Chapter 13

Ronon presses his hands into the door, leaning forward, hanging his head and taking deep breaths. After several moments, he straightens and waves a hand in front of the controller. All he can do is wait.

He knows she's expecting Dr. Beckett, so Alessa opens the door without asking who it is. Ronon's heart leaps into his throat the moment he sees her. She's small and fragile in a blue T-shirt and black shorts but unbelievably gorgeous and innocent. The silky dark hair that usually skims her jaw line is pulled back into a little ponytail and her face if free of the glasses. Her eyes sparkle for an instant when she gasps: "Ronon."

His body urges him to wrap her up in his arms, take her to bed and show her how much he loves her. But this is not the time. Aside from Beckett's insistence that four weeks post-surgery is not enough time for Alessa to be physically intimate, Ronon knows she's not ready to accept his love either. He told the doctor as much. Together they came up with an alternative to Ronon simply stomping into Alessa's quarters and trying to seduce her into acceptance.

He's going to have to prove to her that she can trust him with her heart. He's not exactly sure how to go about this… but even if it takes a lifetime, he's going to try. Sheppard was right about one thing the other day: not seeing her is worse than anything. Just being in her presence for a few seconds has wiped away two and a half weeks of anguish. He can actually feel his heart growing inside, expanding with his love for her.

Ronon leans his back against the door frame to keep it from closing. "Dr. Beckett says you aren't getting better."

She turns from him, pulling at the hem of her T-shirt. "I'm fine." That's a lie if he ever heard one. He can see how slow she's moving. Her shoulders droop and she's hunched over slightly. She's lost weight as well.

"Get your shoes on."

Alessa turns back to him, her eyes wide. "What?"

Ronon sighs. "I've been put in charge of your recovery."

She takes a little step back. "I don't understand."

"Dr. Beckett says you need exercise. Rehabilitation. He's put me in charge of it."

She sits on the edge of her bed, still playing with her shirt. Her eyes drop to her fingers. "Why you?"

"He gave me a list of reasons, do you want hear them?"

She shrugs. "How 'bout just the top five."

"We're friends."

Her gaze locks on his. "We are?" Ronon doesn't say anything so she adds: "What are the other reasons?"

"You said the top five. I already told you." This gets him a small grin just before she drops her eyes away. "So," he starts. "Shoes. Now."

"This… maybe we shouldn't."

"If you don't trust me—"

She looks at him. "Of course I do!" And Ronon's heart thuds. He wants to smile, rush in and kiss her, but he can't. He has to hold back. "I just thought…" she drops her eyes again. "I thought you hated me… because of…"

Ronon takes the opportunity to move. He can't remain stoic and stand-offish. He has to touch her now. He kneels in front of her and lifts her chin so she looks at him. He smiles tenderly. "I could never hate you." Absently the back of his hand skims her chin. He revels in the smooth skin.

Her eyes sparkle with a light sheen of tears and she smiles on a hard sigh, nodding. Sliding off the bed and away from him, Alessa opens her wardrobe. "Where are we going?"

Ronon stands, crossing his arms again and putting his emotions aside. "The mess hall."

"Oh…" her hand shoots to her hair then she looks down at her clothes. "I'm not dressed for public."

"You look–" he's about to say beautiful but catches it in time. "Fine. Besides, it's between meal times, there won't be many people there anyway."

Her shoulders straighten a little. "All right." She slides her feet into sandals. "Let me get my glasses."

"No." That stops her on the way to the bathroom. When she looks at him there's confusion and a bit of fear in her eyes. "We both know you don't need them."

"Ronon--"

"Alessa. You don't need to hide." He holds out a hand. "Come with me…as you are." He sees the internal struggle play out on her face as her eyes dart to the bathroom then to him and back to the bathroom. Alessa takes a deep breath and holds it. She reaches for Ronon's hand, gripping it as firmly as she can and lets him lead the way out of the room.

She takes small, delicate steps; her teeth clench. Ronon links his arm with hers, still gripping her hand. "Lean on me." She does as he says. He matches her movements to keep a steady pace.

The short walk to the transporter takes nearly five minutes and by that time, she's on shaky legs, her arm trembling against his. "Shit," she hisses.

"See what happens when you lay around all day long being lazy."

"Hello, surgery… pain."

"Dr. Beckett's words, not mine."

"Really?"

"Yes." Ronon presses the transporter map. Instantly they are relocated to the other side of the city and emerge in the corridor leading to the mess hall. Again it's a short walk — normally.

"Give me a sec," she says leaning on him.

As they wait, several people pass by, some soldiers and some civilians. Lt. Cadman waves to Ronon then: "Dr. D'Angelos. It's good to see you up and around. How are you feeling?"

Alessa looks to Ronon with wide eyes before speaking to Cadman. "Better. Thank you."

"Well… you look great. If this guy gets on your nerves give me a holler, okay?"

"Umm. Sure. Thank you."

"Not a problem."

Ronon grins at Cadman and she winks at him as she passes by. Lt. Cadman is one of the females in the city that Ronon has never bedded and he knew from the moment he met her he never would. She's unlike the ones who have taken to him in the past. She doesn't look at him in the same manner as Sacks, Nichols or especially Wilkes… she does look at Beckett that way, however.

"Ronon who's your new…" Sheppard's feet halt before the rest of his body and he has to shuffle forward or fall over. "…friend? Dr. D'Angelos?" He grins, chuckling slightly with embarrassment. "I… didn't recognize you. You're all… casual."

Alessa's fear returns and she nearly falls away from Ronon trying to reach the transporter, but he holds her close. "I…ummm…" she punches Ronon in the arm lightly. "I should have changed," she hisses.

Sheppard holds up both hands. "No… I didn't mean… you look fine, really. I just… did you get contacts or…" Ronon shakes his head minutely and Sheppard gets the message. "It's great to see you up and around. Ronon's been crazy –"

"Sheppard are you heading into the mess?" Ronon asks quickly, cutting the Colonel off. Not that it matters, he can feel Alessa's eyes on him instantly and senses her pulling away.

"Uh. No, actually. On my way to Dr. Weir's office." He motions to the mess. "Go. Enjoy. I believe it's blue Jell-O day."

Ronon grins at Alessa. "My favorite."

"Mine too," she grins in return.

"I know."

O-o-O-o-O

By the time they make it back to the transporter after eating, Alessa is near exhaustion. Her arms and legs are shaky again. Whenever she blinks, it's so heavy, he's sure she's going to fall asleep standing up.

They didn't speak much during the meal; it felt as if they'd stepped back in time. Ronon watched her eating and occasionally she glanced up at him and grinned shyly.

They didn't stay long. Her appetite is smaller now and there are limits on what she can eat for the time being. Beckett was very specific about what she could and could not ingest. She didn't seem to mind… her attention was on the few people milling around the mess hall. Several stopped by the table to say hello and ask how she was feeling. Alessa was shocked by all the attention, even in its limited numbers, but Ronon could tell it made her feel welcomed like never before.

"Thanks," she sighs as they step onto the transporter, her weight practically all on him.

"For what?"

"Having people talk to me."

Ronon looks her squarely in the eyes so she can see he's telling the truth. "I didn't do anything. People care about you, Alessa. You just have to give them a chance to show it."

She's stunned silent. "You had to've done or said something."

He leads the way down the hall, one step at a time. "Not me." He's not about to tell her that Dr. Beckett had a few choice words for some people in the city, namely Dr. Weir and Col. Sheppard, who in turn had something to say to others. Ronon's pretty sure Lt. Cadman's appearance at the transporter earlier was not a coincidence either since it was Carson's idea for them to go to the mess hall.

Silently he thanks the Scotsman for whatever he said that opened people's eyes. Even the slightest compliment from a practical stranger in the mess left Alessa smiling and blushing. It made her eyes sparkle with life. A sparkle that had only been for him before… but he can accept her having it for others as long as she's happy.

She stumbles half-way down the corridor and they stop. She's shaking badly so Ronon picks her up as carefully as possible and carries her the rest of the way to her quarters. She doesn't complain, instead she rests her head against his shoulder.

Gently laying her down on her bed, he slips the shoes off her feet and pulls the blankets up to her shoulders. She reaches for her pain medication but he taps the back of her hand. "Relax. I'll get it." Carson told him how much she's supposed to take and when. He gets a glass of water from the bathroom and hands it to her as he sits on the bed at her side. Then he doles out her medication.

Alessa swallows her pills and hands the glass back to him. Ronon sets it aside and takes her hand. "Time to rest."

"No shit… really?" She giggles lightly, cringing as before. "Damn that still hurts."

"Then don't do it."

She looks at him but her eyes are already closing and she's losing focus. "Thanks for still being my friend, Ronon."

He smiles, giving her hand a squeeze. "Always."

Her smile is soft, sleepy and her eyes close. He doesn't move or release her hand. But he does caress her cheek with his fingertips. She sighs in her almost-sleep. "I missed you."

Ronon's breath catches. He can feel tears rising but fights them. He will not break. Not now. He sits there, watching her fall deeper into sleep, each breath becoming slow and steady. After several minutes he leans forward and kisses her lips lightly, barely a touch so she doesn't wake. "I love you," he whispers against her mouth, then pulls away.

He hears a soft, dreamy: "Okay." Then she rolls over and her hand slips from his.

Ronon leaves feeling his heart beating hard in his chest.

It's a start.