Sorry it took me so long to update, I've been really busy this summer.

Okay, so since chapter 2 took place before chapter 1, the rest of the chapters are going to take place after chapter 1. I think. So really chapter 2 should be chapter 0. In fact, you could read chapter 2 before chapter 1 and it would make just as much sense. I think.

Jack Bauer is going to start to hunt down all of the people on his list. Goldilocks is first.

Thank you to all who read the disclaimer, but you don't have to read it this time.

Disclaimer: Since long and complicate evil plans tend to fail, and take forever to plan, I have decided that I will just declare myself ruler of the world and see what happens. So now I DO own 24! Oh shit- there's a mob of people with torches and pitchforks surrounding my house… I'll have to rush this…

Goldilocks

Goldilocks is on the top of The List of People Jack Bauer Needs to Teach a Lesson, or for our purposes, The List. Actually just for my purposes, because I don't feel like typing it out every single time.

But Jack Bauer doesn't feel like going in order. Because, you know of course, he is Jack Bauer, and he can do whatever he wants.

So Jack Bauer wants to teach Mother Superior a lesson, actually 6 lessons, first. So he will. So the revised title of this chapter is…

Mother Superior (x6)

The other thing about Mother Superior was that he didn't actually know anyone named Mother Superior. So Jack Bauer decides to teach 6 mothers and 6 of his superiors, lessons. That means he gets to shoot twelve people instead of six. The more the merrier!

The lessons in the following chapter will be called, "What Happens When You Piss Jack Bauer Off." It is better for most people if they learn this lesson without being taught.

As Jack Bauer cartwheels with one hand (so he can shoot people with the other) down the street, he notices a cluster of woman standing around a dress display in a department store window. And all of them are holding small toddlers by the hand or pushing baby carriages.

With his handy dandy gun that doesn't run out of bullets until something bad happens, a.k.a at the end of the hour, he starts to aim his gun, before realizing that using a sniper rifle would just be so much more fun.

Why Jack Bauer Wants To Use a Sniper Rifle

1. They hold more bullets

2. You get to use it from on top of a really tall building. Really tall buildings have elevators. Jack Bauer likes elevators.

3. They're easier and funner to aim.

4. People don't know where the shots are coming from and start to panic.

5. Because he feels like it. And you know better than to question his judgment. Or else you'll end up like: Santa Claus (He gave Jack Bauer coal. Jack Bauer shot him up real good and then turned him into a snowman.); Mickey Mouse (He wouldn't shut up with his stupid annoying squeaky voice so Jack Bauer ran around Disney Land shooting every Mickey-like thing he could find, including the ice cream with the Mickey-head shape and the stuffed animals.); or Superman (Jack Bauer thought he was a pussy for wearing his underwear over his pants and shot him while he was flying. Of course, Jack Bauer never misses.) Notice how they all ended with being shot.

So Jack set up a sniper rifle on top of the department store (after riding up the elevator), which he happened to have in his super green bag with an endless supply of weapons that he brought everywhere.

Coincidentally, there were six mothers in the group. Before you could say 'Kiefer Sutherland,' who is Jack Bauer's favorite actor, they were all dead. No one seemed to notice or care.

Jumping from rooftop to rooftop, Jack continued on his way. Finally he reached Division, where all the annoying superiors who tried to insert themselves in command at CTU in the middle of a crisis were having a meeting.

Alberta Green, Erin Driscoll, George Mason, Ryan Chappelle, Brad Hammond, Karen Hayes, Bill Buchanan, Richard Walsh, and a bunch of other people whose guts he hated, were all there.

First, he shot Hammond, because he was the biggest bitch there. And that took care of another person on The List. Of course, then they called for him to be arrested (again) for going against protocol (again) by killing a superior (again). However, no one was really sad that Hammond died. But before they could do anything, he shot Erin (for firing him) and Alberta (because she was a bitch and tried to arrest him, too).

Turning to Mason, Chappelle, and Walsh, Jack asked, "Wasn't I basically responsible for all of your deaths?"

They nodded and murmured in agreement.

"Then why are you here?"

"So you can shoot us again," they replied in unison.

"Okay, sweet!" he cried, and shot George and Ryan. Then he turned to Walsh, and said, "You know, you basically screwed me that day Teri died. You told me Jamey wasn't the mole, and she was. Well, one of them. I hold you personally responsible for the death of my wife."

As he raised his gun to shoot him, Richard said, "Now you sound like President Logan- trying to blame everybody else for his mistakes!"

Jack doesn't like being compared to evil people.

I don't think I need to tell you what happens next.

"Hmm… okay that's six people, but Hammond doesn't count, because I was gonna kill him anyway…" So he shot Karen Hayes because she trusted Miles. "Okay, I'm done here!" Jack Bauer told everybody, and was about to skip away before he noticed Carrie Turner, who was, conveniently, shackled to the wall with a huge red and white target on her face, with a sign that said, "Aim here!"

So he shot her too.

Then he continued skipping out the door, where nobody followed him because… I don't know, they just didn't.

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