Disclaimer: I own nothing except the plot.


Tsukushi- Chapter 4











Holy mother of god! Is that all of it? Thomas moaned in agony as the very last large box was dumped onto the soft plushy carpeting of Tsukushi's new bedroom. He swung his arms around him, stretching out his sore muscles from the long day of rearranging furniture, moving boxes, and other menial tasks Susumu had directed him to do.

Stop being such a wimp, Junpei heartily laughed as he slapped the blonde-haired man on the back. A little exercise never hurt anyone. Perhaps you should look into going to the gym more often. You have been getting a little flabby in areas.

His response was a right middle finger shoved in his face. Not all of us rely on our bodies to feed ourselves. I rely on natural intelligence to make my money unlike some other people.

And what is that supposed to mean?

he loftily answered, baiting Junpei into an impending argument.

Junpei growled. One eyebrow lifted and he smirked, knowing the perfect retort. It's not like you use much intelligence. It's not very hard to teach people English considering you fucking came from the States, you gaijin.

Fine, how about I walk around in my underwear for money, too?

Fuck you!

No thanks, I don't swing that way, but I do know a guy who would. I preferably don't like it up through the ass. However you look like someone who would like something like that. Kinky, huh?

The two men were becoming more engaged by their battle of words, wandering towards crossing that thin line into bashing the other's head through a wall. A certain fire ignited in their eyes that signaled some sort of friendly bloodshed. Well, with those two anything was possible.

Stop fucking around. Susumu broke in between the pair and smacked them both behind the heads. He sighed in disbelief that those two were arguing at a time like this.

They clutched their heads in pain, and squinted through their half-closed eyes, rubbing the sore spots on their skulls. they both mumbled in unison.

What did you do that for? Thomas whined. He folded his arms across his chest like a pouting child, ignoring the fact that in actuality he was 22.

The scowl on his face only deepened. The dark rings around his eyes, the slightly unshaven face with the faint shadow of stubble, and the slight lilt in his entire demeanor was evidence of the hell Susumu was going through. He was a man apart. One side of him wanted to kill the fucking bastard that dared to defile his sweet, innocent sister. The other wanted to hurt himself for not being there to save her. The same thought plagued him endlessly during intermittent moments of his days and nights.

If only. If only I didn't let her go that night. What if I had made her ditch that dinner and come home with me?

It's not a good time to be fooling around, okay? His voice was clearly strained, giving way to his mixed emotions welling up inside.

Junpei placed his hand on Susumu's back, trying to comfort him as best he could. We're all angry. We all love Tsukushi like she was our own little sister, but what's done is done. It wasn't your fault, man.

He's right, you know that? Thomas added. We can't just walk around here like someone died. We've got to at least try to make things seem like they're back to normal.

I know. I understand what you mean, but you haven't seen her at her worst. There are times when I'll find her in front of the television. I'll think to myself that she's just sitting there like she normally would, but her eyes Her eyes are just dead. It's as if she's looking right through the screen at nothing. I've caught her doing that a lot lately. Sometimes she'll just lock herself in her room for hours. I'll admit, it scares me shitless when I hear the click of that lock. He agitatedly ran his fingers through his messy hair. I've heard stories about what happens to girls like her. I've gotten so desperate, I've hidden all the knives, the scissors, and even my fucking razors! I can't even leave her alone for a minute to go take a piss cause I'm so scared I'll find her dead when I come out! His voice faded out into a muffled strangle as he turned away from his friends, letting his pride take over. As a man, emotion was for the weak.

Thomas and Junpei looked at each other, trying to think of something to lighten the situation, but both couldn't bring themselves to find that something. They did the next best thing, and silently continued to work. Susumu hunched over on the couch with his face buried in his palms.

------------------------

Tsukushi remained huddled in a tight ball on the windowsill of the spare bedroom, blankly staring out on the cityscape. Her mind seemed to have drifted off to no exact location, meandering from one incoherent rambling to the next. She shuddered involuntarily as she listened to the raised voices outside. Although she recognized the deep masculine timbres of the voices, she couldn't fight that impending sense of insecurity within their presence.

She raised her hands to cover her ears, blocking out the yelling. Her body began to tremble more violently, and her eyes closed tightly shut, fighting back the onslaught of fresh tears.

Somewhere in the abyss of her melancholy, she knew what she had become was nothing short of unhealthy. Spending all her days locked up within the apartment and barely managing to get a few bites of food down to keep her up the rest of the day was taking its toll on her. She thought Susumu looked like crap when he would barge into her room every few hours to check on her progress. The shock was infinite when she saw her own reflection in the mirror. The hair brush clutched in her hand and the mirror had no chance when the two objects collided with an earth shattering crash of the glass breaking into a few million pieces.

Susumu wordlessly walked in and cleaned up the mess before tucking her back into bed once again, and whispering soothing words of reassurance.

She didn't want any of it. She didn't want his pity or sympathy. She wanted what was her life. She wanted the tiniest flicker of her old self back.

There was only one way to do it, and that was to take the first step of normalcy.

As she rose from her window seat, her legs wobbled from lack of use during the last few hours. Her head ached a bit from the sudden bodily movement, but when the slight vertigo hit her, she was a goner. She barely stumbled to the bed, and crawled under the sheets, quivering from some unknown chill in the air.

Tomorrow I'll get better.

I promise.

--------------------------

Susumu paced continuously in the living room, ignoring his distressed girlfriend sitting on the couch watching his back and forth pattern across the room.

Calm down, Susumu, she gently chided. She pushed a bang behind her ear and tilted her head from left to right, trying to get the kinks out of her neck. Amidst the dim glow of the lights it was painfully obvious that her boyfriend's habits were beginning to rub off on her, too.

Through the entire ordeal, Shizuka tried to be understanding to the extenuating circumstances they were all placed under. It was hard to not realize there was something going on when she showed up from a long trip after a photo shoot with Junpei and noticed that something was amiss. She was more than a little worried when he hadn't called her in the last few days like he normally would when they were apart, seeing as how he was always the doting boyfriend. What she walked into was the last thing she expected.

Tsukushi had taken residence in what was one of the spare guest rooms that Thomas or Junpei would use when they needed a place to crash for the night. What was even more obvious was the fact that in the parking garage the five spots that once held Susumu's prized cars were empty. The tension was asphyxiating, and it was trying on her to attempt to maintain some good cheer in the household. However, the sunshine good mood was not meant to last with the added burden of Susumu's absence from the club, leaving her with the burden of his forgotten responsibilities. She wasn't doing much better either with the added work of rehearsals with the new band they were forming. Tsuyoshi and Kin were still trying to collaborate with Thomas to get the right sound. The club was at its peak and still rising. Without the driving force urging it forward, failure was inevitable.

She looked up at him beseechingly, looking for a shred of the confident bordering on arrogant man she loved in the nervous, edgy wreck pacing recklessly through the room. We need to talk. Please?

He stopped in mid-stride and spun on his heel, finally registering her existence in the room. From the way the natural glow of her skin and the intensity of life in her eyes had faded, he began to feel the residual guilt he had pushed aside for the time being. His eyes softened, and he accepted her hand that pulled him to sit beside her. Quietly, he studied her for a moment, taking in the woman he was certain he would spend the rest of his life with. He thought back to the ring shoved in the bottom of his dresser drawer waiting to be presented to her, but any thoughts of the happy impending nuptials he proposed were put aside for the harsh realities he was forced to deal with. A part of his heart crumbled, seeing her in a pair of loose fitting jeans, an old t-shirt of his, and her hair pulled back into a high ponytail. If it had been anyone else but him in the room they would have assumed she was years younger, and not a grown 21 year-old woman. There was something so seemingly innocent about her that drew him to her. He didn't need all the glitz or the glamour she exuded on stage to love her, he loved her as any man should, for everything she is.

I'm sorry, he murmured. His rough larger hand cupped hers and his thumb stroked slow lazy circles on the smooth pale flesh of the back of her hand. I'm sorry for dragging you into this.

Her body relaxed and leaned into his, taking in the warmth of his body against hers, melding them into one. I don't really mind. I mean, we're all struggling a bit here. We've been trying our best to keep the club going, but it's just not the same without you. Last Resort is your baby. If you're not there, it seems to die. It's already been two months. I don't know how much longer we can keep going like this. I don't even understand why you've refused to sign any of the checks to pay the bills that have been piling up. We're getting a few second notices on bounced checks and insufficient funds.

"I know, he repeated over and over again, letting the words roll off his tongue. It's just It's just I hate this! I hate feeling this way, like no matter what I do nothing will help.

It's not your job to save everyone.

A sore spot was hit with her statement, and she could feel his body visibly stiffen.

She's my fucking sister. I'm her brother. I was supposed to protect her, and I didn't. I let that bastard touch her and what could I do. I can't even call the fucking cops on the guy to put his ass in jail.

Shizuka could feel her own temper beginning to boil. She released his hand and shoved it away from herself, tossing it back to him. I'm tired of this! This whole self-pity thing isn't going to work! It's not helping you. It's not helping Tsukushi. It's not helping any of us.

His eyes narrowed into two small slits. What do you want me to do?! Tell me what the fuck I can do to make things better! Cause I sure as hell don't know what I can do.

Tell me what happened. All you filled me in with was a few specific details. I've tried to ask you before, but you've always brushed me aside. You don't keep secrets from people you love.

Fine. Do you want to know? he bit out. I'll tell you what happened. I saw that bitch the day I took Tsukushi to get her things. I thought she was heartless, but fuck I never thought she would do something like that. Everything was a damn set up!

she gasped.

Kana knew all along what a pervert that guy was. She went out looking for him, knowing he had taken interest in Tsukushi a long time ago. She knew his son was in her class, and she saw the way he would look at her when he dropped his son off to school. She said, You can tell certain things about men and the type of women they keep. You can see it in their eyes, that hunger.' Renjou was watching Tsukushi since she began junior high school. She set it up from the start, from getting him to date her to making sure he caught a taste of being close to Tsukushi. That night it happened She knew he would wander into her room. She was waiting for the right time when he would go from her bed to her daughter's. Every time she brought him home at night she waited, waited for him to slip out and try to fuck her.

Oh my god. Who would do such a thing to their own child?

She would, and she did, he bitterly spat out. His anger was fueled by now and the words would not stop until he was finished. She waited for him to slip into her room, listening from outside the door for the right moment to burst in as the horrified mother catching her lover seducing her daughter. And when she finally caught him with his pants down, literally, she didn't need Tsukushi so much anymore. She got Renjou to pay her off for her silence. It was the easiest three million she ever made, or rather it was the only money she ever earned on her own at her daughter's expense.

Shizuka felt violently ill at the thought. The idea was ludicrous and beyond cruel. The idea of a woman using her own child's body for monetary means was along the lines of prostituting her. Does Tsukushi know?

His expression became grave, and he shook his head. No. She'll never know. You're the only one who knows this. If she ever found out I don't. I don't know what she might do.

She can never go back.

I've made sure of that. Something else happened during that brief chat I had with Kana. I told her Tsukushi would never go back to her, and she would stay with me seeing as how unfit a mother she was. That woman had the nerve to laugh. She had that part planned out as well. You know that biologically Tsukushi is not my sister by blood. I have no legal claim on her whatsoever, if I were to ever try to press charges. It would be a fucked up mess if we got the cops involved. Also, I know if Tsukushi found out I turned her mother in to the cops she would find out the truth of the matter. It would devastate her.

So, what did you do?

Money can buy you anything these days, he laughed in disdain. She wanted a matching three million to buy her custody. Can you imagine putting a price on your own flesh and blood? I knew I didn't have the money on hand to pay her right away, but I agreed to do it. She said three. I paid her five. An extra two mil as insurance she'd never lay a claim to Tsukushi ever again. I had my lawyer draw up the documents, and we signed them yesterday. I'm her legal guardian now. Kana can't lay another one of her dirty fingers on her. That's why I don't have the capital to pay for the club's debts right now. I've already wired all of the money to her accounts. I sold all the cars and a large portion of my stock portfolio my mother set up with my trust fund. All I have left now are my savings, a life insurance policy, and a few remaining stocks that weren't worth it to sell.

While she was proud of his deeds, Shizuka couldn't help but be shocked at the lengths he went through to buy his sister. The club was his life.

I have nothing except for a club that is going down the drain, but I don't regret what I've done. I would sell my soul for her.

All of the fight seemed to dissipate out of her as she watched him staring right through her with a certain lost expression on his face. It shocked her more that what he said was the honest to god truth. For once, he didn't have an answer to fix things. She finally understood the reason for his erratic moods and tantrums.

He doesn't know how to fix things.

Why don't I make this easier on the both of us? he lamely offered. You should leave me. You don't need a guy with all this baggage. I've got too many things on my plate right now. He stood up, a defeated man, and purposely walked to the door opening it. Go. This is your chance to leave.

Her eyes moved from him to the opened door in shock and utter confusion. Her lips settled into a grim line, and she clenched her hands at her sides before starting a slow pace towards the door. His heart fell down when he heard her footsteps approaching him. A part of him wished that it wouldn't come to this, but it was too late to take the offer off the table. Shizuka was too young to be pulled down by a man with too many responsibilities.

A pair of arms wrapped around him, surprising him. They only squeezed tighter when he felt the distinct wetness of hot tears soaking through his shirt as she cried into his chest.

I won't let you do this. We agreed from the beginning that your life is my life. We're in this together no matter what, she whispered in between broken sobs. I love you too much to let you fall apart.

He stood there rigid, trying to figure out why she had decided to stay, but his body screamed at him to forget rational thought. His body reacted by wrapping his own arms around her tiny frame. I love you, too, he muffled into her hair.

For how long they stayed in that intimate embrace was left unknown. She held him for as long as he needed as he cried the tears of a boy that became a man all too fast for his own good.

It was the brutal truth of it all. In their lives they had all had to grow up a little sooner than expected whether they wanted to or not. It was up to them whether or not they would fight for life or allow themselves to drown.

Susumu would fight for his sister's life.

Shizuka would follow him into the fiery depths of hell if she had to.

For love knows no bounds.

--------------------------------

Nothing seemed to work as the weeks dragged on and Tsukushi sunk deeper and deeper into the bottomless pit of depression. It was as if all the spirit she had in her had been ripped out of her. All that was left was the shell of the person she used to be. Although she knew she was being a burden to her brother, she tried to act a little bit normal if any.

Susumu and Shizuka both suggested she see a therapist about her problems.

She politely declined. The thought of having to rehash what had passed was too much to handle in itself. Just the thought of his hands on her, in her, touching her all over, made her vomit her entire stomach into the toilet sometimes at random times of the day. All the beauty that everyone had admired so much was beginning to fade along with her, as her body began to waste away. Her clothes now hung loosely over her body, and her face was hollow.

Susumu still proclaimed her as beautiful, even though he found himself unable to look her in the eyes and say it.

She knew he was lying for her benefit. She agreed with him that she was repulsive.

As she got sicklier and sicklier, Susumu's patience waned more and more.

Come out with us, Tsukushi! Susumu playfully scolded, folding his arms across his chest. He stood in front of her as she lay in bed with a book propped up on her lap in front of her face. It'll be fun. You should come out. It's been ages since you've seen the light of day.

That's not true, she replied, barely sparing him a glance over her thick book. I went out the other day to run out and buy some milk.

Going across the street to the convenience store downstairs doesn't count. You just made a mad dash in and out. Just come out with Shizuka and me. We're going to go do some set-ups for the club tomorrow night. Thomas and Junpei will be there. You haven't seen them in a while. They've been wanting to see you. Plus, you can see my pride and joy, Last Resort. I recall you begging me some time ago about getting into a real night club.

I don't think so, she blandly replied in her monotone voice.

He sat down on the side of the bed and pushed the book down to look into her face. Please? Just for tonight. We'll come home right afterwards, too.

She hesitated with her response, feeling torn between her own fears of the outside world and the guilt of denying her brother.

All it takes is that one step, Tsukushi.

I can't.

Why not?

I'm scared. Out there, they can see me. How do I know people like him won't be out there watching me?

There was a time when you didn't think everyone was bad.

That was before I saw how horrible the world really was.

I don't believe you. You don't believe that.

Yes I do. If I go, I'll be hurt.

She felt a warm hand over her own rouse her from her inner dialogue. Susumu kissed her on the head, and pulled her into his chest. I'll be with you the entire time. I won't let anyone ever hurt you. You don't have to be scared. So please come with me?

Tsukushi dumbly nodded her head, and pushed her book aside.

----------------------------

It's okay, Susumu whispered as he nudged Tsukushi through the darkened hallway into the club.

Her body trembled at the uncertainty that lay in front of her. Her hand gripped a little bit tighter onto her brother's arm as they walked down the long narrow passage.

Close your eyes.

She did as he commanded, and felt his hands cover her eyes just in case she tried to peek. What are you doing, Susumu?

You'll see, he whispered back. There's nothing like the first time you see this place. Open them now.

she gasped as she opened her eyes, letting herself drown in the sights and colors. It's incredible!

I know, he grinned in pride. His chest puffed up a bit along with his ego. I thought the same thing the first time I walked into this place.

She stood rooted to her spot, turning around in a slow circle to drink it all in. The high ceiling of the warehouse type building allowed a few hundred lights to be hung down in metal wires, allowing a starry blur of light to flood down on her. From the sides of the walls there were a few stairs that led up to a second floor where tables had been set up along the metal guard rails so that customers could enjoy their drinks while overlooking the stage and the dance floor. It was a balcony in itself that probably had the best view of the entire place, and also led you to a few private rooms in the back. A few tables were on the main floor to the side, but mainly the center had been cleared, revealing the pure black floor. The color scheme of the entire place was an elegant black and white, hinting at the subtle innuendo of the establishment's name. Last Resort was truly a place where good and evil seemed to mix into one. The bar was to the center back where she noticed a few guys stocking up on the wide array of bottles against the mirrored wall. Thomas was busy onstage fiddling with the musical equipment, tuning his guitar while a man she assumed to be their new band member, Kin, was banging away on his drums with a headset covering his ears, shielding him from any outside interference to his drumming. Another man stopped and waved, pausing in the middle of tuning his bass guitar.

Hey, Susumu's here! he yelled.

a chorus of voices shouted in unison.

Hey guys! Susumu cheerily yelled back.

He nudged Tsukushi towards the bar, and pushed her into one of the barstools.

Shizuka placed her hands on Tsukushi's shoulders, giving her tense muscles a gentle squeeze. Relax. Enjoy yourself tonight. It's just us here tonight. We're not open for customers. I'll see you in a few. I need to go warm up for rehearsals.

she asked.

Susumu grabbed a clean glass from under the counter, and filled it to the brim with soda, adding an extra maraschino cherry with a red straw to it. With great ease and practiced skill, he sent the glass sliding down the counter towards her. Catch."

Somewhat startled, she accepted the drink, and took a long sip from it. It's good.



Hey, look who's here! Thomas yelled, running towards Tsukushi and picking her up from the chair, dragging her into a bone-crushing bear hug. Haven't seen you in a while, stranger. Care to have a twirl on the dance floor with me later? The floor was just waxed today, so it's got the best traction for some dancing.

You better not slip and fall on your ass again, Susumu warned. I don't want you coming to me moaning about some worker's comp shit cause you decided to pull a Risky Business and slide across the floor.

He waved off the warning, already hearing the music of Old Time Rock and Roll call to him. He winked at Tsukushi before whispering, You and me, later.

I heard that!

What?! I didn't say anything.

Get back on stage. Shizuka is waiting for you.

he waved as he skipped across the room and hopped onto the stage with a certain flair that was all his own.

You stay away from him, Susumu warned in an overly fatherly voice. He picked up a few bottles and began twirling them in the air, handling them with an elegant ease. A chubby irridescent blue filled bottle was dipped into the shaker as the final ingredient.

What's that?' Tsukushi asked in awe as she watched him pour the liquid into a glass.

Oh, it's a Hypnotiq Cosmopolitan. I'm just trying out a few new drinks. This new cognac is the new rage nowadays. It's hard keeping up with the customers' preferences.

Where did you learn to mix drinks like that?

He suddenly developed a certain shyness about himself. Well, remember how outou-san cut me off for awhile while I was in the States? I started to take a few jobs tending bar at the clubs where Thomas deejayed. I got pretty good at it, and it made some good money. Plus, the ladies think I have a hot ass, so the tips were more than adequate. I can teach you some stuff, if you want?

A small smile touched her lips. I would like that.

A small glimmer of hope lit within him when he saw her smile. Perhaps it was a better idea than he anticipated to drag her out to the club.

Look, Shizuka is about to start her practice.

Tsukushi spun around in her chair, nursing her drink while watching the beautiful woman on stage saunter out. Slowly, she closed her eyes, letting the notes sink into her and blend in with the smooth soft timbre of Shizuka's voice. A slow sultry, jazz rhythm pulsed through the building, drawing them into its enticing song.

--------------------------

That was good, guys, Shizuka applauded, dropping the mic onto the ground.

Kin and Tsuyoshi nodded their heads in agreement and got up, walking over to the bar to get something to drink after the long practice.

Tsukushi shyly waved.



Is this your sister, Susumu?

Yeah, and you better stay away from her, Kin. She's innocent, so don't touch her, he playfully warned.

In return, he stuck out his tongue. Geez, I don't rob the cradle, man. It's nice to meet you.

Tsukushi. You're Kin, right? She visibly cringed when the man stepped forward to shake her hand, but felt a bit more at ease when she saw the friendly smile on his face.

Uh huh. Nice to meet you.

So, what do you think, Tsukushi?' Shizuka asked, coming up from behind.

It was really good. You were great out there, she voiced aloud. I like the jazz theme you have going on.

she replied, slowly nodding her head. But something still seems a bit off.

I agree, Thomas interjected. I mean we have most of the elements, but there just seems to be something we're missing.

I think that would be your horrible piano playing, Junpei laughed, popping up in front of the group. You're a little off the beat, dude.

Hey, I never said I was a piano prodigy. Give me a guitar and I'll make that baby sing, but me and the piano don't mix. Susumu is the piano man.

Susumu shook his head in disagreement. I haven't touched a piano in years. I took it for about nine years, but I was never that good. I can barely sight read.

I know. I've seen you play, Tsukushi giggled. I still remember that time we went to watch you perform in that school recital and you tried to pass yourself off as an expert by using that book, Faking the Piano. I don't think I've ever seen otou-san more horrified in his life, but he still stood up and clapped in the end screaming, in the middle of a dead crowd.

I almost forgot about that. He scratched his chin thoughtfully with a distant reminiscent look on his face. He would always do stuff like that, sticking up for me no matter what, you know. I guess, we should start looking for a piano player then.

Actually I do have someone in mind. Thomas clapped his hands together with a gleam in his eyes like a kid on Christmas. I scouted him a few weeks ago playing in some piano bar. The guy's amazing. His excitement dwindled to a simmer when he recounted his encounter with said pianist. He wasn't exactly the most friendly guy, but he's the best I've heard. With him alone on the piano, he draws a pretty big crowd. If people find out he's working here I guarantee his customers will follow. The only weird thing is that he's just a kid. I think he can't be more than a year or two older than Tsukushi.

That might be a problem. I don't like the idea of underage kids working for me.

Trust me. Check him out and you'll be amazed at this kid's talent. He plays there almost every night at the Blue Note. Come on, Shizuka. You were just saying yesterday how much you wished we had a piano player.

Well, he is right

Fine. We'll check him out on a free night.

Yes! You won't regret it. This kid is pure genius.

I guess. He grudgingly agreed to meet this so-called genius, but showed an utter lack of enthusiasm at the idea of trying to coax some pubescent teen to work for him. I was thinking of using the extra money we have to pay for another singer. Maybe we should get more variety in here. Shizuka can't carry us forever. I've always wanted to do a sort of variety type club where each night it's a different act for a different group. We need something that brings in the younger crowds other than the deejay music.

We're doing fine as it is right now with our higher clientele carrying us. Those free music nights and raves just sorta push us over the top. For now, I think we're fine. We should wait a bit more to see how things go.

I guess.

Or better yet we can have you sing, Thomas joking laughed. You do have that heartthrob look that those teeny boppers love. You can just get up there with your guitar, smooth voice, and suave looks to get you through the night.

Shut up.

Fine, fine, fine.

Kin and Tsuyoshi packed up their stuff, and started for the exit. Just fill us in when you figure things out. We've got another gig to play tonight.

See ya.

Shizuka crawled under the counter and popped up on the other side, pouring herself a glass of water. She sighed deeply and leaned against the counter. It would be great to have another singer. Then maybe I could get more free time to go to auditions.

Darling, if I could pull one out of my ass I would, but I can't. Susumu draped an arm around her shoulders. We could just cut back a few of your shows.

You know we can't do that. People come here expecting live music.

He rested his chin on top of her head, and followed in her content sigh. We'll think of something.

Tsukushi watched the happy couple enjoy a few minutes of silence, and decided to follow Thomas towards the stage. It had been awhile since she had been around actual music equipment. She brushed her fingertips across the smooth ivory keys, remembering bits and pieces of songs she had been trained to memorize during her lessons. Almost a year without practice had made her completely rusty. She flexed her fingers, trying to remember something of the complicated genre, but nothing came to mind. So, she randomly played a simple melody she recalled playing over and over again when warming up.

Thomas looked up from behind one of the amps, and smiled. I almost forgot that you played the piano, too.

I barely remember much. I guess it might be a family thing or something, considering I was never that good with the piano.

You learn anything else?

She tapped her finger against her lip in thought. I took a few lessons in violin, but then I switched over to the piano. I think the only musical training I've had and stuck with was voice lessons.

A light bulb went on in the blonde's head. Really? Do you mind singing a bit for me?

I don't think so, she hurriedly answered. She turned her head downwards, focusing on the piano keys and the positioning of her fingers. I'm not really that good. I don't like singing in front of people much.

Aw c'mon. It's just us here. He waved Susumu to come over. Hey, Susumu. Can you come over here and get Tsukushi to sing for me?!

Susumu saw the horrified look on his sister's face, and couldn't resist the urge to embarrass her. Although he knew beforehand that her singing was never anything to be embarrassed about. There was one thing that he knew Tsukushi loved as much as her books and that was singing. He wondered to himself if perhaps it was a good idea to get her singing again since it was always a hobby that brought much joy to her. There was also that added incentive of giving her an outlet to release all that pent up emotion within her. There was one fact about her that he could exploit so easily. Tsukushi could hide herself from the world as long as she wanted, but the moment a song came out of her lips, there was no holding back her true self. When she sang, her shining moment came out.

Why won't you sing, Tsukushi?

I don't want to. Don't make me do it.

Please! Consider it a birthday present to me, Thomas whined.

You're birthday passed already.

And you never got me anything.

Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. I thought I knew you better. You of all people would deny poor Thomas here of a birthday song, Susumu sighed. Look at him! He's devastated. He picked up Thomas' downcast face to reveal the pathetic countenance of a beaten man.

Fine! I'll do it! Tsukushi huffed. She crossed her arms over her chest and sulked, muttering over and over again about guilt trips. I don't know any songs off the top of my head.

I can help you with that. Susumu picked up the mic and handed it over to Tsukushi, who grudgingly took the object.

She clutched it close to her chest, not used to holding it in her hand since she normally sang in small rooms with good acoustics allowing her voice to carry. She watched in interest as Susumu picked up Thomas' acoustic guitar lying on the ground, and he seated himself on a stool. His fingers strummed a few chords, getting the feel for the instrument before a soft soothing melody poured out from it.

See the pyramids along the Nile
Watch the sun rise
From the Tropic isle
Just remember darling
All the while
You belong to me

Tsukushi became mesmerized by the music pouring out from his guitar and Susumu's slightly altered, scratchy baritone voice. She knew the words right away even though the song was not in her native tongue. It surprised her greatly that he would choose this song to play at the moment. It was a song sung by some American musician whose name she couldn't quite recall right now. None of that really mattered anyway. The song was Susumu's song.

The words, mixed with the beautiful melody, always stirred warm feelings of home and belonging in her. It brought out memories of better times and those not so good, but most of all it reminded her of the relationship between her and her brother.

I remember this song. It was the one he said his mother used to play for him all the time when he was a child. I remember when he first played it for me all those years ago. He had just come home from America.

She heard him finish up his verse and saw him look expectantly towards her with a soft smile gracing his lips. Her mouth opened and the words slipped out with ease.

See the market place
In old Algiers
Send me photographs
And Souvenirs
Just remember
Til your dream appears
You belong to me

It's his song, Susumu's song. I found him sitting in his room strumming his guitar, playing the same old song over and over again. I didn't even understand why he seemed so lost playing the tune endlessly in a loop, repeating the same words over and over again in a language I barely understood.

I'll be so alone
Without you
Maybe
You'll be lonesome, too.
Maybe
You'll be lonesome, too
And blue.

When I walked up to him tentatively putting my hand on his shoulder, he paused for a moment, offering me a weak smile before continuing with the song. And I asked him why he played the song so much. He smiled a secretive smile again, and continued to play on.

Fly the ocean
In a silver plane
See the jungle
When its wet with rains
Just remember
Til you're home again

I was practicing getting this right for so long. It was supposed to be a lullaby for the baby.

I was shocked when I grasped the truth in his words. I never knew if the talk going around was true surrounding my brother's return, but he had confirmed what I knew all along. There really was a girl and a baby.

What happened to the baby?

His smiled waned, but he continued to play. It was out of our hands. She left me and, and they forced her to get rid of our baby.

Who was she?

The only woman I'll ever love. His eyes raised to gaze into mine with a hidden pain and sorrow that I had never ever seen in my brother, not even when he thought about his deceased mother. I won't need this song anymore. It's yours now. Maybe one day I'll sing it for your children.

What about your own?

I don't think I could imagine anyone else having my baby than her.

Or until I come home to you
You belong to me

A single tear fell down her cheek as the final words drifted off into the still air. The memory had managed to catch up with her in its own bittersweet way. She felt a finger catch the fallen tear, and wipe it away from her cheek.

Don't cry, Susumu whispered.

Shizuka, Thomas, and the rest of the stragglers in the club had all stopped whatever it was they were doing, becoming awestruck by the voice that captivated their attention. When the final chord was played and the last word drowned into oblivion, their collective breaths finally released.

Thomas breathed.

A tint of pink crossed Tsukushi's cheeks as a fresh onslaught of tears fell down her face. It was odd really that they would not stop. She absently wiped them away with the sleeve of her shirt, but they kept coming in a flood. They were not tears meant for anything specifically, but more of a release of everything she had been holding back so long. When they finally subsided, her heart felt more full, and for once she didn't feel so empty anymore. She weakly smiled towards her brother.

I'm not the only one who's been hurt in life. Susumu lost everything, his parents, his love, and his child. And through it all, he still manages to keep living and loving.

I want to be strong.

For him.

I want to be whole again.

For me.

I don't want this feeling to go away.

I want to always feel like this.

Loved.

Safe.

As long as I have him, I have all that I'll need.

So, for him I'll live.

Oh my god, Shizuka barely whispered, trying to contain the shock in her. I never knew you could sing like that, Tsukushi. You've been holding out on us.

I think we've found her. Thomas declared with conviction.

Susumu asked, losing the train of thought that both Thomas and Shizuka seemed to be on.

Our new singer.

No way! he bellowed. She's not singing.

She's perfect. She can try it out to see how it feels. Let's just have a test run one night and see how the audience reacts. What do you think, Tsukushi?'

There is no way in hell I'm letting her sing in the club. You don't have to do anything he says, he pleaded to his sister, silently wishing that Thomas wouldn't sway her.

Shizuka grabbed him by the arm and pulled him to the side as Thomas sidled up to Tsukushi, throwing out ideas for songs she could sing. Maybe you should reconsider it.

You can't be serious.

Did you see what I saw? For the first time in weeks, I saw a shred of the old Tsukushi. It was like that fog was lifted from her. She comes alive when she sings.

I know what you mean. I'm not blind to how she was up there, but it's a whole different story when there are a few hundred people watching you. Do you remember how hard it was to get her to even go out with us tonight? She can barely stand being in a crowded street.

You don't understand what it feels like to be up there. Shizuka patted him on the arm. A hopeful look passed through her. It's a feeling like no other. It's a high you can't come down from. When you're up there it feels like you're all alone lost in the song. No one else matters but you and the music. Everything else just drifts away. You're free. It will be good for her.

I don't know. I'm not so sure about this.

Let her choose to do this or not.

He was interrupted in mid thought when a tug was felt on his arm. He turned to see Tsukushi smiling up at him with a mirth that he had long forgotten she possessed.

I want to do it.

----------------------------

And that was how Tsukushi got better. There is no exact formula for healing. Some people push all their dark thoughts away into a secret place where they never have to find them again. Others confront their fears and stand up to them with a newfound bravery. Then there are others like Tsukushi, who just dealt with them, one step at a time. They find that outlet to their hearts, and let it all out.

She did get better with the singing she did, practicing for her supposed debut. There's a theory that says life is all about projects. Without a project or some type of activity, people cannot live or function properly. Tsukushi found hers in singing.

The changes weren't instant. She still held some reserved feelings towards strangers, but she was able to walk outside during the day without fear of someone attacking her, feeding off her worst fears. The road to healing was there, but it would be a slow and long journey.

Is this the place? Tsukushi asked, stepping into the small dingy nightclub.

The scent of cigarettes wafted in the air, causing her nose to twitch in distaste for the smell. Small tables that couldn't have seated more than four were strategically placed in the cramped establishment. Susumu and Shizuka followed closely behind her as they meandered through the crowd for a table.

It was amazing the crowd the pianist could gather into the place, considering the closed quarters, but there was good reason for it. The moment Tsukushi stepped inside she could hear the faint patter of the keys being touched in just the right way, sending waves of notes in her direction constructed in such a way that made her heart flutter with some indescribable feeling. The way he was able to arrange the notes felt like hands grabbing her from behind and holding her within their grasp in a warm envelope of mixed emotions. She could tell right away why he was good.

He played from his heart.

When they seated themselves at a table, they were only able to catch a brief glimpse of the genius.

He's the one, Susumu confirmed, closing his eyes and concentrating on the music.

We've got to get him, Shizuka concurred.

Tsukushi tried to lift her body up a bit higher on tiptoes to catch a small glimpse of the boy at the piano, but the audience refused to budge while he played, obstructing her view. It was only when a brief intermission was announced did the sea of admirers part, and she saw him for the first time.

It intrigued her to no ends to see the boy who could play the piano in such a way to take control of her body and senses. He captured her from the start with his somber melancholy jazz tunes. He connected with her like no other, expressing all the pain and sorrow that resided in her as leftovers of the ordeal. She could feel the same feelings in him, and it made her feel a bit better.

There's someone who understands.

And when she saw him for the first time, her breath caught in her throat. The world stopped moving all around her as she watched him turn to look in her direction. His deep chocolate eyes met hers, and that was it. For the first time, she felt the stirring of something growing inside of her.

The direction of his steps switched and he seemed to be walking right towards her. He carried a dignified air of indifference about him that made him all the more desirable and intriguing. Right away she could tell he was an enigmatic figure, one she wanted to know. Her heart fluttered in her chest, but was left unnoticed as she ignored the strange new sensation in her body, not quite understanding what it all meant. It wasn't love she felt. No it was something much more, deeper in the sense he was just like her.

They were one and the same. She knew from the moment she walked into the club.

Hey, he's coming this way, Susumu pointed out, getting up from his seat.

They all stood at once as the young man approached their table. A small, almost unrecognizable smile touched his lips. He looked right at their table and stopped.

A loud clatter of glass hitting the ground roused Tsukushi from her daze. She looked across from her to see the martini glass in Shizuka's hand shatter on the ground in a million pieces. Susumu was frowning at the odd reaction of his girlfriend due to the boy. Tsukushi could feel her heart fall into the pit of her stomach at the realization he was staring at Shizuka the entire time.

Shizuka stepped forward, and without any words spoken between the two she wrapped her arms around his neck. He followed in turn by burying his face into her shoulder, fully taking the embrace for all its worth. The two melded together as if they were made for each other, perfectly fitting with the other.

She could hear the faint whisper of a word escape from Shizuka's lips.













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A/N: There you have it, it's Rui! Now that the ball is rolling we'll be seeing some more familiar faces.

Now here come s my digression from HYD. I'm working on my first Inuyasha fic, and I'm looking for a guinea pig to read the chaps I'm coming up with. They're being betaed by the wonderful cuppajava, but we both lack knowledge of IY stuff. I've only seen the anime up to about episode 50, I think. This fic won't be posted for a long time, probably some time after I finish Return to Me and Secrets, but here's a chance at a sneak peek. So, what I need is someone well versed in IY preferably able to bring me up to speed on the whole Bankotsu, Jakotsu, whatever, all those -otsu brothers. And who the hell is Nobunaga? Yeah, I'm lost there. I might not incorporate them into the story at all, but I need some feedback from an IY fan to tell me how it's going. For all I know, it's a load of crap.

On another note (yes i have a lot of side notes), is anyone reading Secrets anymore? Have I scared you all away with my freaky plot? I was a bit surprised at the lack of reviews and suddenly people are giving me the Huh? WTF is she doing?. Hmm..perhaps the whole psychological thriller isn't very popular here. Plus I've been politely warned a few times about the graphic nature, but I trust that no one will report me. I'm a little arrogant to see how far I can go before someone reports me, thereby freezing my account, and leading me to have to stop posting. Oh to be exiled from my account for some lemony content.....