Seven

"What happened between you two?"

"Nothing, we're just professional…" Robin began.

"I just want to be her boyfriend and she just wanted to use me for my body," Patrick interrupted to chime in.

"Way to tell the people with guns our business." Robin glared at him.

"See, see what I have to deal with." Patrick let out a put upon sigh.

Robin rolled her eyes.

Gunman 2 narrowed her eyes and leaned in to get a closer look at Robin's face. "He did something stupid didn't he? He hurt you." She waved her gun towards Patrick. "Don't tell me he tried to sleep with your mortal enemy." She let out a knowing laughing and shook her head when Robin's eyes widened and her jaw dropped in surprise, confirming her suspicion. "We've seen this before, haven't we?" she said to her compatriots.

"They always do that on soaps - throw in some third party as if the two characters aren't interesting enough on their own. It's the fall-back of weak writers," Gunman 2 explained.

"Most of the time they're not!" Gunman 3 threw in as she returned from her position at the side door where she had let the other doctors out.

"True, true. So did you walk in on them or did that woman tell you she had sex with him?" Gunman Leader asked.

"I didn't sleep with her!" Patrick yelled out.

"Only because I interrupted."

"We had no strings!"

"What is this guy Ross Geller? What, you were on a break?" Gunman 3 rolled her eyes.

"Does he walk around the hospital whining that?" Gunman 2 snickered.

"When's his head shrinker going to put him on medication?" Gunman 1 snorted.

"Hey! I don't see a head shrinker."

"Probably should have a long time ago, son," Noah said. "Then you wouldn't have blown it with the best thing that ever happened to you."

Gunman 4, who had been silent until now pulled off his ski mask to reveal that he was the solo male of the group. A handsome twentysomething man with sandy blonde hair and a chiseled jawline. Robin looked him up and down and he smiled at her.

Patrick clenched his jaw. "He's holding us hostage, Robin."

Gunman 2 crossed over to the leader. "Hey SoapSpielberg, maybe we should type up a list of demands and send them out to the police."

"Way to blow my cover Pugmom," Soap cried.

"How is calling you by your message board name blowing your cover?" Gunman 1 asked.

"Well, Athena13, let me think," she said sarcastically. "Oh I know. Now they can trace us!"

"Too late for that – they've already seen our faces, remember?"

"Fine! Why don't we all introduce ourselves then!"

"OK, my name is JoKaluvr and that hottie over there," Gunman 3 pointed over her shoulder, "is JokaBoy258." JokaBoy waved.

"I wasn't being serious Jokaluvr!" Soap yelled. "All right. Let me think for a minute." SoapSpielberg paced around the room, stopping every once in a while to check the levels on a light meter she wore around her neck. At one point she got down on her knees in front of Patrick and Robin, framing them with her hands. "Pretty," she whispered.

Jokaluvr cleared her throat. "Um, Soap? I've got the laptop up and running. We could log on to the boards and get some input on what we should ask for."

"Good idea. Why don't you get the fanfic writers started on that?" Stereo giggling came from the corner of the conference room where Pugmom and Athena were standing, enraptured with whatever the elder Drake was saying. SoapSpielberg sighed. "Pugmom! Why don't you help Jokaluvr with our demands?"

Pugmom looked up when she heard her name. "Oh, I trust Jokaluvr," she waved her hand mindlessly. "I'll stay here and watch over Noah. He seems like he could be a handful." She and Noah laughed.

"You've got to be joking," Anna said.

Pushing Pugmom out of the way Athena flipped her hair. "Oh, I agree, Pug. There really should be two of us watching this one. Jokaluvr can handle the demands."

"Well, ladies, I'm flattered." Noah held out his elbows. "Let's get to know each other better. I'd love to hear more about your writing projects." The girls giggled and walked to an empty table with the doctor.

Patrick sauntered up to Jokaluvr at the computer and leaned against the wall next to her. "So, Jokaluvr is it?"

Staring intently at the screen she nodded her head. "Uh, huh."

Patrick could feel Robin's eyes rolling at him, trained on the back of his head. He smiled and continued. "So, could you show me what you're doing? I'd love to know more about these message boards."

Jokaluvr looked up at him and smiled. "Really?"

"Absolutely."

"What is it with these Drake idiots?" Robin shook her head. "They're a perfect pair."

"A perfect pair of what?" Anna retorted.

Robin stared as Jokaluvr gave Patrick her seat and set him up in front of the computer. She leaned over him, pointing at things on the screen and let her long hair brush against his shoulder. "Whatever." Robin crossed her arms and tried to look anywhere but at Patrick. "He's flirting with our hostage taker. He really can flirt with anyone."

Patrick wasn't concentrating much on what Jokaluvr was saying. He was too busy trying to sneak stealth looks over at Robin to see if she was paying attention. She was.

"I could set you up with a log on name and password."

"I'm sorry, what?" Patrick turned his attention back to the woman next to him.

"For the board. So you can log on any time. Lets see. What name should we give you?"

"How about JokaPig?"

Patrick smiled and loped out of the chair, crossing to Robin. "Jealous, Dr. Scorpio?"

"Of you and the kidnapper? Please. Get over yourself."

"She's not a kidnapper. She's a hostage taker. And there's plenty of me to go around."

Exasperated, Robin shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Vous êtes un cochon insupportable."

"Ooooh. That sounds sexy. What did you say?" Patrick leaned in towards her and leered.

"I said you were an insufferable pig."

"Excuse me, do you speak French?" JokaBoy258 approached Robin.

"Robin, don't even think about talking to him. He's a stranger." Robin blinked at Patrick. "With a gun." Robin still stared at him with a blank look on her face, and Patrick let out a loud sigh. "Again, let me remind you he's holding us hostage!"

Robin glared at Patrick and then turned to the gunman, smiling broadly at him. "Oui, Monsieur."

The gunman smiled. "Fais l'amour avec moi."

"What's he saying?" Patrick asked.

"Viens dormir, mon amour," the gunman added.

"I asked you not to talk to him!"

"Je taime donne moi ton coeur ce soir,"

"I'm begging you, Robin! Don't talk to strangers!"

Robin looked from JokaBoy258 to Patrick incredulously. She slapped JokaBoy258 hard across his face. "Not if you were the last man on earth!" Patrick laughed. "And you!" She twirled to face him and slapped him across the face. "Ditto!" She stormed off to the other side of the room, the rest of the gunmen watching intently.

"What did I do? I don't even know what he said!" Patrick complained.

"Well, this is not going well," Noah drolled.

"Cut! Cut, cut, cut!" SoapSpielberg walked over to the group. "I loved the dynamic but the blocking was all wrong."

"What are you talking about? This is a private conversation," Robin screamed.

"Shhh. Quiet, talking puppet. I'm the director on this set, you are merely my actors."

"She's gone mad," Athena spoke quietly out of the side of her mouth.

"It was bound to happen. This damn show is enough to drive anyone over the edge," Pugmom responded.

Patrick stepped up to Soap. "You're right. I think we need a rewrite. I mean, there is no motivation for that slap. Perhaps we could try a love scene next?"

"I like the way you think, Doctor Hottie."

TBC