Part Two Away with the Pixies
At Shanks Pony the next day the inner city Sydney courier firm Max, Alec, O.C. and Sketcho worked at, their boss Howard 'Normo' Johns was getting irate.
"Alec!" The New Australian Labor party supporter yelled, looking around him frantically.
"Alec!" shouted Normo forlornly. "Bazza and Tash, have you dipsticks seen Alec this morning?"
The two couriers shook their heads and Normal walked around looking lost, muttering to himself
"Isn't bloody here, doesn't ring in sick, thinks only of himself, always hurts the one..." Normo spotted Sketcho. "Sketcho you bastard have you seen Alec?"
"Nah, not me mate." Sketcho shrugged. "Been looking for him meself."
Normal raised his voice. "Righto you lot, smoko isn't till eleven so shift your lazy arses. I don't want customers ringing me up on the blower all bloody day, whinging through their arseholes that their parcels went walkabout. And where's Max and her lesbo mate, in the bloody dunny I suppose?"
The two young women in question were indeed in the ladies toilets at Shanks Pony.
Only one toilet was working at the moment. Normal had offended the plumber fixing them and now she was on strike. Picketing outside Shanks Pony with her Trade Union.
"Ohmigod Max, Logo kept asking where you were last night at the Royal. I didn't know what to say yeah."
O.C. was crossing her legs anxiously, trying to have her full bladder win over gravity. All because their junkie workmate Shazza was in the toilet cubicle shooting up.
"Look no worries O.C. it's my problem hey." Max's pager went off. Max looked at it. "Shit."
Shazza emerged her pupils' pinpricks, and lurched forth to start her working day. Fortunately for the motorists and pedestrians of inner city Sydney, Shazza just worked in dispatch.
O.C. dashed in the toilet cubicle. "Ohmigod was that Logo? If you're serious about dumping him, you owe the bloke an explanation." O.C. called through the lavatory door.
"Yeah, yeah. I'll do it during smoko." Max said,
"Oh bloody hell. Shazza you bitch." O.C. yelled after the blonde dispatcher.
Max twisted her hair in a pony tail. "She's gone O.C., did the junkie moll leave her gear on the floor again?"
"It's bloody disgusting, she could use the needle tin lazy slut." O.C. complained.
"Well you're the bloody union rep. Get Normo the tight bastard, to install blue lights so Shazza and the other junkies can't see their disease ridden veins." Max suggested, frowning at her lippy in the mirror, she reapplied it.
"Yeah and then the rest of us can't see properly to apply our make up." O.C. answered.
"Yeah life's a bitch and then you die O.C., hurry up darl I need to go too."
O.C. giggled knowingly. "You're just cranky 'cause you're dumping Logo."
At eleven o'clock on her fifteen minute, union enforced tea break. Max went round the back of Shanks pony and rang Logan on her cell phone.
"Gidday Logo how are you doin'." Max said nervously. Shit she didn't want to do this,
"Good thanks, you?" Logan said cheerfully.
"Good," Max said hesitantly.
"I wandered all over the bloody Royal Albert hospital looking for you last night, with the back of my gown open and my bum hanging out." Logan laughed.
"Sorry about that Logo. Listen… I" Max started her dumping speech. She'd been rehearsing it all morning.
"I'm feeling tickety boo actually. Must be all that transgenic blood." Logan cut her off quickly.
"We need to talk Logo." Max told him.
"I pulled out an old white board I had lying around, and put up all the notes I made at the pub last night yeah?"
Max bit her lip, he knew she was trying to dump him and was delaying the inevitable. "Logan…"
"Bloody don't Maxers please?" Logan pleaded with her.
"I can't bloody do this anymore."
"Look...No worries hey. I'm alive."
"No the two up just went our way this time." Max waved away a fly impatiently. Wasn't it autumn, why was the little winged bastard still alive? "How many miracles do you think we're going to bloody get Logo?"
"It is my bloody life on the line. It's not an issue Max." Logan tried to make light of it.
"What you end up stiff as a door post and I spend the rest of my natural knowing it was my bloody fault? It's over Logo." Max moved out of the way so a striking plumber's urine flow wouldn't splash on her foot, as he pissed on the wall beside her.
The plumber exposed himself slightly and Max sneered, making a 'this small' gesture with her forefinger and thumb.
"I've been where you are, remember doll?" Logan reminded her. "Thinking it was all too bloody hard. But life without you is like a pub with no beer Max pointless, bloody pointless."
"I have to hang up now. My smoko's almost over." Max explained, her eyes narrowed as a junkie off the street came towards her, planning to beg for money from her.
"Max..."Logan begged.
"Just rack off!" Max yelled at the junkie.
"Well shit, be like that then you dog." Logan hung up on her. How rude.
Max banged her head against the wall in frustration.
"Come on doll.' The junkie wheedled. "Just fifty cents hey. It's for me kids. I'm saving up the bus fare for them to come down from Darwin."
"Tell them to walk you fuckwit." Max rushed back inside Shanks Pony pushing her way through the picketing trade unionists and punched in her time card. Max Kelly (she'd chosen her surname after the infamous (in Australia anyway) nineteenth century Victorian bush ranger outlaw Ned Kelly) had clocked in just in time.
Normal frowned. "Cutting it fine as usual Miss Kelly." He leaned over the counter. "Here the Sydney Swans want these new uniforms delivered. Aren't you an AFL Fan? From Melbourne as you are?"
"You know I'm a Ruby Union fan not an aerial ping pong barracker, and you know the Sydney Swans are animals on Andies." Max complained.
"Are they?" Normo smiled patronisingly. "Then you'll want to get there while they're training and before they start drinking." He looked guilty momentarily. "They asked for a female courier and I knew only you could bloody handle them Max."
In a deserted Bondi Beach life saving clubhouse, Black and the Familiar priestess met.
"Gidday how are you going?" Black said to her.
"Good morning, well thank you, yourself?" the priestess replied formally.
"Good, I tested the transgenic but. The bloody thing got sick, but it pulled through"
"Bugger. Then that little moll's survival wasn't just a fluke." The priestess cursed.
"I'm afraid not. Though there is something different about 452. She never exhibited any bloody symptoms."
"What should I tell the Conclave?" the priestess wondered, chewing her fingernail.
"I think it's time to bet on the longshot that Sandeman made the Manticore transgenics immune. This changes everything hey." White looked resolved. "It's time to rattle our dags."
Annie was standing on the veranda at Joey's house, getting up the courage to knock. He opened the door and smiled to see her.
"Gidday Joey?"
"Gidday Annie how are ya going?" Joey asked her.
"Good. It's bloody hilarious. We were just walking past, and Billie just jumped up your steps again. She bloody likes you hey."
"I like her, too." Joey said warmly. Having a good perv at Annie's breasts, secure in the knowledge she couldn't see him doing this.
"She's usually a bloody good judge of character, for a kangaroo." Annie took a deep breath. "I hope I don't seem like a desperate slag, but I wanted to invite you to dinner."
Joey noticed a street kid spray painting graffiti on the milkbar wall on the corner and ducked into his doorway so the destructive little fuck wouldn't see the wallaby freak.
"Are you there?"
"Yeah, I'm here mate, just checking for borer." Joey lied, tapping the doorframe loudly.
"Yeah well these old federation houses are riddled with them yeah? I thought, with you being new to Sydney." Annie lost her nerve." You're probably too bloody busy hey."
"I…I'd love to." Joey stammered. Christ he might get a root out of this.
"What?" Annie couldn't believe her ears.
"Love to have dinner." Joey repeated.
"That's fantastic Joey. There's a Turkish place round the corner. Plonk tastes like goats piss but it's a BYO."
"No, here." Joey tried to think of a reason. "Because I love to cook. Do you like Dim Sims?"
"They're my favourite." She sniffed suspiciously. "Is that meths?"
"Yes. I…I paint." Joshua used methylated spirits to clean his water brushes.
"You're a painter. Oh thank Christ, I was a bit worried you were a derro and drank the stuff."
"No just clean brushes." Joey was intrigued, you could drink meths?
"Fantastic. A painter from Mantia Coro, right here in the filth no go land. I'll see you around seven, righto?
"Righto." Joey smiled sleazily, if he couldn't get his leg and tail over with a blind woman what chance had a part wallaby freak in post pulse Australia?
At Smash that evening Max moped into her beer and O.C. tried to console her.
"Ohmigod, so you did it. You dumped Logo. Good on you darl." O.C. encouraged her.
"Yeah I dumped him." Max sighed, looking at the jugs of beer in front of her. Max planned to drink them all.
Max had had a bitch of a day. She composed a list of the things that had almost made her spit the dummy in her mind.
1. No loo paper in the bog.
2. Delivering a letter to some smelly old age pensioner who insisted paying her ten dollars in five cent pieces.
3. Dumping Logo. Bloody awful.
4. Fending off the Sydney Swans manager's advances as she dropped their footy shirts off.
5. Having coffee spilt over her at Maccas at lunchtime by a crazy derro, while Max was trying to gulp down her Aussie burger.
6. Getting caught up in an anti government protest march in Pitt street.
7. Joey being cranky because she'd brought Wagon Wheel biscuits round to his place instead of bloody Tim Tams, then the wallaby freak had insisted she go to the milk bar and buy a packet of frozen dim sims for him
8. She'd had a bicycle puncture in Kings Cross red light district.
Still she'd seen Ashleigh getting squirted with a water cannon by the anti-riot police this arvo, the day hadn't been a total write off.
"That's fantastic darl, good for you." O.C. continued. "You haven't had a root in almost a year now yeah? Come to the rage Druid's housemates are throwing, to celebrate Sky and Bazza not having herpes after all."
"I don't know O.C. I think I'll just stay home, watch the Hugh Jackman marathon on telly." Max piked out.
Sketcho approached the bar and sets five empty jugs on it.
"Gidday girls how's it going?" Sketcho greeted them.
"Good thanks yourself?" they chorused.
"Good, did you hear what happened to Alec? He got nicked outside here by the filth last night hey."
"Ohmigod!" O.C. cried out astounded.
"Who give's a monkey's?" Max removed a long dark hair from her beer, scrutinising it closely. Was it hers or O.C.s or one of the pub employees? Oh who cared? The beer would sterilise any germs.
O.C. frowned at Sketcho. "Don't call the police the filth Sketcho, my brothers a cop yeah."
"Sorry O.C., yeah Gazza the barman here last night, said Alec's still at the Rocks holding cells. Gazza's girlfriend is a cop there. Explains why this place doesn't get raided much hey."
Max sculled her beer. "Fantastic. Hopefully Alec's being buggered whenever he drops the soap in the shower at the moment."
"He's your mate Max." Sketcho said reprovingly. "Wonder what he did hey?"
"Probably one of his little scams went pear shaped." Max said, she watched Sketcho juggle his jugs of beer. "Is that your round?"
"Yeah, you want to join us come over. We're watching the footy. Tri-nations cup's on in ten minutes." Sketcho walked off.
"I wondered why the transgenic dipstick kept ringing me every three hours on the dot." Max refilled her beer glass. "I ignored every one of Alec's calls of course."
"Ohmigod, you're not goin' to not do nothin'?" O.C. was deeply shocked. Alec was their mate.
"Yeah of course I'm going to bloody help him, he's my mate. That's obviously why he didn't come to the Royal last night, but O.C. let the thicko root rat sweat. I'm going to watch the footy first." Max declared firmly drinking more beer.
"Ohmigod, I know you go for the Wallabies in a big way, you bloody Rugby Union fanatic. But you have to shift your arse on this one." O.C. urged her. "Barcode? Exposure? Shit for Alec, shit for you, shit for Joey, a total dunny situation all round."
"Oh fuck no, it's happy hour O.C.," Max whined, she didn't want to leave the pub she'd just bloody got there. "Plus it's versus the Springboks this match hey. You hate the South Africans as much as anyone. Look what they did to you last year yeah."
"I'll tell you the score darl." O.C. promised her.
Max sculled her schooner dry. "I swear, if toilet paper was mechanised, Alec still couldn't wipe his arse without my help."
Max pulled her jacket on grumpily, and kissed her friend goodbye on both cheeks.
At the Rocks police station, a cop escorted a handcuffed Alec into an interrogation room.
Alec looked at Max in astonishment, trying to not let his recognition of her show. Stone the crows, Max was looking daggy. Where had she got that suit, the Salvo's charity reject bin?
"This is McDowell Miss Manion." The constable said.
"Kylie Manion, legal aid. I'm handling this legal abortion." Max pretended to introduce herself to Alec stiffly.
Max turned to the constable. "Please release my client now."
"You bleeding heart pinkos' make me bloody puke." The constable said, undoing Alec's handcuffs.
Alec stood stunned. How come he was getting off?
"Thanks I'll have your badge number if you speak to me like that again Constable." Max said crisply. "You lot stuffed it up, in your eagerness to ensnare my client. Well line ups without consent are illegal in the state of New South Wales still, thank god."
They were? Alec did not know that, how come Max did? Hold on, she was in the Melbourne underworld for two years, yeah she would know that bloody shit whereas he a soldier didn't.
"You know he's as guilty as sin. He's the outback serial killer." The cop told her.
"No he's not." Max said firmly. "P.C.5478 I see."
Max and Alec walked out of the room. "Just walk slowly and don't say anything till we get outside, for once in your bloody life." Max told him.
Alec couldn't work out what she was pissed off about. He was totally innocent. Max obviously believed he was totally bloody innocent. So why was she looking like a kid who just got told Christmas had been cancelled?
"My bikes here." Max showed him, getting out the helmets they were required to wear by law.
She hitched up her skirt and sat on her bike. Alec looked at her legs admiringly he didn't see her in a skirt much. Max looked sourly at him. "Yeah, to rescue you, half of Sydney's had to see my undies, so don't earbash me about it hey."
A policeman came out and looked round urgently.
"Fuck, knew my time was limited till some one found Kylie Manion tied up in the cleaners cupboard. Hold on." Max turned on her ignition key. The bike started and Max and Alec took off.
Glossary
I'm sure you've figured out by now to take the O and Y off the end of things first off.
Appearance related words
Daggy: frumpy scruffy
Dog: ugly female
House related words
Federation housing. House built early 1900's time of australia's federation.
Commission housing: Public housing
Borer: kind of wood worm termite insects
Sports related words
AFL, Ruby league, Rugby Union.: Football codes. Ie like soccer and gridiron
Names in italics are actual sports teams the Sydney Swans are complete gentlemen I'm sure (this is fiction set in the future, fiction)
Tri-nations cup Australia, New Zealand and South Africa battle it out to see who is the best rugby playing nation in the Southern Hemisphere "Let's go All Blacks let's go!"
Barrack: support your team
Work related words
Smoko/ Morning tea/ afternoon tea 15-20 minute breaks before and after lunch
Blower: telephone
Dunny loo bog:toilet
Junkies: there but for the grace of god go I
Anything you don't get PM me
Oh and in 2021 after Hollywood had been wrecked by the pulse and earthquake, people in Australia only see Australian and British programmes and films once more and so stop talking like they're part of the 51st state.