"Oh, X. Yeah, we had some problems with a Nightmare."

"Signas, explain."

"Virus clones of Zero are popping up all over the place."

"Like the mechalinoid?"

"No, that was a radio wave problem."

"Then why the hell was it a boss battle? We are trying to advance the plot! I could have fought against one of those nightmares instead, that would have been oodles more interesting, and it could have left out Hi Max altogether! Who writes the intro to these games?"

"This is not a game, X!"

"Then why is Megaman X6© scheduled to be released next Tuesday?"

"Because we'd have solved the crisis by then."

X wondered at the paradox.

"Anywho. My reliable informant told me about it."

"Who's that?" Alia cut in.

"Hanny, the girl from two stories running. She said your boyfriend would appear to mess things up…"

"He is not my boyfriend!" she shrilled, face colouring.

"But you let your hair down for him. You never let your hair down for us."

Signas was shocked.

"Is this true, Alia? You did that for another… reploid?"

Alia ran out of the command room silently.

"Well, that was awkward," X offered.

"Is it Gate?" Signas muttered.

"Yep."

Signas slammed his fist on the armrest.

"There's no way I can compete with that pretty boy!"

"Of course you can. You outrank him."

"Have you seen those pictures of him saying 'Rawr' while smirking?"

"Point taken. Uh… now what?"

"Isoc."
"I know you suck. I meant, what's new?"

"Isoc!"

"This self-depreciation will get you nowhere in life, Signas."

"Just look at the TV!"

Some inconsequential, 'old' white reploid was yammering about going after the Nightmare and sending Investigators to… investigate, he imagined.

"I'll bet you two thousand credits that they're Mavericks by now."

"The point is moot. You always fight eight per war. It's the magic number."

"Never won at the lottery though. I'll be in Engineering, repeatedly kicking Douglas in the face for letting that woman lay her hands on the best suit of armour I have ever worn."

888

A half hour of face-kicking later, Douglas went to repair while X went to the Amazon area.

Beedeep.

X took a ride on the caterpillar bots to the underground caverns.

Beedeep.

He found his first armour capsule tucked behind a savage praying mantis.

"Hullo, X."

"DADDY!"

X pounced the hologram of his father and hit the wall on the other side. Dr. Light covered his eyes with a hand.

"X, not today…"

"But it's new armour! Isn't it? Isn't it?"

Beedeep.

"WHAT is that noise? I've heard it since I arrived here!"

"Check your beeper."

He did so.

"Alia!"

"X!" came her irritated voice, "I've been trying to reach you for five minutes!"

"Wait, wait, you mean I can ignore you?"

"Ignore me? That's what the beeping was for!"

"EXCELLENT!"

Free at last, X turned off the sound on his beeper. He turned to his father once again.

"Where were we?"

"Yes, the Blade Armour…"

"SWEET! Sounds like total offense!"

"Er… not really…"

X sat on his hindpaws, tilting his head to one side.

"Myah?"

"It was supposed to strengthen your decidedly inferior Z-Saber skills."

"Yeah, yeah, I know all I can do is slash. Only Zero knew how to do that three-hit combo without lopping off an arm or leg."

"Quite. Uh… the Blade Armour can also Mach Dash up, down, left and right, twice the distance of an air dash."

"That's pretty much the dash upgrade from the third war, but go on."

"There's the standard double defense, a plasma Buster, and your Giga Attack is a powerful Z-Saber slash shockwave."

"That's it?"

"Eh?"

"No improvement on the Nova Strike? No invincibility? No infinite ammo?"

"I thought I'd do something different."

"No, Dad. Stick with what works. Honestly, a more powerful Z-Saber? What have I been using all my life?"

"Your X-Buster?"

"And what did my little brother use all his life?"

"His Mega Buster?"

"Do you see where I am going with this?"

Dr. Light sighed.

"You have a point. I will work on X-Buster modifications in the future. For now, there is the Blade Armour. This is the leg part, but you won't be able to use it until you find all four…"

"No thanks."

"What?"

"I don't want mediocre armour. I might as well stick with what I have."

"But I worked so hard on it!"

"You have better things to do?"

"That's beside the point!"

"So long, Dad."

"X! At least take the upgrade; you won't have to use it if you don't want to!"

"Oh, all right."

He downloaded the leg enhancement, striking his kick-ass pose.

"Thank you. That's the first time you ever refused me."

X shrugged.

"What can I say? I must be going through my teen years."

"Well, you have been activated for more than twelve years by now…"

"Yeah! I want a car!"

"You're not old enough to drive."

"I guess the Land Chaser doesn't qualify as a vehicle, only a thin metal shell hurtling at high velocities to crash to its doom at the end of every stage."

"I'll get you a Hummer. You might live longer."

"No thanks. I prefer certain death."

888

Somewhere along a dank cave, X spied an opening above him.

"A-HA! A hidden passage that is just out of jump range!"

Looking at the spiked floor over yonder, he discovered more caterpillar bots that had given him a ride earlier.

"Idea!"

Going on his belly, he reached down to pluck one of the green things from its steady plodding over the spikes.

Author's aside:

For those of you who wonder how X is able to accomplish this without taking damage, just remember that in Megaman 5, Megaman held up THE ENTIRE COLLAPSING CEILING of Wily's fortress. Collapsing ceilings usually crush said robot to death (remember Dust Man's stage?). To say that Megaman X, a MORE powerful robot, is not able to pick up and carry small enemies, is utter folly. He should be able to step on Met-alls and throw them like Frisbees, but Capcom seems intent on making X a total wuss right after mentioning, (in Dr. Light's notes during the intro of Megaman X1) quote, "no force on earth could stop him", end quote. If you still disagree with me, nuts to you, it's my madness, not yours.

Resume story:

He rolled over and set it to walk under the overhead passage. With a skip, hop and jump, he used the caterpillar as a platform to get high enough to kick off the walls, scaling the shaft to the top where a bunch of helpless reploids laid waiting. Saving them from Nightmare tentacle rape, he walked along the secret corridor until he found a huge, blue hexagonal portal.

"Ooooh! Shiny! It looks like the crystal Superman made the Fortress of Solitude with!"

Throwing caution to the wind, he plunged into the portal and disappeared.

888

After a thoroughly uneventful hidden area, the ubiquitous garage doors appeared.

"Great. I bet it's Hi Max, and he'll paste me on the walls. Again."

But no, it wasn't.

"Zero recolour!"

"Muhahahaha!"

"Was that evil laugh necessary?"

"No, but this is."

HUGE shockwaves flew from the swipes of his blazing white beam saber.

"YIKES!"

Thank God he could wall jump, because nothing else saved him from the flurry of arm cannon shots and sword beams. He replied with his own cannon, paltry in comparison to even this recolour.

"Damn it! Why are recolours so powerful? I want someone to paint ME red and make me ten times bigger!"

Nonetheless, this was a beatable boss with no prerequisites necessary for victory. The recolour went "D'Uaaaah!" (again, unnecessarily), and exploded. Then, with no fanfare, no explanation and no apparent connection to the previous battle, Zero was visible through the smoke, undamaged, his normal red and blonde, arms crossed, leaning against some rubble, smirking at his blue friend as though it were the most natural thing in the world to no longer be deceased after having half his body blown away in the last war.

"Zero!" X yelped with joy, scuttling to him, "You're alive! Hannah told me you were too sexy to stay dead!"

"Why yes! I am very sexy!"

"Yay!"

He crashed headlong into the rubble where Zero had been standing. Miffed, the Red Ripper dusted himself off.

"I have no intention of holding a man in my arms."

"But you're back! Alive!"

"You expected less? I told Sigma that he would never win."

"Yeah, I noticed that both of you seem to have fresh bodies lying around somewhere. Wish I were that lucky."

"Oh, no, you're the hero; you're not supposed to die."

"Huh! That better not be sarcasm."

Zero spread his hands.

"As if you could tell the difference. Now let's go!"

"Yes! Let's fight together, let's never be separated…"

"X?"

"Yes, Zero?"

"Shut up."

After the screen fadeout, they found themselves in the Amazon again.

"Why does that always happen?"

"Weird, huh? Maybe we teleported."

"Maybe it was an illusion."

"Maybe we're abusing our fourth wall privileges."

"Yeah, we sort of have a mission."

Beedeep.

"Oh, what now?" X groused.

"Your cellphone is ringing."

"That's Alia."

"Alia is your cellphone now?"

"Yes, and she never gets free weekend minutes."

"You should change providers."

"Believe me, I'm trying."

Ignoring the beedeeping, their combined force ploughed through the rest of the stage. Commander Yammark clung to the ceiling when X and Zero walked into his lair.

"Get down from there!" Zero commanded.

"I'm not an Investigator! I'm a fly! Bzzz! Bzzzz!"

Looking at each other, they both charged their arm cannons to swat him.