Sometimes she wonders how he's doing.
At first, sometimes was pretty much all the time. Did he have a warm place to sleep? Was he eating enough? Was he still smiling? Even while she was wading through the sea of paperwork left behind by the desertion of three captains and the critical wounding of three other captains and two vice-captains.
Her own captain among them. She no longer calls him little or young. There is an oldness to his eyes that defies belief. That hadn't been there before. The shadows under his eyes tell a story that makes her want to weep and hold him like a baby every time she sees him, to smooth his hair and tell him everything will be alright. Even if she doesn't know that for certain.
It is this oldness that is so deeply set in him that caused this mountain of paperwork to collapse on her and seriously put a dent in the time she could spend thinking about Gin. Hitsugaya-taichou had volunteered but was understandably unable to follow through.
Well, not necessarily unable. That was Rangiku's doing. Even after Unohona had released him, Rangiku was hesitant to let him throw himself into his work. What good would that do him, with his pride fractured and his heart completely broken? Let him watch over Momo if it made him feel better. At least she was still here to watch over. So for a while, Rangiku was in the habit of running her captain out of his own office.
Which left her alone with the paperwork and errant thoughts of the delinquent Ichimaru Gin. Ichimaru Gin, who told her he was sorry.
Sorry for what? Liar.
She wants it to be a lie. All of it. But she knows better. He left here on Aizen's coattails, with no second thoughts and only one look back, with some strange kind of regret on his face. He had chosen. And she is not what he wants. If he ever wanted her, it was not enough to keep him here and on the straight-and-narrow. Perhaps that's what stings the most, she thinks. She has worth to him. Just not enough. That was the conclusion she came to while she went over the third division's nightly report several weeks after the Aizen departure. From that point on, she had closure on the subject but no peace. She is strong enough to let him go. She decided to gradually work at the empty space he'd left in her. She can easily find other men to play with. She will seal off that part of herself, brick by brick, until the only thing she feels for Ichimaru Gin is indifference. Even as the sun sets over her laying on the couch in the tenth division office, dreaming of white hands in her hair and soft pink lips on hers, that low voice saying her name, over and over, and the dizzying kiss that comes after and seems to go on forever.
But she still wonders how he's doing.
A/N: The dynamic between Matsumoto Rangiku and Ichimaru Gin completely facinates me. Part of it is the idea of how bonds formed as children, no matter what happens, can stand the test of time and even outright betrayal. The other part, which I did not elaborate on here, is the idea--actually the firmly held belief I have--that Gin does love Rangiku, more than anyone might imagine. My theory is that Gin will not survive the final battle, not just because he will not raise his sword to her even when she has proven she will raise hers to him, but also because he would never allow anyone else, even Aizen, to harm her.
I was listening to a little music while re-reading and editing this one, and there are several songs that really fit the mood I feel their relationship has. One is Sting's "A Thousand Years." The other is Joan Osborne's "Ladder." Give them a listen and you'll see what I mean.