TW: Brief mentions of cannibalism and torture.
Dave sat back in his seat on the jet as the team made its way back to Quantico after a horrific case in Florida. He and Morgan had just finished discussing the topics of good and evil that this case had brought up. The younger profiler had excused himself and returned to his original seat deep in thought just a few minutes earlier, mulling what each of them had said, the topic of their conversation far from settled for Morgan.
Just as Dave had found a comfortable position and was going to close his eyes, his attention was drawn to the restlessness of another member of the team on the other side of the jet. Before he could say anything to her, she jumped up and rushed to the back of the jet in the direction of the bathrooms.
"How many times is that now?" Morgan asked, looking concerned in the direction that his partner just went.
"Seven. Once outside the house where we caught the UNSUB. Twice at the precinct. Once at the airport. And three times since we've been on the jet." Reid stated offhandedly.
"Plus two at the hotel when we went to get everyone's bags and checkout." JJ added.
"So 10 total as she had me stop the SUV on the drive over." Morgan replied
"Is there anything we can do?" Reid quietly asked as he looked concerned at the back of the jet.
Morgan shook his head as he answered, "no kid. Emily just needs to get that stew we all ate out of her system. Though I'm not sure why it is affecting her so much worse than the rest of us."
"It's not the stew." JJ stated definitively.
"How can you be so sure JJ?" Dave asked.
JJ sighed before answering, "because the two of us didn't have any of the food that Feylinn had made."
A chorus of "what?" came through the cabin.
JJ nodded at the surprised faces focused on her as she explained, "as you know Emily and I were responsible for checking search volunteers in and forming the search teams so the busiest time for us was when most people were gathering and eating. We were going to wait until after the teams left once the search areas were assigned but we were delayed with questions coming in as the teams started to fan out.
When we were about to head over when the radio call came over about the missing woman on the search. At that point we forgot about eating and refocused on the search as we had increased communication with the locals.
After that it was steady with checking teams back in so we could account for everyone. We were busy nonstop until we left the scene with the rest of you."
"Then why is she so sick? She rarely has even a sniffle and now this." Morgan asked thoughtfully.
"It must be psychosomatic." Reid responded without looking up.
However Dave's focus was on Hotch who had suddenly become restless in his seat. With the information the team just shared a thought about another possible explanation struck Hotch.
Before Dave could approach him the cabin quieted as the lock on the bathroom door clicked. It was only a few seconds later that a pale Emily walked back into the main cabin of the jet and plopped back into her seat.
####
As the team was preparing for landing, Hotch walked over to where Emily was sitting and sat down across from her. When she lifted her head, he could see that she was still pale with red rimmed eyes.
He sighed before saying, "when we land I want you to go straight home. Your report can wait a day."
Emily shook her head as she pushed herself up in the seat with effort, "no please Hotch. I need to write this report and be done with it. If I wait for tomorrow, I will just start feeling sick again once I think about the details of the case. Please let me get it done today and then I can put the whole damn thing behind me."
Hotch looked at her for several seconds before nodding, "OK. Write your report for this case and this case only. Once you are done with that, you are going home. I'll find someone to take you."
Before Emily could object, Dave appeared at the seat and interjected, "I'll take you home. Just let me know when you are done."
Hotch nodded and answered, "thanks Dave" as Emily shook her head as she said, "I'm fine Dave."
Dave smiled before sternly answering, "kiddo, you have been vomiting most of the day and you look like crap. None of us want to see you get hurt on your way home so I'm taking you. As I see it you have two choices: keep arguing and Hotch will change his mind about doing your report tonight and we leave as soon as we land. Or you can just say thank you, sit back and relax until we land and then go do your report before I take you home.
Emily huffed as she looked over at Hotch realizing she wasn't going to get any help when she saw his amused expression. Turning back to Dave, she gave him a small smile and said thank you before closing her eyes and relaxing into her seat.
Dave nodded and looked smug as he walked back to his seat. However he is certain that she was currently trying to find a loophole in the options he had given her. He shrugged as he sat back down in his seat.
As he expected, Emily was considering how she could hand in her report and leave before Dave noticed until they landed.
####
Emily was just putting the final touches on her report before she signed it. This was one case that she didn't want Hotch to need her to make corrections on tomorrow. After she walked out of here tonight, she never wanted to think about this case again. She had only needed to stop once to run to the bathroom as she worked on her report.
She was somewhat taken aback on how profoundly she was being affected despite having not eaten the food that Feylinn had prepared using human flesh as an ingredient. It wasn't just that cannibalism was taboo though that fact did come into her reaction to it.
It was from an experience during her undercover assignment with Ian Doyle. She shuddered as she remembered how Doyle dealt with someone he felt had betrayed him given that he would have recently been shown the mocked up pictures of Declan's death.
It was every time she thought about what had happened to those women she was overcome with the memories of involuntarily watching as someone was forced to consume body parts removed during torture and being powerless to stop it. That was combined with the smell of blood, dead tissue and fear that had overwhelmed her at the Feylinn house and triggered these recurrent memories. It was a combination of senses that stuck with her and one that she expected she would never forget.
Once she arrived home later today, she wanted to find a way to put this experience in a box before it overwhelmed her and not think of it again. However the rationale part of her knew she was going to need to speak to Alicia about it and rehash it in therapy in order to really get past it.
In general, she hated to feel weak and worked every day for that to not be a descriptive word anyone would use when they thought of her. But today was even worse. Not only was she feeling weak but the reaction had made her actually sickly and vulnerable. And she had been that way in front of the entire team for multiple hours. That she hated more.
As she stood up to take her report to Hotch, she noticed Dave coming out of his office to make his way down into the bullpen with his bag and coat. He made eye contact as he came down making it clear that he was going to stay in the bullpen until they left. It was then that she knew that her hope of leaving before he noticed had evaporated. A plan that Rossi must have expected and decided to halt.
As he came towards her desk, she held up her completed file and walked towards the stairs leading to Hotch's office. As she reached the top of the stairs, she looked into his office and was surprised to see their boss again appearing distracted. She had noticed it earlier on the jet as well. His reaction as she dropped off her report was not at all reassuring that he was OK.
But he did not give any indication that he wanted to share and she was quickly running out of steam after the difficult day. Walking out of his office she returned to the bullpen, grabbed her stuff and followed Dave out to the elevators.
####
Dave Rossi stood at the sink filling the tea kettle as he profiled the room around him. They had just arrived at Emily's apartment a few minutes early.
She grudgingly accepted his help getting to her door mostly because he really didn't give her a choice. It was fortunate as she started feeling sick again as they made their way to her door. After she darted inside, Dave had picked up her bags and followed her inside. With Emily nowhere in sight, Dave placed her bags on the couch before moving towards the kitchen.
With the kettle on the stove, Dave found the mugs, spoons and tea bags. As the tea bag was seeping, he headed to the fridge to see what was available as he wanted to leave her with some sort of light sustenance after the rough day. As he opened it he was taken aback to find it empty except for a few condiments and a bottle of salad dressing.
Dave startled when he heard behind him, "you won't find anything in there. I came back from cases to a fridge full of rotten food several times when I first joined the team."
Dave nodded at the statement having run into the same situation before he retired. Someone to buy and stock fresh food at his house was one of the many advantages he now had since hiring a housekeeper.
Looking over at Emily, who he noticed was now wearing a different shirt and yoga pants, he asked curiously, "so then what do you eat?" At her gesture towards the freezer, he opened it and found it mostly full of glass and ceramic containers each with a label.
Returning his gaze to her, Emily replied, "every few months when we aren't expecting to be called out, I bulk cook. I have a stack of recipes that I like and usually only make four to five at a time so they don't get repetitive. I used to buy frozen dinners but could never find more than a couple that I actually liked and quickly got sick of those."
Turning she walked to a door and when she opened it Dave noticed that it was a walk in pantry. Following her, he saw as he entered several clean empty containers identical to the ones in the freezer on a shelf. He took in the cans and dry goods she had but didn't see the deep freezer until she stopped in front of it.
As he came up next to her, Emily opened the freezer. As the fog of the cool air cleared, he observed in addition to a couple of cartons of ice cream and some various frozen foods there were several bags with identification labels and cooking instructions handwritten on the bag.
Turning back to him, she explained, "these are meals with all of the ingredients but aren't cooked yet. I save these for when I have time and want some variety. Then once it's cooked I put what is left after I eat in individual containers and they are added to my freezer stash as well."
"This is impressive."
Emily chuckled before she said, "not really just a creative solution for my life. We eat take out so much when we are on cases that I don't want to do it all the time at home. Fresh stuff can only last so long and is not practical most days with our work unless we are on stand down. And after the hours even when we are in the office I don't want to spend time thawing and then cooking when I get home."
Rossi nods and then follows Emily back into the kitchen. She walked over to the cup of tea before glancing over at him as she said, "thanks for the ride home and for making the tea. I just need to rest tonight and will be fine in the morning."
"Just try to keep some fluids down and call out tomorrow if you need to. Hotch will understand." Dave answered sympathetically.
Emily knowing she wasn't going to feel better sitting in her apartment with nothing to distract while in this mindset shook her head before replying, "I'll consider it but I'll be fine now that I finished my report and can put that case behind me. Any time I would think about what he did to those women along with the smell of his place and then what I almost ate…"
She didn't continue with her statement as she suddenly realized that she had come dangerously close to revealing way too much to one of the best profilers in the country. The root of her reaction to this aspect of the case came from something she experienced when undercover. An experience that was not in her file and she wasn't able to explain.
Dave quietly observed her as she clarified, peaking his interest as she went into more detail than what he was expecting from his teammate who usually kept details of personal life close. He didn't wish to have her clam up, having learned more about her in the last few minutes than what he had expected when he offered to bring her home.
However what she had said about the case and more importantly what she was saying when she realized it and stopped herself was concerning to him. He knew very few details about her background outside of the information in her file other than she was currently estranged from her parents. She had said enough at various times in passing for him to interpret she didn't have a happy childhood though there were few details.
What she had started to say he filed away along with his suspicions to her reaction to their interview with Karen Foley. The tells she was displaying now were similar.
But again he wasn't going to ask as they were all entitled to privacy in their personal lives. He had his secrets as well. But once again he was going to support her and make sure she knew she could come to him if she ever needed and/or wanted. And to support her now, he was going to address the awkwardness now present in the room not wanting her to start feeling uncomfortable around him.
And with that decision made, Dave quickly interjected when she shivered while starting to appear slightly green again, "it's OK. Don't think about it if it is going to make you sick again. Believe me, I get it. Each of us. And I mean each person who works or has ever worked in the BAU no matter how tough they were had some aspect of cases that would trigger an unexpectedly strong reaction like you had today. All things considered an aversion to cannibalism is completely understandable."
"Even you?" Emily asked nervously though Dave saw her relax somewhat.
Dave nodded as he answered, "yes even me but I'm not going to tell you what it is. At least not yet. Just know you aren't alone in that."
"Thanks Dave." Emily responded grateful for his reassurance as well as not pushing for more information about what she had started to say.
Dave smiled before looking at her with a serious expression "no problem kiddo. Just take it easy and try to focus on something else now that you are home. I'm serious, take the day tomorrow if you need it…" Dave was interrupted as his phone rang. Taking it out of his pocket, he smirked as he looked at the screen. Turning it, he said as he showed Emily the screen as he said, "it's Hotch, probably checking up on you."
He had been fairly certain he was going to get a call from Hotch checking up on if they had gotten to Emily's apartment and inquiries on how she was doing. He had noticed the frequent worried looks Hotch had been giving her since they were on the jet. The last few hours had given him several new pieces of information about their interactions.
Though as he answered the phone he quickly discovered how wrong he was about the nature of the call. When Hotch started to speak Dave could hear the stress in the younger man's voice before he questioned, "Hey Hotch what's up… who?... What happened … No, I'll be there as soon as I can … I was just getting ready to leave her place … Yeah I'll take care of it … See you in a few."
Emily focused on him and noted that his tone went from jovial to alarmed because of what was said in the short phone call instantly noting that Hotch hadn't been calling about her as Dave had hypothesized.
As Dave hung up he looked at her and put his hand on her back as he said, "Penelope was shot and is on her way to the hospital. I don't know any more than that. Do you feel up to coming to the hospital?"
Emily could feel the shock run through her as she thought about her friend and teammate. She slowly nodded before saying, "of course. I'm fine" before taking a couple of steps towards the door then stopping as she glanced down at herself in what she had planned to wear to bed.
Turning back to Dave, she asked, "can you give me five minutes to change. No two minutes. I'll be right back out." With Dave nod, she quickly disappeared back into her bedroom.
AN: This was the first part for this episode. The second part is almost done and I'll post as soon as it is.