1,2, 3 updates I plan to do today! This'll be the second I write today, and all for your enjoyment! Have fun.

Chapter 4: Fa-Culty Meetings

OR

I'll Leave the Tower, But the Candy Comes With Me

It probably didn't need to be said, but Hogwarts was a school. The fact was hard to remember sometimes given all the near-death experiences, teenage drama, and amateur smuggling attempts of liquor and other vaunted substances, but occasionally someone learned something that'd stick for more than a week.

Naturally, that meant there were OTHER teachers also in the school with me, making me not just some crazy 30ish year old man getting accosted by random children demanding to be taught from my tower in some random field. I won't lie, there were times when it felt more like the latter than the former.

Our meetings were held at the Gryffindor tower, mostly because McGonagall got preferential treatment as Deputy Headmistress. Also because she could Transfigure her office to be big enough for us all to fit into without cramming, as well as the comfiest choirs, but hey, if you aren't cheating you aren't trying.

I slouched over a full sofa with a fist full of my favorite Sour Punch Sticks, chewing away between a glowering Snape and Stutterfaces.

God, I loved endorsing local companies, they made me all the fun wizarding candy I wanted, at only three times the price they would sell the rest for. Fuck you Ice Mice, ya minty bastards who shove their way into my shoes and melt all over my socks!

"Ahh, my esteemed staff, as always a wonder. Shall we start our meeting?" The star of our little show wandered into the room, a robe of bright yellow canaries flying through hoops and out of grasping hands. Man, I loved watching Dumbledore come into a room, he was always a head trip to watch. After that though, we got down to 'business'.

By which I mean I traded sweets with Dumble while the rest of us got shit-faced to complain about shitty kids.

I sucked on a Lemon and tequila flavored lollipop while he got a fistful of DD-Gum to chew through, guaranteed to blow bubbles shaped like a perfect rack. We had fun just sitting there for a bit while the rest went off.

"Then-then this little FUCK, tells me 'oh, I'm sorry, can I give you the homework next week?" Flitwick hissed to the collective hallucination that called itself Professor Vector, which I'm still fairly sure was a mass of math that peeled off the wall and decided to be person shaped, even if everyone kept trying to tell me otherwise. It was hilarious to discover Filius was an angry drunk, as was finding out Snape was a clingy one, if the way he had that throw pillow that was at one point beside him in a death-grip to his chest was any indication.

"Ohh, that's nothing. You don't need to LIVE with the Weasley Twins near your living quarters. I'd trade even one of them if it meant I wouldn't need to spend so many nights putting out fires." McGonagall raised her glass of 230 proof firewhiskey in a cheer as she spoke. When she drank, she got shitfaced.

Eventually the circle of complaints made it my way, making me take out the sucker and, after a solid lick, stick it to my cheek for safety until I was ready for it. If anyone called me on it, I'd just say I was getting some practice in for my Halloween costume as Candybeard the pirate. Sadly, no one asked.

"Most of the students are so far up their own asses I'm shocked they aren't walking bow-legged, and not even in the fun way. Their all so self-focused, wanting immediate tangible results and dismissing the lesson the second they realize it might not apply to them. So, same old same old." I bit out the bitterness with a bit more sweetness, lightly gnawing on my now-retrieced sucker before trying to lick the sticky spot left behind with my tongue. Sadly, I was an inch too short, and didn't feel like doing the curse to lengthen it another foot.

With the ease of long practice I ignored the looks of disgust or minor disdain some of them not so subtlely shot in my direction, and then the night continued on, progressively more slurred and nonsensical before we all slowly broke away to nurse off the buzz in nice quiet rooms where hangover cures were already waiting.

It was a perfectly fine evening, till it was just me, Dumbledore, and a currently snoozing McGonagall cradling her corked bottle like a precious child.

Both of our mouths were completely clear, and I set the untouched sucker back on the desk, naught but a prop with a minor sticking charm on it.

"So, are there truly no potential Seer's in your class? And how goes our...situation." Calm blue eyes over half-moon specs met cool grey as flat as any mirror.

I shook my head, clicking my jaw for a moment to get my teeth back into line. But, that was a small price to pay for a candy with a mean right-hook.

"No, there are three that actually have the potential so far as I can tell, but its not exactly an exact measure to test for unless we actually see one happen. Attitude can be a general indicator, but it'll take more time to see if anything ever comes of it. Even if it doesn't though, I'll make sure they know every side of the argument. As to the second...I'll give my congrats to the newly weds now that they're back from Romania."

Dumbledore raised a single eyebrow at my wording.

"Care to elaborate a bit more on that? I can promise you this room hasn't been exposed."

I tsked again.

"We both know there's no such thing, especially in this place. But even then, I think I was fairly straightforward. He is His, to Have and to Hold, In Sickness and In Health, Till Death Do They Part." My words echoed slightly, before I got up from my seat, slouched from my full 6'2 to an overlooked 5'8. Made me feel like a T-Rex.

I heard Dumbledore sigh from behind me, but I didn't turn around. Everything I needed to say was already said.

END OF CHAPTER

I have a lot of fun with this stuff, I really do. And, judging from the number of likes this is getting, I think you all feel the same! It's always great to see, and thank you all so much for it. Hope you leave a review or a bit of ideas, cause I welcome everything. Now to do the dishes and wait for the SB update to go out.