AN/ Hi, just a PSA to always respect sex workers and everything they do. :)
The group sat around the kitchen in Monica's apartment for breakfast, except for Chandler. His absence was starting to get to everybody. There was less joking around with each other and more serious conversations that left Joey confused half the time. They could all feel the slight edge in each other's moods the past few days without him around. "Did he say anything this morning?" Phoebe looked at Joey.
He shook his head as he put more bacon onto his plate. "It's only been two weeks Pheebs, he's still upset about the whole breakup. He barely even leaves his room."
"You haven't talked to him at all?" Rachel looked at him. "I don't believe that."
Joey shrugged "Every time I ask he says he's fine. I know he's not fine, but there's nothing I can do for him. This is just phase one, when he's ready I'll be there for phase two."
"What are you talking about?" Monica asked.
"Phase one, he wallows in his self-pity in his sweatpants until phase two. We get drunk and go to a strip club" he smirked. "Which leads him to phase three, he can start picturing himself with other women. Until then, he won't be over Janice. We just have to let him go through his process."
Monica shook her head slightly as she put her fork down, "it's been too long. I'm going to talk to him."
"No!" Joey said quickly. "Uh, I'll talk to him" he stood from the table and left before anyone could say anything. He went across the hall to his apartment and knocked on his roommate's door. "Hey man, you doing okay?" he asked.
"Yeah, why?" Chandler mumbled from the other side of the door.
"Everyone is worried about you. Monica wants to talk" he said and stepped back when Chandler suddenly opened the door. Joey noticed how his hair was in disarray and he was still in a t-shirt and sweatpants.
"I told you that I don't want to talk to her right now" he walked past Joey and sat in his chair.
Joey sighed as he sat in the barcalounger next to him. "Why are you avoiding her?"
"I'm not avoiding her" Chandler laid back in the chair, looking at the ceiling. "I just got out of a relationship, I don't want to talk to anyone. Monica is just such a...Mom. I know she'll just try to make me feel better and I just want to be alone right now."
"Okay...well I'm worried about you. I know we agreed I'd just help you with phase two and I'd give you space, but come on. It's been two weeks. I've never seen you be in phase one for this long."
"Well, I was cheated on. You know when your girlfriend suddenly decides that you're not good enough so she goes back to her ex-husband" he said sarcastically.
Joey almost rolled his eyes at his friend's self-deprecating sarcasm. "It wasn't you, it was her. She was being completely selfish. Honestly, you deserve better than her any way I don't understand why you were with her."
Chandler started fiddling with the hem of his shirt with a small shrug. "She was nice, she cared about me and she made me laugh, she's beautiful and smart. I can't do better than that."
"She's also annoying, she talks too much, she's loud, and worst of all she cheated on you. She's not worth your time. You can do way better than that."
He shifted slightly in his chair, "I don't think so. I mean, even you guys think I'm not good enough to get married" Chandler chuckled nervously. "If my best friends, who know me better than anyone, don't think I'm good enough, how am I supposed to find a woman who thinks I am? It just seems impossible."
Joey furrowed his eyebrows, trying to remember what he was referring to before it dawned on him. "Oh. Chandler, that was just a joke, you really took that seriously?"
"It's hard not to when the same thing gets said. And I love joking around with you guys, but there must be some truth to it. I know I'm so bad at relationships...obviously" he smiled slightly. "I just want to be better at it and it's hard finding a woman who will give me a chance."
"You'll find her man" Joey patted his shoulder. "We all know that you're a great guy. Even if you are the last of us to get married, that's not bad" he smiled when Chandler laughed. "Seriously, you'll be fine."
Chandler nodded, taking a deep breath as he tried to process everything. Joey was one of his best friends, he wouldn't lie to him. He might have been overthinking, something he was good at. He was grateful he had friends that worried about him even when he was pushing them away. Suddenly hiding from all of them in his room felt so childish. But it wasn't just the breakup he was hiding from the past fourteen days, he was also hiding from Monica. Thinking about that amazing kiss that has probably ruined everything between them. He couldn't tell anyone about it and he just hoped Monica hadn't. Chandler wasn't sure how he was going to face everyone again, especially her. "I sound like fucking Eeyore" he laughed weakly at his gloomy attitude.
"The horse?" Joey looked at him confused.
"He's actually a donkey, but yeah" he smiled slightly at his lap. "Thank you, Joe."
He perked up and sat up straighter in his chair, "so is it...uh time for phase two?" Joey smiled hopefully.
Chandler chuckled at Joey's lack of stubbly before he looked up at the ceiling as if he was thinking. "Hmmm...Yeah, I think so. It's time to move on."
"Yes!" Joey jumped up from the chair and quickly went to the door "I'll go get Ross."
Monica walked around the apartment fluffing pillows, straightening picture frames as she wiped down surfaces. Her friends watched her as she stress-cleaned wondering what she was worried about. Before any of them could ask, Joey burst into the apartment with a smile. "Ross! Chandler is ready for phase two" he grinned. "C'mon let's go!"
Ross looked at Rachel for permission with dramatized puppy eyes as he silently begged. "Just go" Rachel waved him off.
"Thank you," Ross kissed her cheek before he left with Joey as he rushed out the door.
"Men are such pigs," Rachel shook her head.
Phoebe just shrugged "they are going to help Chandler. I just hope this means we get to see him again soon. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I miss his stupid jokes."
"Joey seems more excited about this than Chandler does" Rachel chuckled.
Monica threw a pillow onto the couch more aggressively than she meant to. "Can we stop talking about Chandler? I mean the past two weeks we've talked nothing but 'oh poor Chandler.' 'Isn't it just awful what happened?' 'I wonder how Chandler is.' We get it. I get that what happened sucked, but I can't listen to this anymore. We all know he deserves better, but I just want a second where I'm not thinking about him and that awful bitch that hurt him okay?" Monica ranted and her voice progressively got higher and her speech quickened as she fluffed the same pillow.
"Mon," Rachel went over to her and took the pillow from her. "Breath, okay? We don't have to talk about him. But it seems like you miss him. Did something happen between you two?"
"No," Monica said simply as she turned to clean the coffee table. "Nothing happened. What would happen? It's just my best friend in the world isn't talking to me for who knows why, but I'm fine. It's fine."
Phoebe and Rachel glanced at each other "I'm sure he'll talk to you tomorrow. You heard Joey, phase two then phase three and he's fine. Right?" Phoebe looked at Rachel to make sure she remembered correctly.
"Right. He'll talk to you tomorrow. He hasn't been talking to any of us because he's just going through a hard time. You know guys, they don't like talking about their emotions. If he's finally getting over it, he'll be back to normal in no time" Rachel reassured.
Monica just shook her head slightly. She appreciated what her friends were doing, but they didn't understand. She's been thinking about her kiss with Chandler and what it all meant for the past two weeks. Monica knew it was important to give him space, so she did, but she couldn't take this waiting anymore. What did the kiss mean to him? Was it just something to get over Janice? She was hoping it meant as much to him as it did to her.
"I don't think this is a good idea, Joe," Chandler said hesitantly as his friend nudged him to the private room.
"Come on! After a phase one like that, you deserve VIP treatment for once! Besides, Ross already paid for it so you have no choice" Joey muttered. "We got you the full package too. A whole hour and drinks included, so go in there and have fun."
"Yeah, but out here I can just watch. In there it's much more...intimate" he practically cringed before Joey shoved him into the curtain. Chandler stumbled, spinning in a circle as he tried catching himself before falling onto the couch. He looked around the dim room with a blue neon sign on the wall that read 'Girls Girls Girls' which in his opinion was incredibly tacky. Chandler didn't even want to imagine what happened here previously. Seeing the 10 shots supplied on the small table next to him, he quickly downed one and cringed slightly at the sting of the vodka. He flinched when the small room suddenly filled with music and the dancer walked out in a red lace bralette top and matching bottoms. Chandler shifted uncomfortably as he watched her walk closer to him. "Ohh, you're pretty. Pretty ah, pretty girl, y-you're pretty" he stuttered.
The stripper chuckled at his awkwardness, "thank you. You're not so bad yourself. What's your name?" she asked.
"Ch-chandler…" he mumbled, looking anywhere but her. "What's yours?"
"Kathy," she answered, straddling his lap.
He sucked in his breath when he felt her weight on him. "Uh- Kathy with a K or a C?" he asked nervously.
"With a K. You've never done this before, have you?" she held out one of the shots for him to drink.
Chandler downed the shot quickly, hoping it would calm him. "I've been to clubs before, but this private room really isn't my thing. My friends thought I needed it 'cause I just broke up with my girlfriend after she cheated on me. Usually, we come to a club after I break up with someone to get over it, but this time feels different" he rambled.
"Well, we can always just go slow. Tell me about your ex-girlfriend" she tilted her head curiously as she played with the buttons on his shirt and handed him another shot to encourage him to relax.
He drank it and watched her hand on his chest as he told her everything about Janice and the events that transpired over their relationship, even everything about Monica. Chandler wasn't even sure why he was pouring his relationship history out to a random dancer, but it was cathartic. It didn't go unnoticed every time she rolled her hips against his crotch or touched the back of his neck to pull him closer as he told his story. "So eventually I just had to admit it to Janice. I'm in love with Monica, but you know it can't happen. She did kiss me after the breakup, but I think she was just trying to make me feel better in a weird way" he finished starting to feel the alcohol.
"Or maybe she has feelings for you too. You are very handsome. You seem like a great guy to me, I know I'd want to kiss you if I thought it would make you feel better" she hummed with a slight smirk as she danced on him.
"Oh no I don't think so" Chandler chuckled at the idea. "She's way too gorgeous for me. Monica is probably the most beautiful woman I've ever seen...wait what did you say?" he asked when he realized what she had said.
She leaned in close to him. "You're very attractive, you know that right Chandler?" she whispered, brushing her lips against his. Kathy usually didn't let customers affect her this way, but he seemed different. He was somehow handsome and sexy while simultaneously being adorable. She just wanted him to touch her and kiss her all over. Technically, it was against the rules of the club to sleep with a customer, but her boss might understand it if they got that far.
"I'm pretty okay" Chandler swallowed thickly, glancing down at her lips. He gripped the arm of the couch to keep his hands to himself. Rule one of the strip clubs, don't touch the dancers. At this moment, he wasn't sure why he did this to himself. It felt like a strange way of self-torture. He reached over and downed his fourth shot of the night.
Kathy smiled, noticing the effect she was having on him. She looked at his hands and giggled, leaning in close to his ear she whispered, "I usually don't let clients touch me, but I trust you."
His eyes widened and he shook his head quickly to refuse. "Oh, I don't think I should. I know I'm not supposed to so it's fine-"
"Do it Chandler" she smiled, grabbing the hair on the back of his head.
He gasped softly at her grip and refused to admit to himself that her dominance was the part that was turning him on the most. He hesitantly grabbed her thighs as she gyrated her hips against him. Her skin was soft under his hands and he suddenly noticed the perfume she wore smelled like earl grey and orange flower. "Y-you're good at this" he mumbled, biting his tongue.
"Dancing or turning you on?" she hummed teasingly. Kathy slowly removed the bralette off of her body. When she saw Chandler close his eyes she couldn't help but laugh at him. She's never had a client that was so reluctant to watch her. "You can look Chandler, that's part of the show."
Slowly, he opened his eyes and watched Kathy dance, his eyes immediately going to her now exposed breasts. Chandler closed his eyes again because he refused to let himself get an erection in front of her. This is why he didn't want a private room. He always had a rule to never let himself get too turned on to the point where it became a problem, but now he was trapped in a room with an attractive half-naked woman. He was expecting a typical night out with his friends. Maybe get a lap dance or two as he had one too many drinks. But he was in a private room with a half-naked stripper on his lap. "I just don't want to overstep your boundaries here. I might be tipsy, but I'm not about to get kicked out of here" he chuckled while taking another shot.
Kathy gently played with his hair as she just stared at him. She's had respectful clients before, but they were rare in her business. While she appreciated it greatly, she loved what she did and all she wanted was to dance for him and give him a good time tonight. Kathy grabbed him by his cheeks, forcing him to look at her. "Chandler, you're really sweet, but I'm here to give you a good time, so please relax and enjoy yourself" she giggled. "Have another drink" Kathy smiled, handing him another glass and he happily accepted it. She gripped the back of his hair again and smiled widely when his eyes closed as he moaned involuntarily.
"Why do you keep doing that?" he mumbled through his drunken haze.
"You seem to enjoy it. You seem like the kind of guy who loves being dominated. I'm the kind of girl who loves being dominant. We're almost perfect for each other" she hummed. Kathy ran her hands down his torso as she rolled her hips forward. She pinned his shoulder against the couch and pushed his hair back. "It's just a shame you can't kiss me."
"Maybe I can't kiss you, but you can kiss me...then it's just rude if I don't kiss back. So really, it's up to you-" Kathy cut off his drunken ramblings by connecting their lips together. Before he knew it, she was undressing him. Kathy was kissing down his body as she pulled down his pants with a smirk on her face.
The girls decided to make margaritas and have a night in together since the boys were out. As usual, their conversation shifted to the topic of relationships. Rachel ranted to them about how Ross was annoying her at work because of Mark. Phoebe talked about her newest boyfriend, but even she didn't think it would last very long. Monica wasn't paying much attention as she focused on drinking as much alcohol as she could manage. Just as an attempt to forget about how Chandler was practically with another woman tonight. If he asked she would've done a strip show for him. Maybe she wasn't as hot as a stripper, but she could do her best. If she remembered correctly, he kissed back. It wasn't an ordinary kiss either. It was passionate and so hot. It just made her feelings for him stronger because now she knew it was the best kiss she's ever experienced so far.
"What about you Mon?" Phoebe looked at her. "Any guys? You haven't been on a date since Richard I'm kinda worried about you" she suppressed a laugh.
"Oh, I haven't been on any dates."
"Except your dinner with Richard two weeks ago" Rachel mumbled with a smirk.
"That wasn't a date!" she insisted.
"Didn't you guys kiss though?" Phoebe asked.
"He kissed me, I pushed him away. Honestly, it was horrible. After everything I'm just not attracted to him anymore so the whole thing was creepy and weird" she shivered.
Rachel tried hiding her smile by biting her lip, "he totally loves you Mon."
"That's great and everything, but I don't have any interest in him any more" Monica shrugged. She looked at her friends that were glancing at each other, she knew they wanted something more than that. "There's a cute guy at work…" she smiled weakly.
"Oh, the one in the relationship?" Rachel asked. "I thought we agreed you wouldn't do anything?"
"Well, he broke up with his girlfriend recently, and I actually, um, kissed him," she said nervously.
"What!?" Phoebe and Rachel said together, sitting up and sitting on the edge of their seats. "Spill" Phoebe smiled at her.
She shrugged innocently and sipped at her margarita. "There's nothing to tell. It's just some guy I work with."
Phoebe rolled her eyes and looked at Rachel "that's what she said when she had a date with Paul the wine guy" she mumbled under her breath.
Rachel chuckled at Phoebe's comment and gently tossed a pillow at Monica, "come on! Monica you haven't had anything for weeks, can't you give us this?" she pleaded.
"Fine" Monica sighed. She looked into her glass trying to figure out how to tell this story without giving away that it's Chandler. "Okay, this guy is really cute and sweet and funny and smart and-"
"Okay, get on with it" Phoebe pushed.
She sighed at her urgency before she continued, "he broke up with his girlfriend...last week." lying so she wouldn't give it away. "And he wanted to talk to me and I talked him through it a little and then...I just kissed him. He kissed back and his lips were so soft. At first, it was fast, like we were going to get caught by...the other staff. But then it slowed and he held me close and it was so passionate. I think he feels the same way about me, but I haven't been able to talk to him since."
"You should call him!" Phoebe suggested grabbing the phone. "You deserve to know if there's a future with you two."
Monica shook her head quickly "I think it's late, but I'll call tomorrow I promise" she smiled weakly. "I appreciate your concerns, but really, I'm fine," she insisted, looking at her friend's skeptical looks. "I'm completely over Richard and I'm honestly glad it's over with him."
"Do you think he feels the same way? Honestly, it sounds like he's not over you" Rachel noted.
She shrugged and sipped at her margarita, "that's not my problem. He's a grown man, he can get over it himself. If he can't, then he's more immature than I thought and I don't even want to deal with a man like that."
"I think that's why I could never date Chandler," Phoebe said seemingly out of nowhere.
"What?" Rachel and Monica asked at the same time.
"Don't act like you've never thought about it! I've thought about all the guys, I'd pick Joey first then Ross-"
"Hey!" Rachel looked at her offended.
Phoebe shrugged nonchalantly. "You've obviously thought about it. What's your order?" she asked.
"Ross first, obviously," she smiled. "Then Joey, then way down the list, Chandler." They both looked at Monica, silently asking for her list.
She stood up and walked to the kitchen to pour herself more margarita ignoring their stares. "So, did you guys hear about that titanic movie? I think next weekend we could go see it if you guys aren't busy."
"Come on Mon, what's your list?" Rachel insisted.
Monica grumbled sitting back down in the chair, draping her legs over the chair arms. "You guys realize one of them is my brother?"
"Well, we weren't expecting you to include him" Phoebe chuckled. "Come on, you only have two options here and there's only one right answer."
"Chandler, then Joey" Monica mumbled behind her glass. She shifted uncomfortably when the room went silent. Her friends looked like they were having a telepathic conversation about her choice by the way they were looking at each other. "I don't know what everyone sees in Joey, I mean he's attractive. I had a small thing for him when he first moved in, but I could never date him after getting to know him."
"Why not? Joey is hot" Phoebe pointed out. "Plus he's loyal and not weird."
Monica furrowed her eyebrows confused and looked at Phoebe almost with a glare in her eyes. "He's weirder than Chandler. Chandler is smart and he's loyal."
"But I wouldn't say he's hot. He's cute though" Rachel smiled.
She couldn't sit here and listen to her friends talk bad about Candler anymore. She didn't understand how this conversation came up so often recently, but she just needed to get out of it. "I'm going to bed" Monica got up and went to the kitchen to clean the used dishes. Rachel and Phoebe protested together wanting her to stay as she put her glass on the drying rack. "Guys, I'm just tired, it's late and I need to talk to Chandler in the morning," she said as she walked across the apartment to her room. "Goodnight" she waved behind her before shutting the door.
Phoebe turned to Rachel suddenly feeling guilty, "do you think I upset her?" she whispered.
"No she's fine" Rachel reassured.
Chandler shifted in his bed the next morning as he started waking up. His head pounded and a wave of nausea hit him. He groaned, grabbing his forehead as a nonsensical attempt to fix his headache. "Fuck" Chandler mumbled rolling onto his stomach and burying his face in the pillow to block out the light from the window.
"You really should watch your language."
Chandler froze when he heard a woman's voice next to him. Slowly, he turned to face the naked woman beside him, who was already getting up to get dressed. "What happened last night?" he mumbled.
Kathy laughed as she put on her shirt. "If it's not obvious yet, you got drunk" she laid next to him, propping her head up on her elbow as she played with his hair. "In the club, I gave you a blowjob, but then your hour was up so after my shift was over we came here. Had amazing sex and fell asleep" she smiled innocently.
"That doesn't sound like me," he muttered.
She moved closer to him, moving her hand down his side, "which part? Because I remember it very clearly and I know I was with you all night" she whispered, kissing his shoulder.
He shifted away from her as he sat up "Joey is the kind of guy to have amazing sex with a stripper, not me. Mediocre sex, maybe but even then…"
"Well, Joey definitely tried, but I wasn't interested. Trust me Chandler, it was very amazing" she gently pulled his face closer and kissed him. She moved onto his lap as their kiss deepened, tangling her fingers in his hair.
Chandler leaned into her before suddenly he pulled away, gently pushing her off. "This isn't right" he moved to stand but realized he had no underwear on. He stayed seated holding the blanket around his waist.
"What do you mean?" she tilted her head. "You had no problem with it last night."
"I was drunk! People are not supposed to sleep with a stripper."
"So because I'm a stripper I can't have sex?" Kathy got up and finished getting dressed. "Honestly, I meet a lot of jerks, but judging me for my job is something I never expected from you" she slammed the top half of his door as she left.
He got up quickly, swaying slightly from his headache as he put on a pair of boxers, not even bothering with a shirt as he ran after her. Chandler grabbed her shoulder and held her arm when she turned to face him. "I didn't mean it like that. I just mean that I don't go to those clubs looking for anything. I'm honestly surprised because the guy you were with last night doesn't sound like me. And beautiful women like you...usually don't give me the time of day. It sounds like we had a lot of fun, it's a shame I don't remember half of it" he chuckled awkwardly.
Kathy smiled slightly and kissed his cheek, "you don't give yourself enough credit." The room went quiet when Chandler was unsure how to respond to that. "You know, I've done a few fantasies for guys before…" she said softly as she gently traced the hickeys she left the night before. "But the guy's best friend is a new one. Whoever Monica is, she's very lucky" Kathy winked at him before she turned to leave. Opening the apartment door and stopped when a woman was standing there. She smiled politely, "excuse me," she said softly as she moved past her to exit.
Chandler stood frozen in place. He was still trying to process what Kathy said and now Monica stood outside his door. She just saw a stripper leave his apartment while he stood in the middle of the living room, half-naked, with hickeys on his neck and collarbone. Chandler and Monica stood in silence just staring at each other and he felt that horrible pang of guilt again. He wasn't with her technically, he shouldn't feel guilty, but that look of hurt on her face was too much to bear.
"I'm sorry, I'll come back later" she mumbled quickly going back to her apartment. Monica ignored Rachel as she kept her head down to hide the tears forming in his eyes. She went straight to her room and shut the door, locking it before sitting on her bed. This was so ridiculous, he wasn't her boyfriend, he was allowed to sleep with whoever he wanted. Obviously, the kiss meant more to her than it did to him, she was expecting this. Monica stood from her bed and walked in circles in her room as she tried calming herself. "Fuck…" she sobbed. Taking a deep breath, she lay on her bed and hugged one of her pillows tightly.
Chandler quickly came into the apartment, now wearing a t-shirt, frantically looking around out of breath. "Where's Monica?"
"Chandler you're better" Phoebe smiled. "How was phase two?"
"Where's Monica?" he asked again.
"Dude, where are your pants?" Ross looked at him, disgusted.
"Where's Monica!?" he shouted, completely frustrated with them. His headache is not going away with all of this running around. Even if he wanted to lay on the floor and throw up into a trash can, Monica was more important.
Rachel pointed in the direction of her bedroom "She's in...her room" Rachel watched Chandler run to Monica's door before she even finished speaking.
Chandler tried opening the door when he found it locked. He knocked on her door and leaned his forehead against it as he tried catching his breath, "Mon…"
Monica looked at the door and faced away from it "Yes?" she muttered reluctantly.
"Can we talk?" Chandler asked softly, knowing his friends were listening.
"We don't have anything to talk about."
He almost scoffed at that notion. Out of anyone else, they never ran out of things to talk about. "You know that's not true, '' he mumbled, sitting in front of the door and drawing on it nonsensically with his finger. "I'm not leaving till you let me in."
Monica heard his voice move to the bottom of her door and figured he was sitting outside. Slowly, she moved to the door and sat down in front of it. "What do you want to talk about?" she asked, failing to hide the sadness in her voice.
Chandler put his hand on the door when he heard her voice was closer. He wasn't sure how to say this when his friends and her brother were behind him, watching. "I want to talk about...When Harry met Sally…"
The group of friends looked at each other, all sharing confused looks. They looked back at Chandler when each of them noticed no one else knew the urgency he had to talk about a movie.
"What's your opinion on it…?" Chandler asked softly.
Monica smiled, picking up on what he was doing. "I think they both had points."
"Even if Harry got really drunk and did something really stupid?"
She sighed leaning her head on the door. "I don't think Sally would mind. She just...doesn't know how Harry feels and she's too scared to ask."
"Mon, please let me in," he begged in a faint whisper. The other side of the door went quiet and Chandler wondered if he just ruined things between them for one drunken night. He dragged his finger in a small circle on the door as he waited for some kind of response. More seconds went by and he started counting in his head as his circles turned into small hearts. When he reached seventy-five seconds, when he was about to give up, he heard the door unlock.