- Chapter 2: She'll Try to Jail You -

"Hey, Haruhi?"

"What?"

"Are you doing anything after the meeting?" We were on our way to the SOS Brigade clubroom as I spoke.

"Not really."

I chose my tone carefully, trying to make my request sound like a potential relief from her boredom. "I was hoping you could come over and help me study."

"Why didn't you say that two minutes ago? We could have just stayed in the classroom and gone over it there."

Exactly the scenario I wanted to avoid.

"What do you want help with, anyway? There's no test coming up."

That was a part of the plan I had to admit was not perfect. If only there was a test coming, Haruhi wouldn't have questioned the need. I had prepared for this, though. "Lately everything in history class is going through my head like a sieve. I'm not retaining anything except my notes."

"So just use the techniques I taught you. Make it into a story."

She was not making this easy. "That isn't cutting it lately. The stories I come up with just aren't interesting."

"Well, if that's so I don't see what you think I can do to help. Just beating it into your thick head isn't going to do any good."

I sighed. "Can't you just go over it with me for a while? To get grades as good as yours, while sleeping through half the exam, you -"

"What the hell is wrong with you?" She turned and fixed me with an annoyed glare.

You know, sane people usually preface that question with a criticism of some sort. Otherwise it just makes no damn sense.

"If you want me to come over to your house, then just invite me over! You don't need stupid excuses about wanting to study. What, are you afraid I would say no?"

Now there's a pretext I hadn't thought of: just straight up ask her to come over and hang out. I never would have thought she would agree to an invite like that. Although, okay, now that I think about it, the first time she came over my house, some months ago, she said I had better invite her over again. It still seems like a weird idea.

"Well..." I fumbled for a way to answer her question with "yes" without making myself sound like a wimp.

"Because that would be a totally unforgivable deception! If someone doesn't want to socialize with you outside of school, then you should respect their wishes, not tell stupid lies to trick them into coming over. I'm starting to get the sense that you really need some lessons on how to treat girls."

I had to allow that that was a real possibility. I still remembered my big faux pas with Nagato, when I had her manipulate the groups for the citywide searches so that she could help with "Michiru".

"Well, you can forget about getting them from me." She had reached the clubroom door and flung it open, prompting a mild "eep" from Miss Asahina. "I don't have the time."

Good, because you're the last person I'd take advice from on how to treat girls. "...Wait, does that mean you aren't coming over?"

"Of course I'm coming over!" she snapped, striding across the room to her usual desk and plopping her bag down.

Oops.

It hadn't occurred to me that this was a conversation I'd really want wrapped up before we walked into the clubroom. Even taken out of context, those two sentences which Haruhi and I had vented out in the presence of the entire SOS Brigade made it abundantly clear that she was coming over to my house. Miss Asahina was looking at me now with a wide-eyed, somewhat startled look, like a cat who has just spotted a new human in her house. Nagato raised her head from her book to give me a questioning gaze that was just piercing enough to make me wish she had chosen to spend today with the Computer Club instead. But Koizumi was the worst, giving me only a quietly approving smile.

I took a seat opposite him and threw him a scowl. "It's not what you think."

"Then by all means..." He fanned out a deck of cards on the table. "...tell me what it is."

It was none of his business, really. But I felt I was on the defensive, and Haruhi was busy clicking on every internet link that caught her attention, so I answered him. "My other friend with the closed space is coming over to introduce me to her new boyfriend." I wasn't comfortable using Sasaki's name in Haruhi's presence right now, even if I was confident she wasn't hearing a word I said. "I thought I'd have Haruhi meet him too."

That wiped the approving smile off Koizumi's face. "That is not a good idea."

"I don't think you get it. When Haruhi sees she has a boyfriend, and that I don't care about it, you won't have to worry about her being jealous anymore."

Koizumi twitched, as though he'd just witnessed someone do something unbelievably idiotic and had no choice but to keep silent about it. "I thought I explained this to you, and that you understood. Miss Suzumiya is not jealous. She does not hold it against you that you have had close friends before she entered your life, and she does not hold it against you that one of them happens to be female. You simply rattled her, for lack of a better term."

"That was true at the time you said it," I acknowledged. "But that was before my mom told Haruhi that I used to have a huge crush on my friend." Yeah. To put homemade awkwardness into any personal relationship, just add Mom.

"I see." Koizumi pulled the cards back into the deck, and idly shuffled. "And you were not able to set the record straight?"

"You should try setting Haruhi straight on something one of these days."

He gave a sympathetic nod. "I understand."

No, you really don't.

"However, that makes your plan all the more unwise." He handed the deck over for me to cut. "Your original strategy made more sense: Keep your old friend out of sight, out of mind. There is nothing to be gained and much to be lost by reminding Miss Suzumiya that your friend exists. Forming a scheme around their meeting is all the more risky."

"I really don't see what could go wrong."

In retrospect, that was one of the stupidest things I've ever said. And even at the time, though I didn't want to admit it, I saw that Koizumi made some sense. If I had just taken care not to let Haruhi see I was meeting Sasaki, eventually she would probably have forgotten about her supposed rival. Haruhi just didn't have an attention span that long.

It would have been awkward to call it off at that late point, though.

"If you really are determined to continue with this plan," Koizumi continued, dealing the cards out between us. "...then may I recommend an augmentation to it? Invite Miss Suzumiya to an event she might enjoy. If you have no better ideas, I happen to know there's a play being performed tonight and can secure you two tickets."

What, this again?

"You can even turn it into a double date with your old friend and her boyfriend, if the thought of being alone with Miss Suzumiya still makes you uncomfortable."

There's the double date suggestion again. Not happening. Not with Haruhi. Just because I spend my free time with lunatics doesn't mean I'm ready to commit myself to the loony bin.

"If nothing else, you must admit..." He took his hand of cards up and fanned them in front of his face, and I'd swear there was a smile hiding there. "...that would unquestionably resolve the problem you're trying to resolve."

And replace it with a worse one. Besides... "No, I musn't," I returned. "Haruhi is never satisfied just by having something. She has to know that no one else has it, too."

Koizumi considered. "You underestimate her trust in you."

"No. You overestimate it." I took a look at my cards. I had a three of hearts, a queen of hearts, a six of spades, a five of clubs, and a jack of clubs.

You can't get a much worse hand than that. At least not in the game we were playing.

The SOS Brigade meeting went quietly, for a change. I kind of expected Haruhi to be restless with anticipation for Friday night's adventure, but she was surprisingly calm. She clicked away at her computer for a while, then borrowed one of Nagato's books and read it with quiet interest for the rest of the meeting. Miss Asahina was mostly content with making and pouring tea, though she did throw one or two anxious looks my way, no doubt concerned that more was going to happen at my house between me and Haruhi than I was willing to admit (after all, if I were planning to make a move on Haruhi, or any girl, I certainly wouldn't let Koizumi know about it). Nagato was Nagato. And I did unusually badly at poker, ending with a net loss of two of the blue chips Koizumi had bought for us to use.

After a while Haruhi closed up the book and walked out, muttering, "Let's go," as she passed by me. Koizumi and I were in the middle of a hand, but Koizumi, pathetically subservient to Haruhi's will as always, immediately folded without even discarding any cards. How he expects her to survive out in the real world if she never even learns how to wait ten seconds for someone is beyond me. She'll end up wishing everyone were inmates in her own private jail, so that she could keep them in one place and just have them released when she wants them.

With a sigh, I got up and followed her. It took only seconds to catch up; her stride was brisk but not hurried, for once.

Once I was beside her, I could see that she was smiling. It was the sort of smile she didn't make very often. Not frightening, or shining like the light of a million sons, just very satisfied with herself and her life. I kind of wanted to take a snapshot of it and put it in a photo frame, so I would have it whenever I needed something to cheer me up.

"So, why did you take so long to invite me over to your house again?" Haruhi didn't say this at all in the recriminating voice I would have expected. It was more of an idle demand.

I fired back: "Why haven't you invited me over to your house ever?"

"My house is boring. Your house is much more fun and exciting. You've got your sister, Shamisen, your mom, tons of old books, and video game systems, too."

I'm pretty sure you could afford a video game system yourself, with all the money you siphon off from me in penalties.

"There's always something fun or interesting to do over your place. If I lived there, I wouldn't ever want to leave the house."

"Could you modify that to 'If I lived there instead of you'? Otherwise people might misinterpret that comment."

"What nonsense are you talking now? I made my comment perfectly clear, with all the parts of speech in the right places, so how could anyone misinterpret it? Anyway, there's no one around to overhear us."

"It only seems that way because they're being quiet and staying out of sight."

"Huh?"

I'd pulled out that retort so instinctively that I didn't realize until afterwards how paranoid it was. But I pressed on: "What, it never occurred to you that there are people out there who would want to spy on the SOS Brigade?"

"Of course it occurred to me! Haruta, Inokuchi, Yamamoto, and Nozawa probably anticipated that we would investigate them, and there's always the Student Council to worry about. But they're our enemies, so if anything, we want them to misinterpret what we say."

"I see. Should we start talking in English, then?"

"That would be broken English, in your case. Anyway, you're stalling! Answer why you took so long to invite me over now, or there'll be a penalty!"

"Stalling? Excuse me. I thought this was just a friendly chat. Anyway, maybe someone has been keeping me too busy with festivals and mystery games and karate lessons to even think about having friends over."

"Tcch, as if the rest of the SOS Brigade weren't doing all those same things and still finding time to spend with their friends. I had Tsuruya and Yui over just this past week."

"Oh, but not me." I feigned offense, but actually, I was always glad to hear that Haruhi was spending time with normal people, people who had fun with her because of who she was rather than because she might blow up the world if they didn't.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Haruhi smirked. "A slumber party with just you and three cute girls. Drool all you want, but it's not going to happen, even if you live to be three hundred years old."

She was going to have to do a lot better than that if she wanted to make me blush. "First of all, I'm pretty sure a three hundred year old man would have even less of a chance of getting invited to a slumber party with cute girls. Second, I meant for you to invite me to a separate engagement. Third, I only heard you mention one cute girl, Tsuruya."

"Ooo, Yui is going to be so mad when I tell her you said that. You'd better start checking hospitals to make sure they have enough organ donors and the right blood type on hand."

"But you're not personally offended, huh."

"Of course not! I know I'm not cute. That was a test, and you got that part of it right."

It took me a second to recover from the shock of that one. In that time, I realized that we were now at least two blocks away from the school. I'd been so focused on talking to Haruhi that I hadn't even been conscious of our leaving the building. I don't know why. It's not like arguing with her was a huge strain or anything. On the contrary, I felt totally relaxed.

I managed to get in a response before Haruhi could press her advantage: "Modesty, from you? I wish I'd made a recording of that."

"What do you mean, modesty? Are you seriously suggesting that cuteness is the best a girl can aspire to? Anyway, cute is entirely the wrong word for me."

"I don't know. When you say that, with your cheeks puffed out with indignation like that, it makes me think you might qualify as cute after all."

Needless to say, Haruhi took exception to that.

We continued to bicker like that for block after block. We only paused when Haruhi insisted we stop so she could take something out of her bag. She pulled out the sash I bought her and put it on. "Cold?" I asked.

"A little."

There were some brisk September winds blowing, so that made sense. And with that, we resumed the argument where we left off.

Oh, yeah, I guess I haven't mentioned that sash before. The trouble is that there's no real story around it. The last time we were on an SOS Brigade citywide search, I was paired up with her and Koizumi, and she demanded I go into a nearby clothing store. I asked her why the hell I should, especially since her birthday was in less than a month. Koizumi said he would be happy to buy her something. Haruhi overruled us both, not even bothering with pseudo-logic, simply calling my penalty for that day due. I bowed to Her Royal Selfishness's indomitable will, went in, and picked out a sash which I thought seemed to suit her. It was cheap enough not to break my wallet, without looking cheap, like if I had come out with a pair of socks or a headband. She seemed to like it. At least, she wore it for the rest of the day.

Anyway, that was it. I bought her a sash. Nothing else happened that day.

This day was already a little more interesting. When we reached my neighborhood, Haruhi and I were still bickering. Suddenly realizing that our scheduled encounter with Sasaki and her boyfriend was imminent, I wished I had taken Koizumi's advice and called the whole thing off. Right now my "perfect plan" seemed like nothing more than an unwelcome interruption to one of the best streaks Haruhi and I had ever had.

It was too late, though. I heard a familiar voice calling. "Heya, Kyon!"

I didn't respond. Haruhi was talking right then, and too much in love with the sound of her own voice to notice Sasaki's. There was the foolish hope in my mind that if we ignored Sasaki for just a few seconds, she might take a hint and go away.

"Over here, Kyon!"

Haruhi was still yapping about how I needed to be more conscientious. There were times where that would annoy or even bore me, but right now, I felt like I could listen to her lecture all night. Maybe I'd taken in more than the usual amount of phenylalanine in my diet, because it wasn't like I'd just come out of another alternate universe, or whatever you call it when Nagato stole Haruhi's power.

"Hey!" I became aware of the clatter of chain and spinning wheels, and Sasaki rode up in front of us on her bike. "You've really got your head in the clouds, huh?"

"Oh, hi Sasaki." I couldn't keep the resignation completely out of my voice, even though I knew a cold greeting from me was the last thing Sasaki deserved. I felt Haruhi's hand pull free from mine with a strange sort of start; I hadn't even realized we were holding hands in the first place. Thinking back, I have a vague impression that we darted past a "Don't walk" sign at one point and instinctively clasped hands. I guess we just forgot to let go once we got across.

"And Suzumiya, too! I didn't recognize you from the side." I wanted to applaud Sasaki for that little extra touch of authenticity. If my plan wasn't perfect before, Sasaki was sure making it that way. "Funny running into you two. I was just out biking with my boyfriend."

"Oh?" Haruhi sounded a little confused at Sasaki's being here, like she couldn't quite figure it out. "That sounds nice. Where is he?"

"Right here," came a voice from behind. I guess her boyfriend hadn't been able to pull up to the perfect stop Sasaki had managed. His voice sounded familiar, though...

I turned around.

"I'm Goro Mishima," he said, giving a little awkward bow of his head over his handlebars. "I take it you two are friends of Sasaki?"