Sorry, this would've been posted Monday, but the site wasn't letting me log in for some unexplained reason. It's late, but it's here.
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When I wrote this chapter I was
On sugar
High
So, if you combine them, you get the fact that I was
ab) On sugar-high
Disclaimer: What's that you say? Would I like to step inside the TARDIS? Of course! What? Oh, you're having me on. You own Doctor Who as much as I do, which I don't. At all. So stop giving me strange looks. The BBC does own the wonderful idea that is the Doctor, and I'm not the BBC. Don't own Pirates of the Caribbean or Star Wars, but I said those last chapter as well. Finally, I don't own Harry potter either.
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10 – I like bananas. Bananas are good.
We open with the cliffhanger that's been annoying me all week. Trouble-on-legs gets out of this one by pretending to be a really angry parent. I thought he said he didn't do 'domestic'? After inadvertently saving Random-important-thief-called-Nancy, our Time Lord has a yell at Jack Sparrow for forcing him to try and save the world…again. He stalks off to find Baby Vader's inner sanctum, where the child first turned to the Dark Side…ahem.
There is a brief cut-scene explaining that Nancy's been caught thieving. Which will do wonders for her reputation. Not. Random-Nancy does some intimidating (also known as blackmailing) and asks for some military spy-ware. Then reconsiders and demands some extra sugar (personally, I would've asked for the sugar first, but that's me).
Proving the point that he is psychic, the Doctor stealthily snaffles Jack Sparrow's blaster. At the same time he explains the joys of blowing things up. The title character reveals that he's not only a time-hopping alien, he's a psychometrist (A/N real word for the study of how emotions and feelings can be stored in stone, wood and various other substances. Apparently, this creates a vibration that certain people can feel and read. Really. I'm not making this up!) as well and the walls speak to him. He gets annoyed at Rose and Jack Sparrow because they can't hear what the wall is telling him.
I mean, how did our alien know that Jack was going to try and vaporise Baby Vader? He knew far enough in advance to switch the gun. Or, it was pure blind luck and his sense of the mischievous. Personally, I'm going for the 'he knows what's about to happen' scenario.
They escape through the wall and keep the banana. Why? A banana can be a very dangerous weapon in the right hands. Very hard to get the stains out of clothes. Jack Sparrow is disdainful of the sonic screwdriver. Rose gets so annoyed at the pair of them that she drops them 4 metres through the floor.
Nancy delivers her latest package of sugar, proves that the kids own a possessed typewriter and leaves without a full explanation.
Rose explains what I've known all along, that Last Surviving Time Lord introduces himself by blowing something up. Imagine if that was a form of communication… If someone was trying to make a speech you'd need to evacuate an entire city…
They aren't running for their lives at the moment so Jack Sparrow disappears in a puff of boredom. He contacts Trouble-on-legs and Rose via a broken, un-plugged in radio. He assures them that he'll rescue them if they'll just hang on a bit. That's alright then.
Last Time Lord doesn't agree with me because he doesn't trust Sparrow. Why not? The guy's a self-proclaimed criminal, is responsible for dragging them here in the first place, has insulted both of their clothes, has gotten Rose drunk, was prepared to shoot a child, dissed the sonic screwdriver and finally, he's buggered off in a moment of crisis. Ok, so maybe the Doctor has a point, he's not to be trusted.
And then we get the military spy in action. She stealthily creeps to the barbed wire, and surreptitiously cuts a bit so she can get through. She sneaks to the space junk… and gets caught. Way to be unnoticed! That was subtle.
For one reason or another, Rose gets her alien to attempt dancing. But it's been so long since he went to school, he's forgotten how to. So Rose gets some bruised toes and she's so busy concentrating on how close she is to her friendly Time Lord that she doesn't notice randomly appearing back on Jack Sparrow's ship. The 'captain' explains that he's not really a bad guy, or at least he doesn't think he is. The problem is that he has a large hole in his memory, so he doesn't actually know.
Jack Sparrow prepares to sacrifice his life, well ok, his dignity in order to distract the guard. It's pretty pointless really, as the guard now has the mentality of a four-year-old with a head injury. Trouble-on-legs tries to turn Rose off Jack by saying that there's a high probability that he's gay.
Minor distraction while Nancy gets rescued. Did this remind anyone else of Harry Potter? The whole 'don't stop singing, he'll wake up!' remind people of a certain massive, three-headed dog?
Rose assures Nancy that it's not the end of the world. She should know, as that's in roughly 5 billion years' time.
As usual our Time Lord's realised what the problem is a while ago, he just waits for the people around him to twig so they understand why he's calling them an idiot.
He takes slightly longer figuring the solution out, but still does that before any of the others. Trouble-on-legs uses his amazing mind-control on Jack Sparrow and tells him to come back later to save them.
The Doctor talks to the pretty fireflies, telling them that if they do this, he'll give them a nice reprogramming later. He also talks to the omniscient author, asking to have things go his way, just this once. (A/N Yeah, he does seem to be talking to everything (walls, glowing specks of light, the random air) in this episode.)
Obedient to the mind-control, Jack Sparrow comes back and (flashily) saves them from the bomb. Just to get in her good books, her tells Rose he likes the ridiculous Union Jack top. I think he's lying.
Our alien's overjoyed because, for once, he got to blow things up and no one died. Although why that's such a good thing when they're around to sue for damages I don't know. A random woman points out that she now has more legs then she did before. And she's complaining why?
Rose and her alien blow up the ambulance, then leave in the
'Treat All Rose (and) Doctor Implications Seriously' (this one's from Uh.yeah, who's just joined the TARDIS challenge. Thank you!).
We cut to Captain Jack realising that it's a bad idea to be made into a mind-servant of Trouble-on-legs, as there's a high chance of being blown up. He decides that getting drunk is his best option. He may have a point since it's worked before. Not to worry though, he gets rescued by the
'Torturous Accessories Ruin Doctor's Incredible Schemes' (Erulasse gets all the credit for this one. One of four I got. Thanks!).
The Doctor finally remembers how to dance. It's only taken him most of an episode.
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Summary of the Synopsis: They save the world from being zombie-fied and Jack Spa-ok, Harkness from being blown up. However, Jack's ship, the Tula ambulance, some of the hospital and more parts of London get blown up in the process.
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There you have it. He dances. Next week, we have the return of the Slitheen. It's got to be reasonably present-day ish because we have Mickey looking the same as usual.
I reckon it's a 'Let's go back and reassure Jackie that Rose is still alive and the Doctor hasn't managed to get her killed.
…
…
Yet.'
REVIEW! And Bad Wolf info plus TARDIS acro-thingys (thanks Mei) wanted!