Hi, all! Some important notes before I kick this off.

This is not only my first fic, but my first slash as well! So be kind. It's Yuki/Haru with yaoi in the first chapter...not sure about later chapters yet. There may be a scene of rape. I don't know, though. I'm writing this as it comes to me. Also, Yuki is slightly out of character compared to the manga, but you'll see what I mean. It's nothing drastic, only slight. Lastly, this story is dedicated to my friend Tommy. :)

("" indicates Flashback/-/ indicates start and finish of yaoi)

Let's start this bitch!

Losing Grip

Alone is an awful feeling. A large abyss that you are unable to untangle yourself from, afraid of slipping further away from reality, you dare not struggle, not sure if this empty feeling could possibly get worse.

You just feel shitty, to put it bluntly.

Being shafted is even worse. Ever since she has been around, he's been different. She's shaken his world to the ground, and I'm back to being the slow, stupid, FUNNY Ox that makes everyone else laugh at his expense. How did I come to earn the title of entertainer? It was not something bestowed to me at birth. It was not something that was thrust upon me by family members.

She did it to me. By taking over this family, she has made me feel like this. Like this insignificant, used, fucked up human being.

I loved him so much, it hurt. It shook me to the core, but I did my best not to show it. Walking next to him made me feel meaningful, occasionally linking arms in some fit of horny schoolboy hormone frenzy. Nothing past that. He fed the fire and played along, as I like to say. The gorgeous little thing would toss his head and look at me with those big violet, hazy eyes, inviting me into his brain.

"Hatsuharu, wait for me!"

"Can you hold these for me, Hatsuharu?"

"Come lie in the grass with me, Hatsuharu!"

"Haru, let's race!"

"Dinner on me!"

"Haru!"

"Haru!"

Can you blame me for being pulled along in this whirlwind?

Shafted.

I was fucking shafted.

"Haru?"

He looked at me and pulled on the sleeve of my coat.

"There's no food in the house. Do you wanna go grab something for dinner?"

"Um..." I put my book down, "Sure, Yuki."

"I figured we could just go get some soumen at the corner. Sit down. Talk. Relax. That kind of thing."

"There's a cheaper and better place downtown, if you feel like driving a bit."

"Fine by me." He went off to search for the keys, while I dog eared my book.

"'Kay, let's go." He chirped, fingering the keys and calling a quick explanation to Sensei.

I didn't mean for it to be awkward during dinner, but somehow it turned out that way.

"Haru?" He stared intently at me, the neon lights from outside creating a halo around his head; he looked angelic, "what are you thinking about?" His big puppy-dog eyes coupled with his inquiring, lilting tone caused me to crack a smile.

"...You really wanna know?"

He nodded.

I twirled the soumen around the chopsticks, trying to formulate an answer for him.

"What are we, Yuk?" I asked, gesturing to the both of us, "what is this called?"

There was a pause in which he thought. Then a smile, a soft serene one, graced his face, and he leaned into the table.

"The best friends ever possible, that's what it's called!" he combined this with a good-natured punch to my shoulder.

I tried my best to hide me disappointment. I knew he was gonna say that. Who was I kidding, anyway? The check came, luckily. I paid hastily and grabbed the keys.

"I'll drive." I slid out of the seat, walking quickly, doing everything possible to keep my emotions in check so I wouldn't go Black and cause mass pandemonium or something to that degree. Yuki seemed completely oblivious, which was wierd, seeing as he can usually tell I'm getting pissed off before I can. We exited the restaurant and walked to the back parking lot where the car was. I had kept my composure surprisingly.

Feeling quite proud of myself, I climbed into the driver's seat and shoved the keys in the ignition. Before I could start the engine however, I felt a hand stopping me by placing itself on top of mine.

I stared, rather stunned, at Yuki's hand covering my own. I looked up to see him sitting VERY close to me. So close that I could feel his warm breath on my face.

"I didn't want to attract attention in there," he mumbled, moving his hand to my thigh. I felt my eyes widen while my mouth stayed firmly shut, "but I feel I must confess, Haru-san." A tremor shot through my body as he leaned over and whispered in my ear, "I think we're much more than best friends."

/-/

"Yuki, I..."

As I went to speak, he placed a finger over my lips, removed it, then kissed me.

Immediately, thousands of thoughts rushed through my head. I had no intentions of stopping, yet I felt funny at the same time. The force he had on me was too powerful.. I had a slight mental battle with myself, ultimately ruling out that this was what I wanted, and that was why I could NOT pull away.

I grasped his face in my hands and deepened the kiss, trying to move so as to hide my growing erection. He twirled my tongue with his expertly, his sweet breath mingling with mine.

"Haru," he murmured softly against my lips, "I love you."

"I love you too," I heard myself saying, shifting in my seat again.

"Aww...are you uncomfortable?" he purred, moving to my neck. I blushed. I had hoped that the darkness of the car would hide my stark desire, "because I can take care of that for you."

I blushed an even deeper shade of red. I was not prepared for this bold move on his part. In fact, I had never done anything like this before with anyone. Contrary to people's beliefs, I was a virgin in every sense of the word. EVERY sense. So his insinuation to take the next step was very daunting at first.

"Yuki, um, are you sure? Because I hope you don't think I expect that from you."

He smiled again, and held my head in his hands, pressing his forehead to mine, "I want to do this."

"Al-alright, then," I consented. He kissed me again gently, on my lips, then my neck.

He moved his head down to my lap, looked up at me to make sure he still had my approval, and reached for the zipper of my pants. I closed my eyes as he worked me out of my boxers easily. My face was burning up at this point, not really from embarrassment, more from excitement.

"Open your eyes," he commanded. I obeyed, and looked down to see him staring up at me. Keeping his eyes locked with mine, he took me into his mouth. I gasped, startled pleasantly from the amazing sensations already building up in my body. Sensations I had never felt before. As he began to move his mouth, I place my hand on the back of his head, for fear that he would be hit by the steering wheel. I moaned and arched my hips against him, still not completely sure of what was taking place.

All I knew was that I liked it. I like it a lot.

This wasn't wrong in my book, what we were doing. This was love.

My breathing slowly began to speed up and the hand that wasn't on Yuki's head grabbed the armrest. My climax was so near, it irritated me.

"Yuki..." I choked out as I orgasmed, and spilled out into his mouth. My eyes, blinded with pleasure, rolled around in my head as I tried to comprehend what had just happened to me.

/-/

"Let me off here. Otherwise Akito might see us." I had switched places with Yuki, letting him drive home. I felt too tired to do so. I grinned at him, and we shared a passionate goodnight kiss. He brushed his hand against my cheek, muttering lovely little things in my ear.

I broke the embrace and opened the car door, getting out and going around to the driver's side window to kiss him once again.

"Goodnight, sweetie," he whispered as we broke apart, "I love you."

"I love you too."

He gave me another smile, and sped off, leaving me in the middle of the road. I stood for a couple seconds, catching my breath, and digesting what had just transpired. After a little while, I simply smirked to myself and walked to the house.

"He loves me. He really loves me."

Now let me tell you how he ruined me...

Reviews would be really cool. Keep in mind that I use flames to roast marshmallows, not to read. Merci!