Authors Note: Ok yall dont no how freakin sry i am for taking so dam long! IM SORRY! its just that i got kinda siick for some reaason, i think it was called like--anemic or something. ANYWAYS i hope yall like the chapter--its a bit longer then any of the other ones...soooyea! READ AND REVIEW! I LUV MY REVIEWERS WITH A FIERY PASSION! YALL ARE SUPA SEXY! XOXO!
Chapter Three-Decisions
My mind freezes.
It refuses to grasp the statement.
It takes a minute or two before it sinks in, but when it does, I am not in a pleasant frame of mind.
Shock waves vibrate through my body.
Depression and heartache tear my heart.
Anger seizes the empty, cold, and rotting parts of my body, where I am figuratively dead, but the new feeling bringing it to life.
The unbearable pain though, wins the battle, and once more I want to go to sleep and never wake up.
And as much as I despise myself with every single fiber in my body for admitting it, I know that there is a part of me, no matter how small it is, that is filled up with hope and love.
I am idiotic for having those feelings, but I would be even more foolish to be in denial and pretend they didn't exist.
I'm so pathetic…
I'm finally able to speak.
"What do you mean the Cullen clan is approaching and coming to stay?" I say slowly, praying to the gods that I heard mistakenly, since this was my last hope. But sadly, my miniscule wish is crushed.
"I mean they're going to move here to Canada, to our town." Blake irritably says. He doesn't like to repeat himself, but I was in no mood for his desires.
"Why! Why can't they just go back wherever stupid place they came from! Why do they always have to ruin everything!" I snarl angrily.
It's not fair! They left me and now they think they can just dandily barge right in back into life! Well they don't know how wrong they are!
But then I realize something.
They don't know I'm a vampire. So it isn't precisely their fault for being annoying life-wreckers…
Out of anger, I don't yet realize my beloved ipod is lying between my fingers, crushed. I uncurl my right hand and find that it isn't so much an ipod then silver dust. I scowl and blow it off my hand, before letting out an exasperated scream.
Keeping my emotions in check, I look out the window, making sure there isn't the world's deadliest storm.
By counting to one hundred at a snail's pace, I'm finally able to calm down.
Glancing around the room, I realize that everyone is looking intently at me, almost certainly thinking I've at last lost it and turned into a schizophrenic. I glare back and finally someone makes a move to speak.
"Bella?" Adrian asks steadily.
"I'm not going to explode!" I snap.
Ok, maybe I haven't calmed down…
He looks me in the eyes, and it's like he's searching for a secret. Then I remember his power. He can see the colors of what I'm feeling right now; which means he can see the agony I'm in.
Oh no, what am I going to tell them!
But before I can think of a decent excuse, he speaks.
"What the hell is wrong?" I decide to ignore them all. They can't make me speak.
"Bella."
I'm not going to answer.
"Bella."
I'm. Not. Going. To. Answer.
"Ok then, fine. I guess we'll just have to invite those damn Cullens to our house then!" He says scornfully. Before he had even finished the sentence, I had broken my silent game.
"If you do that I will shred you to itty bitty pieces, I won't regret it, and it will be painful." I say candidly.
"Oh, now she speaks." Donovan says sarcastically. I ignore him, but realize I can't actually ignore the situation. I despise losing now. Grudgingly, I take a deep breath, and speak.
"What do you want to know?"
Blake asks first. "Do you actually know those bastards?"
For a second, I feel a protective, defending feeling, but I let it slide. Adrian gives me a suspicious look, which triggers my apathetic, numb frame of mind.
"Yes." I say bored. Shock registers each and every face, but instantaneously it's gone, and I'm looking at five agitated faces.
"And…how do you know them again? Please, be my guest and remind me." He says aggravated.
As calmly as I can, I answer quietly. "Do you remember when you guys asked me questions when I first came here, and you asked if I had known any vampires?"
Vega speaks says unbelievingly, "Don't tell me, the Cullens are the vampires you were talking about?" She had a skeptic look, but it was only her face. The rest had dawning comprehension on their faces, though expectedly, none of them looked too happy about it, especially Blake and Donovan.
"And why didn't you tell us about knowing them?" Blake says angrily.
"You never asked." I say simply. He scowls and turns to Donovan.
"Don't worry, we-" Donovan cuts him off.
"I'm not worrying; I'm just going to punch that guy in the face." He says crossly. He stomps upstairs and snarls, "I really don't feel like talking right now about this!" I hear his bedroom door slam shut.
I was confused. What were they talking about?
'Don't worry',
'I'm just going to punch him in the face' and last of all, why were they gettingangry.
"Um, well, anything else you want to know?" I say cautiously but firmly. Blake snaps his head from the stairs to look at me. Carefully looking over me, he says with an edge to his tone,
"Am I right when saying, I don't think you're on good terms with them?" I realize this is an opportunity to figure this all out.
"Answer that question yourself and then you can ask me whatever you want." I say nonchalantly. He scowls but answers.
"Fine, but you better keep your part of the deal." He looks around the room and catches the eyes of everyone. It was like he was putting emphasis on whatever he was going to say. I resist the urge to roll my eyes. He begins in a somber tone.
"It was a long time ago, around the 1930-40's. We were settled in this little town, I forgot what it was called. Anyway, so we're living peacefully in our little town, when the Cullens come along."
Each time he says the word 'Cullen', it seems as if it tastes rotten to say it.
He continues, "So we just ignore them. We don't like to get involved with other clans." I knew it was true, because we had only encountered one other clan since I had been here, and they had only visited for a day.
"Then, out of no where, they tell us we have to leave, and we had done nothing at all. Nothing. We refused to move, and they got angry. We were angry too, so one sunny day, we got into this fight. Well, it was pretty intense. Then, one of the-" He pauses. He has fury in his eyes, and it makes me curious.
He glances around the room once more, and continues.
"We never told you this, but there used to be another member to our clan. Her name was Rain. I was really close to her." I know he means boyfriend-girlfriend wise, but I let it slide, because I realize I feel no jealousy. I just feel a bit of a betrayal since after eighteen long years together, they had failed to mention this to me.
"So Rain was about to finish one of them off, when one of the males ram into her. Well, both of them refused to back down, so basically they fight to the death. The male had the upper-hand since had just gotten there and hadn't been fighting, and none of us could help her, because we were busy with our own fights.
"Then out of nowhere, there's this huge fire, and they got pushed into it. Rain was weakened, and she got caught in the fire. The male though, got out in time. In fact, he was barley burned. But Rain was dead. It was his entire fault she's dead. And I'm planning on getting him back."
He growls, a long harsh growl.
I'm shocked. The Cullens had killed one of their members?
It's outrageous.
Impossible.
This story seems a bit shifty though. The Cullens were nice vampires. They were decent. I hated them, yes, but I knew they would never kill someone with out a reason.
Rain was about to finish one of them off…
I wonder which one it was…?
"Which one was Rain about to kill?" I ask hesitatingly. I knew it was a touchy subject.
Lilith answered. "She was a black-haired female. I think her name was Ashley, no wait, Amy." Alice… "No, wait, it was Alice."
I carefully hide my distress and put on a mask of indifference. But my mind was getting the better of me.
That Rain girl tried to kill Alice? Well, I'm glad she's dead.
But then I remember the circumstances.
Why do I care if Rain tried to kill her…?
A tiny part of my mind whispers,
Because you still love her like a sister…
No, I don't! My mind contradicts me.
I stop thinking and ask another question.
"Do you remember how the one who killed her looked like?" I asked vaguely. Blake answers with vengeance in his voice. "Of course I do. I know it by heart for god's sake." He looks deep in thought. In the past, I had seen Blake get moody at random, but I had never known the reason. Patiently, I waited for the rest.
"He had bronze-auburn hair, gold eyes, and he was my height. And he's the one I'm going to kill."
I turn my head in his direction to just stare at him.
So he killed Rain, because Rain was going to kill Alice...
It actually makes sense…but it seems as if something's missing…
I put it off to the side and tell myself I'll think about it later.
"And do you remember his name?" I ask innocently. He raises his lips above his teeth and snarls, "Edward."
It hurts to hear his name and I inwardly flinch. I talk without thinking,
"But it's not really his fault, is it, because, I mean Rain was trying to kill Alice." Everyone looks at me as if I had just committed an act that was unforgivable.
"What the hell are you talking about? That little Alice deserved to die, just like the rest of them! Why are you defending them anyways? I thought you were in our clan!" Blake snarls angrily.
I reply furiously, "I'm not defending them! I despise them! It just seemed reasonable, that's it! So you can just shut your dim-witted mouth!"
He glares at me and I glare right back.
"You still haven't spoken your part of the deal." Lilith says coolly. I scowl at her and answer as brief as possible.
"I met them around 19 years back, when I moved in with my father. Long-story short, they were like my second family, and one day, they just randomly left. Sure they said good-bye, but they didn't even call or email or even visit. I hate them now." I say, trying to get them to believe me. But was I trying to get myself to believe it at the same time?
Before I can ponder anymore on the subject, Adrian asks me a question that I know will lead into dangerous waters.
"Is that why you tried to kill yourself?" My now coal-black eyes glare at him, before snarling,
"If it was, then it's none of your business!" I shoot off the armchair and continue,
"And if you don't mind, I'm going up to my room. And if you do mind, keep it to yourself, because I don't care!" I shout heatedly, while stomping up the stairs.
No one makes a move to stop me, for which I'm grateful for.
I slam the door once I'm inside and launch on top of my bed. I envelope myself in the silky, indigo covers and force myself not to think.
But my mind never listens to me, does it?
What the hell will happen if we meet up? What if they're going to the same school as us? What if they walk over and start talking to me! But maybe they won't recognize me! Maybe I can just pretend I don't know of this 'Bella Swan'.
I laugh out loud, realizing the flaw of the ridiculous plan. My scent, which I can't conceal, will automatically enable them to know it's me and then inevitably find me, even if they don't recognize me.
This is just dandy
But why don't I want to confront them? Am I possibly scared?
I contemplate the thought, not ashamed to admit it. Maybe I am scared…
But why am I scared, and of who? Well, the latter was easy. I was scared of him.
No, you're not scared of him; you're scared of what will happen if you see him…
But was that accurate? What would happen if I were to meet up him? What was I scared of? It's not like he would hurt me. I knew he would rather kill himself and take anyone with him then letting anyone or anything lay a salt grain on me…
Yes, I despise him…I despise him so deeply; it would blind Adrian's eyes. Then what was I afraid of!
I was starting to frustrate myself, and I knew if I was human, I would have a pounding migraine.
Then, as if a light bulb had flashed on, it all came to me.
I was scared of the feelings he would unconditionally bring out of me.
I was scared of actually living the life I used to dream of.
I was scared of being left alone, heartbroken.
And for because of those reason's I was scared of change.
Why am I even thinking of this! It's not like we're going to fall in love! It's not like he's going to barge right into the house and sweep me off my feet! It's not like I'm going to whoosh into his house and give him a huge hug and then-
I stop my thinking right there and focus on my power in its place.
Without noticing it before, the rain had been pouring down violently. I observe it now and casually take it up a notch, just to the point to where it's viciously colliding against the windows, and the wind blows it in different directions.
For some wicked reason, I love thunderstorms. I love the ferocity of it. I love the howling of the wind. I love the roar of the thunder. I love the shriek of the lightening. I love every single thing about it.
But before I can take it up any higher, I'm rudely interrupted by Donovan. He slams the door open, while I glance at him irritably.
"Yes?" I say brusquely. He glares at me.
"Just to let you know, the Cullens are our enemies. So any lovey-dovey feelings you have, you might as well just toss them into a spiked cage, and throw them down the Nile. You aren't going to socialize with them, having a marvelous time. You're in our clan. Rain was basically a sister to me, and they killed her. So we should and are going to kill whoever did it, and you aren't going to get in the way." He snarls at me.
I'm a bit alarmed at this heated tirade for a number of reasons. He has never snarled at me before. Yes, shouted or raised his voice, but never snarled. Maybe he's actually serious…
No, it's not a maybe; he's definitely serious.
Were they truly going to try and hurt Edward? He's not such an easy person to catch, let alone hurt. But to kill! I contemplate the worst possibility. What if they all gang up on him and then try to kill him? It's even too overwhelming and distressing to consider. I almost scream out loud.
They wouldn't dare.
No. They can't! No. No. No. No. NO!
I finally admit it to myself. Yes, I do still…care about him.
Just a little…
Upset, I snap at him. "Well that's a damn stupid plan! You're just sinking to his level. Anyways, he's probably feeling guilty. It's all in the past now, so you just forget about it!"
He narrows his eyes even further at me, and speaks menacingly, "I really don't give a damn about sinking to his level, and just to let you know Bella, I'm not going to forget about it. We'll do whatever has to be done. There's no point to argue about it, so I'll be leaving now." He starts to leave but then stops.
"Oh, and watch it with your power. One of the roof tiles came off and almost crashed through our window." Finished, he leaves the room; me feeling a speck of satisfaction, but it soon being overcome with panic.
Then my mind comes into action again.
I can't just let them kill Edward!
Edward.
Edward…
Since when did I start caring again?
I won't let myself get hurt!
I think of what to do. Maybe warn them all ahead of time?
Yes, but I would need a way for them to not notice me. A letter? No, my scent would get left behind.
But what if I contained the air around it? I think I can do that. Why not? I can control the way the wind blows…Maybe I could 'trap' the air around it.
I come to a conclusion. I'll warn Edward and the rest of the clan with a letter. I half-heartedly hope that they will not even consider me to be the one who'd dropped the darn thing off.
My next decision is one that I know will keep me safe yet vacant of feeling.
But it was a decision worth the emptiness, because I wasn't going to go crawling back to him, especially for what he made me go through. He never should've left…
I would completely forget about Edward; a conclusion I know will never last.
Authors Note: Ok--hope yall liked it...im sorry! but the chapters will be coming slower--probaly around once a week! IM MEAN but i try not to be--STUPID SCHOOL! its AWFUL! i think edward will show up like 2or3 chapters ahead-dun dun dun...read and review! luv ya all!