I was planning on updating something else I had been meaning to do for a few months now, but then I got an idea at work that kept me snickering, so you get a double update now! That's fun.

Chapter 12: The Way We Wiz

OR

I Couldn't Decide between 'It's What It Sounds Like' or 'Something Something Jontron', So It's Both. Now Laugh.

"Ahhhhh."

You ever see that one episode of Scrubs, where they had the toilet on the roof and everyone realized 'damn, this is really nice'.

I could concur, there was definitely something relaxing about pissing over the edge of my Tower roof, aiming at what I was near-certain were screaming ants previously attempting to sneak into the school wearing cloaks they obviously stole from the children they ate. There was something oddly funny about watching them flee. Flee! FLEE FROM MY MIGHTY STREAM! I DRANK A FULL 2 LITER BEFORE I CAME OUT HERE, AND THE HULK CAN'T SAVE YOU NOW!

But regardless of what I was shouting into the cool Scottish sky, it really was a nice place to just stand and think for a bit. Like, I realized what the odds were that cheese was able to be spun as a delicious food and not the frantic ass-covering of a milkman who REALLY fucked up. Also why Wizards were masochists.

See, Wizards, and by extension Witches but DEF Wizards, have quite a bit higher tolerance levels for what gets termed as 'critical' injuries as well as worthwhile risks. Not because it hurts any less, god knows it didn't, but because Magic was a great thing about taking care of pesky things like 'broken bones', 'melted tongues', and 'dimensionally adjacent limbs currently being nibbled on by extraterrestrial lifeforms'. The problem had a habit of solving itself before it really became such, but that itself had made a different problem.

Namely, what all Magic thought was a problem. Most 'normal' items barely phased Wizards in ways that actually mattered, with 'normal' food always feeling 'blander', or alcohol barely kicking off a buzz. Thus, Magic is returned to as a solution to the problem it caused in the first place.

This 'solution', was to simply make the Magic Food and Drink either REALLY damn Magiced, or REALLY damn unhealthy. Sometimes both.

Like, you ever actually looked into what all goes into butterbeer? Cause I did. It's 3% beer and 97% Pure Butter, all held together in a bottle charmed with a Cheering Charm. There's at least 2 and a half stick in every spoonful of the stuff, and if a no-mag, muggle, reggo drank a full bottle I'm sure they'd have a heart attack in short order after. This was the drink for children.

Then we get into the rest of this stuff, sugar glass that literally cuts on the way down, the chocolate frogs who try to get out mid-bite and clack your teeth, self-explanatory Acid Pops, everything was designed to 'trick' the body with a burst of pain so you could enjoy the full sensation.

It was stupid logic, but hey, it was Wizard logic, so, yaknow...

I also didn't really think of all this while doing something that sounds like hissing into the wind, most of it came from my early studenthood where I actually looked into how to make Wizarding candy out of genuine interest. Never let it be said that life can't surprise you.

As I zipped myself back up and got back to the reason I originally came up here before nature started calling, namely setting my annual traps for Santa, I reminisced on those simpler times, in a way that certainly wasn't the scene-cut for another flashback chapter.

Because I'm never the best with consistency.

END OF CHAPTER

A bit on the shorter side, but hey, content's content. I'm just happy I'm getting more time to write, kind of. I did this instead of playing video games, you all appreciate this sacrifice. Anyway, remember, I love you all and you love me. Cheers!