Author's note: Only a couple more chapters left in the factory now, then it's back to see how Daniel and Claire are doing. Not sure about the list of animals that Veruca says. I've got the DVD now, so I'll check later and correct it. R&R please!

11

"Ah, this is a room I know all about," Posh English Dude says, "For you see, Mr. Wonka, I myself am in the nut business."
What a coincidence!
Wonka was handed a business card which was sent straight over his shoulder; Mike couldn't help but feel amused by it.
"Are you using the Halamax 3000 to do your sorting?"
Who cares?
"Nnnnno, hahahaha! You're really weird!"
True, but kinda hypocritical.
Wonka strode into the room, followed by the remainder of the tour-group. Mike winced at the massive noise and looked around for the source of it. He didn't have to look very hard as he saw about eighty squirrels hitting walnuts. Not for the first time that day, Mike was confused.
"Squirrels!" Satanic Kid exclaimed. Mike didn't say 'duh', although he really, really wanted to.
"Yeah, squirrels!" Wonka said, "These squirrels are specially trained to get the nuts out of shells."
"Why use squirrels?" asked Posh English Dude, "Why not use Oompa-Loompas?"
"Because only squirrels can get the whole walnut out almost every single time," Wonka explained, "See how they tap it with their li'l knuckles to make sure it's not bad? Oh, look! I think that one's got a bad nut."
Mike scanned the mass of squirrels for the one that had found a bad nut, but he couldn't tell them apart. He saw several nuts rolling down to a big hole in the centre of the room and assumed that that was where the bad nuts went.
"Daddy," Satanic Kid said, "I want one of those squirrels. Get me one of those squirrels. I want one."
Mike clamped his teeth down over his thumb to stop from laughing out loud; finally this girl was going to get what she deserved.
"Veruca, dear, you have many marvelous pets."
I'll bet she does, and who gave them to her?
"All I've got at home is two dogs and four cats and six bunny rabbits and two ponies and a silly old hamster! I want a squirrel!"
"All right, dear," Posh English Dude said calmly, "Daddy will get you a squirrel just as soon as he possibly can."
"But I don't want any old squirrel," Satanic Kid continued, "I want a trained squirrel."
Mr. Salt sighed, defeated, "Very well. Mr. Wonka, how much do you want for one of these squirrels? Name your price."
"They're not for sale," Wonka said bluntly, putting a great emphasis on all the negatives in the sentence which made Mike squirm with glee, "She can't have one."
Satanic Kid turned to her father, and Mike saw the anger flare in her eyes, "Daddy!"
Mr. Salt hesitated.
"I'm sorry, darling," Wonka said, in a disturbingly accurate imitation of the Posh English Dude, "Mr. Wonka's being unreasonable."
"If you won't get me a squirrel," Satanic Kid said conclusively, "I'll get one myself!"

Mike stood on his toes to get a better look over the fence, as Veruca hopped the gate and climbed down the stairs towards the squirrels.
"Veruca!" Mr. Salt cried, "Come back here at once!"
Mike stepped up onto the bottom rung of the fence and folded his arms over the top, preparing himself for what promised to be an entertaining show.
Satanic Kid meandered around the middle of the room for a while, before spying a squirrel she liked. Walking confidently over, she reached out her arms, "I'll have you!"
There was a ghostly pause…
Suddenly, the squirrel squeaked and pounced on Veruca. The squirrels around her began to jump onto her. Mike gave a start and grabbed the fence to steady himself. Veruca was now pacing backwards, trying to shake off the scores of squirrels. Wonka pulled out a key-ring with hundreds of keys attached to it, and began to sieve through them one by one, "Nope…not that one…"
Satanic Kid screamed as she was thrown to the ground.
"Veruca!" her father cried out for her. Mike leaned forward and looked at the squirming, defenseless Veruca, his hatred for her morphing into fear.
"There it is!" Wonka tried the key, "There it isn't …"
"Daddy!" she screamed, "I want them to stop!"
Mike wondered why Posh English Dude didn't just climb over the small gate; but then he realized he could ask himself the exact same question.
Just as suddenly as they had begun, the deafening squeaks ceased. One of the squirrels climbed onto Satanic Kid's torso and rapped on her head with its paw.
"What're they doing?" asked Scruffy.
"They're testing to see if she's a bad nut," Wonka replied, then turned to see the squirrel give a single squeak, "Oh, my goodness. She is a bad nut, after all…"
Thought so.
The squirrels moved so quickly and fluently, it was almost as if they were one. They scooped up Veruca and began to scuttle over to the centre of the room.
"Where are they taking her?" Mr. Salt asked.
"Where all the other bad nuts go, to the garbage chute," Wonka answered.
"But where does the chute go?"
"To the incinerator."
Mike could swear Wonka was smiling.
"But don't worry, we only light it on Tuesdays."
Tuesday? Tuesday…what is it about Tuesday that's bothering me?
"Today is Tuesday!"
Wonka took a side-look at Mike, "Well, there's always the chance they decided not to light it today…"

Mike scrunched his eyes shut as Veruca screamed and was thrown into the chute. He looked slowly back round as the screams fizzled out. He felt very unclean, for some reason. Sucking someone up a tube was fine; turning them into a blueberry wasn't too bad. But this was a murder. Someone had actually died.
The squirrels returned to their posts and got back to work like nothing extraordinary had just happened.
Everyone turned to Wonka for an answer.
"Now, she may be stuck in the chute just below the top," he said lamely, "If that's the case, all you have to do is reach in and pull her out."
Having found the key (in timing that was too perfect for Mike to let go) Wonka unlocked the gate. Posh English Dude scaled the first flight of steps, but stopped dead in his tracks when the Oompa-Loompas appeared from nowhere to start singing.

Veruca Salt, the little brute,
Has just gone down the garbage chute,
And she will meet as she descends,
A rather different set of friends.

A rather different set of friends,
A rather different set of friends.

A fish head, for example, cut,
This morning from a halibut,
An oyster from an oyster stew,
A steak that no one else would chew.

And lots of other things as well,
Each with its rather horrid smell!
Horrid smell!

These are Veruca's new-found friends,
That she will meet as she descends,
These are Veruca's new-found friends!

Mike had to admit, he was probably the most scared he'd ever been in his life. Though there hadn't been many scary moments in his life. One that stood out was the time his dad was pushing him on a swing, and he fell off right at the top. Another was when he had to get a filling at the dentist, but it was put in the wrong tooth so he had to have another one put in. And the most recent – and most painful – was when he had tried to ask Claire to the dance. Mike sighed and stared at his shoes; no matter how upbeat and cheerful this song (supposedly) was, he couldn't hide the fact that he was now more miserable than a pianist who'd had his fingers chopped off.

Who went and spoilt her, who indeed?
Who pandered to her every need?
Who turned her into such a brat?
Who are the culprits, who did that?
The guilty ones, now this is sad,
Dear old mom…and loving…dad.

Bye-bye Posh English Dude...