Part 2-In which House offers and explanation and the gang gets their drink on
House, Wilson and Cuddy weren't sure what to say on their way to the nightclub. It'd taken some convincing but Luke had agreed to open the place just for them. He hadn't noticed anything weird going on, but a wicked hangover had kept him from going out that morning.
He met them at the door, "Hey, sorry about the dust, I haven't done much with the place since I bought the Haunted Star." He looked at Sonny, "What's with the docs? And that guy?"
"They're why we're here."
Jason and Max walked in and stood next to Sonny.
"You guys actually look kind of intimidating in person," House commented.
"What's going on, Sonny?" Jason asked, his right hand resting near his waist, and one could gather, his gun.
"Yeah, Boss, there's something weird going on. I only recognized about half the stuff we drove by on our way here." Max's usual calm demeanor was clearly disturbed.
"That's a really good question, House, why is that? The hospital grew extra floors, but your office right where it should be. Cuddy's been replaced by Alan Quartermaine, but the clinic is no better staffed than usual. Both Drs. Drake seem to be working on cases without having noticed they're in the wrong hospital. Why did Sonny and Max know there was something going on but Liz Spencer didn't?"
"Explaining this would be so much easier with some alcohol…Luke would you do the honors?"
"If you've been dealing with this all morning you need a drink. I'll get a bottle." He returned a couple minutes later with enough glasses for everyone, a bucket of ice and two bottles of scotch. "What the hell, let's live it up," he explained.
After everyone was served all eyes turned to House. He took a drink, reached into his pocket and swallowed another pill.
"Didn't you just take one of those a couple of hours ago?" Sonny had been looking at his glass, but the sound of the pill bottle opening distracted him from his thoughts.
"Not even that long, actually."
"He's in a lot of pain," explained Wilson.
"He's an addict," said Cuddy.
"He'll fit right in," toasted Luke.
"All of the above. First of all, allow me to introduce everyone." He stood up and began to move around the group. He stopped behind Jason's chair, and placed his hand on the other man's leather jacket clad shoulder. Jason tightened at the unexpected touch, but didn't move. "Jason Morgan, child of privilege turned brain damaged hit man with a heart of gold." He moved to stand behind Max. "Max, the trusted bodyguard with a thing for the former Mrs. Corinthos." One more chair over, "Sonny Corinthos, bi-polar mobster and father of the entire next generation of Port Charles, I believe you all know. Luke Spencer, entrepreneur and raconteur."
"I'd be flattered if I had any idea why you know that."
House was behind Cuddy now, "Dr. Lisa Cuddy."
"You don't have anything witty to say about me?"
"I apologize, gentlemen, I give you Dr. Lisa Cuddy, Dean of Medicine and proud owner of some mesmerizing ta tas."
"Tacky, and juvenile."
"At your service."
Wilson considered sliding under the table. He was not looking forward to his introduction. House leaned down against the back of Wilson's chair. He leaned his chin on top of the other doctor's head. "Last but not least, this is Dr. James Wilson, Oncologist and my heterosexual life partner."
Disappearing seemed like a really great idea. From his experience, mobsters were not notorious for their willingness to joke about sexuality. "House, that's unnecessary."
"These guys understand what I'm talking about, don't they? Jason, who do you trust more than anyone else?"
"Sonny."
"And Sonny, is there anyone you trust with your life?"
"Jason."
"See Wilson, don't be so uptight." The other men didn't seem angry, just confused.
He put his head in his hand, "Just explain what's going on, we can discuss our relationship later."
"He gets so touchy sometimes." House sat back down in his chair and took another drink. "Great, now we have our introductions out of the way. I think I know what's going on."
Jason leaned forward, "Yeah? What is it, then?"
"As Dr. Cuddy so politely pointed out, I'm a drug addict. Have been for a long time. Drugs do weird things to the way you perceive the world. Don't you agree, Sonny?"
"I only take lithium to regulate my moods. I'm not addicted to pain killers."
"Careful there my Moody Compadre," Luke interjected, "remember my kid has a problem, too."
"You don't know the half of it," Sonny finished his drink and poured a second.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Just that you have two kids and neither of them are in the running for best adjusted."
"Dammit, Corinthos—" Luke slammed his drink down on the table. Scotch splashed over the edge of the glass.
"Calm down, Spencer. Lulu's pregnant with your stepson's baby. Now that we've got that out of the way can I go on?"
"Lulu and Dillon?" he finished his drink and poured another. "She's barely 18. Laura's lucky she's been catatonic all these years. Maybe I'll join her." The shock of the news made him forget to ask how this strange man knew all these things.
"As I was saying, prolonged drug use can have a negative effect on brain function."
"That's why I made him head of Diagnostics, his brilliant ability to solve the unsolvable," Cuddy mumbled.
"Shush, you. I'm making it simple for the ain-bray amaged-day," he tilted his head toward Jason, whose usual expressionless demeanor was emoting less than usual.
Wilson refilled his glass, "Don't be a jerk, they're armed and you are very shootable."
"This would be easier without your help." The other two doctors leaned back in their chairs and waved their hands in 'go-on' gestures. "As I was saying, I've been taking increasingly large doses of ever stronger forms of pain medication for years. Since things were going so smoothly for me, getting shot didn't surprise me nearly as much as it should. In fact, it made me less convinced that there is any one true reality. The more I thought about it the more convinced I became that given the right circumstances fact and fantasy are interchangeable. All we have to do is open the right door at the right time. This just proves it, what we have here is a tear in the space time continuum."
"So," Wilson cut in, "It's just a jump to the left?"
"Yes, so the logical conclusion is that only virgins go all the way down on the first time. We are clearly dealing with a virgin here. Since that rules out everyone from Port Charles I'm going to have to assume I'm responsible."
Cuddy couldn't help but chuckle, "House, I don't want to get personal here, but are you claiming there's anything even slightly virginal about you?"
"I hate to sound like the dumb strong guy here, but—What?" asked Max.
"Too meta? Sorry, what I'm saying is that sometime between when I left work yesterday afternoon, well after 5 o'clock I might add, the hospital suffered a dimensional shift. We became part of a TV show and a TV show became part of reality. In short, it's like time travel without that pesky need to figure out who's President."
"Are you saying we don't exist?" asked Sonny.
"Or we don't, I'm open to the possibility that I might just be the product of someone's imagination. There's all kinds of fun we can have with this anomaly. I've got a nifty idea to try out my theories on changing history."
Wilson squinted and rubbed his forehead. "Does it involve sterilizing Hitler's father?"
"You're good, how'd you know that?"
"Wild guess."
"So, Dr. House, how do we get out of this and back to our lives? I have a business to run."
"My recommendation is we enjoy ourselves for the time being. Sit back, relax, maybe order some Chinese food. Let the rift heal itself."
"We can do better than that," Luke had ingested enough alcohol to accept all of this information in stride. "I'll call Kelly's and get someone over here with some grub."
"Looks like I get my burger after all."
"Wait a minute, we're just supposed to do nothing?" Jason asked.
"You could sit in the corner and brood if you'd like. You're good at that."
Everyone was sitting around the table, drinks in hand, thinking about the explanation. The bottle was passed around. Drinks were refreshed.
Luke walked behind the bar and got a box of cigars. "Anyone care to join me?" The cigars began the trip around the table behind the scotch. No one spoke as they lit up. Soon, the bar was filled with the smell of smoke and the faint ring of ice cubes against glass.
"This is great," House blew a smoke ring towards Wilson's face.
"It is better than work."
"I realize I'm going along with this—whatever this is—but I am your boss."
"Dr. Cuddy, you need to relax." Sonny walked around the table until he was standing behind her chair. He placed his hands on her shoulders and began to gently message her tense muscles. His hands were very strong, yet soft and tender. She couldn't remember the last time a man had touched her with such innate knowledge of what she needed. Her head tipped forward, she sat her glass on the table and melted into his touch.
Wilson watched with surprise as this scene unfolded. House raised an eyebrow and smirked.