TOMMY - THAT NIGHT

We got to the hotel plenty early, meaning that I got to spend quite a bit of time with some of the other Rangers before dinner. Fortunately, Zedd's become really good friends with some of them over the years, so even if he's not playing cards, he still has a good time. He comes up to me as I'm having a conversation with Eric about motorcycles, since I've been thinking about getting one and he is the most knowledgable.

"Ready to go, love?" he asks.

"Sure. It's not like I won't see everybody tomorrow." I bid Eric goodbye and head out with my mate, calling out farewells to others as I go.

Once back in our room, I start to change for bed. I barely get my shirt off when Zedd exclaims, "What in all the hells is that?"

Startled, I look up at him, confused by the horrified look on his face. "What?"

He gingerly takes my arm and turns it, pointing at the side of my upper arm. "That."

I realize what he's pointing at. "Zedd, it's nothing. Just a little ink."

I can tell he's really upset as he drops down on the bed, but I don't understand why. "Thomas, I am so sorry. I didn't realize that you were so unhappy that you'd go so far as to deface yourself. Why didn't you say something?"

I stare at him incredulously. "Zedd, it's just ink. It's not like I'm doing any permanent damage."

"The last time I checked, Thomas, tattoos are permanent as even with actual laser removal it leaves a scar."

I realize where his confusion is coming from, but I'm still not sure why he's so upset. "Zedd - it is literally ink - marker. I'd been thinking about getting a tattoo and I asked Trent to do this so that I could see what it would look like and if I'd like it."

"But-"

"It'll wash off - eventually."

He looks much relieved for a minute before the concern returns. With a casualness I know he's not feeling, he asks, "And do you like it?"

I look at the artwork again. "I'm not sure. I also considered having the kids' names done here." I point to my chest over my heart.

His voice is pleading. "But why do you need one at all?"

"I don't need one, Zedd. I was just thinking about it. Markers seemed like a good way to make the decision without doing something that can't be undone. Calm down."

After a minute, he says, "Well, the quality of work definitely isn't up to Trent's usual standards."

"He just did a quick sketch basically. If I did actually decide to get it done, he'd do a much better drawing for the tattoo artist to work from."

I go into the bathroom and look at it again. The Dragonzord, Tiger Zord, Falcon Zord, Red Lightning and Brachio - stacked like a totem pole and running from shoulder to elbow. I sigh as I study it. Maybe it is a bit too much. Wondering now what Zedd's reaction to the second one I'd had Trent sketch on will be, I'm actually a tad reluctant to finish undressing. "Zedd?"

"Hm?"

"Just out of curiosity, how well would you take a tattoo relating to us and our bond?"

Tone very telling despite his response being carefully guarded, I can already sense what the reaction will likely be. "Why?"

"Just, don't freak out, okay?"

"Why?" Voice almost pleading now, he looks at me with near exhaustion, eyes roaming over me to see if he can see any other marks he's missed.

"Well I wasn't sure how I'd want the kids names designed, so Trent didn't sketch that out yet."

"But?"

"But, I maybe had another idea in mind and I maybe had him give a rough sketch of that." Unbuttoning my jeans, I pause as I still see the distress in his expression. "Now again it's just a rough marker sketch, and I wasn't even sure this would be the location I'd want it, but since I had the one on my arm and was thinking of the kids names over my heart-"

"I feel like I'm going to need a drink in a minute."

"It was just to see if I liked it, Zedd. Plus it should reassure you I have definitely not lost interest in you or us even if as I said I'm not exactly content with myself right now." Lowering my jeans and showing him the script design of his name along with a more traditional dragon design wrapping around and through it on front of my hip, I take a slight breath. "So, don't suppose you like this one any better than the other, huh?"

Remaining silent for far too long, I see him study it closely before shaking his head. "I don't understand why. I mean…You're not my pet, Thomas, you're my husband and bonded mate. I don't understand why you want to be branded with my name as the only reason I can think of logically to do that is because you're afraid of someone trying to harm you. However you hardly need me or some show of claim on you for everyone to know I'd protect you. Everyone knows we're mates, no one would ever dare come after you and even if they were so stupid as to, you yourself have enough of a reputation to not need my name to make them fear you. Hell, sometimes I think you are the more feared one of us these days. I just-I don't know. I don't want to say anything to upset you, but on the other hand I'm so worried about you and I don't know what to do and I feel like anything I do say or do about it is only going to push you further into this matter." Taking a breath, he looks at me near pleadingly. "I just wish I knew how to help or what I could do different to make it okay."

Guilt and frustration crash down on me. "At the risk of bruising your ego, Zedd, this has NOTHING to do with you. This is all me. I'm getting...older and I want to make some small changes for me. Small changes - not our life together, not our family."

Softly he says, "Thomas, you've even been letting your schoolwork slide."

I nod shortly. "I know. As interesting as I find it, I think I might need a break from it. I haven't had to study like this since college, but even then there were breaks. Like I told you before, I just need to figure out who I am now so I can enjoy being me again. I just need some time, that's all. And if the idea of the tattoos upsets you so much, I won't do it."

I head into the bathroom, climb into the shower and begin scrubbing the hell out of my arm and hip, determined to have every trace of the drawings gone before I return to the bedroom. When I do finally leave the shower, the water has gone more than cold, my arm and hip are raw and sore, but there isn't a spot of ink left on me.

Not surprisingly, Zedd's not real happy with this either. "Thomas, you didn't have to do that. You said that it would have come off eventually."

"Kalleimat, you weren't happy with it. You were very upset by it and you didn't need that stress on top of the stress you're already putting yourself under trying to cope with my weirdness right now. It's fine."

"But, Thomas-"

"Shh." Quickly I turn off the lights and slide into bed. Gently, I kiss and caress him. "It's okay, mate. No more thinking."

I love him as thoroughly as I can, making sure to wear him out in the most pleasant and loving way I'm able with every trick I've ever learned over the years. Once he's asleep, I lie awake for a while, trying to figure out how to handle his worries without ignoring my own need. Right, because the last thing I need now is for him to be worrying because I've given up finding me.