certainly had no chance with her. "I'm not sure. But he's out there looking for you, I know it" he said softly. "You'll find someone Monica."
"Like you did with Janice?" she whispered, not taking her eyes off him.
He grimaced at her name, not wanting to even think about her right now, but he forced a smile anyway. "Yeah, something like that," he said softly.
Monica noticed his discomfort and watched him carefully before blurting out "do you love her?"
That was the most difficult question she could've asked him at that moment. The obvious answer was the truth, no he doesn't. He couldn't say that though. If he did she'd ask why he's even with her if he knows he doesn't love her which was another difficult question. He was with Janice to get over Monica. To have his last shot of a future. Janice was his last option. Chandler didn't feel good about this relationship at all because he knew it wasn't fair to Janice or himself, but it was either this or dying alone in apartment 19. He thought if he gave this time around a fair chance he'd catch feelings later and it would be okay, but it hasn't happened yet. Chandler met her gaze and tried his best to answer truthfully without saying the truth at all. "I believe that there are feelings between us," he answered vaguely. "Speaking of which, I should probably call her" he kissed Monica's forehead softly before standing up. "Goodnight Mon," he said quickly going to her door.
Monica sat up on her elbow watching him leave. He didn't say yes which to her meant no. She didn't understand why Candler was torturing himself like this. She wanted to tell him that she knew he wasn't happy, but she didn't want to meddle in their relationship. It wasn't her place to assume things even if she believed she was right. Monica knew she would be a better girlfriend than Janice. She knew what made Chandler happy unlike Janice apparently. Shaking her head as she sat up with a groan she threw one of her pillows across the room in frustration. Why did she keep thinking like this? "I don't have feelings for Chandler" she whispered to herself as she picked up the pillow from the floor. "It's normal to want what's best for your friends." she mumbled. Chandler was her awkward friend who she likes spending time with. He wasn't boyfriend material. Why was she having a hard time accepting that?