ZEDD - THE NEXT NIGHT

I'm getting bored waiting for Thomas to finish up with his friends. The original Rangers decided to have a few drinks together. I'd left him with a smile and a promise from him that he wouldn't be all that long. That was three hours ago and I'm about ready to give up and just go to sleep and hope that he'll wake me up when he gets here. After all, tomorrow is our day before we go home and he usually only leaves the room to see the others off.

Suddenly, I hear voices in the hallway. After a moment, I recognize Thomas' rich baritone, but it takes me a bit longer to realize who the other voice belongs to - Kimberly, whose room is down the hall from ours. From what I can hear, she's had a few too many. Most likely since she lost her husband last year and came alone this year. My ears perk up at what she asks my mate.

"How did you ever forgive me for breaking up with you the way I did?"

"I just did, Kim."

"Just like that?"

"Well, no. It hurt - for a long time. You were the first girl I'd ever loved. I didn't know what I did wrong that suddenly relegated me to brother status." I know that Thomas doesn't think much on what happened so many years ago. Rarely, when he's feeling particularly nostalgic or reminiscing with Jason, it's come up, but as far as I know, he's never actually confronted her about the past. Although I don't think that in her inebrieated state is the best time either. And her next question has me on high alert as they continue to move slowly down the hall.

"Do you ever wonder what things would be like if I hadn't done that?"

"No." The firm answer reassures me a bit, until he sighs and confesses. "I used to, a long time ago. At first I hoped it was a mistake, wished that you'd call or write and say that you wrote and sent the letter at a bad moment, that you didn't mean it. Used to dream that you'd come back to me and we'd be together again. That we'd have a house and kids. I finally realized that it wouldn't happen right then just because I wanted it to, so I started dating again. Dated a couple of times, but Ranger duties interfered every time so I gave up again - until I realized that as long as I was active, only another Ranger, past or present, could really understand. Then I finally realized that Kat was interested in me. So I gave it a go with her."

My superior hearing as well as moving by the door allows me to continue to listen to a part of his past that he doesn't talk about. "Now I know that I was already bonding or bonded to Zedd, but at the time, I just thought that I was still hung up on you."

"Did you sleep with her?"

"Yes" he answers reluctantly.

"Did you ever imagine she was me?"

"Kim-"

"Did you ever wonder what it would be like to make love to me?" He remains silent, but the former Ranger doesn't seem to notice. "I wondered what it would be like with you."

"Kim, don't." They're way down the hall now and it's getting much harder to hear them, but I can feel his quickly changing emotions just fine. "Leave it alone."

"But I want to know." Not quite a whine, but it still sets my teeth on edge.

"Give me your key so I can open your door." A few seconds later, I hear a clatter of things falling on the carpeted floor and then Thomas sighs again. "I'll get it. Just stay there for a minute."

Shortly after, I hear him open her door and help her in. I return to bed, certain that he'll be here soon. Instead, it's nearly thirty minutes later before I hear the key in our own door. By now I've managed to work myself into a state of high jealousy. What in all the hells took so damn long? He closes the door behind him and turns, seeing I'm still awake. "Honey, I'm home" he says jokingly.

"Took you long enough." The statement comes out a lot snappier than I mean it to, although after a closer look at him, I certainly feel justified.

"I would have been back sooner, but Kim got loaded and I walked her back to her room since she's just down the hall from us" he explains.

"And how does that explain the lipstick on your face, neck and collar, Thomas?" I grind out between my teeth.

"Shit. Really?" He dives into the bathroom, flipping on the light. I hear the water running and he returns a few minutes later, shirtless and freshly scrubbed. "Nothing happened, Zedd. I swear."

I rise from the bed, cross over to him and sniff deeply. I growl low in my throat as I take in the smell of alcohol, the former Pink Ranger - heavy with pheromones - and my own slightly aroused mate. "I think your definition of 'nothing' and mine differ greatly, Thomas."

His voice softens. "Think for a second, kalleimat. Did you see any lipstick on my mouth?"

"How does that even matter?" I snarl.

"Because I don't want this to turn out like the bar incident all those years ago. Please. Think about it. Was there lipstick on my mouth?"

I take a breath and focus. After a minute's thought, I answer, "No, but-"

"She tried to kiss me, Zedd, but I didn't kiss her. I took her back to her room, got her inside, sat her on the bed and took her shoes off. When I went to pull down the covers, she pulled me off balance. She leaned in to kiss me and I turned away. Kim made a few more attempts before I could get her to at least lay down and pulled the covers over her. She passed out just as I was about to leave the room. I made sure that she was turned on her side, left and came straight back here."

While, I suppose in the grand scheme of things, that truly is nothing, his calmly recited facts do very little to cool my rage against the female. "Humph."

"Zedd, she's drunk as hell. Odds are, she'll be mortified in the morning when she wakes up and remembers what happened - or rather, what she tried to have happen."

"Drunk or not, she knows that we've been together more than thirty years, Thomas! For a human, that's a significant span of time! What would ever make her think that you would accept her advances?"

He pauses, giving the question far more thought than I would have deemed necessary. "I can't think of anything that I would have said or done that would have led her to believe that."

I accept his statement at face value. Right now, the bond is screaming at me to lay claim to him - rid him of her scent by covering him with my own. However, I know from past experience that he'll be less than happy if I do. "Shower, Thomas, now."

He bites his lip as he thinks. "No."

"Thomas-"

"No, Zedd. Go ahead and do what you want." And that almost shatters what little control I have left. What does break my tightly held control is when he slowly removes the rest of his clothes, goes to the bed and climbs on, ass up and head down.

I'm in him in a moment, trying to hold back a little. I know that - like me - he doesn't mind it rough on occasion, but somehow I get the feeling that this isn't one of those times. Still, the bond has a stronger hold on me than him. For me, when it gets this strong, it's almost like when his drive takes control of him.

Sometime later, I feel the goal is accomplished and I finally begin to soften. What disturbs me now is that - while I came several times, I don't think he did at all. Softly, he speaks. "Better? Or do you need more?"

Instead of answering him, I pose a question of my own. "Are you all right, love?"

"Sure." Thomas gets up from the bed, his careful movement telling me that he's not as all right as he claimed. "I'm going to get a shower now. Rest for a bit and then you can clean up before we go to sleep."

Troubled, I wait until I hear the shower going before following him. I slip in behind him. Gently, I pull him to me. "Sorry, love."

"It's okay, Zedd. It's what you needed. Really, it's no different than when the drive gets me, is it?" I shake my head. "Thought so. It's fine. I promise."

"Actually, Thomas, there is one very big difference." He looks back at me, question clearly in his eyes. "When the drive takes you over, you at least make sure that it's pleasurable for me as well as taking care of your needs. I didn't do that."

He shakes his head. "That wasn't because of you, mate. That was all me."

"Wait, what?"

His gaze falls away from me. "Zedd, I know that what happened tonight upset you a lot. I know what the bond was demanding from you - I could feel it. I had to make sure that you got what you needed so that you knew that I was yours - in every way."

Guilt racks me. "But that doesn't mean that you can't enjoy it too, love. Just like when you lose control, I allow myself to enjoy it."

"But this happens far less than my drive - especially when you deliberately push me there."

I can't help the brief grin at that memory from a couple of years ago. Thomas hadn't been through a drive in a long time and I was - surprisingly - wanting him to be. I made sure that arrangements were made for the children for a few months out and then made sure that Thomas and I were quite busy for that few months. For that span, we didn't see each other all that much and when we did we were so tired, sex was the last thing from our minds. I was starting to regret my decision, since I missed him so much. However, we were at the palace and the kids were at the house on Eltar, when Thomas came into my office, shaking and in desperate need.

"Zedd."

I was finishing up a call, so I signaled him to wait, but I knew what he needed due to the heavy smell of pheromones. I ended the call and shut down the system before I turned my attention to him. "Yes, Thomas?"

"It's been too long, mate. I need you." A quick look over him told me that he was barely hanging on as it was. The quick, shallow breathing, flushed face, dilated pupils and straining erection made it clear how bad it was and I felt just a bit badly about doing this to him on purpose and without his knowledge. "Either we need to mate or you need to call Pina and fast to find out what exactly she puts in those shots she gives me."

"I've just shut down the system, Thomas. It takes a little while for it to come back on, you know that."

He tried to take a deep breath. "Then you better decide if you want to do this here or in the bedroom, because I'm about to lose it."

"Bedroom would certainly be best then. I'll run by the kitchen and grab some snacks and drinks and meet you there, love."

"Hurry" he demands before leaving the room quickly. When I reached the kitchen, I found that there was already a box packed and ready to go, as well as a sandwich. I wolf down the sandwich as fast as I can, snatch up the box and head to the bedroom. Once there, I find that Thomas is pacing, already gloriously naked and ready. I set the box down and quickly stripped out of my clothes, the hungry look in his eyes telling me quite clearly that taking my time was not an option.

Once he let himself go, we barely left the bed for two solid days. Afterward, I'd confessed that I'd done it on purpose and he confessed that he knew - had figured it out about a month in. Shaking my head and returning to the here and now, I focus on my husband. "It's still not the same."

"As long as you feel better, then that's all that matters." He steps away from me and begins to wash up. I take the cloth from him and gently wash his back.

When I'm done with that, I turn him and continue to take care of him. Finally, I understand a little of his guilt when he's lost control with me. Again, his is hardly necessary when he loves me so thoroughly even when he's not fully in control, but I understand his point now as well as his desire to 'fix it'.

Fortunately, my attentions have the intended affect and he relaxes a bit. I stroke him lightly, both pleased and saddened when his body reacts rapidly. Determined to take care of him properly, I kneel down and take him in before he can stop me.

"Oh hell, Zedd. You don't have to - ooh - do this." I ignore his protests and take him all the way in. I can tell he's struggling to hang on, but is it because he wants it to last or he's trying to hold out? I make up my mind and force the issue, sliding two fingers inside him and rubbing his prostate firmly and repeatedly. It's only seconds after that he cries out in pleasure.

Once he catches his breath a bit, he extracts himself from my mouth and leans against the wall, still panting slightly. I speak softly, just loud enough to be heard over the water. "I'm sorry, love, but I couldn't leave you like that." Lightly, I run my fingers over the bruises I've already left all over him. "Not after how I used you. I had to fix it."

Thomas looks up sharply at my wording. "What?"

"After all these years, Thomas, I finally understand what you go through after one of your drives - and not secondhand either."

"Wait what? Zedd, this isn't the same - similar, but not the same."

I sigh. "Close enough." I quickly finish cleaning him and then myself before we both get out and swiftly get dried and move to the bed. I struggle to find a subject change and, stupidly, say the first thing that comes to mind. "So it was probably a real ego boost, wasn't it?"

"What? "

"Your ex showing up and telling you that they still want you and wish they'd never let you go."

I can feel his disgust and upset. Still, he responds casually. "Oh, so that's how you felt when Annwyl showed up and told you the same things?"

Now I'm mortified beyond belief. "Hell no!"

"Then why would you think I'd feel that way?"

I try and salvage the situation the best I can. "We don't see things the same way, love, and with you feeling down on yourself lately..."

I let my voice trail off as I remember a conversation I'd had with a few of the Rangers earlier in the day. Talk had turned to Thomas and his rather odd behavior. Several of the elder Earth males had laughed and looked a bit sheepish, while some of the females were clearly laughing at them. My confusion and frustration had been obvious before they chose to fill me in.

Inwardly, I shake my head. Humans are so weird. I still don't really understand how Thomas can be going through something called a 'midlife crisis' when he's nowhere near the middle of his life, even as a half breed.

I return my attention to my husband as he speaks. "It's a case of way too little, way too late, Zedd. Had she come back to me before I'd gotten hurt, of course I'd have been willing to try with her again. But she didn't and I can't even begin to imagine that I'd be as happy with her as I am with you. Hell, I'd have probably still been discontented, but I'd have no damn idea why." He thinks for a minute. "Odds are, it still wouldn't have worked out between her and me because the bond would still have been affecting me. I wouldn't have known about it, but I'd have most likely been unhappy and just going through the motions."