part 09 - the look in his eyes
It was a bright, if slightly cold Sunday afternoon. The basketball game she had earlier on that day had left her exhausted, and the sweet smell of baked potatoes lingered in the air further deepened her hunger.
Haruko chewed the warm, freshly baked sweet potato in her grasp slowly, loving the taste and also the warmth of the substance which is totally in contrast with the chilly afternoon air.
Fallen russet leaves carpeted the thinning grass underneath, and although the ground was slightly dampened by the cold and humid autumn air, she was untroubled with such trivial matter. As she sat there with the gentle breeze grazing her face, she wished for nothing more but for the time to stop, so that she could cherish the moment forever.
Inquisitively she glanced at her side, and smiled secretly upon the person sitting near. His hair, raven as midnight, radiated a gleam of shine under the sunrays filtered through the maple trees up above.
As if noticing her eyes on him, his eyes darted and caught her stare. If before he would disregard such look with pure aloofness, this time around it created a slight smile on his face. He stared at her for only a short while before focusing his view elsewhere, afraid she might delve deeper into his eyes.
"I've told you that friendly oji-san sells the best sweet potato in the whole of Kanagawa, but you wouldn't say yes to it. Would you agree now?"
He eyed what was left of his share of baked potato which was firmly in his grasp. Slowly he nodded, "You have a point there, but you won't be saying this if you have tasted Harada-san's. Hers are the best."
She chuckled softly. "You just hate to lose, aren't you?"
He said nothing, but his expression showed a tinge of self-satisfaction. She smiled at that, knowing his pride all too well; a man's natural instinct.
Rukawa took in another mouthful while his eyes casually wandered about the area. She sensed that some thoughts must have entered his mind for he seems absorbed and was chewing the substance slowly.
"When I was small, I used to eat so much of her baked sweet potato for the whole day without taking much else," suddenly he recalled, secretly stealing a glance at her. "She would get them delivered to our home from the village where she grew up every year."
Haruko was quieted with his willingness to share a thought. Lately he seems more at ease to embark on a conversation with her, and she was glad. Although most of the conversations at first revolved around formal matters; school, practice, and the team, slowly they evolved to include more profound matters.
"Em...that reminds me of the times when I was small," she said, deciding to join in. "My mother cooked as well too, but I wasn't so lucky because oni-san would always find ways to take my portion of the baked potatoes! Sometimes, how I wished that I was the only child."
She smiled at the childhood memory. Though now considered an adult, her brother still behaved that way whenever oka-san prepared the much sought after autumn delicacy for them both.
Rukawa stopped short, and centred his view on her. "And I always thought that it would be nice to share things with someone," he uttered with a slight tone of amusement.
Haruko eyed him and cast a wry smile. "Well, it depends on who you are sharing it with. With oni-san, I can tell you that it was not such an experience to be contented with."
Rukawa looked away. Although she could not see it, she could have swear she saw him smiling broadly at the remark. Her heart flutters at the knowledge of being able to make him smile to such extend.
Curiosity took control as she inquired, trying to lengthen the talk between them. "From what you said earlier, I've concluded that you are the only child...is it so, Rukawa?"
He stared at her, his eyes prodding into her in-depth thoughts as if trying to see her intention with such question. Suddenly she was aware of it, and wanted to express her regret for nosing into his personal matters. But then she heard him impart not long after.
"I am...it's obvious, isn't it?"
She didn't say anything to it, but her eyes conveyed her utmost thought anyway. It was the feeling of sympathy she had for him because she knew how lonely he must have been, and she could not hide it though she wanted so much to. From experience, she knew he hated such sensitivity towards him.
Casting his vision away from her anticipated stare, he went on after a while, "And Mrs. Harada, the one mentioned earlier, is the house maid. She has been with my family for so long that I've come to regard her more as a family."
"And what about your mother?" she asked. But then she regretted the very moment the question was uttered as she note the change of expression on his face.
He grew rigid and silenced at the inquiry. She could make out a look of sorrows in his eyes, but it was short lived. All she could see thereafter was his blank stare. Finally, after a long lapse of silence, she heard him say monotonously,
"My mother had passed away quite some time ago."
Deathly silence seeped in as a gentle breeze cast its blow, rattling frail leaves on the twigs and branches of the tall maple trees above. But nothing could dispute the stillness between them.
* * * *
She tried to search for the once profound sadness in his eyes, but they were none to be found. Though she wanted so much to comfort him, and also by doing that hopefully she could rid of the guilt that prolonged her heart, she knew the effort would be futile.
Standing at the gate of her house and on the verge to part, she smiled bitterly while voicing her gratitude. "Thank you for walking me home."
His silence made her thought of wanting to run inside that instant, but then he eased and replied. "Daijobu. Ja."
With his hands in the pockets, he cast her a final stare before turning to leave. Helplessly she trailed his departing figure, but her conscience stayed restless, seemingly shouting in her mind,
Is that all you are able to say, Haruko? Say something!
"Rukawa...chotto matte!"
He turned around at her calling out his name, but a frown was nowhere to be seen, only his blank expression accompanied his total silence.
"I'm...I'm so sorry about what was being discussed earlier. I shouldn't have crossed the line, prying into your personal matters. I hope you'll forgive me," Meekly the words flowed out of her mouth. Truth is, she didn't know what more appropriate to say. Deep down inside she hope that it would not dent their so called friendship.
Does he even considered me as a friend?...suddenly the thought crossed her mind, but as soon as she heard him speak up, the notion vanished into thin air.
"Whatever made you think that I'm upset?" He questioned, his tone, so it seems as what she had heard, was flat rather than inquiring.
She was unsure whether he had been expecting an answer from her part, but his unexpected reply had made her speechless. Therefore, she knew that it would be better for her to keep quiet or risk saying something she would later regret.
"For your information, I wasn't," he answered, his expression casual. Rukawa stared at her for a long while, which in turn caused her quite a stir. Blushing, she darted her eyes away from his gaze.
"I'll see you again." He uttered firmly before turning to leave. Instantly she looked up at him, and before he left, she caught the look in his eyes, and all at once the feeling of contentment filled her heart.
Although seemingly aloof, Haruko almost instantly knew what he had really meant, just by assessing the look projected through his eyes. Being a person with such little words, God must have given him another way to express himself. His eyes seems to be giving away most of his thoughts and sentiments, and that must have been His gift to him.
And she knew, if he is to embark on his personal matters to her, he would. But time is needed, and that she is willing to wait.
Haruko stood at the gate, her view and smile accompanied him till his figure disappeared around a corner.
* * * *
As he slowly paced along the road leading towards the park, his mind kept vigil thinking of her. Rekindling the incident earlier on, words of her questions surfaced.
"...you are the only child...is it so, Rukawa?"
"And what about your mother?"
Her questions, though prying the secrets he never lets anyone to, must have meant well of her thoughts and concern for him. He knew that, therefore there weren't the need for him to revolt to such inquiries.
Though it hurts a little whenever he is reminded of his past, he knew he had not the will to stop it from occurring. Sooner or later, she would be made known of it. And he intend to let her know, to let her share his secrets and woes.
Without realising it, he emitted a smile again, seemingly without a cause. But he regarded how easily the smile came to his lips whenever he was with her. Even the thought of her made him feel at ease, and it seems only natural.
He reached the park and all was quiet as when he had left it with Haruko a few hours before. As he centered his focus back towards reality, he walked past a row of benches and headed for the area where his bicycle was left leaning against the fence.
After unlocking the chain, he wheeled it slowly towards the entrance and along the pavement before the main road. It was then when he heard solitary footsteps, enticing curiosity on a quiet moment as of that instant.
He glanced back in time to see someone about to enter the park. Abruptly he halted on seeing the person, a look of disbelief was clearly on his face. Although looking slightly different from what he used to know of him, Rukawa was certain that it was the person whose name had crossed his mind.
Probably too preoccupied with his thoughts, the person did not notice him at all. A basketball was firmly wedged between his arm and waist, and looking straight ahead, he smiled upon entering the park.
Could it be him?
* * * *
Sakuragi stood still while facing the court. The chilly air made him shivers as what he had on were only a thin shirt topped with a denim jacket matched with a pair of worn out jeans. Slowly he made his way nearing it, and then he stopped near the centre line.
Three long months passed without him ever got the chance to sharpen his skill. It was not because he didn't want to, but simply because he was barred from playing, in fear that it might further aggravate his ailment.
Now, standing in the court where he once frequent without fail on weekends, he knew he had to set things right. He knew he had to play, to appease his yearn these past few months.
Well, this is it...his conscience seems to be saying...it's time to prove my being after a long while of silence.
He grasped the ball firmly in his broad hands. It felt right in his hand, and soothing as well. It was as if things had gone back to normal at the feel of its coarse surface.
He realised with his whole heart that he loved the sport, genuinely in love with it.
Dribbling it slowly towards the key area, Sakuragi took a spot at the right hand side, forty five degrees adjacent to the hoop. He remembered the historical score he made at the final second of the game that defeated Sannoh, the team everyone hailed as the best nationally.
But his final score was an eye opener; Sannoh is not invincible.
Always remember; bent your knees, and slowly jump while releasing the ball softly towards the basket. Don't forget you arms; the left merely touch the ball, not supports it. Keep this in mind, and mind your posture, you'll sure to score.
He remembered those words well. Slowly he positioned himself, and when confidence sets in, he released the ball towards the hoop. His eyes trailed the ball as it arched itself beautifully in the air, his lips smiling.
But the smile ceased long long after. To his deathly surprise, the ball did not land inside the hoop, missing it with a substantial gap.
A frown marred his face. How could this be?
Sakuragi was determined to set things right. He retrieved the ball and tried once again, and again, only exasperate to find that he failed to score any.
* * * *
Rukawa watched the incident before him in silence, but his mind was highly perturbed.
He looked on as the person on the court, bathed in sweat and without the slightest hint of giving up, attempted to score the ball but it all end up with failure. Dissatisfied, so it seems, again and again he tried, but to no avail each time.
And he keep on watching as depression seeps in the former's mind, and slowly, he note that Sakuragi's once calm and determined face began to alter to an expression full of anguish and bitterness.
He felt a tinge of empathy for the restless being when at last he stopped, and dropped down to the floor. A look of dismay, disbelief and anger, all combined in one was visible on his face. Being a player seasoned in the game, Rukawa understood the fusion of feelings all too well.
There was nothing he could do to help for the time being. It was best for him to let it be this way until Sakuragi can find a way to bring himself at ease with the new found reality.
Slowly Rukawa retraced his steps as tiny, anguish sobs were heard from the person kneeling on the court. In moments like this, he could not bring himself to hear his cries, for he always thought of him as a person of strong will and courage.
It would be degrading if he is to find him there, sympathising his profound loss, and therefore it was best for him to leave. Sakuragi would never regard his empathy. From experience, Rukawa knew he wouldn't understand.