All right. Either everyone hates me, or...everyone hates me. Thanks guys. Anyway, I'm posting for me. Because I'm self-centered that way.

Love all.

Disclaimer: None of this belongs to me.

Once again, Sharpay was pacing a bowl into her hardwood floor, Ryan watching her worriedly from the doorway. There were no doors, only tastefully rectangular holes in the walls.

"Callback? Fine. Second callback? Fine. Lead role!" she screeched. Ryan wrinkled his nose as her voice caused dogs in Rhode Island to go deaf. "They said I could either take the understudy role, or I could take Carlotta. Carlotta isn't even in half the scenes! And she's fat!"

She eyed herself critically in her fridge mirror. "I'm not!" Despite the fact that she was obsessed with her weight, Sharpay still possessed a healthy amount of good self-esteem.

"And I can't even slap her! If I did, then I'd be pegged as a sore loser, which, of all things, I am not!" Ryan opened his mouth. "Don't say it! You know what they said, though? They were too scared to tell me that they just wanted homegirl over me. They said I had the personality of Carlotta down anyway! As though I had no ability to act nice at all! I played freaking Sandy, from Grease didn't I?

"You know that the original Christine had blond hair? Blond, straight hair! Imagine all the time they won't have to spend on make-up to make me look French. But then Sarah Brightman came along, and every Christine after that was a brunette, including movie Christine, and Gaston Leroux is crying up in heaven!"

In actuality, Gaston Leroux was having a nice time drinking red wine and talking about how he came up with the premise for The Yellow Room, but...

"Well, at least you got Raoul." Ryan looked smug, now that the topic turned to something he knew about. "And you didn't do the jazz square. Very good. I supposed it's too much to ask for you to really break her leg."

"Michael will have to do that." Michael McKinley, one of the Evans's few true friends, had managed to snag the part of Erik. She kept pacing, her mouth working silently. After a few false starts, she managed to burst,

"See, Ryan? I told you we shouldn't have been so nice to her after the musicale!" He didn't bother to point out that it was her idea to be so hospitable. "And we can't even pass her on to something else! She's a freelancer now."

"And she looks like one."

"Oh I know. Did you see what she wore on the first day? Ugh." Sharpay suddenly stopped mid-spin and set both feet on the floor definitely. "You know what we need?"

"More cookies?" She snatched the baked good out of his hand.

"Ryan! Meredith just made those! And you're crumbing!" Meredith was the meek looking girl. She made killer cookies. If you ate one of these slices of heaven, you'd be prepared to commit genocide in order to get another taste. They were banned in 48 states, not because they were a satisfying treat, but because they were being cited as motive for murder.

Ryan almost protested against Sharpay as she threatened to drop the cookie into the trashcan. "Over the sink," she demanded, and he complied.

"No," she said, continuing on her former path. "We need to...we need a way to just..." She made a motion that mirrored tambourine shaking. Or, as Ryan realized later, breaking a stick fifty times very, very quickly. "...break her." An idea occurred to both of them.

"That would never work," said Ryan. "Whenever you read about these things, they never work."

"That's because if it does work, nobody knows about it. If we could just...scare her? Stress her out? Distract. Yeah, if we could just distract her and keep her from doing anything right...And just...make her screw up...so badly, that they can't possibly keep her. It really would be too much to enlist our own Phantom."

"Haha, yeah." Sharpay paused to think again. And then her finger was waving in the air again.

"We don't really need a Phantom. We just need a guy."

"Yeah, but what guy would..." She looked up and he met her eyes.

As many movies are wont to illustrate, the twin telepathy idea presented itself by having the pair say the same thing at the same time.

"Troy Bolton."

This will be a really stupid scheme. But because this is my version of satire, it's allowed to be stupid. I'm acknowledging the stupidity so that you won't point it out, should you EVER review.

Okay. Uhm. There are two more chapters that feature a lot of Troy, which I don't really like (Because of the way the story goes, not because Troy's in them), but after that it's fun! FUN!

But anyway. review.