"Goddammit, why don't you just knock the fuckin' shelf down while you're at it, asshole?"
"Well, let's see you trying to get this heavy book down, old man," Yuffie muttered as she stood up, dusting her shorts. She had been trying to get down a particularly interesting (but heavy) book about materia, ending up toppling over and landing on her (very lovely, she would say) behind. It's not her fault the book was too high up. Blame the person who put it there in the first place. Yuffie huffed as she walked back to where everyone was, not noticing at all the glare Cid was currently giving to her.
"Who are you calling 'old man', brat?" A vein threatened to pop out of his head as he stood over her, arms on his hips. If there was one thing Cid hated, it was being called that. Fucking kids, what do they know?
"BRAT! Say that one more time and I swear I'll.."
Rolling his eyes, Cloud stood up. Those two were impossible. Arguments between them could last for days, even weeks. They could argue over anything. They always seemed to disagree about everything. If Yuffie said black, Cid would say white, if she said yes, he would say no. There wasn't a thing they had in common besides their hot tempers. Cloud still remembered fondly (okay, maybe not so much fondly) the time when they visited a town and Cid and Yuffie were, as usual, at loggerheads with one another. They had entered an inn, arguing over something very mundane (he couldn't really recall, but he thought it was something to do with the clouds), just to be shut up by a little old lady and her friend. If he remembered right, "just like my dear Marty and I, those two" were the exact words used by that old woman. That shut them up for quite a while. The whole of AVALANCHE would never forget those lovely 5 hours, free from arguments of any sort.
Right now, however, it seemed like the pair had forgotten that old lady's comment once again. Before Cloud had the chance to open his mouth to speak (he had been too lost in his thoughts), Barret had already said what Cloud meant to tell the two.
"Shut up, both of ya," the gruff, deep voice of Barret echoed through the library. Yuffie stuck her tongue out at Cid, only to be countered by Cid's middle finger. A loud 'hmph' was heard, followed by a hiss of 'old man'. Cid was about to pounce on the poor girl once again, but was stopped by Barret's glare.
"Hey, guys, do you suppose Vincent knows we're here?"
"Probably... Cloud, what should be our next course of action?"
Cloud thought about this for a bit. Should they go back to check on the two? Vincent was certain to know that someone is in his mansion after Yuffie's little accident, so there wasn't any point hiding, was there? He would just find them sooner or later... Then again, it was TIFA in the coffin with VINCENT, looking very, very comfortable indeed... Just this thought caused Cloud to feel a little.. something. He didn't know what it was, but he didn't like it. Wasn't Tifa supposed to be there for him always and forever? What was she doing in the coffin with another man? Granted, it WAS Vincent, but it was still another man...
...Wait a minute. Was Cloud feeling betrayed?
Cloud sighed. Go back, don't go back, go back, don't go back.. He felt another headache coming along. All this decision making and emotional stress was too much for his pretty blonde head. He couldn't take it anymore. Heck, he'll just say the first thing that comes to mind and he'd deal with it later. Now he just wanted to get this over and done with, go home, take some Panadol and sleep.
"We'll go back," he said, turning towards the exit of the library, holding his head in his hands. He was feeling absolutely miserable now. The pain, the paiiin... Damn hangovers, headaches and women.
However, in another part of the mansion...
Nervous laughter filled the room. Tifa had been trying to lighten up the mood with small talk and silly jokes about being stuck in coffins. Unbelievable what the mind thinks of when one is in such.. precarious positions. She'd been trying her best to relax in the coffin but Vincent wasn't making it any easier, being all tense and such.
The poor girl had absolutely no idea what effect she was having on the man.
Just because he had been stuck in a coffin for 30 years didn't make him any less human, whatever he thought. Right now, he was having a hard time trying to control himself, especially in the nether regions. Why, oh, why did he have to be stuck with her of all people? He certainly hoped she didn't notice the sudden bulge down below. Besides, there were more important things at hand. The intruders for one thing. That's right, Valentine. Stop thinking about her ass and concentrate! Yes, yes... Intruders.. Mmm, that's so- ah, stop it. Intruders! There are intruders... Oh, but she has lovely eyes and her sme- Stop it, stop it.. God. Control yourself.
"...Tifa."
She stopped talking and looked up, as best as she could, at Vincent.
"We have a situation here. There are, ah," Valentine, this is no time to be distracted. "That is, there are intruders. Perhaps we should try and find a way to dislodge ourselves from this coffin. If they were to be fiends, we would be at a disadvantage."
"That's true," she replied thoughtfully, a delightful pout appearing on her face, "but wasn't that what caused this whole mess in the first place? I mean, we have to think of another way of getting ourselves out of here. Using force obviously didn't help much..."
The two lay in silence for a moment. Tifa, thinking about how to get themselves out of this situation and Vincent, going between that and thinking about his lovely bedmate. It had been long since he shared a bed (if you could consider this one) with a member of the opposite sex. Surely he was allowed a few discrepancies.
Unfortunately, their thinking was disrupted by the sounds of footsteps coming nearer and nearer to the door. The pair looked up, eyes focussed on the doorway. Their heartbeat quickened as the sounds got louder and louder. They were helpless. All they could do now was lie in the coffin, motionless, hoping that whatever creature it was wouldn't notice the two bodies in the coffin... Tifa shut her eyes tight. Hopefully the intruders will just walk past this room without noticing them. She knew it was a little impossible considering how the coffin was right in the middle of the room, facing the doorway which was, coincedentally, wide open.
Dear God, help us please...
The footsteps stopped and Tifa caught her breath. She gasped when she felt something touch her hand before realising that Vincent had grabbed ahold of it, probably to provide some comfort and support. She thanked him silently. I'm ready for this.
"GOOD MORNING, LOVEBIRDS!"
Tifa opened her eyes wide. That voice.. You mean.. "Yuffie?"
A/N: Sorry for taking so long to update this! I wasn't in the mood for updating and I don't really like this story very much. It's quite silly in my opinion. Well, reviews would be nice! ;) Thanks for reading! Do bear with the horrible plot and writing. I think there's only one or two chapters left. Probably one, just to end things off. Maybe an epilogue too, but don't get your hopes up!