Chapter 9

Ronon closes his eyes and leans forward into the spray of hot water. Resting his forehead against the cool surface of the shower stall, he stands there, letting the water drench him from head to toe, all the while seeing Alessa's sad eyes after their kiss. He doesn't understand. Perhaps the sadness was for him, because he doesn't deserve her, he's unworthy. She felt bad for him because she cannot return his feelings.

"Now that's just silly."

Ronon spins in the small shower, slipping slightly and bumping against the wall behind him, the shower spigot clunks him on the head and he winces. But it's the vision before him that's going to make his heart stop. She smiles. No blushing, no hiding, standing inches from him, gloriously naked for his eyes only.

There are no injuries. No blood. Just silky white skin begging for his touch, his lips.

Then her delicate hands are gliding up his water slick arms to rest on his shoulders. Her eyes lock onto his and he loses all control. Ronon wraps his arms around her waist, lifting her up and clenching her to his body as his mouth devours hers in a heated kiss. She doesn't resist, doesn't tremble from his touch. When her tongue hits his with eagerness, searching him out, it's Ronon who moans with need.

He knows this is a dream. More vivid than he's ever had, but knows all the same. And he doesn't care.

"Alessa…" he sighs, trickling kisses from her mouth over her jaw and down her neck. She lets her head drop back and moans when he suckles on the tendon at her shoulder. She feels so real in his arms, so smooth and slippery in the water stream. He has to have her.

"Yes," she whispers against his ear as her tongue tickles the lobe sending a shiver straight through him, hardening him instantly.

He pushes her into the opposite wall, though careful not to be too rough even though he knows this isn't real; it feels all too real and he wants that feeling to last, wants this tactile dreamscape to be memorable. He kisses her without reservation, thrusting his tongue inside her mouth, tasting every part of her. She's accepting, eager for more, crushing her lips to his.

Hearing her sigh and moan as he grasps her breasts and flicks his thumbs over her tightened nipples is enough to waken him from any dream. And yet he doesn't wake.

He keeps his eyes open the whole time, watching her face glisten with pleasure. He's afraid to close his eyes for fear she might vanish as easily as she appeared.

With a gentleness he's shown few in his life, Ronon smoothes his hands over her slick skin, down to her belly, around her back and cups her ass, squeezing as he pulls her tighter against him, pressing her against his swollen cock. As much as he wants to drive inside her this moment, Ronon denies himself. He wants this to last as long as possible. He wants to marvel in her flesh…in the feel of her.

He's going to take his time…and he can because time has no meaning here, not in dreams.

His lips and tongue tease one breast as he returns a hot, wanting hand to the other. Her fingers delve into his hair, hands crushing him to her chest as he takes as much of her into his mouth as he can. She squirms for him when he pinches a nipple, thrusting her hips against him and he groans against the urgency in his groin, the need to take her is fierce, but he's had years of learning restraint. As payback for the pressure she's plying on him, Ronon switches breasts, sending her into a frenzy of whimpers as he lavishes the same attention as before.

"I want…you…inside…me…" she gasps.

Ronon pulls back and stares into her eyes. Their rich color with speckles of gold have never been so clear in his mind before. He grins. "Not yet." Then his mouth is traveling down her body, licking water drops, tasting her as he kneels before her. With gentle pressure, he separates her thighs, finding her hot and swollen. He licks her and she gasps again. His eager fingers open her to him and he kisses her deeply on her most secret spot. Her hips push against his mouth as she writhes with sensation. Her hands are in his hair again, fingertips tight on his scalp.

Looking up at her, he sees the wonder in her eyes he always expected. Slowly, he sends a finger inside her and those eyes widen. She bites her thick bottom lip. He pushes another finger inside her and her head falls back against the wall. He gets a third inside her and she cries out in that whisper of a voice that sends another ripple of pleasure straight to his cock. He moves his fingers, plunging them in and out as he latches his mouth onto her sweet spot again. He alternates between sucking and tickling it with the tip of his tongue as he continues the invasion of her hot core.

He feels her quaking, ready to fall apart for him so he stops abruptly. Rising, he sees confusion in her eyes. He smiles again and kisses her deeply, sucking on her tongue, exploring her mouth, nipping at those full lips.

They break apart, breathless. Ronon grips her ass again, lifts her up, guiding her legs around his waist and positions himself. His eyes stay on hers. She's so close now; it shouldn't take much to push her over the edge. He's certain it won't take much to push him over.

Slowly, Ronon slips inside her. She's wet and ready…accepting and a warmth flows through him making his heart flutter as he sinks all the way into her waiting body. Their heady moans combine as they become one. He simply holds her there, watching her as she watches him. "I love you Alessa…"

She smiles. It's all he's going to get, of course. This is a dream after all. He can't control everything. But the smile is enough to loosen the reign on his desire. He lifts her up, pulling free at the same time, only to slide back inside her a little harder than before…and again…and again until he has no control over his body and he's thrusting deep, hard and fast.

She's clinging to him, hands gripping his shoulders, mouth pressed to his ear. With every thrust she whimpers with need until finally she calls his name. He pulls back in time to see her face as she falls apart before him. It's the most beautiful thing in the world, watching her quiver with pleasure that he's provided.

Now that he's seen it, Ronon presses her into the wall with all his weight, tightens his hold on her thighs, spreading her legs wider and drives into her with a fierceness he wasn't prepared to use with this woman. Her hard nipples rub against his sensitive skin and tingles spark through his body, making him harder than he ever imagined. She so slick and hot and he's so deep inside her he can feel every part of her surrounding him, pulsing and coaxing him to give in… to release.

She cries out as another wave washes through her just as a groan tears from Ronon's chest as his own orgasm hits with an intensity he's never known.

"I was… afraid… to love you," she whispers against his neck. "I'm sorry." He holds her tight, not willing to let go of the dream so soon. "Ronon…"

"Ronon!"

He opens his eyes and gets hit in the face with a stream of hot water. He doesn't recall closing his eyes, or facing the water as he had when he first started the shower, yet here he is… "Sheppard?" He opens the stall door and sees the Colonel standing in the door to the quarters.

"I've been calling you for like two minutes…you all right?"

"Fine. What is it?"

"Get dressed. Something's happened."

Ronon grabs a towel and quickly dries himself. "What is it?"

Sheppard rubs the back of his neck as he looks at his boots. "I think Carson should tell you."

Ronon pulls on his pants without caring that Sheppard is in front of him. "You tell me."

Sheppard takes a deep breath. "I told you I'd come get you if… Just after you came in here… well, I mean a minute or two…" he glances at his watch. "About seven minutes ago by now… I guess. I tried to get to you as soon as I knew what was—"

"Sheppard."

"Dr. D'Angelos… she… um…" he sighs. "She didn't make it… She's dead, Ronon."

He hears the words but they don't register for him. He feels the punch in his chest but it doesn't make any sense. Pain radiates through his body and the only thing he wants to do is transfer it to someone else…even Sheppard. "No." Grabbing his shirt, he pulls it on as he pushes his way passed Sheppard and into the corridor.

He chose a room not far from the medical bay so he's there within a few strides, looking through the window as before. Teyla and Rodney are both there; they turn to him with sadness in their eyes. But it's what he sees beyond, in the other room that confuses him even more.

Dr. Beckett is still with the rest of his team…still working on Alessa. After a few frantic moments, the team stops to look at something hidden from Ronon's view. Ronon leans his forehead to the window which somehow pulls Beckett's attention. The doctor's face is all but covered except for his eyes. He nods to Ronon then returns to his patient.

Ronon turns to Sheppard. "What is happening?"

"They've been shocking her…" McKay mutters, shaking his head.

"Wow…" is all Sheppard manages, his eyes glued to the room beyond.

"I think…it looks like…" McKay says softly. "They brought her back." He catches Ronon's gaze. "Twelve minutes… but they got her back."

"She is a fighter…" Teyla says softly, her eyes sliding to hold Ronon's. "Perhaps stronger than I believed."

Ronon doesn't know if he wants to hit Sheppard for scaring him or hug all three of them until they scream. Instead, he turns back to the window. He won't be leaving again, no matter what anyone says. She will know he is out here, waiting. Watching.

Alessa...

Ronon closes his eyes as her name whispers through his mind. The cool glass against his forehead reminds him of the shower stall.

I was afraid to love you.

His eyes snap open. He knows it like he knows how to breathe. He can feel it in his bones.

Those were her words. Alessa's words.

It wasn't just a dream.