AN: Thanks to all of you for your patience with the slow updating of chapters. I know the last few chapters have been more angsty. This one is as well. However that will be changing starting with the next chapter. There will still be drama but angst will be reduced for a while. At least that's the plan.

Emily was most of the way through her workout when her phone beeped. She groaned as she stopped and tried to catch her breath. When she had left the BAU only Dave and Hotch were still in their respective offices. To get this call at this time of night most likely meant that they had a case.

As she hung up the call, she nodded at her accurate assessment before gathering her stuff and heading towards the locker room to shower and redress before heading back to the BAU.

Hotch had set the meeting time for the team in 30 minutes. He also shared that they would be heading to Texas tonight which indicated the seriousness of whatever their case was. However she wasn't going to rush to get back before that time.

Since the end of the investigation of who shot Garcia, Hotch had tried several times to talk to her. She was certain it was a follow up to the tense conversation they had in the conference room during the case. She did not want to talk to him … yet. And she felt guilty every time she saw his sad eyes pleading with her.

While it was uncharacteristic for her to avoid difficult situations, she wasn't ready to have the discussion she was certain Aaron wanted to have with her. That she was avoiding him in itself was significant to her as it illustrated that she still considered him an important person in her life. If he wasn't important to her she would just go ahead and talk, letting the chips fall where they would, understanding the need to pick them up and go on later not strongly invested in the outcome.

But with their history she considered it important to think things through first and with not having much in the way of positive experience with personal relationships, it was taking her some time.

Conflicted, she had come to the conclusion after assessing her own reaction during that conversation that it would be best if she took the time to sort out her own feelings.

And a large part of sorting her feelings right now was her ongoing assessment of the risk from her involvement in the Doyle case. She worried that if she dove into talking to him now that she risked doing or saying something that she would regret later, either personally or professionally.

####

As expected by the time Emily returned to the bullpen, Morgan and JJ had also returned. After grabbing a cup of coffee Emily decided to go with JJ to her office to help organize the case information. With the case involving the deaths of law enforcement, JJ was doing more coordinating on the phone and was appreciative of the help so the team could leave as soon as they were ready.

When JJ and Emily reached the conference room with the files for the team they had hastily assembled, they were surprised to find they weren't the last ones there as only Morgan and Rossi were already at the table. Sitting down, Emily wasn't surprised to have Hotch take the seat next to her a couple of minutes later. For now he wasn't trying to interact with her which she appreciated; however she did find even with all the uncertainty about where they stood, as she sat there the smell of his aftershave was having its usual relaxing effect on her. That was until Reid walked into the room.

When Emily saw Spencer's disheveled appearance along with his vague rapid explanation of where he had been, she became concerned. They all knew that the case in California had just been difficult for him. Reid had been onsite when their last UNSUB was killed by the girl's father. A father who they all knew would never answer for the crime as the US government considered his testimony on the separate case that got him a spot in WitSec to be of greater importance.

Reid hadn't said much about the experience since they had returned from that case nor had he reached out to her that he was struggling. Due to her own worries about others being caught in the crossfire if someone came after her after pictures of Declan's "death" started to circulate, Emily hadn't made herself available outside of work for him as she had previously.

Even in the office she had been distracted not only over worries about Doyle but also tensions with Hotch particularly since they had investigated Garcia's shooting. As a result she had been limiting her time in the bullpen as much as she could get away with without raising too many questions which she now realized had the unintended consequence of her not looking out for him as closely as she had previously done.

It was at times like this that she wished that she had been stronger in her encouragement for him to expand his recovery support system. He had been on the fence about it until he had been spooked about support groups during their case in Pittsburgh weeks earlier. For now all she could hope is that if it was related to his addiction that he was talking to at least Dr Nelson.

Somehow she would need to find a place to talk to him privately and check in with him soon. Looking around the table, she noted that both Hotch and Dave were also looking at Reid concerned. Her gut clenched at the possibility that she had missed that he was struggling this much because of her own issues.

####

As the team began to gather in the conference room waiting to brief on the case, they were surprised to find they were short an agent. Dave looked over at the door concerned.

The team's youngest agent had been acting off since they returned from a case in California when they were searching for those two girls weeks earlier. One had been killed before they arrived and Reid had been first on scene at the location of the second girl. He hadn't been able to defuse the situation he found when he arrived and witnessed the girl's father kill her kidnapper in front of them.

While he hadn't been completely briefed, Dave had picked up on that there some added concern about Reid stemming from something that happened before Dave came back to the team.

Whatever that something was had Hotch concerned as it had taken a few calls to reach the agent tonight. Now Reid was uncharacteristically late arriving. Dave was pulled out of his thoughts at a commotion in the doorway alerting him to the arrival of their missing agent.

Reid's unforthcoming demeanor about where he had been along with his more tousled than usual appearance gave Dave pause. His first instinct was that Reid had been interrupted on a date however Dave wasn't getting that vibe from him.

Before Dave could ask anymore questions, Hotch started the briefing on the case essentially shutting down further interrogation of Reid leaving him to wonder what was going on with Reid.

####

Emily stepped out of the station and started pacing outside needing a few minutes to clear her head. The various aspects of this case were challenging all of them. But right now, she needed to focus as she was most worried about Jordan Norris, the girlfriend of their UNSUB Owen Savage. They were all certain she didn't know about any of the murders that Owen had committed that had the team there.

They had made a calculated decision to contact her through a friend to let her know what was happening and try to convince her to leave Owen and come to them. It was calculated as they all knew Owen's profile as well as their dynamic together. Owen would resist Jordan trying to leave him and would kill them both before he let it happen.

Just when they seemed to have gotten through to Jordan the next message had sent chills through her as it suddenly appeared that Owen had gained control of her phone. They had been trying to save her however now Emily was worried that in the course of doing so their actions had actually put her in real and present danger while not getting them any closer to finding where Owen was hiding out.

Ever since she and JJ had spoken to Jordan's best friend, Eileen, Emily hadn't been able to get what the teen had shared about Jordan out of her head. The background had given the context of why Jordan would follow her boyfriend unquestioningly. Between the difficult relationship with her father to the bullying she was experiencing at school, Owen along with Eileen had been Jordan's ports in the storm.

But now Emily was struggling to compartmentalize what Eileen had told her and JJ about the connection Jordan had with the boy Owen had killed in the convenience store. To be able to work this case effectively she needed to put the parallel she saw with her own life in a box at least until they finished the case.

Both her and Jordan had been taken advantage of with bullies using their vulnerabilities. For Jordan, it was the learning challenges that Eileen had described. However for Emily the recurrent vulnerability of being the new kid in class had come to a head in her teens when in the process of trying to form friendships with new classmates she had got herself into a situation that had resulted in her being taken advantage of.

She was already on edge as she worked to put those thoughts away when Reid walked up with a coffee cup in hand having just returned from a break after their earlier trip to the high school.

As he came closer Emily asked, "Spencer, are you OK?" remembering her concerns before they came and that she still hadn't had the opportunity to check in with him.

Spencer stopped and did not say anything. Before he could say anything when he looked up at her, the door behind them opened with JJ coming out.

As she came over next to them, JJ asked, "what did you learn?"

Reid shook his head as he answered, "they have Owen's test scores and grades and ignored the obvious. He was probably the smartest kid in class but learning disabilities prevented him from succeeding. He was resented by his father and bullied at school."

The three spoke for a few minutes about what each had learned about the teens and the adults in their lives. Emily could see Reid's continued irritability however JJ hadn't. In JJ's attempts to discuss it with him she was only succeeding in increasing his annoyance.

Seeing that this approach wasn't creating the environment for Reid to help with the case, Emily interjected with a comment about bullying with the goal of defusing the current discussion. Unfortunately she quickly learned that her statement had the opposite effect when Reid countered back at her, "what do you know about bullying?"

Surprised, Emily looked over at him as she responded, "excuse me?" to his obvious refusal to acknowledge that anyone other than him had experienced bullying in high school. From an earlier message she knew that Morgan had already shared his experience with Reid. However, here he was again making assumptions about her too.

Reid shook his head dismissively as he stated, "you don't understand. You couldn't understand what it is like to be different in school."

Emily gasped at the statement having always felt different when she was in school between her frequent moves and her own nerdy tendencies. Glaring back at him, "oh really. Do you recall who you are talking to Reid?"

"Of course Emily." Reid answered without seeming to realize upsetting his assumptions were making his friend. However JJ noticed it but before she could intercede Emily responded forcefully, "let me assure you, Spencer, bullies exist everywhere. I was raised by diplomats all over the world. I spent most of my childhood dragged along when first my father's and then my mother's assignments would change. My mother's primary concern was always about her career, not me or how those changes affected me.

I never spent an entire school year in the same country let alone the same school until my last two years of high school when I was sent back to the US to boarding school.

Do you have any idea how hard it was to constantly be the new kid in class? To not understand the language but still could tell people were talking about me?

Even the times I found myself in schools with other kids of American diplomats it was not better as there is an additional hierarchy in those schools. And it certainly didn't stop kids from playing pranks on me and getting pushed around? Each time I barely had an opportunity to consider making friends before I would come home and find out we were leaving the next day. You wouldn't believe…."

Emily stopped suddenly as she realized what she was about to reveal. It was then that she noticed not only Spencer standing in front of her but JJ was also standing wide eyed next to him. She suddenly became embarrassed for unloading all of that in front of a police station while they were on a case.

Before she could think of something to say Reid mumbled and stalked off. After looking between the two of them JJ followed him after patting Emily's shoulder. Emily shook her head before walking away in the opposite direction, not noticing Dave standing a few feet away.

####

Dave sighed as he headed back to the station. He had just returned from profiling the site where their UNSUB shot three of his classmates that morning. As he walked up he noticed Reid, JJ and Emily talking outside the station.

As he took a few steps forward, he noticed tension in their body language and began to wonder if he had missed a new development in the case. As he stopped to look at his phone, he heard Reid say, "you don't understand. You couldn't understand what it is like to be different in school."

Dave shook his head having heard from Morgan his talk with Reid as they were profiling Owen Savage's bedroom. No it seemed that he was now confronting another member of the team.

Before he had the chance to move closer or say something, he heard Emily's intense response to Reid about her own experience. Though not having experience with the diplomatic corps, Dave's time in the military had given him a window that frequent moves could be difficult on the adults. He hadn't considered how the families adapted though from what she was saying, she hadn't gotten much support from her family either.

As much as that saddened him, what stood out to Dave was what she had been saying when she stopped. He had suspected from early in time back with the team that something traumatic had happened in her past. Not only had what she had said had given him a window into her childhood but where she had quickly stopped and what she had not revealed reassured him that he was most likely correct in the deduction he had made months ago.

He watches as Reid stalked off with JJ quickly following him. He took a step forward to approach Emily however it wasn't quick enough as she walked off away from the station.

As he watched her go he again mulled over the new pieces of information she had revealed today. Having known the type of man her grandfather was, Dave even sadder about what his younger colleague had experienced. From his brief conversation with her on the topic he knew that she had been close to her grandfather before his death. Similarly she was still not close to her mother and from passing comments, he gathered that something had happened more recently to deteriorate what was already a troubled relationship between the two women.

Dave shook his head. He couldn't do anything about that and even if he knew it wasn't his place. But what he could do is be to Emily what her grandfather had been to him. To make sure he continued to make himself available as a resource for her.

With that mindset, he walked in the direction he had watched her go wanting to check on her and hope that she could ground herself after this conflict. They still had a case to solve. A case that included the deaths of two police officers and several teens at the hands of a troubled teen suspect who they needed to catch before there were more deaths.

####

The team was heading back to Quantico after the arrest of Owen Savage. The relief that Reid felt at being successful in talking Owen Savage into surrendering had been offset by knowing the rest of the team was upset with him.

He sat across from Hotch after having just been called out on his actions on the case. He had been expecting it since he saw Hotch's reaction at the station after he put Owen Savage under arrest.

Reid looked at his watch noticing that unless they were delayed, he should get back in time to take Hotch's advice and attend another support group meeting. He should have known when Hotch hadn't asked too many questions about his late arrival before the case or his refusal to explain where he had been that his boss had already made an educated guess about where he was.

And then, as felt the coin John had handed him as it heavily rested in his pocket, he decided he needed to get in to see Dr Nelson again. He was now certain that he couldn't let what happened on that case in California that had been haunting him to cause him to relapse with Dilaudid.

He wanted to earn his own one year coin. He needed to earn his own coin like the one John had lent him not for the coin itself but for what it represented. He owed it to John for the belief and trust he had shown Spencer that night.

He owed it to the team.

He owed it to Hotch and Emily who were both taking huge professional risks by supporting him without reporting his addiction officially.

And most of all he owed it to himself to stay clean so the choices about his life would remain his.

Looking across the aisle, he noticed Emily sitting alone staring out the window as she often did on return flights. As he watched her, he immediately felt guilty though not only for the argument they had the day before for which he still needed to apologize to her. Just like Morgan, he shouldn't have been surprised that she had been bullied as a child. However that assumption had come from working with both of them now and not considering victim as a word that he would associate with either of them.

No most of all he felt guilty that he hadn't been talking to her as they had agreed when she first agreed to help him with his recovery from his addiction. It did not escape his memory as not much ever did that she was taking a risk supporting him without reporting it, even to Hotch or Gideon. If he did relapse and it was discovered that she had known she would at best lose her job, at worse be arrested. As soon as he could get her to talk to him they needed to have an overdue conversation. He just hoped that by the time he finished he wouldn't have completely destroyed their friendship.

Moving his eyes away from her and to Hotch Reid asked solemnly, "do you think she will ever forgive me?"

Hotch sighed. He didn't know if there was a specific issue that Spencer was worried about, any or all of the three that he knew about, or if there was something else that happened that he was not yet aware of … yet.

He recalled how upset Emily had been at the station with Spencer once they had gotten Owen Savage in custody. When he had pulled her aside, he saw what was coming out as anger was also anxiety, concern and worry about what their colleague had just done.

However even with that, Hotch believed in Emily's ability to forgive. And it wasn't a secret to any of them on the team that she had a soft spot for the team's genius.

Looking back at Reid, Hotch gave a small nod as he answered seriously, "eventually. You put her in a difficult position at that police station Spencer. When you didn't want to stay at the cemetery, I sent you back to the police station to support her in keeping Jordan safe since all the officers were also out with us or clearing the various crime scenes. And since you were going to be there with her, I sent JJ to the ME's office since we hadn't profiled the station as a target. But you did and didn't share that insight with anyone until you were back at the station and he was walking up towards the building.

Instead of helping to protect Jordan and the other civilians in the station, you went out unarmed to talk to him without a mutually agreed upon plan. That left Emily as the only agent not only backing you up but also responsible for the safety of everyone in that station.

If things had gone wrong, she would have been the one to witness it if he had shot you. And if Owen had gotten past you, she was the only one left to protect Jordan and with handing her your gun at that point you would have had no way to back her up. Emily very well could have been injured or killed doing that given Owen's mindset and the amount of firepower we all knew he had."

All he could hope for now was that Spencer would take his advice and return to the meeting that this case had pulled him away from a few days earlier. And then continue to attend them. That this approach would help him to stay clean. As off as he had been recently, Hotch was confident that Reid was not currently using drugs and he just hoped that the younger agent would keep it that way.

Reid continued to look down at the table in front of him as Hotch spoke. He knew what he had done was a risk however he hadn't appreciated until that point just how bad the situation could have been if he had been wrong. Without moving he said quietly, "I know but I had to try to talk him into surrendering."

Hotch sighed as he nodded. Looking over at Reid, he answered, "I get it Reid but you needed to call me and then have that discussion with one of us. We work as a team." As someone with experience in negotiation it was Hotch's preference as well to have suspects surrender and then let the court system take over. That said he was always prepared to take the shot if the suspect made an attempt to threaten him or another person, an option Spencer hadn't given himself when he handed over his gun.

He watched Spencer consider what he had just said before continuing, "give Emily some time and apologize again. Talk to her about where your head has been."

When Reid saw the pointed look Hotch was giving him, he responded, "I will. Thanks Hotch."

AN: Next chapter will cover True Night. Emily and Reid talk. Emily comes to a realization. Emily and Hotch talk. A significant part of this chapter is already done so hopefully won't be too long. I'll post as soon as it is ready.