Back from shopping for food, and now its back to writing down the assorted madness that's swiftly becoming my brand. Then its more Battle Network and Pokémon. Enjoy.

Chapter 2: Greetings, Future Disappointments!

OR

You Heard Me.

Making kids climb a rope to get into my room was always fun to watch, mostly because they were unfit little fucks who spent more time jerking themselves in different directions than just upward. Hell, it even worked as a little 'test' of my own device, because not even 20 feet past the rope leading into the ceiling with the poorly spelled sign saying 'Divination Class Avobe' were the stairs that also lead into the classroom. It let me know right away who the wunderkinds of the class would be.

By rope or by stone though, they all came eventually, and boy did it do nothing for me imagining which would be hottest when they were grown up. I even had a little board on the side wall of the class, and so far as I was concerned my record was flawless.

I don't know what littler Draco thought when he saw his mum taped to the wall, and I really don't want to know what he thought when I put Neville's right next to hers, both under the sections 'The Glow-Up'.

The best part about being a confirmed Seer was that everybody put up with your bullshit. Anyway, right, impressionable children to horribly scar.

"Welcome, to the Woooorld of Tomorrow!" I flounced forward with my arms spread, completing my look as an absolute mad man to a set of either unimpressed or desperately darting young eyes.

Then I brought my hands to my side, did a little set of jazz hands, and was all prim and proper behind my podium, face calm and eyes half-lidded. Ahhh, sweet juxtaposition.

"Today you all get to find out how and why the world hates you! Or, alternatively, how Lady Luck can suck your metaphorical dick and be happy about it!" I pontificated with my very helpful drawings I had drop down from the ceiling, the first showing a losing hand of poker, while the later had a large NSFW label cutting through what should have been obvious, but covered absolutely nothing.

Just like that I think I made a friend in every boy who'd just gotten their acorns, and the enmity of every girls within a 50 foot radius. I could live with that.

"Wh-what, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" The bright haired lass in the front squawked in disbelief, followed by a majority of her fellow black'n'yellows, with even a few hisses from the other ones. I waved it off.

"Good question unwanted child, but here's a better one. You think the future is always pretty? That you'll get some PG image of people holding hands or someone melting another's face off-screen? Nah, the future is down, dirty, and if you want to see anything worth while than learn to get your mind in the gutter to sort out that filth. If you're here, than obviously you can handle adult content." I gave my perfectly justifiable answer to Girl-who'd-probably-be-Bonesing, watching her mouth open and close.

"I, but, you, why start, can't you..." I closed my eyes and relished with the stops and starts. There's one in every class, at a minimum.

"Yep, that's how it goes. Now for the first and possibly last lesson I'll teach the majority of you. Ya listening?" I tried to hype up, and only succeeding at getting some of the slower ones to ready their parchment, making me pout a little, but hey, kids be kids.

"Fair enough: Divination is Bullshit, except when it isn't. Questions?" I really shouldn't be left around children with how much I enjoy the sound of them silently seething or freaking out. I still was, but that was their problem, not mine.

"Now now, we can be an organized mob later, I want to hear you one at a time so I don't need to waste my singing voice yelling at children. So, I'm going to pick a student, pull out a hat, and it'll have a name to call."

One brave but stupid soul who had a face any mother would punch hesitantly raised his hand.

"Do...do you mean picking our names out of a hat?"

I laughed, and leapt for the screaming burnette in the front seat, shaking her by her scruff till a hat mysteriously fell out.

"No. Now, who is...Abbot? Oh, shit, is Costello here too? I always wanted to meet him." I read the brim of the hat that dropped to the floor, only to be cut off by the crying of the child in my grasp, as well as the angry looks and wands pointed in my direction from the evidently pissed off bee-hive I'd found in human form.

"Her name is HANNAH, and you have her in your hand." Dem Bones hissed cutily as I could imagine while probably prepping some kind of curse. That took guts, and I could respect the hustle. So I let the...girl, down put on her talking hat, then patiently made my way back to my podium which I sat cross-legged on, posting my hands under my chin and elbows to knees. Because it was story time.

After a few minutes to collect herself from her little fit, Hannah-bofana took note of the fact that we were all looking at her, and looked about ready to take her chances again with the rope, at least until Bony Clide took her hand and gave it a squeeze. Ahh, to be young and in lesbians...

That did the trick though, and soon she too was talking like a real girl again.

"C-could you...explain, a bit? Please?" The girl stuttered and shook like a small furby, and I hummed a little song.

It wasn't until I got about half-way through the Yu-Gi-Oh theme that I actually answered.

"Why not. You see, there are two kinds of Divination, True and False, and both of them are absolute horseshit. True is for those fully blown Seers who get the 'gift' of sight through our bloodline or shit-tons of drugs, and like you'd probably expect, we tend to keep this under our hats otherwise we tend to lose our heads, mostly to casinos and lottery companies who don't want us Powerballing for years to come. Then you get False Seers, which are just people who can identify basic patterns and personality, assume the random jackass in front of them would do, and then made a fortune off em. The latter, obviously, is where you are fall in." I said it as if it was obvious, and to me, it was.

Name a Seer in all of history, any of the three or five you can name, and tell me if they ended happily. No? No. Now tell me how many happy Psychics you know. Eh? Numbers much bigger.

Hammering that simple truth was one of my main goals as a teacher, no matter how shittiliy of a human being I was a majority of the time, even as the room again erupted in confusion and outrage.

END OF CHAPTER

I know, I know, weird place to stop at, but its what I got for now and it's remarkably hard to establish an entire room of characters off the cuff. So far though, you can find out that this was a Slytherin-Hufflepuff class, and it had at a minimum Draco, Susan, and Hannah. Make of that what you will, and I'm glad so many of you enjoy this so much so quickly.