"No!" Harry yowled at this new bit of information. "Not the Internet!"
"Yes!" cackled Greg Floyd, reappearing from the floor above. "It is Harry yowled again, too unimaginative to think of another reaction.
"Yes!" cackled Greg Floyd.
"No!" yowled Harry.
"Yes!" cackled Greg Floyd.
"No!" yowled Harry.
"Yes!" cackled Greg Floyd.
"No!" yowled Harry.
"Stop it!" cried Terry Boot. "Come! Let us all go to his website!"
A crowd of Hogwarts students rushed over, as Terry Boot pulled his laptop out from Greg Floyd's pants.
"But electronic devices don't work at Hogwarts!" Hermione protested as she gave two second-year Ravenclaws detention, for breathing too loudly.
No one paid her any attention, though, because Terry Boot had just opened up the Internet, and everyone was watching Voldemort's home page open up. Except Ron. Ron was watching a fly buzz around his head.
"No! Don't do it!" cried Harry. Ginny scooped him up into her arms.
"Oh, Chester, don't worry! We won't turn into evil zombies and start hexing each other randomly!" she cooed, and tickled him under his chin.
All the students stared at the web page, (except Ron). Then they all turned into evil zombies and starting hexing each other randomly. They all fell over in dead faints, except for Ron (who was watching the fly), and Greg Floyd, who was now torturing snails (again).
"No!" Harry cried.
"Oh, think of something else to say!" Greg Floyd scoffed and closed before he left to so hang some first years by their hair in the dungeons.
Harry went slowly over to the laptop. He'd learned how to hack into websites before, because it's a skill every Boy Wonder had. Soon he had hacked into Voldemort's website. Instead of making the home page turn everyone into evil zombies and start hexing one another randomly, he decided to spread rumors about Voldemort, instead.
'Voldemort doesn't change his unmentionables,' he wrote, which was difficult with his cat paws.
'Voldemort likes pony rides.'
'Voldemort has a stuffed bear named Fluzzle.'
'Voldemort loves LUCIUS!'
Harry cackled evilly, which sounded very cute in his kitty meow. But there was no one to hear, because they were all knocked out cold from hexing one another randomly.