- Chapter 8: We Are Spirits in a Material World -

I blinked.

That had definitely been Haruhi's voice speaking just a moment ago, unless I was hallucinating. But I had been looking at her face all this time, and her lips hadn't moved one bit. Also, the voice sounded strangely like it was coming from...

Behind me.

My heart was suddenly pounding as hard as you'd expect from a guy who just felt a drop of Tyrannosaurus Rex drool drip onto his shoulder. Actually, probably harder. No rational explanation could cover this bizarre circumstance. Not that I gave explanations much thought. I just spun around, and...

There she stood, arms folded, yellow ribbon in her hair, eyes gleaming with her own particular madness. It was Haruhi, all right. And the sash around her neck confirmed that it was my Haruhi. Not an alternate, not a clone.

"Haruhi...?"

She blinked, her eyes going wide. "Huh? You can see me?"

"Yeah..." My throat was dry. "And you can hear me."

She was alive. Alive.

And she had just heard me spilling my heart out in a full-blown apology to her.

It was simultaneously the most wonderful relief I'd ever known and my worst nightmare come to life.

"Well, naturally," she said, already recovered from her surprise. "I don't understand everything that happened, or how you're still alive -"

How I'm still alive?

"- but we both came from the same world, so naturally we can see and hear each other even though no one else can. When I saw a second version of you going into the classroom, walking right through the door, I realized you had to have come to this weird world the same way I did. But I was more curious about what you were up to, so I didn't think the whole thing through at first. If it had occurred to me that you could probably hear me, I'd have said something sooner. I'm glad I stood back and watched for a minute, though. That was quite the apology you gave just now. You should be open with your feelings more often."

"Now hold on a second -"

"And I forgive you, of course," she continued, a smugly satisfied smile on her face. "A good brigade leader has an abundance of patience and mercy for her underlings. You need only apologize and show a sincere intent to do better in the future, like you just did."

"Will you listen to me for just five seconds? Everything I said just now was just me talking to myself. I didn't know that you could hear me. I thought you were dead."

She raised an eyebrow. "Why would I be dead? You were the one who leapt in front of that attack and faded away to nothing."

"That's not what -"

"Anyway, it's not really important that you didn't know I could hear you. What matters is, you finally opened up and expressed your true feelings, instead of making stupid remarks, and you apologized, instead of telling lies to cover up what you did wrong. Be proud of yourself!"

Proud of myself? Right now I would rather be having one of those dreams where Haruhi makes me walk all around the school in my underwear, and have it be happening for real. That would be less embarrassing than this.

"Of course, I had already figured out that you had set up that run-in with Sasaki, but it's good to know what the reason was. Maybe this will finally teach you not to try and deceive me with your ridiculous schemes. It's useless, and worse, it's pointless. You're much more likable when you just be yourself."

"Look, you don't get it," I tried. "I only apologized because I thought you were dead, so I felt guilty. I'm not really sorry that I tried to show you I don't have feelings for Sasaki, and I'm definitely not sorry that I got mad at you for treating Miss Asahina like your personal toy."

She shook her head and tsked. "Kyon, Kyon. Why do you still think you can lie to me?"

"I'm not lying."

"Besides, if you thought I was dead, that's all the more reason why your apology couldn't have been insincere. If I'm dead, then you have no motive to apologize to me." Her look could not get any more smugly satisfied at this point. "Only a heartfelt remorse that has to find release."

"Wait a minute." I thrust a finger at Other-Haruhi. "While you're congratulating me on opening up about my feelings, spare some accolades for your alternate self over there. You can practically feel the misery overflowing from her, all just because my alternate self quit the SOS Brigade."

Haruhi glanced at her other self with disinterest. "You've got it backwards. She's miserable because he's missing out on a whole world of fun adventures with the SOS Brigade, all because he's too stubborn to apologize to her, and she feels sorry for him."

This one time, it was actually a relief to hear Haruhi produce one of her trademark nonsense arguments. "How can he be missing out on adventures when she's not even having SOS Brigade meetings anymore, and dare I even ask what she expects him to apologize for?"

"For challenging her authority, of course. And how can he not be missing those adventures? If he's not even a member of the SOS Brigade anymore, he certainly can't have adventures with them." She raised a hand to flick her hair back over her left shoulder, apparently just for dramatic effect. "Anyway, we don't have time for this now. We have to find Mishima and that girl with the weird voice, so we can make them take us back to our world!"

I folded my arms, but I can't swear that I managed to keep the smile from my face. This was the side of Haruhi I had been missing most. "And how do you plan on doing that?"

"Obviously, we just run through Koyoen Academy until we spot one of them! You did notice that she was wearing a Koyoen uniform, right?"

...How did I not think of that? "But she could be attending a different school in this world."

"Attending a different school? What kind of lame idea is that for an alternate universe? Alternate universes should have good people being evil and evil people being good, dead people being alive and living people being dead, best friends being enemies, poor people being rich, democracies being totalitarian regimes! If the only difference between me and my alternate counterpart were that she went do a different school, I'd drop dead of boredom right on the spot."

I'd like to introduce you to a new concept: Something being boring doesn't mean it isn't true.

"Anyway, it's our best shot!" She spun around towards the classroom exit. "Come on, let's – huh?"

I followed her surprised gaze downward. Her hand was grasping at mine – and passing clean through it, just like everything else had since I came to this world. She went for my tie as her second choice, but her fingers found no more purchase there. Then she reached half-blindly for my elbow, or maybe my stomach; it was hard to tell when she wasn't making any contact.

She finally gave up, dropping her hand back at her side limply, like the will had been drained from it.

We stared down at ourselves in silence for a moment.

"Huh," I said. "I guess we're like ghosts even to other ghosts. Not what I would have expected."

For a moment, Haruhi said nothing. Given how unusual it is for her to have her mouth closed for more than five seconds in a single stretch, this was starting to frighten me. I looked up to her face, but she was still looking downward at my hand, so her eyelids were too low for me to read any expression there.

"AAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHH!" she screamed at last. "Damn it! Damn all of this! I can't even touch you!"

She swung her fists in a flurry of punches that went right through my face with no impact, turning my vision into a strobing slide show and making it abundantly clear exactly how she wished to touch me. Not that I was stupid enough to think, even for a split second, that she might have desired to do something more gentle. No matter what mood Haruhi was in, or what I had done for her lately, any time Haruhi laid hands on me was going to be hard, sudden, and most likely painful.

It's just that, if I could touch her at that moment, I...

Never mind. No matter how strong the urge was, I would never hug Haruhi. That just wasn't ever going to happen.

"D-Damn it," she sobbed, collapsing to a seated position on the floor. You couldn't say she was crying, but there was a bit of moisture squeezing its way into the corners of her eyes. "I can't stand this. Everyone ignores me, like I don't even exist. All I can do is stand and watch this horrible distorted version of my life where everything is messed up and everyone is twice as idiotic as they were before! And when I finally find someone who can see and hear me, they can't do anything about it either! Damn... it... all!" She punctuated the last word by violently kicking at the nearest desk. When her leg passed clean through it, she released another frustrated sob.

"Haruhi... Haruhi, you've got to stop." This is certainly not a first, but her behavior was making me very uncomfortable. "Just calm down for once in your life, will you?"

"Why the hell should I?" She kicked again, this time directing it at my kneecap. If we weren't ghosts, I'd have been limping for a week.

"Because..." I swallowed, trying to hold it all together. "You won't remember this, but a while ago, I was thrown into a situation a lot like this, except you had disappeared." A while ago, I said. Except in this world, the clock had been turned back, so it was supposed to be happening now. "I was scared out of my mind, and falling apart. It was the most hopeless situation I'd ever been thrown into. But once I found you, I knew everything was going to be all right. However completely crazy things had gone, to you it would all be just another problem to be solved, another adventure to have. Because to you, crazy is just business as normal."

That last bit got a scornful sniff out of her, but that was it.

"That's why we all need you as chief of the SOS Brigade. If you fall apart..." I held my hands up. "...then things really are hopeless."

The statement hung heavy in the air. Part of me already regretted saying it, but it was hard to imagine a situation where it would more need to be said.

"...You're the one who's hopeless." She adjusted the sash around her neck and got to her feet. "That's all it takes for you to give up? For your brigade chief to be temporarily out of action? How are we ever supposed to rely on you if you just fold like that when we need you?"

...Hypocrisy aura... overwhelming...

"Wipe that stupid look off your face. We've got to get over to Koyoen before classes let out!"

Classes... huh. I was just now noticing that class had started back up again. I'd been so preoccupied with Haruhi and her being alive that I hadn't noticed everyone come back in, or the teacher lecturing.

"Hold on," I said to Haruhi. "Even if we find Mishima and Kuyoh Suoh, what makes you think they'll see or hear us?"

"Well, they're the ones who made us like this, aren't they? Anyway, do you have a better idea?"

That was a new one. Haruhi, asking someone else for ideas. "Actually, I do. Follow me."

I headed out into the hall.

"Hey! Haven't we discussed this before? Subordinates should never, ever presume to give orders!"

She still followed me, though. She didn't sound particularly angry, either. I guess she realized that this situation was too serious to waste time with power games. Or maybe she just figured that this didn't really count, since I was only telling her what to do, not the entire SOS Brigade.

Lunch break was over, but that made no difference to a couple of ghosts. I found my way to Nagato's classroom and walked right in. Our ever-reliable bibliophile was at her desk.

"What are we doing here, anyway?" Haruhi demanded.

I ignored her. "Hey, Nagato. Listen, you don't need to look at us, and if you need to say something you can just say it softly, like you're talking to yourself. Do you know who Goro Mishima, Kuyoh Suoh, and Sasaki are?"

She nodded.

"Hey! Yuki, you can hear us?"

Nagato turned and gave me a look. It was a hard look to define, but I remembered her giving me the same look, or almost the same look, when Haruhi asked her what happened to her glasses. This time, I think I understood it. She wanted me to tell her if it was okay for Haruhi to know she could see and hear her.

That made me stop and consider, for a moment, the fact that the cat was out of the bag now, more or less. Haruhi still had no clue about her powers, but she had now seen paranormal beings and powers at work in a way that they couldn't be mistaken for anything else. I'd just accepted that fact without even thinking about it. Just like when I told Haruhi everything that December (this December) when Nagato altered the world, it seemed perfectly natural for her to know. Hell, it seemed weird when she didn't know, even if I didn't think about it most of the time. The world's foremost enthusiast of everything paranormal and strange, and she didn't know a thing about the extraordinary people and events that swarmed around her like flies to melted sugar.

I hadn't forgotten Koizumi's warning that Haruhi knowing would likely mean an apocalyptic rewriting of reality, but whether I bought into that possibility or not, what was done was done. Haruhi knew, and there was no taking that knowledge back.

So I turned to Haruhi and said: "Yeah, she can see and hear both of us."

Haruhi's face screwed up in a weird combination of expressions, like she couldn't decide what reaction to have first. "Wow! So, you're some sort of ghost whisperer, huh? Then why did you just ignore me yesterday? That's potential grounds for a serious penalty, you know!"

"She can explain that to you later," I cut in before Nagato could respond, not like she looked like she was in any more of a hurry to talk than usual. "Nagato, where are Mishima, Suoh, and Sasaki now?"

"Exact whereabouts unknown," Nagato murmured. "Kuyoh Suoh attends Koyoen Academy and resides at an apartment complex in Kendanicho."

She also rattled off Mishima and Sasaki's place of education and addresses. They were still going to the same school, and Sasaki was at least living in the same neighborhood. That gave me a bad feeling. I'd hoped that Mishima would have been careless in how he manipulated Sasaki, causing him to get caught up in the changes she made to the world. Then he wouldn't remember anything, and wouldn't be prepared for us. That apparently wasn't the case, assuming the world had been altered at all. On the other hand, if, as Koizumi claimed, this was actually an unaltered world that was simply alternate to the one I knew, then the lack of change dimmed any hopes I might have that, in the same way that I was now an asshole in this reality, Mishima might actually be a nice, helpful guy in this reality.

"Great," Haruhi said. "Let's go get 'em!"

"Hold it." I couldn't hold onto her to stop her from leaving (actually, even if I could, she'd probably just yank me right off my feet), but my tone of voice somehow stopped her in her tracks. "I think you missed the point here. We're not in this alone. This is an SOS Brigade mission."

She blinked. "So... the other Yuki, the other Koizumi, and the other Mikuru all are helping us out?"

"We're having a meeting after class." And I honestly don't think us two ghosts tackling a being like Kuyoh Suoh all by ourselves would work out well.

"Why didn't you say something earlier?" she snapped, poking a finger into my chest – actually into – reminding me again that Haruhi not being able to touch me was not a bad thing.

I knew what she was thinking. If I had told her as soon as I ran into her that the rest of the SOS Brigade were with us, it would have given her hope, and I could have spared her that embarrassing outburst, or at least ended it sooner.

"I needed you to pull it together on your own," I said. "Otherwise, how could I rely on you to hold it together when the going gets tough?"

"Hmmph. You talk like you're the leader."

"Huh?" My breath caught in my throat. Believe me, taking charge of an outfit like the SOS Brigade was the last thing I wanted to do. "No, no... that's not what I -"

"Mmm, don't worry about it." She twirled an index finger idly in the air. "I know you wouldn't do it in real life, and it makes an interesting change in a dream."

What? A... dream?

"Sure. It's impressive how real it feels, but most of my dreams lately feel that way. And any reasonable person knows that you can't travel to alternate dimensions, right?"

"Yeah, I guess...?"

"But what really gives it away is the whole ghost thing." She held up an index finger, like a teacher in paranormal physics. "It works the same way it always works in books and TV shows, which doesn't hold up when you examine it with simple logic. I mean, we're supposedly intangible, right? No physical substance whatsoever?"

"...Right...?"

"Then what about our feet?"

"Our... feet?"

"We aren't sinking through the floor, or through the asphalt, or through the earth beneath us. In fact -" She stamped her foot on the floor like the world's most bad-tempered toddler. "- everything we walk on is as solid as ever. We couldn't pass through it if we wanted to. Even you can understand what I'm getting at, right?"

That... was a very good point. If it weren't for the obvious fact that I know I'm not a figment of her subconscious, I would have a very hard time questioning her reasoning.

"That's the way you can always recognize a dream," she finished. "The logic falls apart when you think about it."

True enough. But that outburst a few minutes ago didn't come from someone who thought she was just having a bad dream.

I didn't get it. Haruhi had to realize that this wasn't just a dream, or she wouldn't have been acting the way she'd been acting. But then why would she say it was a dream? Why would that thought even enter her head? It was an undeniably convenient change of heart, since it meant the cat wasn't out of the bag after all, and there was no risk of the world being restructured about Haruhi's awareness of the everyday presence of espers, time travelers, etc. But I could think of only two explanations for it, and I didn't like either of them. One was that Koizumi already knew that Haruhi was here and was using his powers to manipulate her beliefs.

The second: Under the pressure of my apparent death, her new ghostly status, and the distorted alternate universe all around her, Haruhi was starting to crack up.

Author's notes: A cookie to anyone who spotted the callback to "Haruhi's Boyfriend". Blink and you miss it. Also, have a less than encyclopedic memory of "Haruhi's Boyfriend" and you miss it.

Thanks to everyone who's stuck with it this far and kindly taken the time to leave reviews. I'm still hard at work on chapter 13 and am aiming to wrap the story up in 15 chapters and an epilogue, though it will likely take another chapter or two more than that. So rest assured there is an ending coming.