This would've been up yesterday were it not for my 'dear, darling' parents monopolising the computers. My second-to-last chapter! Even sugar cannot help me overcome my loss (and believe me; if it could, I've had enough of it to cure me completely). I suppose I'd better start.
Disclaimer: As the person who does own Doctor Who must be
Extremely talented
Extremely lucky
Extremely rich
We can safely assume that isn't me as I only qualify for one of the above (and I'll give you a hint, it isn't the 'rich' one.)
Any other references to things I clearly don't own, I don't own. Ok?
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12 – Defabricator. Does exactly what it says on the tin.
-Flashback- Yawn, episode 7. Satellite 5, snore. Editor, Jagrafess of the –yawn- holy hand of Jassikmaxiraggafoe. It all blows up –zzzzz-. We've seen all this before, snore. –End flashback-
It's Trouble-on-legs, unconscious in a small box. Viewers come to the conclusion that he's, to put it politely, in at the deep end again. In other words, a normal day. (Some viewers develop the wish that the small room containing a certain Doctor belongs to them – for you Tulz!). Big Ears quickly wakes up and we get the impression that he hasn't the slightest idea why he's just woken up in this really small room.
Never mind, he soon finds and opens the door by the wonderful method of hitting things until something happens. As soon as it's open he's got nothing to lean against, so collapses, full-length. He looks like he's had too much to drink.
Random-dead-sweet-extra-female-character-who-we'll-find-out-is-very-protective-of-her-'y' tries to help our poor alien up, but he crumples again. Definitely drunk. Or drugged.
Honestly, he can't even remember his own name. Must've been one hell of a party. He takes a look around at the Big Brother house. Viewers who have not been privileged enough to watch the teaser for this episode think 'WTF?'. Judging by expression; that thought is currently running through the Doctor's mind too. He staggers off to the Diary Room and never find out what else he says to his millions of fans.
Cut to Rose with a hangover. Or maybe just the same problem her alien's got. After the usual questions of How, Why and Where (How did I get here? Why am I here? and Where has the Doctor got to when he's supposed to be saving me from the life-threatening situation I'm about to be forced into?) Rose gets up to play the Weakest Link.
Viewers who were unfortunate enough to miss the teaser find that they're having difficulties picking their jaws up off the floor. (Those who have seen it take a moment to snicker at the Anne-droid). Rose herself can't stop laughing. I think the Transmat scrambled her brain in more ways then one.
Someone else thinks it's strange that she's cracking up so badly. In a scary parody of episode 7 (the one in the flashback), a dude leans over the operators and tells himself how wrong it is. But Random-tubes-attached-women (who makes me think of Minority Report, the future-seeing woman) doesn't think it's at all out of the ordinary. Or she's hiding something. In archive 6.
The third member of their jeopardy-friendly travelling trio wakes up on something that looks suspiciously like an operating table. Noddy immediately begins flirting with Trin-E and Zu-zana. Is there no limit to this guy? They're ROBOTS!
Amnesia-stricken Time Lord gets his memory back in a blinding flash of the obvious. (Argh! Can't see!). He remembers! What? Not a lot to be honest: A normal day, hopping around the universe in
'The Alive Rose (and) Doctor Interstellar Spaceship' (This acronym was thought of by Interstella, thank you!) then, all of a sudden, this white light comes outta nowhere and BAM! He wakes up here.
Our Time Lord is very annoyed that his fix-all gadget (aka the sonic screwdriver) can't get him out of this situation. Or can't it? But not in the 'opening doors' sense it usually does.
This fantastic idea was brought to you by watching someone get disintegrated. Classic entertainment. 'Cept that she's not actually been disintegrated. But no one knows that yet. In fact, it looks so much fun that Trouble-on-legs wants to try getting blasted into atoms for himself.
But he's to be sadly disappointed when he gets a chance to escape instead of being blown up. He's lonely because neither Sparrow or Rose are with him, so asks Random-dead-sweet-possible-new-companion-called-'Lynda-with-a-y' to come with him.
Random-dude-who-reminds-me-of-the-Editor realises how apt the Doctor's name (or job description) of Trouble-on-legs is. Minority Report Controller Woman ignores him in the hopes he'll leave her alone.
Back to Jack (hee, rhymes), who's being threatened by a few chainsaws. Couldn't the writers think of anything more modern?
…-…he keeps that weapon there all the time?…Ouch.
Now it's Rose, who's losing spectacularly. Or, at least she would be if they weren't voting 'tactically'. But she's a bit distracted by the whole 'Bad Wolf' thing. It keeps cropping up in all the episodes.
Back to the characters: Big Ears is a bit narked that he can't crash the other Big Brother houses so goes and has an angst moment over a planet. No, not the one you might think- he's decided that he's responsible for the Earth turning into a smog cloud.
His depression is cut short by the arrival of Captain Noddy, who helps him fix the computer with the oh-so-delicate touch (where's my 50 lb sledgehammer when I need it?) in order to find Rose.
Rose isn't actually doing too badly. But then again, she's not exactly hunky-dory either. Points in favour: she's not dead and she's made it to the final round. Points against her situation: she hasn't got a clue about most of the questions and she hasn't got help any more.
She's in a small dilemma.
Lucky for her; Sparrow, her alien and Lynda-with-a-y are on their way.
After about 6 clips flashing between the two groups, during which Last Time Lord yells at the lift and Rose is declared to be scheduled for termination, the Doctor finally gets into the right room.
Rose is saved and doesn't have to try dying this episode. Or, at least, that's what she thinks.
Everyone is altogether quite shocked at the sight of Rose being reduced to a pile of ash (I know I was). Don't worry, she's not really dead. But no one knows that yet.
Especially not her Gallifreyan, who's going even more disheartened and out of it then the last time he thought she'd snuffed it. He doesn't even really care that he's being hauled off by the police. Interrogated, searched, and mug shots taken. All with an aura of: 'I don't care coz Rose is dead.'
Just a minor point: when they wave the sonic screwdriver at him, saying 'If you could tell us the purpose of this device?' he's hardly likely to turn round and say:
'That would be my ultimate spy-gadget, not only can it function as a weapon, it makes a pretty blue light, can replicate food, works as an alternative to a hairbrush-microphone and has a fully-functional full-sized armed getaway car hidden in the bottom. Most importantly, it dry-cleans my jacket. I never go anywhere without it.' No, definitely not with the mood he's in.
They make a pitifully easy jailbreak and Trouble-on-legs thinks he's had a decided shortage of blowing things up, so takes the massive bazooka-like gun.
Up to the top floor, threaten some people, give them the gun he was threatening with (that was clever) and poke the computer a bit.
But what's Noddy found? It's only
'The Angsty (and) Rude Davros Isn't Stupid' (Isn't he? This one belongs to Cloudhaven94. You will review now, won't you?). And, what's more, the
'Tonight All Raunchy Dancing Is Skipped' (why? ---- In answer to the acronym. Thank you Tulzdavampslayer) anyway, the TARDIS has been clever. Big Ears isn't pleased though. Doubly not when Jack disintegrates Lynda-with-a-y to prove his point. He cheers up considerably when Sparrow brings her back and points out that Rose isn't really dead, she's just pretending again. After Random-Minority-Report-tubes-attached-woman gives them the co-ordinates of a random patch of empty space (I could've done that!) she disappears too. Is this everyone's latest hobby?
The empty patch of space wasn't really empty, there's a fleet of cloaked ships hiding there. And if the Doctor's expression last week said: We're screwed, this week's says: I totally f—ked this one up, didn't I?
Anyway, open hailing frequencies, or as the Daleks put it: 'comm-u-ni-ca-tions'.
Our Time Lord states that he's going to be a hero. Destroy the bad guys and save the damsel-in-distress. How? The Daleks haven't the faintest idea. Slightly worryingly, neither does he.
But he succeeds in looking confident, heroic and dashing. Enough so to prompt the Daleks to begin 'aggressive negotiations'.
Viewers get more then slightly worried at the sheer number of Daleks that join in their national anthem. I think you know how it goes, all together now!
Ex-ter-min-ate!
Ex-ter-min-ate!
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Summary of the Synopsis: Having escaped from the clutches of the Big Brother house, the Doctor might think he's due a break. But no, after blowing up a camera he realises he's got bigger problems. Ones that will get him killed.
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I'm sorry, but I couldn't bring myself to be flippant at the end. Only one more chapter/episode! NOOOOO! I don't want it to end!
Please don't desert me now, not when I'm in need of emotional support.
Review! As many TARDIS acronyms as possible, since it's the last time I'll be able to mention them. Come on, I'll try and mention at least 10 if you give me them!
Next time (sniff): he –gulp- dies, someone has been helping the Daleks, and it is shown how totally ill adapted the TARDIS' shape is for space battles.
A/N The thirteenth chapter is, as yet, not written. So…it may be quite some time before it gets posted. It's about a sixth complete, but I'm having problems with it so we'll just have to see…yeah, please review?