In Pennsylvania, USA, in what seems to be completely out of context, Hannah Sears was feeding cows. It was a summer job, the hours were early and the smell was high. Unbeknownst to the girl that accompanied X and Zero in their last two parodies, ninjas were creeping around the barn. When she walked outside, they jumped out of haystacks, from behind the tractor, down from trees, and some just got up from the grass beside her. She gasped as two pairs of hands held her arms.

"Ninjas!"

"Not just any ninjas! Green ninjas!" one of them said, and indeed, they were.

"But why green?"

"Camouflage!" another volunteered, "We're in a country setting so it's the best colour for an ambush!"

"Why do you need to camouflage and ambush me? You could have just dressed like normal folks and grabbed me anyhow! It's not like I'm expecting green ninjas to pop out of nowhere!"

"We sneak, therefore we are."

"…"

"Let's go, Bill."

"Right, Ben!"

Still confused as to why green ninjas were kidnapping her (and so many too. Really, one would have done the job just as well), Hannah was whisked off to parts unknown.

And in the barn, cows mooed.

888

Alia called Zero to her comm. console while it beeped, showing a world map and a blip.

"What is it?"

"That bug you planted in Hannah Sear's beam saber is indicating that she's in Japan."

"She must've come for vacation."

"Her name is not listed for departure or arrival in any airline database. She was in America one day, Japan the next."

"What about teleportation?"

"The Japanese government is keeping that for themselves. They'll sell it to the USA for trillions once all their oil and gas reserves run out."

"O-kay then. I'll check it out. Feed her coordinates to my GPS."

"You have a GPS?"

"Alia, I'm a robot, and I get lost easily in a 3D environment. Why do you think the first six wars were side-scrolling?"

888

Hannah's beam saber was tucked safely in her denim jacket. She never went anywhere without it, and her cell phone, which was way, WAY outside her local network. Her ninja entourage was leaping (with her in hand) across the tops of buildings.

"Where are you taking me!"

"To Capcom."

"H'buh?"

"Except for Bill and Ben, they hired us from the cast of Ninja Gaiden. Even without us, the game's still too hard."

"Yeah, those boss fights are ridiculous. They can knock you down in ten seconds flat while you spend an half an hour killing them."

"Is there a point to this conversation?"

"Not really. We like small talk, but we hardly said anything in the game."

"Aren't you going to ask which game me and Ben auditioned for?"

"I don't care."

"Secret of Mana 2. It never left Japan."

"I don't care."

"Seiken Densetsu 3? Doesn't ring a bell?"

"No."

"You suck."

"Pirates are better than ninjas."

"No they're not!"

"Are too."

"Are NOT!"

They carried on like this until they entered the base. Two guys in dark suits and Ray Bans touched hands to their ear pieces, nodded and allowed them in. The ninjas, for no discernible reason, were not content to simply walk, and instead ran the whole length of the corridor, some of them skittering along the walls and ceiling.

"You guys go get changed. We're in an urban environment now!"

They scattered to the changing room, often jumping and climbing over each other to get to the closets first.

"Dibs on night black!"

"No way! I hate brick brown!"

"At least it's not asphalt grey."

"You guys suck!"

"You suck!"

"No, YOU suck!"

Meanwhile, Bill and Ben hoisted Hannah into the command centre, obviated by its giant LCD screen and blinking lights everywhere. Oh, and the table at which were seated numerous dark suits. Can't forget that.

"What's the meaning of this! I have rights!"

"Not in Japan, Miss Sears. Americans abrogate all civil liberties once they cross United States borders."

"And who invented that law?"

"All the countries that just don't like America," another voice cut in. Hannah gasped.

"Dr. Wily!"

"In the ghost. Or hologram. Whatever."

The shimmering, mustachioed, purple image took its seat at the head.

"Thank you, Bill and Ben."

They bowed, and melted into the walls. Hannah blinked.

"How did they do that?"

"A more important question is… how do you predict the path of wars, Miss Sears?"

All the suits and Wily were staring at her.

"I don't work well under pressure."

They averted their eyes. After a few moments, she responded, "Doesn't Capcom release the video game during the corresponding war… and then tell everybody about the next one?"

"Why yes. We have been pulling Sigma's strings. Until he blew up in the last one."

"Doesn't his spirit survive, like from what he said in the ending credits of X1?"

They gasped.

"She knows about the secret message!"

"Half the world knows about that secret message."

"You must have told them!"

"No I didn't! I read about it on Gamefaqs!"

"Lies! She is hiding something."

"Quite literally, gentlemen," Wily smiled, "Would you mind showing us your toy, dear?"

She was in no position to hide anything. Besides, they might frisk her, and she didn't want strange men rifling through her clothes.

"Ah. One of my son's beam sabers."

She clutched the memento.

"Zero is his own man!"

"Hah. Who built him from raw Bassnium? Who created the Maverick Virus from the Evil Energy which Duo tried so desperately to destroy? Me. My son possesses extra-terrestrial elements, but he is mine."

"Whoa. So that's what you used the Evil Energy for!"

Wily grinned.

"How else would you explain the exponential power output when he was fully infected just recently? It's far more than programming code, my dear, which can only alter how a robot acts and thinks… not give him godlike power."

Palms on the table, he leered at her.

"Hannah, he is coming to us right now. And he will be mine once more."

"X will never…"

"WRONG! X is busy chasing Investigators. He still thinks Zero is washing his hair… it's all according to plan."

Hannah raised an eyebrow.

"You gave him such pretty hair so that X would think he's busy washing it?"

"I plan ahead, unlike him. The most original idea to slither from Megaman's fragmented hard drive was to build a society where reploids and humans live in peace."

"Elysium."

"It's a fool's paradise. How can creators live in equity with their creations?"

"By rooting out the bad ones," she glowered at him. Wily wagged a finger.

"That's where you're wrong. Megaman X has no jurisdiction over humanity. And the Maverick Wars will never end. He'll spend eternity killing his brethren, while humanity delves ever deeper into greed, hatred, and apathy."

Hannah narrowed her eyes.

"For one to spread such things, one must first be guilty of them."

"Oh, I am greedy, and I do hate Megaman… but I am extremely ambitious."

888

Armed with Ground Dash and Yammark Option, it was time to take on Blaze Phoenix. How did X know the correct boss order? He heard it from Hannah, who had explained it to him while they dangled their feet from outside her bedroom window. This was why the girl was so important to him and Zero… not just her good looks. She had played this game when Capcom captured her, forcing the hapless maiden to beta test their latest war.

But she neglected to tell him about the five giant 'mini' bosses that ruled the stage.

"What the hell? A Maverick spare tire on the rampage!"

Oh, sure, the first one was a breeze. The second was okay. The third was troublesome. The fourth was hard. The fifth was murder.

By the time X crawled into Blaze Phoenix's lair, his fusion core was near critical. If he had a warning light, it would be flashing red and telling him to phone home.

"Why, oh WHY did you have SO MANY FREAKING MINIBOSSES?" X cried. Phoenix blinked.

"Uh… the intention is to kill you before you reach me."

Fury replaced the haunted look in X's eyes.

"You know what that means!" he screamed, slapping his palm on the X-Buster while switching to the Ground Dash, "YOU'RE EASIER THAN THE STAGE!"