Introspection

by Skyla1

A Prequel to Last Resort: Sometimes things just happen. We've gotten this far. Where did it all go wrong?

5. Rui: Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Standard poorness here.

Rui- Chapter 5

In all of my life, there has been only one thing in this world I wanted, one girl, and one woman. It's foolish to believe in a childish love, letting it transcend into a matured obsession, an undying devotion that can only be called for what it is, true love. To understand my story, you have to see it from the beginning to end.

It all starts with one person who steps into your life, rendering everything you thought to be true worth nothing.

She was that person.

She turned nothing into something.

And for that, I would love her all my life.

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Hanazawa Rui was born into a well-adjusted life of any middle class suburban family. He had everything that was requisite for normalcy. He should have been quite normal and well rounded, but life had other ideas in mind for the boy. It was to everyone else's annoyance that he refused to accept that.

Living in the peaceful comfort a few miles out of the large, bustling city where no one feared for their safety night or day, it was an idyllic life, where parents could raise their child free from the fear of the corruption of the wild city. Children played freely, liberating their youthful exuberance in the activities of the park a few blocks away. Mothers had their book clubs, afternoon tea brunches, and the hierarchal government of the PTA to devote their lives to for the sake of the children. Fathers left early at seven in the morning to catch the nearby train taking them into the city where their five by five cubicles awaited them to spend the next eight hours of their lives, before getting back on that train to a place where their happy family eagerly awaited them. It was the life dreams were made of, suburban nirvana rivaling that of the vivid descriptions of Stepford.

However, there is always that possibility of one man's heaven being another man's hell.

In a little white house with the large black gates, a little boy sat by his window, with his chin propped up on his knees which were pulled up against his body, blankly staring outside at the dead street in front of him. He should have been outdoors playing with the other children his age or at least spending his time with them doing something or another. However, for every perfect community, there is the black sheep.

It was a known fact in the neighborhood that Hanazawa Rui was a lost cause. He refused to be another lemming falling into line, as dictated by their small sub culture. Anti-social, indifferent, and sullenly silent at all times were the most common terms used to describe him. The attempts to get him to come out of his shell became less and less over the years when people realized that the quiet loner was alone because he wanted to be, by choice. In the beginning, his mother was able to force him to humor her for a few hours, sending him to requisite play dates with other neighboring children, but those usually ended in disaster with him holing himself in the solitary corner of the room, playing by himself after refusing numerous calls to play. Some gave up, and others shunned his abnormal behavior. It didn't matter much to him, though. He was his own person.

"Rui!" a slightly muffled feminine voice called out from outside his door.

He remained steadfast in his position not bothering to get up. "Come in."

The door slowly creaked open, and the small patter of footsteps approaching him gave away exactly who the person entering his fortress of solitude was. She planted herself beside him with her back facing the closed window. They sat there for a few moments, enjoying the still silence, not bothering to fill it or taint it with useless conversation.

The resemblance between the two was striking. Most said it was such a waste for a son born from such good genes to be wasted with the sour disposition he showed. Then again, most people did not know to look further behind the facades of beauty, grace, and learned manners to see the truth behind it all. Like his mother, Hanazawa Rumiko, Rui had developed that silent peace about him that could only be construed as an extreme case of shyness or a superiority complex.

"Why do you choose to stay inside on such a nice day, my Rui?" She playfully laced her fingers through his soft tendrils of hair, which seemed a bit shaggy. The idea of taking him to see the barber in the coming days came to mind, but she knew he would protest it. He always did enjoy the sloppy look. "All you do is lock yourself inside and hide away from the world. How about we go out, just the two of us?"

"I'm fine here. You go without me," he weakly smiled. He saw the look of hurt and rejection displayed across her delicate features. Inside, he felt like a bastard for hurting his mother's feelings; but he could not deny that isolating loneliness that filled his heart. Even she wasn't enough to fill that void.

"I was afraid this was going to happen one day. My Rui is growing up into a true teenager with mood swings, embarrassed to be seen with his mother, and general angst ridden tendencies. You're too good for me now." She patted him on the leg and stood up to peer over his shoulder to see exactly what it was that he seemed so fixated upon.

The object, or rather person, of his utmost fascination was down on the street level, sitting on the steps of her front door. Showered by the rays of sunlight spraying across her summer-kissed tan skin and auburn hair, Toudou Shizuka, the girl next door, literally, sat patiently, waving at the neighborhood children as they passed by her. Her legs were laid out in front of her while she rested the weight of her body on her two arms at her side. A soft, cheerful smile played across her lips. Rumiko shook her head; finally understanding what Rui's sudden melancholy was all about, or rather, whom it was about.

"It's been awhile since I've seen Shizuka come over to visit," she nonchalantly mentioned.

"She's been busy, or that's what she told me," Rui icily responded. His eyes remained fixed on the young woman with an intensity that appeared slightly unnerving. "She doesn't come for lessons anymore."

"Well, her parents did stop paying for them. I did offer her to come over a few afternoons a week when I had a break in between my other lessons. I do miss having her voice in the house. The girl has the potential to go far with a voice like hers."

She reminisced all of the times over the years that Shizuka used to show up at their door, eager and impatient to begin her vocal training. It was out of her own league to vocally train the girl, being as how vocals weren't her specialty. She was better versed in the art of playing instruments, rather than using the human voice box. However, when a certain young girl showed up on her doorstep begging to be taught, yet having the worst hands that ever touched a piano, it was by chance that she was saved by her voice. She had devoutly showed up for her weekly lessons through the years. It was a cute memory to recall Rui opening the door that day she arrived for her first lessons. Shizuka instantly took to the quiet little boy, picking him up and swinging him in the air. And for the first time, Rumiko saw her baby laugh with a joy that he rarely shared. He was always a solemn little thing, but Shizuka seemed to bring out the child in him.

You could say Shizuka had a gift with children. She was quite popular and well known in the neighborhood as the best babysitter in the area. So, Rumiko instantly snatched at the chance to ask her to become Rui's playmate after coming to the conclusion he had trouble socializing with children around his age. With Shizuka, he seemed to relax and truly enjoy being a child. She never knew exactly what the girl had whispered in his ears when he threw temper tantrums or burst out into his erratic mood swings. She was a godsend.

Being born with a rather high intellect for a child his age, it was prone to be that he would feel like an outsider within his own age range. His mother tried to fill that void in his life by introducing him to music. She had a saying, 'You can never have enough music to embrace the soul and lift the heart.' So, at the age of eight, he had already mastered the violin, her instrument of choice. This led to an immersion in other instruments taught by her, or rather, through his own self-learning. As soon as he learnt to master the piano's ivory keys, he found his role as the accompaniment to Shizuka. The two would spend hours each afternoon practicing. It was just the both of them and the music back then.

And as the young girl grew up to a woman, Rui grew along with her. Slowly, her lessons became less and less frequent as her priorities of childhood shifted to those of a woman. She should have seen it coming when Rui retreated back into his shell. Shizuka would stop by with a quick apology for not being able to stay. Usually the reason would be a young man standing out on the sidewalk waiting for her. When Shizuka had learned about the world of dating, she took full advantage of that. At 16, she was becoming a beautiful woman, one that was desired and sought after by more than a few neighborhood boys. She did try to find time for Rui, but teenagers will be teenagers. Rui had to compete for her attention and it was a losing battle.

"Why don't you go down and talk to her?" his mother suggested.

"I don't think she would care much to talk to a measly thirteen year old," he grumbled. "She doesn't have much time for me anymore since she started dating that guy."

Rumiko listened intently, picking out every small inflection of his voice, displaying the disdain at a certain young man she recalled pulling up in front of the neighbor's house during the last few weeks. She thought it was cute the way he was jealous of him. "Hey, you won't be a measly thirteen year old for long. Soon you'll be a measly fourteen year old in a month." The comment earned her no laughs. "Well, at least go down and give her the birthday present you've been working on. It's a big deal that she's turning nineteen next week."

"You think every birthday is important."

"I do, don't I?" she laughed. "Forget it. Just go down and talk to her. I'll be waiting inside for you when you're done. I'll take a quick nap before we start our afternoon lessons. Okay?" She smiled weakly, pushing herself to get off the window seat. Her legs wobbled a bit, but she stabilized herself using Rui's shoulder for support." I'll see you later."

Rui nodded his head, watching his mother less than gracefully walk out the door. He frowned at the realization that he had not noticed until now, just how much older his mother seemed to appear to him at the moment. He shrugged it off as her own fatigue with all the extra lessons she was squeezing in for the neighborhood children. More than once she had been caught in a bind, asking him to fill in as the instructor while she finished a lesson with another student at the other end of the house.

His thoughts on his mother dissipated when his eyes fell back upon the beauty down below. He glanced towards the shelf on the wall that held the present he had wrapped the night before on it. The lump in his throat was swallowed as he hopped off the window seat and grabbed the small parcel. Clutching it in his hand, he vacated his sanctuary.

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She leaned back staring up at the crystalline blue sky, watching the clouds float by with an ease of serenity around her. A soft melody played on her lips as she hummed a tune that she had remembered hearing on the radio that morning. Although on the outside she seemed the image of perfection, in reality she was just trying to escape the torment of her parents' nagging. Already a year had passed since she had graduated high school with the promise of taking a year off before starting university. Her father wanted her to be a lawyer while her mother pushed her on the premed track. Both were equally unappealing for the young starlet with hopes and dreams of fame in fortune infused in the shady world of entertainment. There were no guarantees out there, but she was willing to take the chance, which was the reason she had found herself out at various clubs around the city, hoping to be seen and known. She was quite proud of the small amount of recognition she had attained, but dread filled her, knowing that in the fall, she was expected to be in school.

"This sucks," she groaned as her head became cluttered with too many thoughts. She glared at the sky above her, but was surprised when a face was shoved in front of hers.

"What sucks?"

"God, don't scare me like that Rui!" she laughed. She moved to the side of her porch motioning for him to take the empty space beside her. "It's been awhile since we talked. I haven't seen much of you lately."

"I think it's the other way around," he pointed out. The small show of hurt was evident in his voice. He sat a bit farther away than necessary for two people who had known one another for practically their entire lives. "I haven't seen much of you around this past year."

She sighed, knowing full well what type of person Rui was. He was always overly sensitive than most boys, and held grudges like no other. This wasn't one of those times when she could just offer a simple 'sorry' and let the anger pass. On the other hand, she wished he would just understand what the last year was all about. It was her year to find herself.

"I'm sorry I haven't had as much time with you, but I've been busy trying to support myself. My parents weren't exactly thrilled when I put off university for a year to live in the 'real' world. I have bills to pay. I was lucky enough to get scouted by that modeling agency. They got me a few print job ads to do. It was better than trying to live off babysitting money."

"But you promised things would be the same."

"Everything is always changing, Rui. Right now, as we sit here, we're growing a little older and becoming something different without even realizing it. You can't really believe that everything in life will ever stay the same forever." Her arm slid across his back, and her hand fell upon his shoulder. Shizuka giggled at the faint blush on his cheeks from her proximity. It was just another one of those changes she was mentioning earlier. His little crush on her had not gone unnoticed. However, she saw it as only a passing fancy, like that of the rest of the boys in the neighborhood. "Come on, don't be mad at me, Rui," she pleaded.

It was hard to ever deny her anything. When she would take on that pitiful tone and look at him with soulful, repentant eyes, he knew he would be rendered powerless to her. It was unfair, but that was the way things worked. He could never stay angry with her for too long. "Fine, I forgive you," he mumbled. "Although I do wonder if I should give you this after the way you've been ditching me the last few weeks."

Her head ducked behind him to take a peek at the small box wrapped in soft pink tissue paper. A delicate white silk bow graced the lid in a light simplicity. "What is it?!"

"Nah uh," he teased. I don't think you deserve this, but since you're turning nineteen next week, I think I will go easy on you. I know how my elders tend to be careless and forgetful." He tossed the box into her hands and sat back to watch her open the gift.

Shizuka looked down at the box in her hands, taking note of how beautifully Rui had wrapped it. She looked up at him with an evil grin, and smacked him on the back of the head for the old comment.

"Ow!"

"Show more respect for your older peers."

"Sure thing, obaa-chan."

"Do you need another whack upside your head?"

"No!" he protested. "Just open it already."

"Fine," she huffed. Slowly, she meticulously peeled back the ribbon, letting it slip away to the ground. The paper came next, until she lifted the lid of the box. "It's beautiful. Can you put it on for me?"

He nodded, his hand picking up the small bracelet he had painstakingly mulled over for the past few weeks as an appropriate present. He was a bit short on cash and all the stores he had ventured into seemed to be lacking anything of real value to him. It wasn't until he was lazily strolling through the mall that he had spotted the simple charm on display in one of the stands. He could afford the charm, but the actual bracelet that went with it proved to be a bit out of his price range. So, he settled for a simple silk ribbon he had found lying amidst his mother's things.

His fingers burned from the slight contact of brushing against the smooth skin of her hands and wrist. His head was kept down low, as if he were deeply fascinated in knotting the ribbon perfectly. In reality, he was trying to calm his breathing. "There, all done," he breathed.

Instantly she threw herself at him, wrapping both arms around his neck. "I love it, Rui. Thank you," she gasped. Her wrist was brought up into the air displaying the simple silver charm in the shape of a clef note dangling from the white satin ribbon. As she pulled away, a full out grin broke on her face. "Actually, I was meaning to talk to you about something. I have some really exciting news."

Just seeing her happy made his heart flutter in delight. Perhaps he wasn't as smooth or handsome as some of the guys who had graced her porch, but he knew deep down that he would always hold that special place as her confidant. "What is it?" he asked, mildly curious as to what could have gotten her so excited.

She tossed her long locks over her shoulder. "Well, you know how I've been doing some modeling jobs on and off again."

Rui nodded his head, while thinking in his mind about the small magazine ad he had pulled out of the teen magazine he had purchased a few weeks ago for the sole purpose of having her picture. It was safely tucked away in one of dresser drawers, along with all the others since she had started her amateur-modeling career. "Uh huh."

"About a few months ago when I had to do that clothing store ad, I started to talk to one of the male models on the set. You wouldn't believe how shocked I was when the one and only Okamoto Junpei started to chat me up. At first I thought he was just another one of those sleazy male model types trying to hook up with one of us girls, but he was actually a really nice guy. He did hit on me, but once we got over the point that I wouldn't be going out with him anytime soon, we sort of became friends. You should see how the other half lives, Rui! Junpei was able to get us into some of the hottest clubs in the city. I should know since I've stood on the long line a few times, begging to get into them. Being friends has opened up a lot of doors for me. He even got me a few more modeling jobs that I wouldn't have normally gotten."

"So, where is this going?"

She blushed timidly, trying to work her way up to exactly what it was she wanted to tell him about. "There's this guy, actually he's one of Junpei's friends. He just got back from the States a short while ago."

He could feel his heart plummet into his stomach, which was beginning to churn with a bile-like acidity. How many times had he seen that very blush on her face as she started similar conversations? It was too many to count. Even at thirteen, he had felt the sting of having his heart ripped from his chest and thrown back in his face with a few harmless words.

"I think I'm in love."

And there was that knife stabbing right through his chest. He tried his best to keep his face relaxed and easy going for her benefit as much as for his own. Nothing in his life had ever been more difficult than letting her go, to let the one thing he had ever wanted leave. Whoever said that to love someone was to let them go was a fucking idiot. He wanted to be selfish. He wanted to tell her. But life was never fair. All he could do was be the bystander to his heart's own demise.

"Are you sure he isn't just like the others?"

Her eyes widened, but the obvious emotions flashed across her face. It ranged from shock, confusion, hurt, and finally anger. "I'm serious this time," she defensively exclaimed. "He's not like all the others. You don't know him like I do."

"How long have you known him?"

"Okay, so maybe I've only known him for about three weeks, but all it takes is a second to know that someone is the one. You just know at that exact moment, that you are meant to spend the rest of your lives together."

"Does he feel the same way about you?" Rui shirked away from her. There was a cruel satisfaction in him to see her question her own ideas. He knew that the lack of instant response to his question was enough proof that she was probably sadly mistaken in her thoughts.

She abruptly stood up, and dusted herself off. Her entire body became rigid. "He will love me. I just know it. I'll spend the rest of my life trying to convince him so."

"How can you blindly chase someone who may not even give a damn about you?"

She softly smiled at his naiveté. Her hand brushed up against his cheek. "I was hoping that when I did this, it wouldn't turn out so badly. I feel like everything I've ever wanted in my life is starting to fall into place. I'm so close to getting somewhere with my career. I'm getting my life together. I'm this close to being a star. I can feel it. Tell me that no matter what, you'll support my dream. All I've ever wanted was to be a star and to have a man that I will spend the rest of my life with. It's funny hwo you're the only one who understand me. You really are an old soul, Rui. Promise me, you'll wish me luck."

"Of course, I will."

"One day you'll understand Rui." She bent down coming a few centimeters from his face. Brushing his bangs out of his eyes, she kissed the exposed portion of his forehead. "And when you do, I hope she loves you as blindly as you love her."

From a distance, the sound of a car honking its horn could be heard interrupting their moment together. Shizuka looked up and her face lit up as two young men exited the car.

One man with dark brown, almost ebony hair walked a few steps up to the front entrance, waving. He leaned up against the closed gate, and motioned for her to go. He was dressed casually in a dark blue button shirt and khakis. Rui instantaneously recognized him as the one from the ads; thereby, he deducted him to be Junpei. The other gentlemen remained quiet and leaned up against the car with an almost bored look on his face. He seemed to look unhappy about the stop they had to make and showed little interest, if any, at his surroundings. His own personal appearance was a few notches below his friend's with a simple worn t-shirt bearing the name of some American rock band on the front and dark denim jeans. A darkly shaded pair of sunglasses hid his eyes from the prying rays of sunlight.

"Junpei! Susumu!" she squealed. Shizuka forgot about all else and ran towards the gate. The awkward little promise she had asked for was dropped with the men's arrival. She tore through the gate and gave Junpei a hearty hug. "I'll see you around Rui!" she yelled over her shoulder as she tugged Junpei to the car.

As Junpei got into the backseat, Shizuka went up to the other man latching herself to his arm. "I don't even get a hello, Susumu!" she whined.

He didn't seem the least bit fazed by her complaint. A friendly, almost fake smile crossed his lips as he kissed her on the cheek and patted her on the head, much like an older brother would do to his sister. "You're so weirdly cute sometimes," he laughed. Leaving her a bit dumbfounded by his assessment, he walked around to enter the driver's seat. Before his head ducked down into the car, he noticed the boy sitting on the porch watching his every move. With a careless goodbye wave, he entered the car and they drove off.

Rui clenched his hands into fists at his side. Raw, blind jealousy coursed through his veins, watching her toss her head back, laughing at something as they drove out of sight. He understood that a thirteen year old could never have the chance at winning the heart of a woman, but it hurt all the same. He wanted to be a man, a man that she could see for what he felt for her. However, fate was always cruel to him, to allow him to fall for the girl next door. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he hopped off the porch and trudged back to his house, sulking in his own misery and self-pity.

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Rui always knew one day that she would break free, but he never expected her to just pack up and leave. He was the first and last person to know what happened. He never considered their last conversation as anything much to pay attention to, but the signs were there in her cryptic words. To say her parents weren't disappointed was a lie. Her mother locked herself in her room for days, wondering where she went wrong with her only daughter. Her father fell into a sullen anger that relished in the thought of his only child returning one day with her tail between her legs, begging for home. However, they both knew how stubborn Shizuka was. In her hastily scribbled note left on her nightstand, she ironically apologized for wanting her dream and made a promise that she would make it unlike the thousands of other girls out in the city with the exact same dream.

And so life went on more or less.

He did miss her terribly. Here and there, he would collect any brief photos of her in magazines. She was even becoming quite the social figure in the elitist groups of the wealthy inner circle. The last article he had read had a hastily taken blurry picture of her dashing out of some club on a man's arm. The blurb postulated her to be the current girlfriend to some rich heir.

Some days were good.

Others were not so good.

And life went on.

It wouldn't do any justice to him to say that he was a complete loser when it came to girls. It was just they never could compare to Shizuka. He never wanted to admit to anyone, but she had set the bar for all girls and women besides his mother. They didn't seem worth his time. It was of course ironic that his brooding detachment to the opposite sex had them swarming towards him for the chance to break into his shell.

To please his mother's worries he dated a few of them. None of them lasted more than a week. Rumors began to fly around school, and he had been called a fag a few more times than he would have liked as he passed his peers in the halls. Thus, he was as always a loner in his own right. In high school, three strikes were enough to label anyone the class freak. His above average IQ put him in a league out of the sphere of high school maturity levels. Then there was his callus demeanor, which never won him any points either. It is true when they say high school is hell.

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He ignored the looks and whispering directed at him as he passed by his classmates in the hallway. He had learned to tune them all out a long time ago, considering most of them had been in the same class since kindergarten. Even after all of those years together, they never got tired of using him as a means for ridicule and disgust. Perhaps it was their own personal insecurities and his odd mannerisms that lead to a long upheld tradition of ridicule and public humiliation. Maybe he was just an easy target.

"There he is. I heard he got caught shooting up on one of the stairwells between classes."

"Isn't it obvious? All he does is sleep in class, if he ever shows up that is. He's always so pallid and walks around as if he were the walking dead."

"What do you expect from a stoner fag like him?!"

Their high-squealed, shrill laughter drifted to his ears, breaking through the slow thrum of the piano solo blasting through his headphones. He could care less what they thought. Turning his head at just the right moment, he flashed a dirty smirk in their direction, followed by a profane hand gesture. Feeling that his work was done for the moment, he laughed inwardly at the look of shock and deep crimson blush crossing the ladies' features. "Anytime, ladies!" he yelled as he continued his leisure swagger down the hall.

It was always the same rumors for him. It was an inevitable fact that in their perfect community, someone had to be made the sacrificial lamb in their thirst for scandal and gossip. When he finally managed to make his way through the crowds, he pushed the creaky metal door open, allowing the sunshine to bathe his pale face. A large inhalation of the cool fall air was sucked into his lungs as he breathed a sigh of relief to be released from the stifling confines of high school horror.

I've been looking in the mirror for so long.

That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side.

Rui slid down against the warm stonewalls, coming to a lazy position propped up by the exterior of the building. The lyrics of the song he was listening to poured out from his lips in a mumbled whisper. Although the mood of the song was quite morbid, he was easily soothed by the rise and fall of the piano keys forming the melody.

Freak. Stoner. Fag. Couldn't they come up with anything better? She didn't seem to think of me that way when I fucked her in the janitor's closet last month.

He shook his head chuckling to himself while reaching for the glossy magazine peeking out from underneath the flap of his messenger bag.

They're all just hypocrites. What would her little friends think if I told them about the way she cried when I pulled my pants back up and walked out without a single word? Girls like her only wanted one thing. They want to score with a bad ass, hoping that maybe I will see something in them. I know that look in their eyes, the way they seem to lean in a bit closer than necessary to flash me a peek at their breasts. I give them what they want. In return, they take the edge off the day and earn my silence for their moment of weakness.

I hate fucking whores.

His fingers carefully plucked at the overly colorful photo spreads and large type font brazenly glaring back at him. Dead, dull eyes listlessly glanced at the words and pictures before him.

All the little pieces falling, shatter.

Shards of me,

Too sharp to put back together.

Too small to matter,

But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces.

If I try to touch her,

And then he found it. He was never the type to ever pick up a rag magazine boasting of the latest rumors floating about in the young elite socialites. He could have cared less who got caught with eight grams of angel dust in his car or who was the one fucking their stepfather. It was the small snippet of a photo on the bottom corner of the cover boasting over the tawdry secrets of one of the best up and coming clubs that caught his attention. The air was stolen from him at the mere sight of her. A trembling finger reached out to trace the fine curvatures of her face on the large spread.

And I bleed,

I bleed,

The reminiscent sentimentality of the moment was only snatched away at the realization that she was not alone in the picture. All of the beauty he saw in her was destroyed by the proximity of HIM. He hated him with all his passion. Even though more than a year had passed since he had last seen him leaning against the car that day, he still hated him for all he was worth.

Shinimori Susumu, owner and founder of the illustrious club, Last Resort that was taking Tokyo by storm with his eclectic club mixes, seedy underground décor, and a record of pushing the limits any club had ever tried. The fucking bastard is the reason she's gone.

His nails dug into his palms as he glared down at the smiling couple in front of him. The thought never occurred to him that perhaps she was happy with him. His own childish pride would not let him grasp that concept. After all the time that had passed, his adoration for Shizuka had become somewhat of an obsession. She was his Catherine, as he was her Heatchcliff, bound by an unwavering love than transcended that which only those who were soul bound was to ever possess. All they would have to hold onto were the fleeting mixed up memories of a time come and gone in their very own susburban Wuthering Heights. She played with his emotions so carelessly, yet he always forgave her, driving himself to a silent madness without her. He desperately wanted her, only her. The words she had last spoken to him rung in his ears,

She was lured by the promise of fortune and fame, prostituting her soul to him for those very things. He had already stained her innocence.

Blame and hatred were all he felt for the happy, smiling millionaire staring back at him. He was disgusted by the way he so casually left his arm hanging over her shoulder claiming her as his own. More than anything he could taste the bile rising in his throat at what he himself had become. He was no better than one of those brooding high school boys, mooning over the girl that wouldn't give him the time of day. His feelings for her were those of love and hate. He would love her undeniably, but at the same time hate her for binding him to her like a chained dog to give him that small ounce of hope only to yank him back to his cruel realty. He belonged to her and no one else.

In a rare moment, he closed his eyes and let the guilt wash over him. There were always one too many girls he had used and tossed aside when the euphoria of being wanted by something that seemed unattainable passed. He had never taken to any substances to blanket over his depression. That he swore to himself. However, he had hurt himself much deeper than any narcotic coursing through his body could have done slowly, devouring his corporeal state. The cuts that ran deep in his mental state would last him for a lifetime, debilitating him from ever functioning as a human being.

He was a monster.

Taking a long, slow breath, his eyes opened and he sang along with the last few words of the song.

And I breathe,

I breathe no more.

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He stared listlessly out of the window, watching the houses whiz by as the bus careened at an alarmingly higher speed than the limit allowed. With one arm firmly gripping onto the handle, keeping his body from falling onto the person next to him, he continued to stand there with his book bag carelessly sliding off his shoulder. All of the obtrusive outside noises going around him were displaced by the music blasting through his MD. As the bus came to a screeching halt at the corner, he leapt out of the back door, ignoring the looks given his way as he pushed his way out.

His body felt heavy, and his hands itched to find something to fill the gaping hole in him. He needed that extra little something to take the edge off of his already tiring day.

"I'm home!" Rui yelled as he kicked off his shoes at the doorway. His bag was tossed in a heap somewhere along the way as he meandered through the house. One by one he plucked the buttons of his jacket open releasing himself from its stifling confinement. He tugged his dress shirt out, letting the ends hang loosely over his pants.

The soft melodic tones of a violin being played somewhere in the living room alerted him to the whereabouts of the person he was looking for. Pushing his headphones off, he walked towards the music, entranced by the notes wrapping themselves around him.

With perfect posture, she stood in front of the large open bay windows leading out into the gardens. Her hair was brushed up in a simple, yet elegant chignon with just a few wisps of hair framing her thin face. Her back was to him, and her shoulders hunched slightly, hugging the violin clutched between her hand and chin. The bow struck the strings, releasing the high to low ranged tones, creating a cacophonous symphony. A pair of headphones similar to the ones that Rui was wearing, were hooked onto her ears.

Not wanting to disturb her as she reached the last of what was probably Vivaldi's "Spring", he waited patiently, leaning against the doorway. He closed his eyes to bathe in the music being produced by her alone. As the last note echoed into the air, she dropped the violin from her chin letting the violin dangle in one hand while the bow was in the other. Panting slightly from the exertion of her entire body being used while she played the piece and the great concentration used, she placed the violin in its case on the floor before pulling the headphones off.

"You seemed a little weak during the solo," he flatly stated.

"Oh god!" she gasped clutching her heart. She jumped startled by the way he suddenly announced his appearance. A mischievous smirk crossed her lips as she pointed the bow at him like it was a sword. "Is that a challenge I hear, kind sir?"

His hands went up in surrender, not wanting to have a bow gouged through him. He knew better than to challenge his mother at her most mastered instrument. "That would be suicide to take you up on that offer."

Her eyes raked over him with a predatory gleam, studying him from his shoes to his hair. "My, my, my sometimes I wonder if they made boys like you back when I was in high school. Sometimes I can't believe you used to be the little chubby toddler who ran around without his pants on, claiming the potty monster would eat him."

"Can we not bring up the potty monster story?" he groaned. He walked across the room and plopped himself down on the couch.

Taking the seat beside him, she threw her head back, laughing whole-heartedly. "Excuse me for wanting to take a stroll down memory lane. How was school today?"

"Same old, same old," he shrugged. His head bent downwards finding his lap very interesting. "Don't bother waiting for me to get home tomorrow. I have detention."

The smile on her face fell. "Not again, Rui!" she scolded. "What was it this time? Were some of the other kids bothering you again?"

"No, it wasn't that. I didn't feel much like going to match class. I got caught ditching."

"And what were you doing exactly."

"I was sleeping," he confessed abashed. "You know how it is for me at school. I get bored easily."

Her fingers ruffled through his shaggy hair, and she softly smiled. "You have been looking a bit tired all of the time. Have you been sleeping enough at night? Are you sure you don't need to see a doctor?"

He brushed her hands away, scowling at the manner she always chose to baby him. "I'm fine," he grunted. "Maybe I just need to lie down on my bed for awhile. It's just a bad case of insomnia. It comes and goes. Nothing to stress over."

From the look on her face, she didn't let her observations slide without the prerequisite motherly intuition kicking in. She opened her mouth to voice her protest, but quickly changed her mind, shaking her head at the uselessness in arguing.

"Thank you," he sighed relieved at her surrender of any further investigation. He stumbled a bit, pulling himself off of the couch, and rubbed at his head not bothering to hide the long yawn that came out. "Wake me up for dinner."

"It'll be a bit later than usual. You're father will be coming home today. He asked that we wait for him."

"What?!" he yelled, feeling completely awake all of a sudden. "He's coming back today? For how long? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Some would think that you looked forward to your father coming home."

He lowered his head, ashamed by the recrimination in her tone. "I didn't mean it that way."

She sighed, rubbing her temples, knowing for a fact that the two men she loved more than anything in the world could barely tolerate each other. Father and son had never seen eye to eye on a lot of things. "He'll be taking the six o'clock train home. That means dinner will be at seven. He's staying for two weeks this time. I was going to surprise you with the news later when your father got home, but I might as well tell you now. I was invited to perform in a few shows with the Tokyo Philharmonic Orchestra next week. They offered me first chair violin and the promise of perhaps some touring opportunities. I haven't mentioned the latter part to your father yet, but I'm hoping to tell him later tonight." She hesitantly looked up at him for some kind of reaction, fearing what the news might bring. "So, what do you think?"

He stood impassively, staring at her in silence for a few moments before rushing over and sweeping her off the couch in a hug, swinging her around in circles. "That's great news! They're really going to offer to let you tour with them?!"

She squeezed his shoulder, signaling him to put her down. "The offer is on the table, depending on my performance."

"You know you'll get it. They'd be insane not to take you. This is the chance in a lifetime."

"I know. Most people don't get asked back a second time, but I still need to think about it. Joining would mean that I wouldn't be home as much as I would like anymore. I would be away touring for weeks at a time. You are old enough to be on your own, but I don't like the idea of you being parentless for so long."

"I can take care of myself. God, this is your fucking dream!"

"Language!"

"Sorry!" He clasped his hand over his mouth, trying to wipe the huge grin off of his face. "If my opinion counts for anything, I say you do it."

"Thanks for the support, but you better get to your nap while I start preparing dinner. Looks like we'll be having a little celebration tonight." She tousled his hair one last time before flouncing out of the room.

Feeling too buzzed about the good news, he walked up the stairs to his bedroom, jumping onto the bed with a loud thud. He lay there for a good few hours staring at the ceiling with contentment in his heart.

Sometimes in the middle of all this shit, good things happen.

------------------------

"How is school?"

"Good," Rui grumbled. He kept his head bent low to avoid contact with the man sitting to his left.

"I hope you haven't getting into too much trouble. You shouldn't make your mother worry so much all the time."

Hanazawa Taro sat at the head of the dining room table, sampling a bit of each of the dishes in front of him. His chopsticks picked up the smallest morsels of food, bringing it to his lips. As always he never ate much when he was home. Or rather, he never ate much to begin with. His physical frailty was painfully visible in his sharply defined, jutted cheekbones and lean frame. Most would have wondered how a man like him ever captured the attention of the boardrooms he inhabited most of his nights and days. In his youth, he had probably been considered quite dashing and charming, but the years had caught up to him with a vengeance, reaping him of most of his vitality. He was a shell of a man really.

Rui kept his head down low. It was not that he feared his father. It was more he feared what he would do if he looked him in the face. Years of resentment on his part were not about to disappear with his joyful homecoming. The same vicious cycle had repeated itself over the years until he finally realized what his father was really doing. In the beginning, he idolized the man like a son should to his father. There were those long periods of waiting for him to come home and the sense of pride in knowing his father was some important businessman that required him to be away from home often. Their reunions weren't ever overly sentimental. It was usually a nice pat on the head and a calm warning to not worry his mother that was offered. Finally, he came to realize over the years that his father's love wasn't so important, or perhaps, he refused to see that he craved it more than he realized. The only person he could ever witness melting that icy heart, was his mother. She was his father's world. Everything stopped for her.

"Rui never makes me worry. He's perfectly capable of taking care of himself. He's grown up into a fine young man." She smiled sweetly at his father, in an act of trying to urge him to find better use of the conversation than to criticize their son. "He's been good enough to teach a few of the children in the neighborhood. It's nice having some help with the overload of students I've bee receiving."

"You shouldn't have to teach those children," Taro bit out. The pair of chopsticks in his hand slammed against the table. "I provide well enough for this family."

"But I enjoy doing it. It's a compliment that so many children want lessons with me. You know I've only taken the ones who want to learn. I refuse to teach the ones who are forced by their parents to play an instrument to further their nonexistent resumes."

"You should be more focused on our child rather than someone else's," he argued. "You agreed to no more music. I can't even fucking believe you went begging for a job with the orchestra. Do you know how bad that makes me look? You shouldn't have to work."

Rui's patience was thinning. He hated the way his father would turn things around on his mother in some twisted sense of guilt, taking away one of the few things she lived for. His grip tightened on his chopsticks, splitting them in two while the taste of blood seeped into his mouth from the cut on his cheek, where he had bitten to keep his mouth shut. "Shut up! Who the fuck are you to tell her or any of us what to do? You come here every few months, turning everything upside down with your visits, pretending that you know everything, but you know what? You don't! I don't need you! Okaa-san doesn't need you! We are better without you. We always have, and we always will. I wish you would just pack your bags and get the fuck out!" The broken pieces of wood in his hands were tossed onto the table as well as his bowl of rice. They fell with a loud clatter, momentarily breaking the eerie silence that followed his tirade. He looked up to see his father's grim face.

His father looked at him or rather right through him. There was a mixture of pain from the verbal abuse, but at the same time, anger shone brightly through. He cleared his throat about to say something in response. However, he was cut off by the deafening sound of a hand slicing through the air, landing against skin.

Rumiko snatched her hand back, nursing her hand. As a musician she had always been taught to guard her hands for they were her livelihood, but something like this, she could not tolerate. A small bit of horror passed her train of thought as she saw Rui's face fall to the side at her slap; however, she could not let him act so disrespectfully. "You will apologize to your father," she sternly commanded. There was neither warmth nor sympathy for him in her voice.

Rui stared at the floor. His eyes were still wide and his brain was racing to figure out exactly what had happened. The shock would not wear off. Even though his cheek stung and hot tears began to flow from his eyes, he would not let them win. He didn't even realize when it had become a war of his parents versus him, always believing his mother would take his side; but betrayal is always the hardest thing to ever comprehend.

"Apologize to your father," she ground out once more, punctuating each word in her hardened tone.

He felt helplessly foolish. It was unnerving to have that bubble that made him believe he and his mother were always partners in everything burst. As he stared hard at the ground swallowing the tears back, he realized that she wasn't what he thought her to be. She was just like everyone else, specifically Shizuka. His trust was shattered once again. Refusing to concede, he pushed past her, ignoring the sounds or feel of her thin frame being knocked aside. He did not feel one ounce of regret when he heard the table shudder under her weight as she gripped onto it to keep from falling over. The pounding of his feet against the steps matched the rhythm of his heart, before stopping with the slam of his door closing. The scene replayed over and over again in his head, even when he closed his eyes and fell to the bed, hoping to banish it forever from his vision.

Sadistically, he had always wondered to himself in a matter of choosing which man his mother would run to. What he had witnessed was the reality of the 'which loved one would you save if they were drowning in the sea scenario.' It hurt to know the truth. It hurt even more to realize that he had always known who she would choose.

All I've ever done is love you and this is what I get.

-----------------------------------

And so, the house that was once filled by the cheerful laughter of him and his mother or the chattering of children running in and out between lessons came to a halt. The doors were temporarily closed to the students. Taro stayed home for the next few weeks on a short break before his next business trip to China to check up on a few factories out there. For the time being, he was slipping in and out of the front door each morning and night with the excuse of checking in with the main office to get some paperwork done.

Rui had lain awake all night, listening to the muffled sounds from below his room. He had heard the way his father and mother argued for quite some time, over who had screwed up their son more and how things had come to the point they were at. In the end, it all came down to one thing- why did he have to ruin it all? Silence is a virtue, one which he had maintained most of his life. Why did he choose that very moment to lose it in the overly climactic teen freak out?

But what was done was done, and there was no taking back of the words exchanged or the looks of disappointment sent in either direction in their withering glances. Life went on; the sun still rose and fell with the start and end of each day. However, one fact still remained. It was in Rui's own quiet ponderings that he began to really question the so- called happy family life his parents presented. The idea in itself was utterly baffling. After the not so pleasant night of the family reunion, his mother and father walked about the house as if nothing had happened. They calmly chatted, laughed, and every so often, would sneak a kiss when they believed he was not looking. In essence, his parents presented the very image of two people very much in love. Perhaps, he had ignored the brief phases of his parents' affections to each other whenever his father returned only to leave mere days later, but this time something was very off, something he couldn't quite put his finger on.

The light knock on his door roused Rui from his melancholy. Spending hours locked up in the confines of his room blasting away his youthful hearing by the sheer force of the booming bass was common for him nowadays. With his father at home, his home no longer felt like the place where he belonged. He was the odd man out. When the mattress shifted slightly under the presence of another person sitting at the edge of his bed, Rui lowered his magazine to peer over the top. Finding nothing of great interest, he went back to perusing the latest news on which bands were making their way on the concert circuit that summer.

Rumiko was not about to take anymore of the silent treatment as she reached over and pulled the plug on his headphones, silencing his music. Her lips remained in a firm, rigid line, showing no humor in his behavior. "We need to talk," she demanded.

He held onto his unyielding will, refusing to bend to her. In his head, he reasoned that she had started the war, so it was up to her to surrender first. He went on reading his magazine, pretending nothing was going on.

"It's very unbecoming of you to act like such a spoiled brat. Do you plan on not speaking to me for the rest of your life? It's rather childish behavior for a sixteen year old, I must say."

Her tact didn't seem to bring anything out of him except for a brief snort at her pathetic attempt to manipulate him in a well thought out mind game. "I know I'm being childish," he flatly stated. "So what?"

"Ah, he speaks!"

"Did you come here to just crack stupid jokes?"

The smile on her lips fell. "Okay, so let's get to the serious stuff then. I was just going to give you a heads up that your father will be staying a few more weeks."

That certainly got his attention. He shot up from his slouched position against the headboard, with his eyes wide in attention. "Exactly how many weeks?"

She shook her head. "I'm not really sure. Things have been a bit hectic in his office, so he's temporarily displaced at the moment." Rumiko knew the news would not bode well with Rui. In her own selfishness, she loved the fact that her husband would be home a bit more now. The past two weeks had been trying, with having to placate both son and father, but it was worth it to see Taro walk through that door every night to come back to her.

"Whatever."

"I noticed you've been staying out a lot lately. Ken told me you were putting in a few hours a night playing at the piano bar. You must have a nice little nest egg saved up by now."

"I have a few thousand. Ken pays peanuts, but the tips make up for it."

Her eyebrows knitted in contemplation. "Why do you hate your father so much?"

"What father? He's never been around for either of us, always off somewhere working, or so he says. When he does come home, all he does is criticize you and me about how we should be living or what we should and should not be doing. It's frustrating as hell to have him come in and turn our lives upside down. It's always something about how I'm such a burden to you, or why I'm not taking the more advanced classes in school. Even better is the interrogations about what my future career goals are, which should not include any type of music at all. He's just some guy I happen to share DNA with."

"That's a rather curt and dry way to put it. But he is your father, and he is my husband, Rui. You can't deny that. I love you both, but it's driving me up the wall to try to make things work for all of us. Can't you just try to get along with him for me?"

"There you go again. You're always taking his side. Don't you even realize the things he says about you? My god, you don't even say one word when he tell you to stop playing the violin as if it were as mundane as telling you to stop smoking. He doesn't understand anything except what he wants to understand."

"Sounds a bit like someone else I know," she dryly laughed.

"I'm nothing like him," Rui defensively fought back. He crossed his arms over his chest, huffing. "I don't know what it is, but there's something not completely right about him. It's like he...changes. I don't know how to explain it. Sometimes he acts like two different people, except you are the only one who ever gets to see his good side."

She frowned at his admission. Although she played it off as nothing when her son had hit her husband's odd behavior to the mark, she continued the conversation as if it were his own paranoia that had come to the conclusion. "He's just under a lot of pressure, Rui. You can't say he hasn't tried to open up to you a bit more. You've been so moody lately and brushing him off. He really does care for you, even if you don't think so. You can't blame him for being a bit frustrated at the lack of progress between you two."

His rigid posture relaxed a bit as he carefully thought over her words. "I guess," he answered. His voice gave away a hint of uncertainty, which he knew was an opening for his mother to pounce on.

"Good," she smiled. "I'll be right back." She gracefully lifted herself off the sunken mattress, and glided across the room, opening the door to grab something hanging on the doorknob on the other side. With a small bit of flair, she presented the garment bag to him. "You'll need this later."

He raised an eyebrow in bewilderment. "A tux?"

"Uh huh." She nodded her head. "Close your mouth and get dressed. You wouldn't want to make your mother late for her first performance."

"Holy crap! You're going to do it!" he yelled, falling out of the bed while trying to jump out of the bed. He scrambled to his feet, and picked her up off the ground in a bone- crushing hug. "You're seriously rejoining the orchestra? What about Otou-san?"

Rumiko patted him on the back, trying to ease his grip on her. "He was just shocked by the idea at first, but he understands what this means to me. He's not the tyrant you make him out to be."

"Fine," he agreed finally. "Maybe he's not as bad as he seems."

"And you promise to not shut him out anymore, right?"

"I'll try."

"Good boy. Now get dressed. Your father ordered the limo to arrive by five. There might be some traffic getting into the city. I need to be getting dressed, as well. I'll see you downstairs."

When she left the room, Rui quickly ripped his t-shirt and jeans off before unzipping the bag to reveal a brand new tuxedo in his size. He grinned madly to himself, thinking of all the future nights he would be needing this outfit for his mother's performances.

-----------------------

They arrived with time to spare and in pure fashion. It was a black and white affair with his family's choice of dress. With a handsome man on each arm, his mother sauntered into the great concert hall without a single flinch of anxiety for what the night would become. She nodded her head to the security guards as they brushed past the signs warning intruders of the restricted area. Nothing could knock the smile off of her face. Everything was perfect, too perfect.

While Rui had remained civil to his father the entire car ride, there was no major break through in their relationship. His mother tried to break the awkward silences with her light banter, but the tension was still visibly there. All in all, the two men had managed to maintain a rather nice conversation about the weather they had been having lately and the fact that his mother looked quite beautiful.

Rui wandered off on his own as his mother talked to the director about the last minute changes to the program. After the brief introductions to everyone who would stop and listen to his mother's gushing about her handsome husband and son, Rui decided to walk off and explore a bit of the stage before the performance. So, he watched with lackluster interest as a few of the early arrivers tuned their instruments. He recognized the seat with his mother's name taped on the seat and went over to sit in her place. It was a moment of pure ecstasy to be in the very place where his mother would sit in a few minutes, performing for a crowd of hundreds. His mother's fame had not been completely forgotten when she married and retired, so the opening night was a sell out. It was a matter of the public judging whether or not it was wise for her to come out of her retirement, and if she was ready to be back out in the public. Taking the vase, and placing it in his lap, he flipped the lid open, pulling out his mother's prized violin, the one she had used in her youth when she performed. The smooth wood felt cold against his chin as he tucked it there. Without thinking, he began to pluck a few strings, readjusting them to tune them to the proper pitch. After finally finding the perfect positioning of the strings' tautness, he ran the bow over the strings, producing what his mother had always called the perfect note. Forgetting his whereabouts, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. His hands moved with a rhythm on their own, as the bow was sent across the strings, producing a series of frenzied trills, string crossing, spicatto singing, and double stops. The music poured out from the violin as he lost himself to it all.

He barely even realized when he released his breath that the hall had become deathly quiet. The sounds of other musicians tuning their instruments had stopped as everyone looked towards the strange boy sitting in the first chair violinist's seat. Their mouths were left gaping, while the other violinists in his section had completely gone shell-shocked. Hushed whispers began furiously spreading across the room. Rui blushed and quickly went to putting his mother's violin back in the case. His hands that had so expertly handled the violin fumbled to get it back into its proper place.

Finally, one man at the side of the stage walked out clapping. Soon, more clapping followed, and Rui stood up abruptly from the seat, with eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights.

"C'est magnifique!" The ebony haired man glowed with admiration as he approached Rui with an outstretched hand for a handshake. He stood tall, at about a head taller than Rui. His pearly white smile gleamed as Rui tentatively took his hand.

"Merci, monsieur," he mumbled back.

"Ah!" His eyes lit up by the little bit of French that was exchanged. "Parlez vous francais?"

"Un peu. Je parle un peu francais." Rui shifted slightly, wanting to escape the strange French man that seemed to smile a bit too widely for his taste, as if he knew him. He was about to make an excuse to escape, but was interrupted.

"Rumiko taught you well," he stated in perfect Japanese.

It was Rui's turn to be shocked at the switch in languages. The entire time, the man presented the appearance as speaking only French. "You speak Japanese?"

"Of course, I do. One requires a good knowledge of the language when working in the exchange program between countries. I'm from the Superior Conservatory of Paris. I'm forgetting my manners. My name is Alexander Sauniere."

Rui looked through him as if the name was supposed to mean something. The conservatory did ring a bell, considering his mother studied in the Marseille conservatory before moving on to Paris when she was younger. "My name is Hanzawa Rui. You mentioned my mother's name. Do you know her?" he blankly asked. He was still confused by the man in front of him and the relation to his mother.

"I assume you were too young when I last saw you, Rui," he laughed. "It's rather awkward since you don't recognize your own godfather."

"Godfather?" Before Rui was able to get another word out of his mouth, a high-pitched squeal echoed through the hall.

"Alexander!" his mother cried, running out onstage as if she were still an impetuous teenager. Her formal demeanor vanished with her recognition of a childhood friend. She rushed forward, hugging the man before giving him two swift kisses on each cheek in greeting. She forgot about her son on the side and started a fast paced conversation in French that left Rui a bit dazed by what she was saying.

"Okaa-san?" he asked tapping his mother on the shoulder.

Rumiko ceased talking for a moment, excusing herself from the conversation. "Rui! I see you've already met Alexander."

"He has," Alexander concurred. "It was hard to miss, considering there has been only one other person I have ever heard playing Tartini's "Devil Sonata" like that. I should have known it would be your son. My father would have been beside himself to hear that rendition."

"He probably would have snatched him away to declare him his new protégé," she laughed. She beamed with pride as she looked at her son. "He was born with the hands and the ear for music."

"Just like his mother."

"He's even better than me. Rui was able to play that piece perfectly at the age of nine. He has the gift that David was always talking about. If he were alive, he would have fought tooth and nail to steal my son away. He always spoke of finding the perfect student."

"I always thought you were just exaggerating in your letters." He ran his hands through the thick mess of hair on his head, chuckling.

She snapped out of her reminiscent daze and hooked her arm around Rui's, dragging him closer. "Rui, Alexander was the son of my violin teacher when I lived in France. We practically grew up together. You probably don't remember him since the last time you saw him was when you were in diapers. He's your godfather."

"Nice to meet you," Rui lamely said.

"He should be playing next to you, Rumi. How old are you now, Rui?"

"Sixteen."

"My god, how time passes so quickly. You must have only been about three months old when I last saw you. You make me feel like such an old man."

"You're my age," Rumiko cut in. "I don't know about you, but I'm not ready to roll over and die yet. I've still got a lot of good years left to go. Oh, here comes Taro. Taro! Look who I found!"

Taro turned the corner making his way onstage where the small reunion was taking place. The pleasant smile on his face fell at the man standing beside his wife. "Sauniere," he gruffly greeted shaking his hand.

"It's been awhile, Taro."

Rui watched in avid fascination at the interaction between the two men. It was clearly visible that they did not share the same rapport as in the relationships they shared with his mother.

"What are you doing in town? I thought you were hiding yourself in Paris."

"Well, I thought I might fly in as a surprise for Rumi's return from retirement. It's not every day that I get a call from Rumi, asking for a favor to get back into performing."

At the mention of the little secret being let out, Taro visibly stiffened. Inside, he was seething at the apparent victory of the other man. Something just did not sit well when it came to Alexander. A rivalry that had long been forgotten was beginning to take rise.

Rumiko sensed that competitive fire in her husband's eyes, and quickly stepped in. Wrapping her arm around her husband's, she comfortingly hugged his arm. "It's always nice to see old friends." She put extra emphasis on the word 'friends'. "How about you boys get to your seats and enjoy the show? We need to clear the area before the performance starts."

Rui kept his mouth shut, but eyed his father and his apparent godfather. Kissing his mother on the cheek, he smiled. "Have a good show, okaa-san."

----------------------------------

The show went on as planned, and Rumiko put on a show worthy of high praise for the entire orchestra, from weeks of practice and hard work. There were even a few who stopped to praise Rui for his stunning warm up performance, wondering when he would be following in his mother's footsteps. They laughed, they smiled, and they appeared as the picture perfect family.

Being the ever so quiet observer, Rui noticed the small shifts in the mood as they rode the limo home. Although his father smiled and loving nuzzled his mother's neck in affection, whispering little compliments in his mother's ear, there were little things that bothered him. He wanted to shake off the feeling that his father's grip on his mother's arm was not as tight as it seemed. The possessiveness he held on her the entire night, not leaving her side during the after party was a bit disarming. There were also those brief moments when he would just look at her as if he was looking at a stranger. The behavior was truly peculiar. Then again, his father lived up to his role as a charmer. His friendly and garrulous behavior attracted a bit of attention, making his mother stand out a bit more as the wife of the charming man. Together, his parents did make a striking couple. His mother's regal elegance complimented his father's devilishly suave style. They were quite the power couple schmoozing the masses.

"The evening went quite well," Rumiko sighed as she slipped her shoes off her aching feet. She settled herself onto the couch, rubbing her abused toes. "What do you think Rui?"

Half asleep, he offered a thumbs up in her direction, before cupping his hand over his mouth to stifle the yawn that escaped. "It was great, okaa-san."

Rumiko patted the space beside her on the couch, motioning her husband to take the empty space beside her. He obligingly plopped himself down while undoing the confining straps of his bowtie and loosening the buttons of his shirt. Lovingly he pulled her legs into his lap, massaging her feet.

"You were absolutely magnificent," Taro agreed. "Give Rui a few more years and you might have to make a run for your money."

Rui instantly perked up at the out of place compliment. It was completely out of the blue and the fact that it referred to his musical talent was even more unfathomable. He saw the small smile of thanks his mother exchanged with his father that spoke volumes of her gratitude.

"Well, you should be getting to bed, Rui. It's been a long night and you have school tomorrow morning."

"Okay," he nodded his head. Kissing his mother tenderly on the cheek, he turned to walk up the long flight of stairs leading to his room. That night as he lay down in his bed drifting off to sleep, he briefly recalled an image, one that he would forever wonder whether or not it was a dream. His father loomed over his bed watching him, not realizing that he was half awake still. A look of longing and remorse was painted by the shadows cast over his face. However, the words seemed so real.

"I'm trying, Rui. I'm trying."

-----------------------------------

The last thing he wanted to do that day was to return home to see his mother's reaction to the black eye he was sporting. In his own defense, it really wasn't completely his fault. A man had his limits, and that guy was really pushing them. Before he even realized what was going on, fists were being thrown and the guy was out cold on the ground. Who knew the principal would take such offense to his plea of self-defense. A list of defenses ran through his head, but for even of someone of such high IQ, all he could come up with was, "He started it first."

He was all ready to face the firing squad of his mother's angry glares. He was even prepared to argue back when she gave him the lecture about possible expulsion from school. What he wasn't prepared for was the eerie silence that welcomed him.

"Okaa-san?' he timidly yelled. He heard his own echo ring through the empty house. Rui tip-toed through the house, cringing at what the silence could mean. If she was choosing to not be vocal about his misdeeds, then there was something seriously wrong with the verdict that would come from her judgment. Once more he called out to her, yet there was no reply.

"I don't know what to do anymore," a whisper slipped between the closed doors. A shaky hand lifted to wipe away the tears that slide down her cheeks. She listened in rapt silence as the person on the other line spoke.

Rui stopped a few steps outside the door. His own intrigue forced him to remain completely still and keep his presence unknown. A part of him wanted to rush in and comfort his mother, but better reason told him to keep his silence. He had a sixth sense that something was not right. Things had not been right for a long time. Ever since his father's more frequent stay at home and his mother's increasing number of hours spent at practices and traveling on tour, an unsettling calm had settled over the house.

"He doesn't listen when I try to reason with him anymore. He's letting it consume him. I have a feeling that he isn't even trying to hold back anymore. The last thing I want is for Rui to find out this way, not like this at least." Rumiko released the breath she was holding, trying to steady her nerve. "I just need to get Taro to calm down a bit, but I can't find him anywhere. He went as far as to accuse me of lying about Rui's paternity. We've been through this so many times. You and I were over long before. I just need to find him. He's been disappearing for weeks at a time now on these so-called business trips. I'm afraid he might become a danger to himself and anyone around him. " Her head shook in worry, ignoring the fact that the person on the other line could not see her. "I'm leaving tonight for a show in Kyoto. I won't be back for a few days. Maybe by then he'll be back. He knows someone has to be here for Rui. His sense of responsibility will bring him back. I know it."

Her hand reached up to wipe the way the last of her tears before she spoke a shaky goodbye. Hanging up the phone, she stood up from the bed and walked straight into her bathroom.

Rui's mind was racing, trying to process the bits and pieces of conversation he had overheard. He knew better than to jump to any conclusion, but some stray pieces of the conversation rang in his head.

What don't they want me to find out? Who was she speaking to? None of this makes sense. Otou-san has been coming back more frequently than ever, but he's always been away on his trips. What is all of this?

Lost in his own musings, he never even heard the door to the bedroom swing open. He winced, realizing that he might be in for a verbal tongue lashing at the sight of the black eye on his face. However, he lucked out that in his mother's own foggy haze, she didn't notice.

"Oh, Rui! I didn't know you came home already. I was just on my way out the door to run some last minute errands. I'll be back to see you before I leave tonight. Try to not order pizza every night like the last time I left you boys home alone," she gently admonished. Kissing him quickly on the cheek, she brushed right past him, leaving him in a befuddled daze.

"Okay, okaa-san."

Her steps abruptly came to a halt momentarily. She whipped around quickly, revealing a certain apprehension in her eyes. "If you're father calls, I want you to call my cell phone and tell me."

With that said, she strode briskly down the hallway, forgetting all about the boy left behind with a growing number of questions and uncertainty.

Nothing is right. Nothing is right at all.

----------------------------------------

He waited that night for the sound of her keys opening the front door. He half expected her to come rushing into the house like the fires of hell were on her heels, racing to pack up the last of her things into her traveling bag before she jumped into the cab to take her to the airport where the rest of the orchestra awaited her. But it never happened. After waiting for over two hours past the time of her flight, he gave up on waiting. There was a bit of an incessant nagging in his head when he realized that her bags were still in the living room. There was also the fact that her flight had probably left without her and she hadn't called to tell him about her change of plans. Somehow he talked himself into believing that maybe she got caught up in something and decided to take the next flight out tomorrow morning. Maybe she had gone out looking for his father after their fight and they were busy making up.

A lot of scenarios went through his head, but none of them would match up to what had happened that fateful night. He couldn't even believe it when he found himself in the back of the police car, on his way to identity two bodies that were found in the Maple hotel across town.

It seemed almost surreal, walking through the sterile, dimly lit room. The sound of the medical examiner pulling open the two steel drawers with a slicing sound piercing through the calm silence sent chills down his spine. When the two bodies with white sheets pulled over them to conceal their features were presented to him, his hands trembled as he reached for the first sheet. The haggard looking examiner who probably was immune to the emotional turmoil of such an event shifted restlessly on the balls of his feet, waiting for Rui to get it over with.

"It's him," Rui managed to choke out over the lump that rose in his throat. No tears would come out, nor did he become hysterical over the picture in front of him. There laying in on the cold, metal bed lacking any color except the grey pallid tone of death blushing his body, was his own father.

"Thank you," the examiner mumbled. His pen hastily scribbled down a few notes on his clipboard before he gently nudged Rui aside to push the body back into its arctic preserving chamber. "We just need you to identify the victim."

Victim. The word itself seared through his brain, unwilling to accept that it had come down to this. It didn't make sense at all. She should have been on that plane. She should have been home to say goodbye. He should have said something, anything, to stop her from going. If only he had confessed to her what he had overheard and demanded to know exactly what was going on. But everything was said and done, and there was no turning back from what had transgressed.

Taking a deep breath, his nose crinkled at the smell of formaldehyde and whatever other chemicals that permeated in the room. Forever would that stench of death rise in his nostrils at the memory overwhelming him with an endless sorrow that would never completely go away. He closed his eyes willing himself to do it, and a small part of him hoped that it would not be her. Maybe it was all some sick mistake. The sheet was pushed down with a jerking force.

The whole world seemed to crumble around him as he staggered backwards a few steps. He had to grab onto the first thing in sight - an examining table, to steady himself before he collapsed with the nauseating feeling of the reality of it all. Greedily, he gulped for air, as if his lungs had closed off completely. Every fiber of his being was shaken, and nothing made sense to him anymore. Even with his superior intelligence, he could not fathom how things had ended this way.

"Sit down. I know it's a lot to take in, losing both your parents in one night, I mean."

He dumbly nodded in thanks for the chair as he fell into the seat. "My mother is dead," he spoke up in no more than a whisper.

The examiner nodded his head while threading his hands through his black hair speckled by a few lines of grey here and there. "I'm sorry for your loss," he said with a hint of sincere regret. "Is there anyone I can call to take you home? We have everything we need for now. Perhaps you should make some calls to any relatives to sort out the arrangements for the deceased."

A snorting laughter erupted from his lips, at the pure irony of the situation he was in. "There's no one."

It was true as he thought of all the times he had never questioned why his family was so secluded. Any time he had brought up the topic of a relative or outside family, his mother abruptly became quiet. His father had lost both his parents by the time he was all but twenty years of age. He was already cursed on his side as the black sheep, casting away any ties to any others of the Hanazawa line. His grandmother died giving birth to his mother, and his grandfather had died only two years after his own birth. She also came from a small limited sized family. There were a few scattered Christmas cards here and there over the years from second cousins or other distantly related kin, but he had always accepted his mother's reply of only needing each other for family.

His laughter had made the poor examiner feel rather uncomfortable. "Well, is there a neighbor or friend of the family I can call?"

Oddly enough, the only people he could think off the top of his head were the next door neighbors. Although he wasn't exactly very close to the Toudous after Shizuka's vanishing act, they were always good neighbors.

"There are some people you can call," he flatly stated. "My next door neighbors should be willing to come pick me up." He picked up the pen and paper that was handed to him and scribbled down the number.

Taking his pen back, the examiner sighed to himself, wondering why he had gotten into the business in the first place. It was a messy job with very moments of relief and joy when the bodies to be identified were not the loved ones, but about ninety five percent of the time, he had witnessed the same thing over and over again. It was would always be someone's mother, father, sister, brother, wife, husband, or whoever under that sheet. With one last glance at the boy with his face cupped in his hands, he sighed once more, wishing that things didn't have to be that way. To lose both parents in one night was a shame.

When he closed the door behind him, he stopped to look dead into the eyes of the solemn police detective staring off into the distance, trying to get look through the window.

"So, what did you find?" he gruffly asked. His hands remained stuffed in his pockets, while the shiny badge glimmered under the fluorescent light, highlighting his ranking in the police force.

"It was a positive ID."

The detective inwardly groaned, wishing that it wouldn't be true for both bodies. "I should get started on the report then. It's going to be a long night. I'll need your analysis of the bodies ASAP. We need to get this through as quickly as possible to spare the kid. We're lucky if this doesn't make it into the fucking papers."

"Who are they anyway?" the examiner asked in mild interest.

Lowering his voice, the officer leaned in to whisper into his ear. "She was Hanazawa Rumiko. She was a pretty famous violinist, I hear. It was a shame she had to die now. They say she could have been something really big. We are still trying to figure out why she was in that hotel room with him when she was supposed to be on the plane with the rest of the symphony orchestra to Kyoto. She entered the hotel at about six this evening. The police were called after the first shot, but we didn't make it in time to stop him. He was so distraught after shooting his wife that he shot himself a few moments later. A homicide and suicide wrapped up in one pretty little package."

"The world is pretty fucked up nowadays."

"If it wasn't, why else would they need people like us?"

-----------------------------------------

The services were held with little elaborate fanfare to say their farewells. It was a modest number, considering how it was some sort of unspoken given that Rui would want a closed service for only close acquaintances of his parents, or more specifically, his mother. Rui had to give credit to Toudou-san for her efforts to make the funeral service as elegant and modest as possible.

After picking him up from the mortuary, his neighbors had offered him a place of refuge in their own home to escape the painful reminders of the empty house he once called home next door. They shooed the reporters away, made the appropriate calls to people to get the ball rolling on the funeral arrangements, and even went as far as to look through his mother's address book to notify any living relatives of their passing. During all this time, Rui remained silently lost in his own consuming depression. He still ate, slept, and went through the motions of daily life, but there was always that gaping hole in his soul that screamed for some relief. While the Toudou family was considerate enough to not pressure him about his late night disappearances or his uncompromising silence when asked on anything to do with the funeral, he still ached even more for his own shame of not being a proper son tending to his parents' last rites. He had only been helpful enough to know that his mother's favorite flower was calla lilies and that they should be used in the floral arrangements.

Even as he looked at the two wooden boxes being lowered into the earth, he could not shed one tear. His body had given up trying to accept any kind of emotion, choosing to be devoid of any such thing. The weight fell heavily on his shoulders, knowing that he was truly alone in the world now; and that even in his father's last moments, his love was questionable.

"I've spoken to Toudou-san," voice stated behind Rui. A hand fell upon his shoulder, and he turned to meet he sympathetic gaze of Alexander Sauniere.

Rui acknowledged his presence with a simple nod of his head.

Knowing that there would be much to explain, he went forward, wanting to reveal all before they left the freshly dug graves. The rest of the mourners had moved on to the small wake being held, but the moment to be alone with the deceased felt like the best time to say everything that needed to be said. "You can stay with them if you like. They've offered to take you in." He paused for a second carefully, weighing whether or not he should propose the second option. "Or you could come with me. An old bachelor like myself could use the company of some young blood. Paris could be a new start for you. You don't need to decide now, but you should think about it. Perhaps it's best if you finish up the rest of the semester here before you decide where you want to take that next step."

The idea of returning to school to the looks of pity on the faces of his classmates was the farthest thing from his mind. However, he knew his mother would have wanted him to finish up the year and proceed to the next level. If he was to do so, then he would probably take a leave of absence until the final exams came up and coast through those.

"I know you have questions," Sauniere spoke aloud as if he were talking to himself. "You can ask them if you want. You are old enough to be treated like a man. I will tell you the truth."

Rui looked up at him with clouded eyes, fighting back the sadistic urges in him to learn everything at once. "You were on the phone that day with my mother," he flatly stated. He recalled those few seconds while he packed up some clothes to take next door, when he accidentally knocked the phone off the desk. The call log on the menu was accidentally pushed when he fumbled to put the receiver back. Clear as day next to a number, was Alexander Sauniere's name as the last call dialed. "Am I your son?"

Sauniere turned his head up to look into the crystalline sky studying the clouds floating by. "I should have expected that question," he laughed to himself. "Did your mother ever tell you how we knew each other?"

"You grew up together since okaa-san was your father's protégé."

"There's a bit more to that story. Rumi came to live with my father and I when she was about fifteen. Her father allowed her to live with us since she showed such great promise in the violin. At the time, her father was always traveling on business, so he thought it might be better for her to go home to a place that would not be occupied only by a nanny. I mean, your grandfather loved her dearly enough to let her have her heart's desire, the violin. I was all but seventeen when I laid my eyes on her for the first time. I fell in love with her before my father even told her my name. She had no clue how long I held that secret. It's hard to believe that at seventeen I would be so naïve and stupid to not say anything. To love someone silently is probably the slowest death."

"I know what you mean," Rui muttered to himself,

He ignored the last comment and continued. "My father and I never saw eye to eye on a lot of things. You could say it's innate that fathers and sons are meant to disagree. I chose to play the piano instead of the violin just to spite him, although I did come to love it. Rumi was his chance to pass on his knowledge and she became a daughter for him. We both loved her dearly those seven years she lived with us. But people grow and change, and in that short time, Rumi matured into a beautiful woman. By then I was madly in love with her and had finally convinced her to partake in a few dates with me. I think with a little more time she would have come to love me a bit more than a friend. I was young and foolish, though. I never thought that by introducing my girlfriend to my friend, it would end so terribly. You're father always did have a way with the girls."

"Wait! You were friends with my father before he met my mother?"

"Yes," he nodded. "I met your father while I was in university. "He had studied in Paris for a brief time in a foreign exchange program. It just so happened that after we graduated, he decided to take brief vacation in Europe before he started on his new job. From the moment I saw Taro take Rumi's hand, and noticed that blush stain her cheeks like I had never accomplished, I knew I had lost. It was all so sudden, the way things happened. Taro stayed a few weeks longer than he planned. Before I knew it, my friend had stolen my girlfriend and made her his fiancée."

"Didn't that piss you off?"

"It did at first, but then Rumi told me something that made me realize that I couldn't have stopped it even if I wanted to."

"What was it?"

"The night before he left for Japan, he said something to her that made her realize that she would give up everything for the man. Years later, Rumi would always quote the very words that made her give it all up. 'If you stay here, you'll have everything you've ever wanted. If you come with me, you'll have everything you didn't know you wanted.'"

"Her own death?" Rui sneered.

Sauniere breathed a heavy sigh of dread, to be the one to give the news that would end the boy's resentment of his father, yet bury any hopes for happiness for him. "They never told you the truth, did they?"

"What truth?"

"Your father was never very well. To answer your first question, it will require a lot of explaining."

"I have nowhere to go. Neither do you."

"You are so much like Taro it's undeniable that you are his son."

Rui backed up, affronted by the claim. "I always thought I was more like my mother."

"Yes, you have the musical talent of Rumiko and even more of her looks, but inside and out, you are Taro personified. You're father was a genius, did you know that? Your mother wasn't so surprised when you tested so highly during the schooling process. Your father was tested at an IQ of 160. He was more than delighted when he learnt you outdid him at 166. But with Taro's genius, he was cursed all the same with madness. In a way, your father didn't murder your mother. There is always a part in each of us that believes on in the worst, the part that denies the truth to see only what our worst fears are. To put it simply, you are your father's son in every single possible way. It was Taro's own insecurities that made him believe that there was the chance I could be your father, even though it was virtually impossible."

"That's just great to know. My father was a paranoid bastard that thought my mother was sleeping around on him."

"That pretty much sums it up, but you know deep down that your father was not that man."

Rui stood silently, studying his polished, black dress shoes. Although his heart lay in the pit of his stomach, he knew that it was undeniable how much his father loved his mother.

The last few months had proven that. Upon his promise, he really did try to be a better father and a better husband. That was what made the blow of the outcome more painful. To be betrayed by someone who vowed to earn your trust and even managed it, was like a knife twisting through his heart. He wanted to hate the man, even spit on his grave, but his conscious overruled.

"Your silence is enough to encourage me to believe you don't believe things are what they appear to be. With every perfect image, there are fine cracks that we choose to ignore. That was exactly what Rumi chose to do. She loved him enough to accept Taro for what he was and could be."

"You were there when it happened weren't you?"

"Yes," he stiffly replied. "I saw him shoot her and then shoot himself. I couldn't have stopped him and neither could she, like all those other times. Your father always worried that one day she would not be enough to contain him. It hurts me more so to be the one to tell you that you will probably suffer from the very same madness."

"I don't understand," Rui looked up pleadingly to try to find some answers. However, dread loomed behind his desire for the truth. "What does this have to do with me?"

"There's no light way to put it. Your father was on a series of medications to control his moods. For years, he had struggled with his disease, but he was always good about sticking to the strict regime of medications. Your father suffered from a bipolar disorder. Something most likely you or your children might suffer from one day."

"Was that the reason why he hated me so much?"

"He never hated you, but he hated himself. You were never the easiest child to understand. It scared him witless that you could one day suffer that loss of control. With every fight you got into, with every day you retreated into yourself, and for every day you breathed, he worried for you and hated himself for being the cause of your pain. When your father shot your mother, it was not the man who was your father or her husband. He was another person. The reason your mother asked me for the favor to get her back into performing was because they were going downhill. Your father was a genius, but he fell into a stroke of bad luck with a few investments going sour. Even those who pride themselves of greater intellect cannot control or foresee the actions of others ruining everything. The great must fall sometimes, and your father fell hard. He blamed it on the drugs. There were times he confessed to being able to think more clearly when he was off them. It was his saving grace and poison all in one."

"Did he really need to be on all those trips?"

He shook his head. "He would go off his meds for a few weeks, start taking them again before he visited home, and go off them as soon as he left again. It was a vicious cycle filled with steep rises and falls in his behavior. Through it all, he only cared about one thing: you and Rumi had to be taken care of."

"They should have told me," he shouted in a rare outburst. It was a bit relieving to finally let himself go and be angry. Keeping it all inside was eating away at him, and he needed to release every ounce of hate, anger, and despair. "Why didn't they tell me?! They could have fucking told me! If I knew, I would have done something. I could have stopped her from leaving. She would still be alive. He could be alive right now."

"They never wanted you to know for one reason alone. They hoped that perhaps if you never knew the dark secrets underlying your entire existence, you would come out unscathed. You lived a normal life. Your parents made sure you lived a life that every child should grow up with, a suburban paradise. At any opportunity to let you be like any other kid, they jumped at it, from keeping you in your proper grade levels to forcing you to play on the neighborhood baseball team."

"And I hated every minute of it."

"We only see what we want to see. You can't blame them for making mistakes. No one is born to be a perfect parent."

"Is that all?" He inwardly hoped that there would be no more awkward and shocking revelations for one day.

"Just one more thing." Sauniere rummaged through the pockets of his jacket, pulling out a book that looked to be tattered and torn with age. "As your godfather, I was told to give this to you if something were to ever arise. Your father and mother wanted to make sure you knew of the absolute truth. They wanted you to know that they really did everything out of love."

His fingers grasped the book, stuffing it into his jacket. His eyes would not bear the sight of their words so carefully constructed in what probably was a journal of their deeds. His resentment was still rising with the newfound information fresh in his head. "So where do I go from here?"

"That's a big decision that you alone will have to make. For now, it's a time for some real introspection. Don't use only your logic and reason to decide what to do. Go where your heart tells you to go."

--------------------------------

He never forgot those words of the man who became his surrogate father and only parent in a time of chaos. It was bittersweet to tell Alexander that he wished to remain in Japan, leaving his invitation for a place to stay in Paris open. If there was ever a time that Rui fought for the fact that he was indeed a man, that time in his life was proof enough of his maturity level in comparison to his peers. Everything was settled so methodically and with such precision that there were no loose ends to clean up in his wake.

The glitz and glamour of his parents' death faded with the next big thing that hit the news. Apparently, there was a big trend in suburban murders rocking the idea of the idyllic lifestyle. In another prefect of the city, some man had killed his wife in a murderous rage. The thing that really hit home, was the fact that while the rest of the neighborhood slept in its dormant slumber, no one even heard or bothered with the screams of the defenseless woman as she was bludgeoned over the head with a lamp. She eventually bled to death after he raped her and desecrated her body over and over again with various household objects.

But then again, that was a whole other story for another time.

So, the house was put up for sale and sold at a rather decent price. Rui found himself as the sole inheritor of a rather large sum for someone his age. His father had always been an astute businessman. However, money had no meaning to him. The rest of the year came and went past, and he found himself one year past in high school with two left to go. Living with the Toudous had taken a small bit of adjustment, but nothing was ever quite the same. They always tiptoed around each other, not wanting to offend the other. It all came down to the point where Rui thanked them for their hospitality and walked out the door much like their daughter had done a few years earlier.

History seems to have an odd way of repeating itself.

Shizuka left in pursuit of a dream. Rui left to find a dream, if any existed. So, he drifted in and out of places, making his way through every day. There were no reason nor meaning to his actions, except for some vague longing for something that he just knew would be out there. If he didn't find it, then it had to find him somehow.

And fate steps in dripping with irony.

The day started out like any other. As Rui stepped out of the small flat he rented from the less than reputable female owner of an establishment of questionable repute, he went about his normal routine. Dressed in a pair of baggy jeans and form fitting black t-shirt he had managed to rummage out of the duffel bag of clothes he kept, he strutted down the sidewalk to the local bus stop to catch the noon bus. He kept to himself most of the time, slipping into the apartment late in the middle of the night to catch a few hours of restless sleep and some food, before venturing out into the world to start all over again. It was the same routine he had built up and rather enjoyed relying on.

Stepping off the bus, he took a deep breath, looking up to see the clear blue sky above. The temperature that day was a bit higher than the last and if it were just a few degrees lower, he would have considered walking past the building to the park nearby. However, his distaste for sweltering in the heat took precedence, and he ventured into the air-conditioned climate of the public library.

"Hello," the cheerful librarian chirped as she recognized her familiar patron. "It's a bit nice, but too hot to be outside today."

He nodded his head at her assessment matching his own. Sparing a brief wave, he kept walking straight through the cavernous building blanketed in a blissful and almost unnerving silence. His mind was in a daze as he sifted through the stacks, looking for the area he had left off at last time. It was a strange system he had worked out in choosing his books. Every few days he would focus on one particular subject, reading every fifth book on the shelves until he ran out. When he came to the end, he would start with another genre. With the summer almost over, he had managed to read a good half of the library's contents due to his skill at speed reading. Ticking off the number in his head, he plucked the book off the shelf and settled himself on the ground to read for the next few hours, except something or rather someone had other things in mind.

"Hello," a hushed whisper yelled into her cell phone.

Rui's head jerked up and his scanned the perimeters of where the voce could be coming from. A frown marred his face at the girl's inconsideration for others.

"I'm in the library. I don't have time to talk right now," she hissed. "Stop lecturing me about developing some kind of strange skin condition because I spend all of my time surrounded by bad fluorescent lighting and musty books instead of frolicking in the deathly hot environment of the outdoors."

Rui sensed he would not get any reading done any time soon, so he leaned back to listen to the conversation, hoping it would end soon. It was by his own bad luck that he had chosen the spot directly opposite of hers. He could faintly make out her features between the cracks in the books and shelves between them. She was seated very much in the same position he was in on the floor, except she had a few books laying at her side in a neat pile. He sighed to himself, cursing his own cruel luck to have this girl deprive him of the few hors of peace he had before he had to head out to work.

"Yes, I'm coming. You don't need to pick me up. I'll take the bus home and meet you there before we go. For the love of god, please be a bit more discrete with your indiscretions with your fiancée before I lose what little of my own innocence and respect I have for you." There was a brief pause that ensued, which was most likely a rebuttal from the other side. "I'm doing fine," she answered exasperated. "Reading lets me relax a bit. I'm not going to go all psycho or anything. Yes, I had lunch. No, I don't think I need to list to you how many bites or what I ate for that matter to you. I feel much better nowadays. I will see you later then. Okay? Bye."

The deafening clack of her cell phone being shut off rang through the silence, followed by the rustling of clothing as she struggled to get up. Her hand reached between the shelves, placing the books back in their proper places. It was her miscalculation that she pushed one in a bit too far and it fell with a thud on the other side. Muffled curses could be heard.

"Sorry, but do you think you can put that book back in. I'm in a rush to put away the rest of my books."

"Fine," Rui grudgingly answered. He got onto his hands and knees to crawl over to the place where the book had fallen. As he placed it back into its slot, her fingers brushed against another warm hand.

"Thanks a lot," she whispered.

Dark brown eyes stared back at him, and he felt a small but resistant smile spread across his lips. From the way her eyes squinted a bit, he could sense she was smiling back at him too. "It's nothing."

"Well, happy reading then. I'm sorry you had to listen to my phone conversation. Sometimes I think my brother was put on this earth to scar me for life. Thanks again. Bye!"

Like that, the pair of eyes vanished. He fell back onto his bottom, trying to figure out exactly what had happened. It had been a long time since he had truly smiled, but something about that girl amused him. His eyes fell upon a gangly looking girl, who looked so frail and small she might have blown away with the wind, running past the aisle with her messenger bag bouncing off her hip with each step. Twin braids trailed down her back, ending somewhere near the middle of her back. When he heard a muffled goodbye to the librarian, he picked up his book again and began to read again, deciding to not dwell on what happened.

-----------------------------

From that afternoon alone, he should have sensed something was going to happen that night. It was as if everything was supposed to build up to that night, where everything would change. He brushed aside the now becoming more frequent requests from Ken, the owner of the piano bar, to meet with some people about more work. However, he was happy with the way things were, and turned the offers down repeatedly. He half cared when Ken mentioned someone very important wanting to meet him at table seven.

When he sat under the dim lights of the bar, he zoned out from the rest of the world. All that existed was the ivory keys gleaming up at him and himself. His fingers brushed over them so delicately, creating simple melodies that wrote themselves in his head, pouring out through his fingers. His list of songs were never the same, and even when he tried to reproduce a song requested by a customer who had heard it the night before, there was always a stark difference. Little changes in tempo and key here and there until it became a new beloved song. Much like his character, his music was unpredictable and one of a kind. That night went rather smoothly, without anything out of place occurring, but somewhere in the pit of his stomach he knew that tonight would change his life.

As he started to wrap up the last few bars of the piece he was playing, he uncharacteristically lifted his head to look out into the audience. It was somewhere in the middle of the room that he stared at the face that had haunted him in his dreams lately.

Your past always has an odd way of sneaking up on you.

"Shizuka," he breathed out. His heart began to beat faster and faster at the mere knowledge of her close proximity, but he continued to play at adagio with reigned emotions. When the song ended, he quickly excused himself, collecting his tips for the night before practically jumping off the stage. He swerved between the tables with all of his intent set solely on the woman at the table a few feet away. He never even noticed the other people sitting with her.

She was all that mattered.

A smile tugged at his lips as he stopped in front of her. She looked up with a brief look of shock splashed across her face. Shizuka jumped up from her chair and wrapped her arms around him, enveloping him.

He could smell the faint trace of her perfume permeating through her hair. Everything about her made him want to lose himself in her. His grip tightened around her waist, in fear that she might disappear, and then he heard the word that made all of his walls crumble down to nothingness.

"Rui."

And with that, the forgotten flame sparked to life once more.