Emily walked into her apartment, dropped her bags, and flopped on the couch. It had been a long emotional case and for now she just wanted to relax before she needed to finish prepping as tomorrow was finally moving day. She had almost everything packed here. The company she hired to move her stuff would be there first thing in the morning which would give her most of the weekend to unpack and get settled in her new place. Unless something came up at work.
As she thought about work, her thoughts went back to the process server presence in the bullpen when they got there and him giving Hotch an envelope. She had still been annoyed with him when they were heading up to the BAU. She had planned on giving him a piece of her mind when they spoke.
However after she along with the rest of the team witnessed his reaction to receiving the documents at work, she felt her anger quickly dissipate. She along with the rest of the team watched as he disappeared down the hall after walking out of the bullpen.
When she had finished her report, he still hadn't come back to his office. Sighing, she had pulled out other paperwork that was in her to do pile. She continued to work at her desk while the rest of the team completed their reports and left for the weekend.
Well after everyone else had left, she began to wonder if he was actually coming back. Or had he forgotten about wanting them to talk tonight. As she considered the busy weekend she had, Emily decided to pack up her stuff and head home. She would just talk to him on Monday.
####
Hotch walked back into the bullpen and was surprised that it was empty. When he reached his office, he was greeted with everyone's completed report for this case on his desk. When he reached Emily's, he cursed to himself. He had asked her to stay so they could talk however it looked like she had left along with everyone else.
He had been taken off guard by the presence of the process server when the team reached the bullpen. Given that he was assuming he hadn't been waiting for several days for him to return, all Hotch could determine was that Haley had passed on the information after the message he left about heading back tonight.
What he had received were separation papers. He knew his lawyer had served his to Haley a couple of days earlier. However he had them delivered to Jessica's house where Haley and Jack were still staying.
When he opened the envelope it just confirmed what he had been expecting. However he was annoyed that she had sent it to his office. After having the papers in hand, he had left the bullpen because he needed time to decompress before calling his lawyer to update him.
As he now sat down at his desk, he noticed how much time had passed since the team had arrived back. When he again looked down at the reports, he decided to leave his sections of the final report until Monday. He didn't want to work anymore tonight.
After packing up his stuff, Hotch walked out of his office and out of the bullpen. As he was waiting for the elevator, he again remembered about wanting to speak to Emily. After considering it for several minutes, he decided to stop by her apartment before heading home.
####
Hotch parked his car and followed a familiar path up to Emily's apartment. While she had mentioned weeks ago that she was planning to move, he hadn't received notification yet that she had indeed done so. If she happened to not be here, he would find time Monday morning. However, he didn't want to put off speaking to her after seeing that she was upset on the jet.
After knocking at the door, he was relieved to hear movement before the door opened revealing Emily standing in front of him in a tank top and yoga pants. She immediately invited him in and after closing the door, she asked curiously, "Hotch what brings you by?" after she offered him a drink and they sat down in her family room.
Hotch sighed before responding, "I said on the jet that I wanted us to talk tonight."
Emily chuckled and shook her head before answering, "I know but you walked out of the bullpen after you got that envelope. You weren't back when I finished my report so I did some other paperwork for a while. After about an hour I wasn't sure if you were actually coming back tonight so I just came home figuring we could just talk on Monday. I certainly didn't expect that what you had to say was urgent enough that it would bring you all the way here."
Hotch looked down as she answered. He hadn't meant to inconvenience her. Making eye contact, he answered, "I'm sorry. I didn't realize I had been gone that long. I didn't mean to intrude by coming here tonight."
Emily looked at him concerned as she answered, "It's OK. I'm just getting ready for my move." She paused and looked back at him before asking, "are you OK?"
Hotch looked over at her and considered the question before he answered, "yes... maybe…" He sighed before admitting, "Haley and I are separated. What was delivered to me tonight was separation papers from her. She moved out and took Jack while we were in Milwaukee."
Emily looked at him and went to say something before stopping and looking down. After a couple of minutes, she looked up again answering, "Hotch, I'm sorry. Is there anything you can do?"
Hotch shook his head. As far as he was concerned his marriage was irrevocably broken. Even after the shock of finding the evidence of her cheating at the house the night he returned from Milwaukee had past, he still couldn't see a path forward for his marriage even if Haley was willing. After what he found, he didn't think he could trust Haley in the same way again.
He sighed before answering, "no, it's definitely over. It was a long time coming. Haley received separation papers from me two days ago. Tonight was her response to that. I'll be filing for divorce as soon as I'm legally able."
He wasn't ready to tell Emily or anyone else about Haley's cheating. It was just to soon. After pausing, he continued, "I left the bullpen because I was angry because she sent the paperwork to the office. I didn't want to take it out of the team. Then I needed to update my lawyer. I lost track of time. I'm sorry you were left waiting for me."
Emily nodded at his explanation. What he had just described brought into focus some aspects she had noticed about his behavior since Milwaukee supporting her belief that there was more going on with him than Gideon leaving. Standing up, she asked, "why don't we just talk on Monday. It's been a long week all around."
Hotch sighed while staying in his seat as he said, "Emily I'd prefer we talk now. I saw that you were troubled on the jet. I think we need to talk it through as I assume what I said in the police station before we left was a factor. Upsetting you wasn't my intent when I said it."
"Hotch, it's fine. It wasn't completely you. It just hit on some hot buttons for me. Ones I don't want to talk about. Can we just move on?" Emily said though she could see his determination to have this discussion and groaned. She really just wanted to let this go. Given this was her apartment, she knew that if she asked him to leave he would. However then they would just be having this conversation Monday morning in his office. It would be best to just do it now.
Hotch shook his head before he said, "I do want us to be able to move on and that is why I think we do need to talk about it."
"I don't think it is necessary." Emily answered dismissively.
"Yes it is. If we let it go, the misconceptions will remain. If you don't want to talk, fine. I will. But I want you to listen." Hotch replied sternly.
Emily sat back down, crossed her arms over her chest and said, "fine."
Hotch sat back down on a chair near the couch so he could clearly see her but there was some distance. Leaning forward, he explained, "while I stand by the opinion that bringing Carrie here would not have been a good decision I accept that I went about expressing that opinion poorly as well as neglected to explain why I believe it would be a bad idea. I think these oversights have given you the wrong impression of my concerns which has been having you imagining the worst."
As he spoke Emily looked down, nodding at his words. When he paused, she looked up at him and said sharply, "go on."
Hotch took a deep breath before continuing, "Emily less than a month ago you quit the BAU to protect me and the team. Given the circumstances it is something that I will never be able to fully repay you for doing. When you made that decision I told you then I would make it happen. Then to everyone's excitement you decided to come back to the team. Everyone's reaction when you left and then when you returned illustrates how important a member of this team you have become. And all of that factored into what I was trying to express albeit poorly in California.
On this job we work 12 hours days on a regular basis and travel frequently, many times on a moment's notice. How would our schedule mesh with the emotional needs that Carrie would have? Given that she had just lost her parents and brother how would she react to you frequently leaving for days at a time?
What you were proposing was not just to bring to DC a 15 year old girl to live with you but a traumatized 15 year old girl who would know no one except you when she got here. That would be a huge commitment in terms of time and effort in helping her adjust and overseeing her recovery. And based on what we know of the case, you know that adjustment won't be linear.
I know you Emily. If you had her here and she was struggling, you would take your responsibility seriously even if it adversely affected your ability to do this job. You would be putting yourself into an impossible situation where at some point something would have to give.
But I already know what decision you would make if you couldn't be what she needed AND meet the requirements of the job. You would give up a job you love. A job you just told me again last month that you wanted.
You would do that to give her what she needs while sacrificing what you need and want. And yes she is 15 and would maybe go to college in two to three years but I couldn't hold your job that long as Strauss would not make accommodations for either of us.
I've never doubted your humanity. Just considering taking Carrie in illustrates that. It wasn't that I had any concerns about your ability to take care of a child or that you would do your best to help her. In fact I knew if you were to go that route you would go all in and do everything you could to help her no matter the cost to you.
I questioned your objectivity because I was concerned that you weren't looking at the big picture. I didn't want you to lose yourself in the process. I didn't want you to make that sacrifice without fully thinking it through…"
"Stop." Emily shouted surprising Hotch.
They sat silently for several minutes before Hotch said quietly, "I'm sorry."
Emily sighed now upset with herself and her avoidance of this conversation. He had been looking out for her. Glancing over at him she said sincerely, "I'm sorry too. And one of the conclusions I came to on the jet was that you are right. I'm just glad she had family that came forward. And I'm glad she had someone who will focus on her. I just hope that she will be ok."
"You know there is no reason why you can't stay in touch with her as long as her and her family are agreeable. Check in every few months and see how she is doing." Hotch replied.
"Really?" Emily asked.
Hotch sighed as much as he knew every profiler on the team at one point or another had a case that stuck with them and they stayed in touch well after they were done with the case. "Yes. We've all done it after certain cases, with certain victims. But that is also a commitment of sorts, though not to the same extent."
Emily thought about what he said and nodded before answering, "OK, I'll give it some time and then check in with her."
They sat quietly until Hotch asked as he looked around her apartment, "when are you moving?"
Emily looked up noted that he has hanged the subject before she answered, "tomorrow morning. I was just finishing a few tasks tonight so all that is left tomorrow is what I can't do before then. As long as we don't get a case, that should give me enough time to be settled before Monday."
"Really." Hotch said surprised since he was certain there were still boxes at the house that weren't unpacked from when he and Haley moved in 3 years earlier.
"Yeah one of the few benefits of how I grew up." Emily answered quietly before asking, "do you want a drink?"
Hotch nodded before replying, "sure but just one. I need to get home and it looks like you still have a few things to finish." He wasn't in any rush to get home but didn't want to overstay since he had just showed up unannounced and from what Emily had said, she had some things she needed to do before morning.
After pouring them each a drink, Emily handed one to him before resuming her seat on the couch before she answered, "well, most of what is left can't be done until morning. A lot of the stuff in here and the kitchen isn't mine and will stay with the apartment."
"How do you feel about the move?' Hotch asked remembering their previous discussion about the reason she was leaving this apartment.
Emily sighs after taking a sip of her drink before answering, "it's overdue. The convenience wasn't worth letting my mother have control over my life. I took Spencer with me to look at the apartments on the list Garcia gave me that met my requirements. I wanted him to see that while I was moving, I wasn't leaving."
"What did you find?" Hotch asked, curious about what she had picked for herself.
Emily smiled as she thought back to touring the apartment and deciding it was the right one for her before she replied, "a two bedroom in a secure building. It's closer to I95 which should help with the commute and is about the same distance from Spencer which he was happy about. I was going to give you my new information on Monday but since you are here, let me get it now."
"OK" Hotch watches as Emily jogs up the stairs. As he waited, he stood up and walked around the boxes in the room chuckling as he noticed that that they were mostly labeled 'books'.
As he moved closer to the window, he noticed a box that was still open. Moving closer he looked inside first noticing a ticket to a concert that he and Emily went to. Then he saw a lone sock of the kind he wore years earlier.
Just as he took some pictures of the two of them out of the box, he noticed Emily slow down as she came down the stairs and looked at what he had found. Their eyes met across the room before she walked over to him. As she reached him he noticed that she was looking at him nervously.
He turned to her and said, "you keep all this for all these years."
"Yeah. I found it when I moved back here. Though I will admit that it was all in this box because I was planning on getting rid of it." Emily answered shyly.
"But you still have it." Hotch said.
Emily looked at him and said honestly, "yeah, as upset as I was at you I couldn't do it. But I couldn't look at it either, so I put it away."
Hotch smiled as he said, "I'm glad you still have it. Can I look at what you have in the box?"
Emily replied nervously, "sure. It's not much but the bits and pieces of what I could find after I came home that summer."
Emily watched as he went through the box, cataloguing all that she had saved. A time capsule of their past relationship.
As he came to the bottom of the box, he pulled out the CD he had given her of their song. She watched as he ran his hand over the cover before he said longingly, "I haven't been able to listen to this song since that summer."
"Me either." Emily said sadly.
"Would you mind?" Hotch asked as he held up the CD. After that summer, he had become angry whenever he heard the song as it reminded him of Emily and what he had thought she had done. Now that they had talked and he knew all of it was a lie, he wanted to find out what his reaction to the song would be.
Emily looked at him, trying to read what was behind his request. Accepting the request as curiosity, she took this CD he was holding and walked over to her CD player and put it in.
After turning it on, she stood there in front of the CD player listening. It was the first time in 13 years that the song didn't cause sadness or anger within her. She was so lost in thought that she didn't notice Hotch moving until she startled her when he touched her shoulder.
Turning around, she looked at him. When he held out his hand, she looked at it before taking it and allowing herself to be brought into his arms. As she relaxed into the hug, she closed her eyes and rested her head on his chest. After the stress of the last few days, it was comforting as they listened to a song that had once been special to them.
As they song ended, Emily moved back slightly to look up at him. She immediately found his lips on hers as he pulled her back towards him. After the initial surprise, she allowed herself to be drawn into the kiss and quickly found herself lost in it as she ran her hands over his back and through his hair.
After several minutes, they both pulled away as they tried to catch their breaths. Emily rested her head on his chest as Hotch rest his head on top of hers. Once they both calmed their breathing, Hotch pulled back and put his finger under her chin until she was looking at him.
As she took in his expression, she could see the fear on his face. Fear of what he had just done. Fear of having crossed a line between them.
Before he could say anything, she leaned in and pulled him back into a searing kiss which he quickly was also drawn back into.
AN: Sorry to leave it here. I will try to get the next chapter uploaded as soon as it's done.